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What does 'friends' mean to you? Sort by:
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Posted on Fri, Mar 30, 2007 10:52

For 4 to 5 yrs, my daughter had 2 best girlfriends. They played soccer together, hung out together, and attracted the guys together! lol After being away to school for 4.5 months last Fall, my daughter returned to find her friends had basically ditched her. They say and do hurtful things toward her without consideration for her feelings. No compassion whatsoever, and totally do not take responsibility for the actions. We're to go on vacation with one family next week. Last evening I had to call the Mother and tell her that I thought after spending entire days together, the girls would probably want to have their space at night, so their daughter should stay in their room, instead of the original plan with myself & my daughter. We went on to discuss friendships. I commented that last year I thought all these kids (a group of 12) would end up being friends for life. Was I wrong. Sadly, when they graduate in June, I doubt any of these kids will remain friends. She commented that is to be expected, because people go off to University, different career paths, geography. Friends don't last she said. Shocked, I told her that I teach my kids that friends are important. To value their friends, and be there for them when they need you. I went on to say that I have friends from high school. We may only see each other every 5 yrs, but when we get together, it is like no time has passed. She paused and thought, then said she had one friend from when she was little. I may be sounding "OLD", but now-a-days, kids treat each other with such disrespect and meanness. It's uncanny. The receiver is expected to suck it up, and they do...usually laughing it off on the outside, but on the inside...it's hurtful! I teach my kids to value their friends. To be there for their friends, and that a true friend will be there for them also. True friends don't insult you, or do hurtful things toward you. I have been blessed to have some damned GOOD FRIENDS that I have made in high school, and over the past 10 - 20 yrs. After major surgery 3 yrs ago, my friends babysat me for a week, changing my dressing, making sure I took my medication at the right time, helping me to walk, making dinner for my daughter & I that night, picking my daughter up at school daily and driving her home (I live a ways from the school, and from where my friends live). They went above and beyond, as I would do for anyone of them. That's what 'true' friends do for one another. Am I out to lunch, overthinking this friendship stuff? Do any of you have 'true' friends from high school, university, or just made over the years? Friends that would be there for you? Do you keep in touch with them, even if it is just once a year?


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Posted on Sun, Apr 01, 2007 09:09

Hahaha! Barbara, don't worry about MMeanMMachine. I didn't take his comment as an insult. MMean...No I didn't get dumped. I should be leaving...it's so hard! I enjoy blogging with these people. And when I'm feeling like I need an outside opinion, I can throw it out there, as I did in this blog. I'll be away the next 10 days, so don't miss me too much, ya hear? :-) Barbara the older we get, the harder I think it is to make friends. When our kids are young we meet new friends at the park with their own kids. Too bad the same wasn't true when one was out walking their dog! Imagine all the new friends one could meet!:-) I agree, Boopster you have a wonderful friend who would comfort you during your time of loss. Sometimes people who have not experienced such a loss of a loved one themselves find it difficult to communicate with the surviving spouse. They find themselves at a loss for words, and it makes them uncomfortable. Unfortunately, most people tend to avoid that which makes them feel uncomfortable. DD & thenewman...You are so right about kids have all these distractions, and it has made them more impersonal to each other. My daughter will have just left a friend, and within a minute they are text messaging. Or MSN at night. Her ex-bf can't talk to her in person at school, but everyday on MSN he will chat to her on MSN. I dropped a lunch off for her last Thursday. He had seen me and asked her why I was there. He told her he would have shared his Chinese food with her. She asked, "How would I know that, you never talk to me at school?" Or invites her to work out with him and his friends. Talk about giving her mixed signals! It has been the guys who have remained her friends. The girls...well, girls are just mean. Unfortunately, some of the guys are dating a couple of the girls...and you know how that goes. So she can't be perceived as talking too much with them. libitofafrica... Friends of mine have also expressed what you stated about her friends being jealous of her. I can believe that. Her school adventure in the Fall...sailing around the World on a tallship (a working ship I might add!) was an incredible experience for her. When she returned, not one of her so-called best friends wanted to hear about any of her trip, nor see her pictures. They had no interest. All they wanted to talk about were the parties they had gone to, and so and so did this, etc. My daughter had not been around, so she felt what they were saying was pretty mundane and trivial, but she listened and laughed in politeness. Only her ex-bf & one girlfriend (but not her best friend...is now) were interested. I guess they are comfortable in their own skin, and have no insecurities, or jealousies. The true test of friendship is when something traumatic like Boopster's experience, or a couple going through a divorce happens. Your real friends will still be there for you, calling you to make plans and do things together, or with them as a couple. They will never perceive you as a threat, because they are secure people. When I was married, I made all of my couple friends alone. My ex was always working, or wanted to relax at home when not working. So when we separated, there was no change! It was still...just me doing things with my couple friends! lol thenewman...Well you are lucky you have cousins you are still close to. The cousins I grew up with all went their own way. My sister called one up the other day to discuss the possibility of a family reunion this August, and had a strip taken off her. My cousin told her she hadn't seen her relatives in 25 yrs, and if they wanted to see her they could come visit anytime! lol YIKES! Morning Angel...are you thinking of that song entitle "You've Got A Friend"? I sing that in the shower...ALOT! lol Well it is Spring Break. I'm off to Costa Rica this evening. I wish you all a wonderful week! Thank you for sharing your experiences and opinions.Take care.


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MMeanMMachine
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Posted on Sun, Apr 01, 2007 04:59

Hunni Blunt Ah thort ya was leavin yet y'all still heyah after y'all tole every buddy heyah ya was nosure bout him he dumped yew?


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sizzlinhot
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Posted on Sat, Mar 31, 2007 23:23

I still have close friends from high school. Some I get to see on a regular basis. Some just a few times a year, although we keep in touch via email/snail mail. Friendships, real friendships can stand the test of time. Even if its not time spent together. You can pick up where you leave off as if you didnt miss a beat. A friend also accepts your faults and still likes you any way!!


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Posted on Sat, Mar 31, 2007 23:13

Well...I think that jealousy and envy more often than not gets in the way of maintaining true friendships. Especially when you're young. Another part of it was that in the old days :) we tried to be sincerely happy for our best friends even when it appeared that they are receiving more fortune than we are. It is hard to remain jealous free when your best friend seems to have all the luck :(... So I think friends sometimes become bitter and hateful because if they didn't chose that option they'd start to question what may be wrong with themselves that good things can't seem to happen for them. It is far easier to rationalize that your best friend who appears to have it all is stuck up than to accept that your luck isn't going to change or to accept that you are just not as fortunate as your best friend. Of course it doesn't justify your daughter's friends treating her badly but perhaps it'll help her see that her success and prosperity can cause others envy and jealous. But she also should not apologize for her success, she has no control over her friends success or lack of luck. And if it is not jealousy over money...it could be jealousy over looks. Teenagers come into their "own" at different times. Some are more comfortable in their skin than others and that can cause jealousy and envy. Too many possibilities I guess...


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sepelo7
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Posted on Sat, Mar 31, 2007 17:40

Boopster Congratulations darling you're post was the first one on MM that actually made me cry. Very touching.


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sepelo7
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Posted on Sat, Mar 31, 2007 15:32

I have 4 amazing best friends. 1. My brother-will help me out financially, give me sound advice, physically save me if ever the need, and I believe lay his life on the line for me 2. My ex boyfriend turned best friend-the most wise man I've ever met. No matter WHAT time of day -even if he's in one of his major meetings or having dinner with his fiancee he ALWAYS takes my calls. I tell him everything and he always tells me the right thing to do. 3. My oldest friend-we met when we were 10. Just that feel good, hang out with, tell my best friend everything type of guy. He always picks me up when I'm down. And when he says I love you I know he means " i will do anything for you". 4. My best friend from college. The one that calls me 3 times a day and I call her 4. We tell each other when we woke up, what we had for breakfast, who cut us off on the highway, what our boyfriend did that pissed us off. And we cry on each others shoulders. We are COMPLETE opposites yet we have found a common ground-each other. Now if I could just bundle them all into 1 person and have them live NEAR me, then I could say I have the PERFECT best friend!


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angelsr4me
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Posted on Sat, Mar 31, 2007 14:11

iwanttobehugged I know where your coming from I to have no real friends I can truly count on been a loner myself..


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Salmon2000
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Posted on Sat, Mar 31, 2007 11:31

Barbara, it is a very good comment. I think friends are important (my mother was very socializing person). Very true about women-friends who think about threat to their marriage. The truth is that they think of wrong people. I understand what you mean by style (meeting with married man - no thanks, no interest). As a result there are usually single ladies in my circle as well. But seems that nowadays people think of friendship different rather than during high school. Thank you for the comment and for the wonderful profile.


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Boopster2000
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Posted on Sat, Mar 31, 2007 09:42

I have several girl friends one I have though I have had for over 30 years she has been with me trough the divorce from my first husband. I met her shortly after the birth of both my children so of course we raised our children together. When my husband died it was her who came and picked me up and called my children to tell them what happened, it was her and my daughter who slept on each side of me the first few nights to make sure I was alright. It was also her and my daughter who called every day, and I do mean every day and several times a day to check on me for almost a year after he died. All the rest of the friends were gone the minute the funeral was over but not her and not my daughter. Now we live in different towns but no matter what, if she or my daughter need me I am there and they BOTH know it. These are TRUE friends and even though I don't talk to Judy every day she and I both know that we can see each other or just pick up and phone and never skip a beat.


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