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BlueEyz2006
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Posted on Sun, Jan 20, 2008 14:13

Ok, so I've been on this site for a while and I see a great many attractive, normal people which begs the question that we all hate hearing: "why are you single?" I know we all have our pat answers like being too focused on career, haven't met the right person, etc... But, these could be factors at best, and cop outs at worst. Was it a painful break up? Is it abandonment issues? Fear of rejection or intimacy? Or is it just easier, safer, familiar and more comfortable to stay single? Do you date often or are you a window shopper here? Is being single a choice or the consequence of other choices?


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Hostess
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Posted on Sat, Oct 18, 2008 01:21

Funny you should ask. I just happen to have the same question on my profile. I'm always intrigued by the replies. And the question is a compliment of sorts. It's like saying, You're soo fine I can't believe nobody has stolen your heart yet. ~grins I wrote a poem about my match, hope you like it.


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shazbot82
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Posted on Sun, Jun 22, 2008 00:35

i am single because I ve beem unwillingly seperated from my beloved Ive waited these long three years and more. NowIamunsure. I could love another man instead, if he was the right one for me and took me dancing and to concerts. The sex would have to be outstanding. I couldnt stay with a man who wasnt a great lover to me.Being playful is much fun,too. I do not want ot be singlr anymore. I need to be held and loved. Either we reunite or say goodbye and I go find another man. Both have good facets.


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Posted on Thu, Jan 24, 2008 10:18

Quoting leeintennessee: I think the reason varies for most. Then again, most have the same reason, they just haven't found that one person. I for one am single because of two things. 1. I'm pursuing an extremely difficult career. 2. I am not wealthy. (no I'm not looking for a sugar momma) However, I'm at a point in my life where I haven't had a serious relationship in 3 years, and I would love to meet someone. I sit here all the time and do nothing. The dating scene here is horrible. Ok, this is starting to sound like a rant. Basically, that's why I'm single.

Tennessee.... I lived there for about a year or so. Both in Gallatin, TN, and in Portland, TN. I agree. The dating scene is rediculous. In my year there, I didn't even meet anyone I wanted to be friends with let alone date.


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Posted on Thu, Jan 24, 2008 10:16

Quoting geniek: Hi BlueEyz. "More comfortable" might be a choice for me...apart from the fact that I truly enjoy being single. I said when I divorced, "I'm NEVER doing this again." I believe I posted here before that my mother said, "Oh Honey, yes you will. You will find someone special." I do not think it occurred to her at that time, as it does not with that generation that I had no intention of looking. I did not WANT to find anyone else. I LOVED my new found freedom. The years change us a bit. At this point I think perhaps it might be nice, but still not certain I want any type of committed relationship. I am such a free sprirt. I have been alone a long time and I enjoy my space. If I do ever decide upon any committed relationship it will have to be a man who understands this. I dance to my own drummer. I am not a dater just to be dating BlueEyz. If it is not someone I find very interesting...I'd rather be home...or with friends. I have a few men that I go out with fairly regularly. MY regularly is not that of everyone else though. LOL I do not want someone who expects me to go out every week. ...or should I say... I have not yet found another man that I WANT to see every week. I had a man in my life for years that I could not wait just to see him smile. Perhaps that is out there again somewhere and I will be 'into' that every week thing. He has not materialized though as yet. HI PM Commitment phobic here too girl. Should you get to that alter before I do, I will be there with the hankie. LOL

I seriously identify with parts of this. I like my life.. I'd rather add to it than decrease it. Relationships - if it's the wrong one - can have a decreasing effect. I have yet to meet anyone that absolutely 100% holds my attention. My timeframe is slow. I only see my friends about once a month. Actually, once a month is pretty fast. Once every three months is more accurate. Dating every week - unless they were super super fascinating - would eventually grate on my nerves. I haven't lived in one spot for longer than 2 years since I was 18. Actually, that reminds me of a few profiles I've read. SOmeof them want a girl who has "settled down". They typically mean bar hopping and drinking and partying all night . . . What about the girls who never 'stay put'?


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BlueEyz2006
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Posted on Thu, Jan 24, 2008 01:06

Hello everyone, Thank you for your continued posts to this blog. Lee and Phanotmeea, I particularly thank you both for your candidness and honesty. Let's keep this conversation going. - John


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Phantomea
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Posted on Wed, Jan 23, 2008 16:27

Re: wwww12345 write: We all have different phases in our life, much as expressed in the book "Passages" or New Passages by Gail Sheehy. It is hard to find a person that you believe can transition from stage to stage. I have interest and priorities now that I did not have at age 20, or 40, however I see many people that have not transitioned at all. For instance; I care very little about a big house, flashy cars, gold plated sink, etc. I have a relative that has three houses,(in two states and three towns), - a country home, a city home, and a lake home. She probably has four or five cars. Every place is completely furnished, decorated, and mortgaged to the hilt. We have a difference in lifestyles, and I certainly feel safer and less stressed with mine. So, I am where I want to be in my life, and lifestyle, and that limits my choices. I also have future transitions to make, and will need a mate that will agree on what those should be. That also limits the matches/choices. I see plenty of women on here that would make good mates, at another time, another place, another lifestyle, but probably few that would agree with how I want to live now - as stress free and laid back as possible.

This is so true. I'm at a stage in my life that I am less worried about a man's physical features as I am about his emotional features. Broad shoulders and well defined abs mean much less than understanding who I am and accepting me with all my flaws. A man with thick dark hair is not nearly as appealing as a man with self confidence who knows who he is and doesn't need anyone else's approval because he has his own. Twenty years ago I was all about tall dark and handsome. Now I'm all about kind, self confident and understanding.


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Posted on Tue, Jan 22, 2008 23:57

because we havn't met yet ;)


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wwww12345
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Posted on Tue, Jan 22, 2008 11:22

We all have different phases in our life, much as expressed in the book "Passages" or New Passages by Gail Sheehy. It is hard to find a person that you believe can transition from stage to stage. I have interest and priorities now that I did not have at age 20, or 40, however I see many people that have not transitioned at all. For instance; I care very little about a big house, flashy cars, gold plated sink, etc. I have a relative that has three houses,(in two states and three towns), - a country home, a city home, and a lake home. She probably has four or five cars. Every place is completely furnished, decorated, and mortgaged to the hilt. We have a difference in lifestyles, and I certainly feel safer and less stressed with mine. So, I am where I want to be in my life, and lifestyle, and that limits my choices. I also have future transitions to make, and will need a mate that will agree on what those should be. That also limits the matches/choices. I see plenty of women on here that would make good mates, at another time, another place, another lifestyle, but probably few that would agree with how I want to live now - as stress free and laid back as possible.


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wwww12345
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Posted on Mon, Jan 21, 2008 23:35

I am probably single because I don't tolerate well anyone with a severe personality disorder, which is probably 50 percent of the population. Of the 50 percent left, - they probably don't like my personality disorder. lololol


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shazbot82
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Posted on Mon, Jan 21, 2008 23:01

John, when i look over the list of people who have visited my blogs, without exception, the vast majority of readers are women.Easily ten to one. We have few men on the blogs at any one time. Men I know do talk about their feelings when the situation and environment is one of acceptance. On the whole. I just think women are more comfortable discussing things of an emotional nature. I would like to know why so many men are single, claim to want a relationship but dont put forth any effort. Recently I went to a different dating site and found a fantastic array of wonderful guys right in my own backyard. But venture out into public,,and nobody makes any attempt to meet ( except for some reason..black guys approach me in Home Depot and Walmart every time I go in!) The great saddness is that we are all lonely and wanting companionship but are terrifed to say hello to an attractive stranger.


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BlueEyz2006
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Posted on Mon, Jan 21, 2008 19:21

Hello ladies, Thank you for your honest and insightful comments (and Shaz, thank you for your kind words). If you know my blogs, you may realize how I love to continue the original conversation while also exploring others that arise within the discussion. As indicated by the salutation above, it is amazing to me that all of the comments so far (which, at the time of this post is about 10% of those who viewed the blog) are strictly from women. Why is that? Is it because women are more in touch with their feelings and more willing to share? Is it because men shy away from self examination in order to protect our egos? Please continue to share your thoughts on why you are single, particularly appreciated and encouraged is the soul searching some have done here, but please also comment on why you think only women have contributed here.


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shazbot82
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Posted on Mon, Jan 21, 2008 00:36

John... If anyone here deserves someone fantastic in their lives, its you. Any women that wins you heart is going to be a very fortunate woman. The world would be a much better place if there were more men like you. BUT I am sure that even you have your faults,,and thats the thing that makes or breaks a relationship. Have you looked around at the ones who may not have caught your interest right away ? Or someone you like but never thought they might be interested in more with you ? One of my favorite men in the world once asked another man I was working with..." How did you come to know our Miss Darcy ? She's one you fall in love with slowly and forever " I SWEAR he said this right in front of me and I had NO idea he felt that way. I do hope you will widen your horzions and meet the "one" for you. After reading your comment on my Christmas Tradition blogs...All I can say is that your future children are waiting for their daddy to find their mommy and bring them into the world.


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BlueEyz2006
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Posted on Sun, Jan 20, 2008 20:41

Great posts everyone, thanks for contributing to this discussion. Boldnsexy, lest you think me too lawyerly, I'll answer too, but I'm not sure I've done enough soulsearching to have a correct answer yet. I thought it was largely due to having 5 younger brothers and sisters and wanting to be available for them, but now that three of them are married (one with 5 kids, one with three) and my youngest sister has dated a guy for over a year, I don't think that's it. I have achieved much professionally due to many years of hard work, and did end a heartbreaking 4 year relationship about 4 years ago ( having dated a woman for 1 year since), but as I initially admitted these are factors or cop outs. I really am not sure why I haven't settled down yet. To answer your other question, yes, I've met women from this site (4 including having dated one for a couple months). Please keep the comments coming, I think this is an interesting blog.


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Queenofyourdreams
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Posted on Sun, Jan 20, 2008 19:47

I have been single by choice for many years. In fact, I studied a Buddhist technique so that I could change my focus from relationships, sex, or a family, to my personal growth and career. For me, it was a good choice. During this time I have always felt that there was someone special that I have been waiting for. This focus changed when I achieved a certain level of success in my work. When I accomplished that dream, I realized that there must be more to life than what I had achieved. I looked around and knew that all that I had accomplished was very nice, but that I still felt a little empty...and I knew it was time for me to do the one thing I had not allowed myself in so very long. I was ready to let myself learn about receiving love, from that man that I kept feeling around me for all those years. Somehow, I ended up here at MM. For a long time I simply watched and played on the forums and blogs. The rest of my story is personal. All I can say is that I was surprised that there was such a market for a woman like me. I have taken the time to meet some of the wonderful men of MM... :)

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People may not remember what you say or do, but they will remember how you made them feel.

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sepelo7
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Posted on Sun, Jan 20, 2008 17:50

i'm not


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coachcat
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Posted on Sun, Jan 20, 2008 16:39


Re: Tinkerbelle write: Just unlucky I guess. Although if Iwere to analyse it I would have to say its probably the result of choices both good and bad I have made. Hes out there somewhere.....I think. [Tinkerbelle, he IS out there. You are a beautiful, intelligent (I can tell from your blogs), amzing woman. From the outside looking in, it seems that you are not the unlucky one; Mr. Right is because he has not found you yet. Stay true to your choices. In the end I think you'll be greatly rewarded.]


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AAAPLUS
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Posted on Sun, Jan 20, 2008 16:02

Why are we single?? You said it all in your first few lines.... WE ARE NORMAL PEOPLE haha Well perhaps it's a choice due to growing older and being more selective. Awaiting the ONE and ONLY where there is real chemistry.


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shazbot82
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Posted on Sun, Jan 20, 2008 15:42

Shadow has a good grip on some of the main reasons why people might stay single. Life is a big roller coaster and there are times when it is unfair to bring someone else into the mix. My last serious relationship ended in a way that I never imagined possible. It was and has been the most bizarre experience of my life. Basically, for the last three years, I have become a hermit.I have dated a few men and one that I met really had possibilities. AS things progressed, I realized that I wasnt ready to give my heart to another man and so I told him the truth...that I was still in love with my ex BF. dating. We remain friends I am hopeful that this year I can finally be over with this and find a man worth my time and enegry. I like being sinlge, as I am not one to "answer" for my whereabouts etc,,,but not having someone to hold and kiss and share silly stories about kangaroos with is lonely.


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takingcareofu
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Posted on Sun, Jan 20, 2008 15:34

I chose to remain single for several years. Some may call it selfish, but I wanted to enjoy my kids growing up. Men I had dated seemed to want to tell me I spent too much time with my boys, that I was too involved!!! I realized a lover may leave but I will always be Mom!! Now my boys are a little older (not grown yet) and stretching their wings into more independent lives. I am still very actively involved but am ready now to open myself to the opportunity.


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