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Phantomea
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Posted on Sat, Dec 20, 2008 20:12

I am discovering that there are two sides to honesty. There is the side that everyone >>says<< they want and there is the side they >>really<< want... I read many profiles on this site, that site and some others of which I am a member and I came to two conclusions. First, either I'm just a cold hearted beayotch or I'm the only person I have ever encountered who really wants and uses honesty as it is defined in webster's. Second those people who say they want real honesty in a significant other, really mean they just want someone who will be with them and make them happy on their terms whether honesty is part of it or not. On that other site I do not have a photo posted. The other day I was contacted by an extremely physically pretty gentleman. Although I found his features charming and his profile seemed nice, physically I found him to be too slim for my tastes, he had tattoos of which I am not fond, and we had very little in common. His profile had appeared in my list of "compatible" matches. I rejected him and thought nothing of it. On that site since it is not a paying site and you can look at and contact anyone you wish and they can see if you looked at them, he saw that I had viewed his profile. Rejecting does not mean blocking, so he wrote me a very nice email and posted the link to another site where he had many more photos posted. So I went to look and discovered that we were even less compatible than I had thought but I answered his email as I thought that was the least I could do and I might at least have made a new friend. I did not mention that I did not think we would match. I simply directed him to the same site he had directed me as I am also a member there and I did have photos posted there. The same ones I have posted here on many occasions. I have gotten no response. He said he thought honesty was attractive and yet he seems not to be nearly as attractive as he thought he was. Honesty would have been sending a reply that said I was not what he wanted in a match. Perhaps I should have said this to him first but I didn't want to offend him and he really seemed like a nice guy. The question is, what is honesty? Many people on this site and others complain that the photo must match what they get in person. Mine do. They were taken in the last 2 to 3 years. I have not changed much. I have put on 10lbs. When I am asked my opinion, I give it as I really feel it. That seems to frighten so many people away. Not that my opinions are radical, but the sheer honesty of them silences many potential new friends. My honesty in speaking to someone who has contacted me is no different than the honesty you have read in this blog. I am not sure why that is such a deal breaker. I understand that I am not everyone's cup of tea. I am quite realistic about my looks. I know that I am no longer the slim young thing I once was. I am not the most beautiful woman on this or many other sites, but I am not unattractive. I think my questions in all of this is what about real honesty frightens people so and what sort of "honesty" are they really looking for if not real honesty?


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Tinkerbelle
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Posted on Sat, Jan 24, 2009 00:01

Conyers you sweet talker you......... love that dress do you>

or the bod inside it ... tee hee



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Phantomea
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Posted on Thu, Jan 22, 2009 14:33

yeah conyers.. i'm not worried about my loss... which is nil.... i just wonder what about honesty is so scary and painful for some people... i mean if you can't look at yourself in a mirror then you need to make some changes... and that is all honesty is... a mirror... i am not perfect and i accept that... but i refuse to back down when someone says something about me that is the truth even if i don't like it... i was talking to a guy i was dating on the phone once and he asked that inevitable question..."what are you wearing?" hoping to get something sexy... at the time i was in jeans and a fuschia button down shirt.. his response was "that is not your color"... i was hurt that he would respond that way but then i looked at myself and said "omg he was right" and i never wore that top again... and i do not wear that color anymore... when faced with the truth i checked and discovered it was the truth and made the changes that corrected something i didn't like... i choose softer shades of pink or full reds... because someone told me the truth and i didn't run from it i know that is a small and silly example but it is how honesty works... running doesn't solve anything because the truth shall stand when all else falls and i'd still look bad in fuschia even if i wanted to deny it... and i suppose that my bluntness turns people away and i try to be nice even when i'm being blunt ... i've been told all of this... unfortunately i will not give up my honesty and sometimes the truth can only be said bluntly... i just can't be true to me if i am trying to couch the truth in pillow stuffing to soften the blow ... because sometimes pillowstuffing disguises the truth and makes it less than the truth ... maybe people should say i am looking for someone who won't cheat on me instead of saying they want someone who is honest... because i believe that is what they mean really... oh well... i guess this question is a mute point since very few people can handle real honesty and i am cursed with it


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Phantomea
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Posted on Thu, Jan 22, 2009 02:12

i know that honesty is in short supply these days but i seem to have a different problem with my honesty... it scares the hell out of men... i have had some say "oh your honesty is refreshing" and then when i am completely honest and after i told them that sometimes i'm a bit blunt and i say what i mean they are dumbfounded when i do exactly that... its like "oh my God!!! You told me you were going to shine a bright light in my eyes and i didn't believe it... I'm blind!!!" or they will suggest going out and when i agree and ask where and when i get put off ... dead silence after you asked me out is no better than being a liar... i can handle someone who has exaggerated about their age or their weight... i can even understand about eggagerating your income... those things are insecurity and i can forgive that... but if you say you are honest and want an honest woman ... when you are faced with it and can't handle it... for heaven's sake admit it... i'll think more of you for saying "damn woman you're much too honest for me" than for being fly-by-night and disappearing...


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Tinkerbelle
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Posted on Sun, Dec 21, 2008 13:52

Hells bells Queenie


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Queenofyourdreams
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Posted on Sun, Dec 21, 2008 12:19

All you have said is very true. This on line game can be a little strange. Yet, there are some gems out here. The only way we will know is to meet that person, and even then we can not be sure. All we can do is a back ground check, check their references, take their fingerprints...and later see a copy of their current STD test. Gosh darn it. Kinda takes the fun out of this. Oh, wait. Nowadays we need to do this with anyone that we have met that is not known by someone we know...

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People may not remember what you say or do, but they will remember how you made them feel.

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Tinkerbelle
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Posted on Sun, Dec 21, 2008 04:05

honestly?? i dont think there are many on here who are looking for honesty, or who are indeed honest. Which is not to criticize my esteemed friends on here. To be able to be completely honest not only with yourself but expecting the same from others requires a degree of self development that many do not have. It takes a brave person to be really honest doesnt it? Take meeting people and communicating on sites like theses. If I had a dollar for every man who said he was looking for a life partner, and had similar values to me, who then went on to display behaviour which was completely the opposite I could retire. To many on both sides of the fence, this dating game may be a pleasant interlude to while away some time when the schedule allows. Call it a bit of harmless fun if you like, but for those who are seriously looking its not nice. Weve said it a thousand times on here and ill say it again. Yoy can be whatever you want to be. Post an old pic talk some crap write some bull---t all of it. The bottom line is...feet on the ground , eyes open , hope for the best. prepare for the worst and you wont go wrong?? Can I expect honesty??? well......i dont know, I just dont know


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