Member's Blog > Bambidag's blogs > Need a Laugh - Get Your Daily Quote
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Posted on Jan 17, 2007 at 12:07 AM

Okay - we all need to smile and giggle and laugh and roll on the floor until your face starts to hurt from laughing too much!!! So, post a funny quote.. it doesn't matter if you know who said it... post away. ************************************ "I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own." Woody Allen

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Posted on Mar 24, 2007 at 12:11 PM

Virgo hahaha.. A zebra does not change its spots. Al Gore

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Posted on Mar 24, 2007 at 10:05 AM

"I'm Al Gore and I used to be the next president of the United States ...Well you win some, you lose some, and then there's that little-known third catagory." Al Gore, delivering a speech at Harvard University

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Posted on Mar 24, 2007 at 09:48 AM

A guy walks into a post office one day and sees a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying the scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he approaches the balding man and asks him what he's doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

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Posted on Mar 21, 2007 at 08:07 PM

Quote of the Day IF HE SPREADS HIS WINGS ... THEN SET HIM FREE ... IF HE RETURNS ... THEN YOUR LOVE IS MEANT TO BE ... IF HE DOES NOT RETURN ... THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE NEVER UNTIED HIM FROM THE BEDPOST...

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Posted on Mar 17, 2007 at 05:52 PM

How many Irishmen does it take to change a light bulb? At least two. One holds the light bulb steady, everybody else drinks until the room spins.

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Posted on Mar 16, 2007 at 05:06 PM

A SPANISH teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. "House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa." "Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz" A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?" Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation. The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because: 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic; 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else; 3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it. ( THIS GETS BETTER!) The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because: 1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on; 2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves; 3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model. The women won.

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Posted on Mar 10, 2007 at 10:53 AM

WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws, and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid. Lisa is Blonde.

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Posted on Mar 04, 2007 at 01:30 PM

Hooterz your a Hoot!! Ya know what else Mae West says, but I need G or some other hot stud to be standing in front of me to quote her!!!

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Posted on Mar 04, 2007 at 12:48 PM

Top ten indicators that a redneck has been working on your computer 10. The monitor is up on blocks. 9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them. 8. The six front keys have rotted out. 7. The extra RAM slots have truck parts installed in them. 6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six. 5. The password is "Huntin". 4. The CPU has a gun rack mount. 3. There is a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive. 2. The keyboard is camouflaged. 1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter".

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Posted on Feb 19, 2007 at 06:26 PM

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with someone attractive for an hour, and it seems like a minute.....THAT'S relativity. Albert Einstein

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Posted on Feb 17, 2007 at 09:49 AM

A Willy joke - hahaha A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes its a gay bar. What the heck, he says to himself, I really want a drink. When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, Whats the name of your Willy? The cowboy says, Look, Im not into any of that. All I want is a drink. The gay waiter says, Im sorry but I cant serve you until you tell me the name of your Willy. Mine for instance is called NIKE, for the slogan Just Do It. That guy down at the end of the bar calls his SNICKERS, because It really satisfies. The cowboy looks dumbfounded, so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a beer, Hey bud, whats the name of yours? The man looks back and Says with a smile, TIMEX. The thirsty cowboy asks, Why Timex? The fella proudly replies, Cause it takes a lickin and keeps on tickin! A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fellas on his right, who happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, So what do you guys call yours? The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, FORD, because Quality is Job One. Then he adds, Have you Driven a Ford lately? The guy next to him then says, I call mine CHEVY ... Like a Rock, and gives a wink! Even more shaken, the cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his manhood. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, The name of my willy is SECRET. Now give me a beer. The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, Why Secret? The cowboy says, because its STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MEN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!

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Posted on Feb 07, 2007 at 12:01 AM

Morning??? what bill??? lol

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Posted on Feb 06, 2007 at 09:15 PM

Okay Bambi.. who got the bill? *LOL* never read this sort of blog AFTER you've taken a couple of tablets *LOL*

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Posted on Feb 06, 2007 at 07:52 PM

Most people who are as attractive, witty and intelligent as I am are usually conceited. Joan Rivers ---------- Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast. Oscar Wilde

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Posted on Feb 06, 2007 at 06:13 PM

Opt - that was cute.. speaking of temptation!! My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we decided to get married. My girlfriend. She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me. That one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight miniskirts, and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me, and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister calls and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she could not overcome and did not really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and could not say a word. She said, I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me. I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top, she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door, stepped out of the house and walked straight toward my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes, he hugged me and said, We are very happy you have passed our little test. We could not ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family! The moral of this story is..... Always keep your condoms in your car.

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Posted on Feb 06, 2007 at 08:03 AM

I can resist everything but temptation

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Posted on Feb 06, 2007 at 08:01 AM

Chinese proverb - Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

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Posted on Jan 31, 2007 at 07:39 AM

Ha, Ha - Nomad!! Good one The husband, tired of a listless sex life came right out and asked his wife during a recent love-making session, "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm ?" She looked him rite in the eye and said, "You're never home!"

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Posted on Jan 30, 2007 at 06:59 PM

Shortest love story: He asked 'Will you marry me?' She replied 'No.' He lived happily ever after.

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