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virgogem
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Posted on Mon, Oct 08, 2007 10:18

I know I've been kind of distant as of late, but I've had a lot on my mind. Not the cause and effect "Holy crap I'm 40!" kind of thing, but more of the pause and affect... It's a long story for another day (I seem to say that a lot) and it's cosmically not at all important right at this moment... The news came via voice mail late last night. A cousin of mine has died. He was 43. Apart from my brothers and I, he was the last male blood relative with my last name. His sister has now outlived her entire family. Their sister was beaten to death by the estranged ex about ten years ago, (*Survivors, please take note here* this is one of many, many reasons why we seem to speak the same language), which is stirring up a completely different kind of shitstorm in my heart. At the moment I have no more information but I'll keep you all posted. I need to do the thing I do best and it has never failed me. Ever... Walking. Another long story for another day. (See what I mean?) Desperately hoping that you all don't feel that I'm speaking in the pejorative here, I'm just cosmically sad in the here and now, and I think you all know that gloom and doom crap isn't my style. As nerdy as this sounds, wearing a pedometer every day for the last 5 years has at times a poetic way of reinforcing the "one step at a time" rule in life. James.


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shazbot82
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Posted on Sat, Oct 13, 2007 18:07

JAMES..........YOU HAVE EMAIL !!!!!!!!!!!!!


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shazbot82
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Posted on Fri, Oct 12, 2007 02:21

YO baby baby...well..IDE SAY YOU DONE BEEN HUGGED....and right fine ,too!


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shazbot82
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Posted on Wed, Oct 10, 2007 18:42

Geez james.....you really didnt have to do all that to get my number ! OF course,,we are all glad thatyou remained clam and are still here among the living.NOW set up a time so we can talk !


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virgogem
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Posted on Wed, Oct 10, 2007 11:23

I got cut off back there. I need you all to know that even with everything I just told you I'm okay. I really am! In fact, I'm proud of myself for displaying deadly icy calm and not trying to be a hero. Believe me, the thought did cross my mind. Hey good news! They caught the guy! I was just told that the story made the front page of todays paper. He is being held and considered a flight risk. They left out my name because I was in fact "The victim" but I hope you all know now that I'm strong enough to not fall into that role. If anything, I'm glad that it happened. WHEW! James.


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virgogem
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Posted on Wed, Oct 10, 2007 10:41

Wow! Thank you all so much. Sorry it's taken so long to reply, but y'all are not going to believe this... In calling myself a survivor, I worried that smaller minds would get the wrong idea. Then I realized that I don't give a crrrrrrrap about smaller minds, and that there is nothing but large minds on this blog. So with that in mind, let me try to explain what happened after I posted this... I hit send and went to work. The cousin that died was bad enough, but I mentioned his sister who was murdered. Rewind. At the time I was trying to wrap my brain around the fact that I too had recently been the victim of a violent crime. Walking home from a bar, doing the right thing, and I woke up in the ER with the right side of my face beaten, bruised, and bloodied. 14 stiches to my forehead (scar still slightly visible 10 years later), tripod fracture to the eye socket, broken jaw, and the tips of my front bottom teeth shattered. To this day I have no memory of the incident. Back to my murdered cousin. By the time the police got to her house, they could hear the guy (THUMP) yelling (THUMP) at her (THUMP) "Tell me his name!" (THUMP). He worked her over so badly the the cops thought she was black. She lingered into a coma and died days later. I carried guilt over the fact that she died and I didn't for a long time. My head was a very twisted place back then. Fast forward to my post. He's dead. Soul crushing sadness. Add past hurt and I found myself on a tight rope between then and now. But I know that I'm not the victim anymore... Or am I? Done with work that night, I stopped at a convenience store. A guy bursts in with a gun and points it at the clerk. I'm the lucky chap at the counter so he grabs me by the neck and shoves the barrel to my kidney. Sinking his face into my shoulder saying "I'm sorry brother" to me, and"GIVE ME THE F*CKING MONEY!!" to the clerk. I didn't get shot so things of course went swimmingly well. Mor...


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shazbot82
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Posted on Mon, Oct 08, 2007 23:32

james,, I have been thinking of you all day long.That was before I knew this. iam so sorry babe. BIG cosmic Darcy Hug for you...guaranteed to ward of evil spirits. Death is always so unexpected, especially for such a young man.iun derstand about the last in the family thing too, as my siblings and I are the very last living members of my father's line. Ide call you if I had your number,,and Barb will tell you,,I dont call anyone ! If you go outside tomorrow night,,I will send you a moon kiss too. A long time ago I had a crazy abusive drunken "boyfriend" The night I sat out in the barn , a pair of hay hooks in my hands ready to kill him if he came after me again,,was the night my life changed completely.


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Lynncat
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Posted on Mon, Oct 08, 2007 18:17

I'm sorry for your loss James but, remember to us death is awful but, it is just a step in the continuation of life. Cheer up your relative wouldn't want you to be sad. Life is for the living! Live and be happy! Love and friendship to you! Lynncat


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nautigal48
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Posted on Mon, Oct 08, 2007 11:36

James, I don't know you, but freely give you a dozen hugs.


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