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Posted on Mar 01, 2008 at 08:28 AM

Great quotes from Max, man's answer to Maxine. How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...' How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. Why do men pass gas more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to Build up the required pressure. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is Yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told I married a Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake. Why do men die before their wives? They want to. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested

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Posted on Mar 09, 2008 at 12:47 PM

From Max Tax Rebate President Bush said each one of us would get a $1200.00 tax rebate. It was previously slated to be $1400.00, but they dropped it to a $1200.00 tax rebate because of various budget problems. Now, if we spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China, if we spend it on computers, most of the money will go to Korea or India. If we spend it on gasoline it will all go to the Arabs.....and none of these scenarios will help the American economy. We need to keep that money here in America .....so the only way to keep that money here at home is to drink beer, gamble, or spend it on prostitution. Currently it seems that these are the only businesses still left in the U.S.

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Posted on Mar 06, 2008 at 09:13 PM

Max sez How to find out who loves you. Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour. When you open the trunk, see who is really happy to see you!?

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Posted on Mar 03, 2008 at 07:23 PM

Max's column Dear Max: I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbor lady making mad passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help? Sincerely, Mrs. Sheila Dear Sheila: A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber. I hope this helps. Max

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Posted on Mar 03, 2008 at 06:33 PM

Max Says: There is a medical distinction. We've all heard about people having guts or bal*ls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below: GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?' BAL*LS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bu*tt and having the ba*lls to say: You're next, fatty.' I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Max says that medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death.

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Posted on Mar 02, 2008 at 06:51 PM

Quoting author: Dear wwww, What am I going to do with you? Your out of control funny. LOL Sincerely, Miss Right

I bet you are Miss Right. I probably need to have a little bongo talk with you. lol

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Posted on Mar 02, 2008 at 06:48 PM

Dear wwww, What am I going to do with you? Your out of control funny. LOL Sincerely, Miss Right

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Posted on Mar 02, 2008 at 08:28 AM

Ahhhhh, HYSTERICAL wwwww's!! Thanks for the giggle.

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Posted on Mar 02, 2008 at 01:06 AM

WWWWWWWWWWWWwwwsss Quote "f your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is Yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. " I'm sure you will get a stick from the women for this LOL

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Posted on Mar 01, 2008 at 02:05 PM

Max Says When I was born God gave me two choices: (1) I could either have a GREAT memory OR (2) Be GREAT in bed !!! Crap!! .. Now I forgot what I was gonna tell ya!!!

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