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Auno
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Posted on Tue, May 20, 2008 11:07

I have always heard it said.. "IF they LOVE me they will change what I don't like about them to suite me and please me" Me I ask "If all their faults bothers you..... WHY, force someone into a miserable existence to please you?" Does that make you happier, to have someone miserable? I have tried to make someone happy I have changed so many things and ways for them and to no avail, made it even worse... I hope I am back to me.. but then any more I don't really know who the real me is.. I have always believed if there were a lot of thing i did not like about a person ..I did not have to be around them. not try to change them in to something they are not... If you wanted to change somethings of yourself on your own for the better of the relationship.. that is great .. because it show, I think, each other that you both care and enjoy each other more.. A slight bad example.. A chain smoker.. he has a lot of good qualities... would talk about it once how his smoking bothered me.. but I would not tell him to give up the smoking or I won't see him again...If he considered our relationship solid and wanted to make a go of it..so maybe he makes a change.. he stopped smoking inside . to me that would be a thoughtful gesture from him.. he did it on his own.. I try to accept people for who and how they are.. not what I could change them into .. Now if you came to me and say I need help in changing the way I am...then that is a different story .. first we make a list and go from there...or might talk you out of it lol There is a difference between intervention.. for their own life. but was not on that page yet. Your thoughts please..


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Auno
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Posted on Sun, May 25, 2008 09:43

I know it was my mistake.. To do that and allow that to happen ... when I truly loved someone, I worked so hard at that relationship.... Then to find out they could care less about what happens to me.. It is crushing... Finally, and I mean Finally realizing this .lol (talking about being thick headed) I am realizing it is turning into a dangerous situation.. and I am trying to find my way out to protect me, to find out if there is any me left to know... I feel like I invented the School of Hard Knocks... (smiling) and am wondering when do I graduate...??


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Queenofyourdreams
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Posted on Sat, May 24, 2008 05:07

Many great thoughts here. In my experience, and after graduating from the school of hard knocks, I believe that most of us who have been around longer, are pretty settled in who we are. I doubt if I will change my inner core or beliefs. I like who I have become.I have also learned that as people get older, and more experienced with life, that they are not going to change their basic thoughts or actions. Unless they want to, for themselves. The difference might be when two join as one. Than they, hopefully, will both work at allowing each other to be who they are, while also looking for ways to stand as one. Shifting from being an individual, to a couple, is a big change. If either person loses their identity by choice or because they are trying to please the other...the relationship will often fail.

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People may not remember what you say or do, but they will remember how you made them feel.

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Posted on Wed, May 21, 2008 15:17

Auno- Great Blog...and my comments on your words... "I try to accept people for who and how they are.. not what I could change them into .. " Amen! I liked you the way you were...not interested in giving you a new identity or confidence, etc...please just be you!!! "Now if you came to me and say I need help in changing the way I am...then that is a different story .. first we make a list and go from there...or might talk you out of it lol" Okey doke, wow,wow,wow! I love lists...everything in a nice neat category, pros and cons etc...ask me and i will fix, but only if you ask... promise lol


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robtest
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Posted on Wed, May 21, 2008 15:02

I think the best we can do is to be able to change ourselves. Now that is not to say that we cannot communicate with a partner about things that might make our lives better/more comfortable/easier. But in the end, the choice is their's to modify their behavior or not, and then you have the choice of accepting that decision or not...


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aVirtualone
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Posted on Wed, May 21, 2008 11:56

<<< I have tried to make someone happy I have changed so many things and ways for them and to no avail, made it even worse... I hope I am back to me.. but then any more I don't really know who the real me is.. >>> First things first: find out who the REAL YOU are... what are YOUR beliefs, criteria, values etc, sometimes we "borrow" someone's else's beliefs, and values and we forget they are not ours. Then you can decide what you really want.. and what you can change to create change ok? Smiles... Lisi


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iamsamiam33
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Posted on Wed, May 21, 2008 04:46

noonecanchangeanother onlyyoucanchangeyou


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Tinkerbelle
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Posted on Wed, May 21, 2008 04:01

Auno you are who you are. Of course you can smooth off the rough edges to accomodate someone else but anything more radical never works, and its unwise to try. Find someone who loves the real you and be happy.


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