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AsianAmericanIdol
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Posted on Sun, Jan 07, 2007 20:31

Like far too many others in here lately, my New Year's not starting out very well in the relationship department. James sent an email to me on New Year's Day to break up with me. The distance between us (a whopping 40 miles) is more than he's willing to drive anymore. He's already got two kids, so my child and I would be too much of a financial burden on him if we ever got married (this from a guy who claimed in his profile to make $75,000-$100,000). His parents are wealthy, and would croak if they ever found out he dated someone like me, whatever that's supposed to mean. Plus all the usual B.S. stuff a guy says when he wants to dump someone, but can't honestly say that she did anything wrong to deserve it. "I have never met anyone as kind and as sweet as you." "I don't want to be hurt by anyone." "I just don't have the feelings for you. I can't explain why, I just don't." "You are a super person and you'd make any guy a fine girlfriend or wife. You have been super to me, and I am the one who is coming up short." And so, inspired by Michael's response in the "proper etiquette when being stood up" blog, I wrote the following, not really intending to ever send it, but hey, it sure was fun writing it and THINKING about sending it. Dear James, You're wrong. I wasn't as super to you as you think I was. The day before the first time I was intimate with you, I was in bed with my previous bf, Mark. You were taking way too long to make a move, and frankly, I've got needs. How embarrassing for me to find out only after we were over that I was the first woman you'd had sex with in over a year, and that you actually thought we did it too soon. I thought you were taking it really slow because you weren't all that attracted to me or were already getting it somewhere else, and so I was making a 'pre-emptive strike.' Whoops, my bad. Though seeing how it all turned out, I guess I was right not to--to paraphrase Dorothy Parker--"put all my eggs in one bastard." And don't worry too much about me. Sure, I cried a little, but then I thought of how neither of us ever would have moved to be with the other person anyway, so this was probably doomed from the start. Well, that, and what a pathetic little winky you had. Then I called Mark and told him I was having a 'personal life setback' and needed to see him. He was in Kansas visiting his sister, so he didn't get my messages until the next day, but on the 2nd, he got them and came over. I thought I'd be venting about you to him, but a funny thing happened instead. Five minutes alone with him, and I was thinking, 'James Who?' We took a bubble bath together, then we went to my bedroom and I gave him a massage, and then, oh well, you can probably figure out the rest. Now he's suggesting that I find an apartment in his complex so we can see each other more. So it looks like in the end, my grieving over you lasted about as long as a 24-hour-bug, so I'll be fine. Goodbye, and have a nice life. Cecilia


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AsianAmericanIdol
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Posted on Sun, Jan 14, 2007 19:21

SunDiego, No, he wasn't 18, and if he was, I sure as heck wouldn't have been interested in him. This ain't "American Pie." I want a date to feel like a date, not a babysitting gig. He was actually 38, which yes, it is pretty pitiful that someone who's that old and that IS a parent is still worried about whether Mommy and Daddy might think the girl he's dating isn't rich enough or white enough.


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SunDiego24Seven
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Posted on Sun, Jan 14, 2007 15:51

Worried about what his parents would think? No way! How old was this guy? 18?


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AsianAura
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Posted on Thu, Jan 11, 2007 14:59

AAI, Now that you have a car, perhaps this new year will land you a new and better job. I've mentioned this to you before....you have much too much intelligence and talent to be working where you are. Concentrate and focus on finding your dream job, or at least, one that is deserving of your talents. Once you have accomplished that, the rest...(finding a great guy) will come easy. You'll have to trust me on this.


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AsianAmericanIdol
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Posted on Wed, Jan 10, 2007 20:25

AsianAura, I'd like to believe that as well, but each time, it gets that much harder to keep believing there are any decent single guys left out there. When I think of how many times I've gotten my hopes up just to have the rug pulled out from under me, it makes me want to just give up and say, "I need a man about as much as I need a breast reduction."


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AsianAura
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Posted on Wed, Jan 10, 2007 05:57

AAI, I'm sorry things didn't work out for you....I truly am. You are extremely attractive, very intelligent and an excellent writer (truly one of the best writers of MM) and I know in my heart, you will find the LOVE of your life soon. It really is true that you have to kiss a whole bunch of frogs before you'll meet your prince. I know I have!

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AsianAmericanIdol
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Posted on Mon, Jan 08, 2007 19:28

SweetestOne, I don?t know if it's so much that *I* pick the wrong guys (since I don't really initiate contact with men first online or ever ask them out IRL) as that I must be a "jerk magnet" or something, because that's all I seem to attract. I think someone once responded to a question about "Why do women seem to pick jerks over nice guys?" with "Because even the nice guys turn into jerks eventually anyway, so you might as well just skip the middle man." At least with Mark, I knew exactly what I was getting. Typical James compliment: "Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?" Typical Mark compliment (backhanded as usual): "How do you stay so slim? We both know you eat like a hog." Sepelo, Yes, I do still have a car, and I?ve got Mark to thank for that, since it was HIS vehicle, and he co-signed on the loan for me. It?s a good thing James never joked anything like, "You finally got a car after all this time and with YOUR credit? Who'd you have to sleep with to manage that?" Friends with benefits do come in handy sometimes. My best benefit's sitting out in the parking lot right now. Queenofyourdreams, Long story that I really only mentioned in one other blog, but I'd met some guy who FINALLY did all the things so many other men never did--returned calls on a timely basis, sometimes called just to say he was thinking of you, mentioned marriage other than in the context of "Been there, done that, never going there again!" sent flowers, complimented me all the time, and I was really starting to like him. He bails out two months into it, giving reasons that are all things he already knew before we even met (his schedule's too busy, I've got a kid, I live 40 miles away from him), so I guess that's why they say, "If it seems too good to be true, it probably is." XHeartNSoul/Lori, Yes, humor and venting in blogs like this is pretty much my main form of post-relationship therapy. It's a good thing no one can read minds, or it never would have lasted THIS long. I remember one time James was talking to me on the phone and saying how his ex-wife promised to help out with some dental expenses for their daughter and then went back on her word. "I've had it with my ex!" I practically had to bite my tongue not to say, "I've had it with my ex, too, only not in the same way you mean when you say you've had it with yours." Cassie, Supposedly Dorothy Parker said, "Serves me right for putting all my eggs in the wrong bastard" after getting an abortion. It, of course, was a play on the saying against "putting all your eggs in one basket," which is a general warning about pinning all your hopes on one person or course of action without having a backup plan. And I'm sure I'll be fine. I have about the same attitude toward men I date as I do toward pet fish or hamsters. "Enjoy them, but don't get TOO emotionally attached to them. They probably won't be around for very long." PaulineMaria, Well, right now I'm with someone kind of recycled, but if someone new and promising were to come along, I'd be free to go for it. I guess James might be an example of what happens when you've shared a little more of your inner self with someone than you probably should have in your writings. You're practically handing the enemy your playbook. He knows exactly how to act and what to say to feed into your romantic fantasies, but since it's a facade, he can only keep it up for about a month. SportsMark, Yeah, the whole dumping someone in an email instead of in person or even on the phone pretty much strikes me as the coward's way out as well. I can see it after a bad blind date or something like that, but it's tacky to do that to someone you were actually supposed to be dating seriously though. I guess the one good thing about us living in different cities is that we'll probably NEVER have to worry about accidentally running into the other person around town or anything like that.


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Posted on Mon, Jan 08, 2007 11:45

Hi Cecilia, Breaking up via email insn't my idea of a class act. Better that you move on as you are moving towards a long-term relationship rather than just fling(s). Wishing you the best; the year is still so young and you've got so much left to explore! Mark :)


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sepelo7
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Posted on Mon, Jan 08, 2007 04:33

youre a good lady. sorry bout this recent set back . .but hey you still have a car!


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