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The End Justifies the Means ??? Sort by:
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robtest
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Posted on Thu, Nov 01, 2007 08:43

I have seen comments along these lines for awhile, but seems like lately, we are seeing more posts about CyberHacking Lovers to check for cheating... So my question to the group is: Does the End Justify the Means??? In the case that you find out they are cheating, you can relieve yourself of a problem relationship. But what if you are wrong? Either way, you are still a less than sterling individual yourself for having commited such acts... And Good Lord. Don't share the stories here. While you think you might be sharing with your cyber-pals about catching the Mr./Ms. Cheater, you are also sharing with any potential date that you are untrustworthy... :o(


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BlueEyz2006
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Posted on Fri, Nov 09, 2007 22:45

Dear Pauline, I agree, trust is the glue that holds relationships together - it is a great thing when two people can trust each other to be careful with each other's hearts.


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Posted on Fri, Nov 02, 2007 22:26

I don't know Rob, I can sort of see your point, but that's the beauty of Blogland...it's "safe" to vent, heal, emote, and have a sort of therapy shielded to some degree of judgement, ridicule and even getting too close to anyone while doing it. It's sort of theraputic I suppose. I can see why some and yes, Babydahl why you would do this as it happened right here before your eyes on this very site. And, now that you have aired it all, the question is, "Do you feel a bit better?" The bigger question is...how will you ultimately heal? I really feel for you. I think about you sometimes when I meet new men here and everywhere for that matter. Even in real life. We just don't know even when we think we do know...I even thought of background checking because of your story. So, though I'm glad in some ways you shared...sorry in many more you even had to. I wonder what it will take and how much of the telling you'll need to do to get it all out, cry it out, be angry, pissed, sad and all the other feeligns so that your heart can heal? I think nothing bad of you for sharing as I see you felt you needed to, but I do see both sides to this topic as at some point it reaches critical mass and then the victim (you) looks like the fool. I don't think of you as a fool, I'm just saying I see both sides. I hope you are well and can begin to heal soon. Deb


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shazbot82
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Posted on Fri, Nov 02, 2007 20:46

as a person who WAS spied on ( not by a lover,,,its very complicated) had my phone tapped , my computer hacked, my Union training school records broken into..i can tell you..it IS very disturbing. I had done nothing wrong- except that I called/emailed/instant messeaged and texted my boyfriend when he was in Indonesia, Armenia. Pakistan etc. He had been barred from the country after 9/11 ( though one week before he had been here) So I was guilty "of association" It pissed me off no end. Ide react the same way if ANYONE spied on me. I DONT cheat, or commit crimes or anything even remotely close.


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BlueEyz2006
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Posted on Fri, Nov 02, 2007 11:47

Dear Rob, I always enjoy your contributions to the blogs! This is an age old question and I have thought about it a lot through the years, but contrary to what I was initially inclined to believe, I do think that most of the time the end justifies the means. As long as the means are not illegal, immoral or hurtful, I think that getting at the truth is right no matter how you discover it. It's easy to remain ignorant of a cheating partner if you think to yourself that you won't do anything to upset the deception they're laying out for you because you don't want to reduce yourself to some level, but perpetuating the myth is not really in anyone's best interests. Personally, I've never had a problem with wiretapping, spying or someone rifling through my personal items because I am confident they're never going to find me doing something wrong. And, if I were doing something wrong, then it should be discovered.


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shazbot82
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Posted on Fri, Nov 02, 2007 10:47

I am not a suspicious person by nature. Nor am I insecure. The few times I have become suspicious of a lovers fidelity, I was 100% correct. So I always pay heed to that instinct. I have been fortunate to have relationships where we treated each other with respect, even at the end,and cheating wasnt present( except twice- not a bad record for 34 years) IF I WAS suspicious,,I'de ask them first. Only under extreme circumstances would I cyber-spy. AS it happened...the PC wasnt around back in ancient history when I was cheated on.


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