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lovelylotus
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Posted on Mon, Mar 05, 2007 21:59

So, I need some advice. And Trey has been particularly useless this time. I now appeal to a greater power- the MM blog boards. I have met a man. He is fun, he is handsome, he is smart. Most importantly, he seems to like my company. ;) We spend as much time together as our respective job duties will allow (he is a chef, I am a front office manager). Before you get all incensed about what a bad idea it is to date someone you work with, remember that I am only going to be with the company for another week and a half. We talk almost every night, from the time I get off work until 2 in the morning when he has to get to bed. (Yes, we both work evenings.) We laugh, we tell stories, we promise to go camping sometime, we share secrets. We have not, however, seen each other outside of work. During the course of one of these chat-athons, he admitted to me that he has never asked a woman out. I was stunned. I asked him, "How does a man get to the age of 35 without asking a woman out?" To which he replied that he prefers to be the pursued, rather than the pursuer. This would seem to be an advantage for me, as I am fairly direct in relationships, and prefer to hunt rather than be hunted. Sounds great, right? Nope. We both had last Saturday night off, so I casually asked him if he wanted to go to a movie with me. I even chose a movie I know he would like to see, he watches Reno 911 all the time and the movie came out last week. He agreed and voila! We had our first "date." That day, I called him to see when he wanted to get together. He had some friends come over unexpectedly and wanted to get some laundry done after they left. He said he would call me back when he was finished. Time passes. He calls at about 5 and hems and haws about getting together. The laundry is finished but his buddies are still visiting. I tell him that it's ok of he doesn't want to go out. (You know, the passive-aggressive girl thing, where we pretend everything is fine, but we are really disappointed.) He says okay. Life goes on, we continue to see each other at work and talk on the phone. With no mention of getting together. I am hesitant to ask him out again, as I have already put myself out there once. It's his turn, right? I am a bit puzzled. I don't quite understand why he would devote all of this time to getting to know me and then back out of plans. I belong to the "He's Just Not That Into You" generation, after all. So... what's up with that?


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EbonCorvine
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Posted on Sat, Mar 10, 2007 10:19

Allright, it's all a matter of perspective. I can see it from your point of view Lauren. It just occurs to me that he sees your relationship as a casual and pleasant interaction with no expectations attached. Contrary to the expressions aired about men in general. 1. I have found myself attracted to few women (don't know why, picky, intellectual or psychological requirements?) consequently I haven't 'asked out' many women. 2. I love talking to friends of mine. Some of whom happen to be women, at strange hours for extensive periods. That does not make you gay!


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lovelylotus
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Posted on Wed, Mar 07, 2007 14:37

Mr. Kisses, thanks for making me laugh. No, he is not gay, and you are not the only one to have wondered this. You are just the only one to have posted it here. I had the exact same thought process. Guys don't talk on the phone for hours at a time. I don't even talk on the phone for hours at a time- unless I am romantically interested in the person I am talking to. After some soul-searching and deliberation, I have come to the conclusion that he must just want to be friends. So be it, I will find someone that wants to be with me as desperately as I want to be with them. Thanks for all of the advice, I knew I could count on you!


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MountainWinds
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Posted on Tue, Mar 06, 2007 14:33

I agree with Sep, Cassie and Shaz too. But, it's so hard when we don't get to see all sides ... but still. Come on, laundry? Friends? Of course, in his mind, he's saying something like, "but SHE SAID it was ok, I don't get it, why is she mad?" lol


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robtest
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Posted on Tue, Mar 06, 2007 13:01

I believe the "3 strike" rule works in dating as well as it does in baseball. But after the laundry thing, I would have to say that there is no joy in mudville...


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jsj1969
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Posted on Tue, Mar 06, 2007 12:42

As unbelievable as it seems, seplo7 actually offered good advice. Will wonders never cease! Of course she had to butcher it with the little vignette on who she will not "do" (so eloquent) but her suggestion, overall, is sound. You have put yourself out there. His turn to respond in kind. Based on your profile, LovelyLotus, he is a fool if he does not.


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Boopster2000
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Posted on Tue, Mar 06, 2007 07:43

LL, He knows he was wrong the first time just so you will know without any doubt give him one more chance. If he doesn't show up for the prom, kick his A--SS out of your life and find someone else. But if you don't give him one more chance you'll always wonder.


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MissMonteCarlo
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Posted on Tue, Mar 06, 2007 01:07

Hmm in my opinion I'd find another. Although thats cause I find guys who are not very assertive, not that sexy. However, if you do really like him, maybe give him a second chance if he is pretty shy. sarah :-)


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shazbot82
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Posted on Mon, Mar 05, 2007 23:36

any man that has not asked out a woman by that age is some sort of social deficient. NOw that doesnt mean I think he is sick or anything.It does mean that he is lacking in NORMAL social skills and isnt likely to change.This would probably extend to any socializing considered normal, such as family gatherings. My own experience with a man just like this was an exercise in frustration and stupidity. Sep was it right,,if they are that blaise about doing the asking ,they are lazy about everything in the relationship. You will always be the one to ask, the one to pursue, the one to make all the decisions..in fact,,everything. Over time, that will lead to you questioning your attractiveness, your self esteem,,all that sort of thing. In hind sight,,I should have NEVER tried to make that man be with me, no matter how much I wanted him.He was happy to TAKE ,but rarely gave. Be his friend and leave it at that. Cut back on your calls and contact. Do not be so readily available when he calls. Back off. IF he misses you or wants you,,make him work for it. You will meet the man of your dreams on this job,,but its NOT this one. Good luck LL,,you deserve a man who IS "into you"


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sepelo7
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Posted on Mon, Mar 05, 2007 22:49

that sucks right I so don't get guys that are like that. I agree with you-the whole he's just not that into you. But if you really are into him, I would lay it out there. And tell them look I would like to try another datewith you sometime, but you're going to have to be the one to ask me out. Cause based off of the last try, I am not convinced you're into me that way. So tell me now if you want to be friends, or ask me out soon. That always works for me. At least I get my clear cut answer. Usually they do express their interest and ask me out but it never works out because they are too laid back about everything. I don't do 'laid back' men. haha Yeah and congrats on your new job :D


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