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Posted on Jun 24, 2008 at 09:13 AM

A friend ( I think) sent me these insults. I thought I would share them with you folks although few of you will understand them. lololol wwww ******************************* --- These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words. *************************** The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison," and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it." A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress." "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill "A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway). "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner) "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response. "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb "He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating "There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." Jack E. Leonard "He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge" - Thomas Brackett Reed "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912) "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx ******* Post your favorite insults here.

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Posted on Jun 26, 2008 at 08:23 AM

He doesn't know the meaning of the word 'fear' - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words He's so ugly he looked out the window and got arrested for mooning. Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own He does the work of three men: Larry, Curly & Moe If what you don't know can't hurt you, you're practically invulnerable.

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Posted on Jun 25, 2008 at 08:03 PM

Quoting: Originally posted by Tinkerbelle Fantastic one and all

I know you were trying to describe me with that first word, though the word is inadequate, but what did you mean by the rest of the sentence? Sheee, those English women who can't speak english....lol

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Posted on Jun 25, 2008 at 09:42 AM

Fantastic one and all

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Posted on Jun 25, 2008 at 07:24 AM

His personality is such that when he enters a room you get the feeling that someone just left. The only reason he's alive is that it's illegal to kill him.

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Posted on Jun 25, 2008 at 07:18 AM

Quoting: Originally posted by billzeke Hey 5 W'S, I paid my dues. Been here for lots of years. You can't insult me. Paid membership includes ""insult blocking"" LOL

Then why did that insulting picture of you get posted?? lololol

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Posted on Jun 25, 2008 at 06:44 AM

Quoting: Originally posted by wwww12345 I will try to work up some simple insults that BillZ will understand. I hate to leave him out of our discussions, but it is going to be hard to drop back to the Jack and Jill level. Maybe someone can just rewrite the ones I posted - for Bill. lol Post your great insults here. I love a great insult.

Hey 5 W'S, I paid my dues. Been here for lots of years. You can't insult me. Paid membership includes ""insult blocking"" LOL

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Posted on Jun 25, 2008 at 06:39 AM

Winston Churchill I believe....<<>> One of the American Presidents in the early 1900's I believe Wilson or Hardy were known for very short conversations. When approache by a woman who told him that she had just bet that she could get the President to say 3 words. The President replied....YOU LOSE. Don't know if any of it's true or not. If it's not true, it ought to be.....

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Posted on Jun 25, 2008 at 02:58 AM

Did you see the blog I posted? It is all about Guessing WHOSE SUITCASE is PACKED, speaking of your friend. He is so much fun, we like to tease him. _Honey

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Posted on Jun 25, 2008 at 02:55 AM

wwww12345: Simply Fabulous my friend. My faves were from Al Capp and Golda Meir. Thanks for sharing. _Honey

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Posted on Jun 24, 2008 at 09:54 AM

Here is a little story that reminds me of Bill. She was standing in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast, wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in. As I walked in almost awake, she turned and said softly, 'You've got to make love to me this very moment.' My eyes lit up and I thought, 'I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day.' Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table. Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove, her 'T' shirt still around her neck. A little puzzled, I asked, 'What was that all about?' She explained, 'The egg timer's broken.'

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Posted on Jun 24, 2008 at 09:42 AM

A graceful taunt is worth a thousand insults. -- Louis Nizer If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me. -- Alice Roosevelt Longworth It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. You fill a much-needed gap. There are some people in this world who should be removed in order to spare us their crushing banality. A great many people now reading and writing would be better employed keeping rabbits. -- Edith Sitwell Don't be so humble, you're not that great. -- Golda Meir A sophisticated rhetorician, inebriated with the exuberance of his own verbosity. -- Benjamin Disraeli A four-hundred-dollar suit on him would look like socks on a rooster. -- Earl Long Abstract art? A product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered. -- Al Capp Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale her infinite sameness. -- David Shipman Always willing to lend a helping hand to the one above him. -- F. Scott Fitzgerald (about Ernest Hemingway) Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you. -- Groucho Marx End of season sale at the cerebral department. -- Gareth Blackstock Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome. -- Oscar Levant Failure has gone to his head. -- Wilson Mizner God was bored by him. -- Victor Hugo He's completely unspoiled by failure. -- Noel Coward He's liked, but he's not well liked. -- Arthur Miller He's the kind of man who picks his friends - to pieces. -- Mae West He's the type of man who will end up dying in his own arms. -- Mamie Van Doren (about Warren Beatty) He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head. -- Margot Asquith He can't help it - he was born with a silver foot in his mouth. -- Ann Richards (about George Bush) He could never see a belt without hitting below it. -- Margot Asquith He couldn't ad-lib a fart after a baked-bean dinner. -- Johnny Carson (about Chevy Chase) He had a big head and a face so ugly it became almost fascinating. -- Ayn Rand He had a mind so fine that no idea could violate it. -- T.S. Eliot (about Henry James) He had a winning smile, but everything else was a loser. -- George C. Scott He had delusions of adequacy. -- Walter Kerr He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends. -- Oscar Wilde He has no more backbone than a chocolate eclair. -- Theodore Roosevelt He has sat on the fence so long that the iron has entered his soul. -- David Lloyd George He has the attention span of a lightning bolt. -- Robert Redford He has the lucidity which is the by-product of a fundamentally sterile mind. -- Aneurin Bevan (about Neville Chamberlain) He hasn't an enemy in the world - but all his friends hate him. -- Eddie Cantor He is a fine friend. He stabs you in the front. -- Leonard Louis Levinson He missed an invaluable opportunity to hold his tongue. -- Andrew Lang He is a self-made man and worships his creator. -- John Bright I think it is in our interest to punish the first insult; because an insult unpunished is the parent of many others. -- Thomas Jefferson to John Jay, 1785

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Posted on Jun 24, 2008 at 09:24 AM

I will try to work up some simple insults that BillZ will understand. I hate to leave him out of our discussions, but it is going to be hard to drop back to the Jack and Jill level. Maybe someone can just rewrite the ones I posted - for Bill. lol Post your great insults here. I love a great insult.

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