A NUN WAS SITTING AT THE AIRPORT, WAITING FOR HER FLIGHT TO CHICAGO.
SHE LOOKED OVER IN THE CORNER AND SAW ONE OF THOSE WEIGHT MACHINES THAT TELLS YOUR FORTUNE AND THOUGHT TO HERSELF, 'I'LL GIVE IT A TRY AND SEE WHAT IT TELLS ME.'
SHE WENT OVER TO THE MACHINE, STEPPED UP ON THE SCALE AND PUT HER NICKEL IN, OUT CAME A CARD THAT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, AND YOU ARE GOING TO CHICAGO .'
THE NUN SAT BACK DOWN. SHE TOLD HERSELF THAT THE MACHINE PROBABLY GIVES THE SAME CARD TO EVERYONE. THE MORE SHE THOUGHT ABOUT IT THE MORE CURIOUS SHE GOT SO SHE DECIDED TO TRY IT AGAIN SHE WENT BACK TO THE MACHINE AND AGAIN PUT HER NICKEL IN, AND OUT CAME A CARD THAT READ:
'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, YOU ARE GOING TO CHICAGO AND YOU ARE GOING TO PLAY A FIDDLE.'
THE NUN SAYS TO HERSELF, 'I KNOW THAT IS WRONG, I HAVE NEVER PLAYED A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT EVEN ONCE IN MY LIFE.' SHE SAT BACK DOWN.
FROM OUT OF NOWHERE A COWBOY CAME OVER AND SAT DOWN, PUTTING HIS FIDDLE CASE ON THE SEAT BETWEEN THEM. WITHOUT THINKING, SHE OPENED THE COWBOY'S CASE, TOOK OUT THE FIDDLE, AND STARTED PLAYING BEAUTIFUL MUSIC.
SURPRISED AT WHAT SHE HAD DONE, SHE LOOKED OVER AT THE MACHINE, THINKING, 'THIS IS INCREDIBLE, I'VE GOT TO TRY THIS AGAIN.'
BACK TO THE MACHINE SHE WENT, PUT IN ANOTHER NICKEL, AND ANOTHER CARD CAME OUT. IT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS , YOU ARE GOING TO CHICAGO AND YOU ARE GOING TO BREAK WIND.'
NOW SHE KNOWS THE MACHINE IS WRONG ,AS SHE THOUGHT TO HERSELF, 'I'VE NEVER BROKEN WIND IN PUBLIC A SINGLE TIME IN MY LIFE.' BUT GETTING DOWN OFF THE MACHINE SHE SLIPPED,AND AS SHE WAS STRAINING TO KEEP HERSELF FROM FALLING TO THE FLOOR, SHE BROKE WIND.
ABSOLUTELY STUNNED, SHE SAT BACK DOWN AND LOOKED AT THE MACHINE. SHE SAID TO HERSELF, 'THIS IS TRULY REMARKABLE. I'VE GOT TO TRY THIS AGAIN.'SHE WENT BACK TO THE MACHINE, PUT IN ANOTHER NICKEL AND ANOTHER CARD CAME OUT.
IT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, YOU HAVE FIDDLED AND FARTED AROUND AND MISSED YOUR FLIGHT TO CHICAGO '
What is the difference between girls/women aged 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68, and 78?
You take her to bed and tell her a story
You tell her a story and take her to bed
You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed
She tells you a story and takes you to bed
She tells you a story to avoid going to bed
You stay in bed to avoid her story
If you take her to bed, that'll be a story
What story? What bed? Who the hell are you?
It appears that those of us who have chosen not to be "preferred members" (mostly "old timers") don't seem to be getting replies, responses or any interaction here lately... why is that? Although we appear 'delayed' on our posts, we are still here otherwise and have input but don't want to PAY for the BS of MM we can deal with for free... so, why would we waste money dealing with fonts, IM's or emails if it's they aren't anything we did with regularity? It's much easier on the flip-side!!! What's the diff? We're still here, we're still posting and we're still pumping red blood!!!!
So... please explain the separation!!!!!!!!!
Many years ago when I began here before several breaks, I met a bunch of wonderful men and women. One of whom lives in Santiago, Chile! As there is likely no phone, cell or wifi currently available and/or jammed packed, nobody has heard from her. Although I am confident she is fine, please help me pray for she and her family! As well as those who may be affected by the tsunami's threatening the coast from the tip of South America UP TO OREGON! and over to the pacific rim.
So far in Chile, to the hour, there have been 11 aftershocks. The original quake was 8.8 and the aftershocks have ranged from that ONLY down to 6.9. Devastating!!!!
I wish the best for everyone suffering from this terrible tragedy. Fortunately for Chile, they have a sound infrastructure and government and the regional office of the Red Cross in Santiago. Hopefully the recovery and repair will be swift and efficient!
OK, I'm going to be laid up for a while and would really like to come to some entertaining blogs. Although I value people's opinions, and the course of how some of these blogs have been expressed, please share something new and exciting that may be going on in your life or a new joke or something that we can all be refreshed by. I need a good laugh!!!
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.
"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs , "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic.
They ultimately decided that the rectum should be the boss...
The Moral of the story?
Even though the others do all the work, the @$$hole is usually in charge!!!
...Even here on the MM site. Let's bring this back into perspective... We may have our own opinions of what we deal with as individuals, and this blog may rub some people the wrong way but I will stand firm on my ground to state that if we do not fight for our rights, nor do we believe enough in ourselves and the protections we are afforded, how do we ever expect to passify or reverse the discriminatory behaviors many people bring up over and over again, whether here or in their "real" lives. If you feel you are unprotected, you likely are bringing it upon yourself by making it the forefront of WHO YOU ARE, not what you are allowed in our FREE society. Maybe by spelling out some of these allowances, you can reconsider your position / opinion and start working on change instead of holding on to morals and misconceptions that were legally eliminated in this country over 40 years ago and upheld in every instance presented to the Supreme Court of our country, whether gender-based or racially oriented.
I, for one, am tired of the excuses everybody uses! If you don't like it, change it but don't impose your misconceptions and disbeliefs onto those of us who have worked hard to uphold our rights as a human being in this country because you don't feel you're being treated fairly. Yes, I'm white, but I'm also a female and I have many "minority" friends who never pull the race or gender or gay card. We live life freely and as we are allowed to within the limitations of our Constitution.
IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck
(written after she found out she was dying from cancer).
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, 'Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.' There would have been more 'I love you's' More 'I'm sorry's.'
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute. Look at it and really see it . . live it and never give it back. STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!!
Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what
Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.
A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.
As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.
Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off! *****
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
Free your heart from hatred - Forgive. Free your mind from worries - Most "worries" actually never happen. Live simply and appreciate what you have. Give more. Expect less
Enough of that crap. The donkey later came back, and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him.
The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock..
MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:
When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.
I don't know if these numbers are correct, but the very thought of anyone feeling they are more deserving than the next simply because of a tragedy is so unAmerican and too disgusting for words.
I think the vast differences in compensation between victims of the September 11 casualty and those who die serving our country in Uniform are profound. No one is really talking about it either, because you just don't criticize anything having to do with September 11. Well, I can't let the numbers pass by because it says something really disturbing about the entitlement mentality of this country. If you lost a family member in the September 11 attack, you're going to get an average of $1,185,000. The range is a minimum guarantee of $250,000, all the way up to $4..7 million.
If you are a surviving family member of an American soldier killed in action, the first check you get is a $6,000 direct death benefit, half of which is taxable. Next, you get $1,750 for burial costs. If you are the surviving spouse, you get $833 a month until you remarry. And there's a payment of $211 per month for each child under 18. When the child hits 18, those payments come to a screeching halt.
Keep in mind that some of the people who are getting an average of $1.185 million up to $4.7 million are complaining that it's not enough. Their deaths were tragic, but for most, they were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Soldiers put themselves in harms way FOR ALL OF US, and they and their families know the dangers. (Actually, soldiers are put in harms way by politicians and commanding officers.)
We also learned over the weekend that some of the victims from the Oklahoma City bombing have started an organization asking for the same deal that the September 11 families are getting. In addition to that, some of the families of those bombed in the embassies are now asking for compensation as well.
You see where this is going, don't you? Folks, this is part and parcel of over 50 years of entitlement politics in this country. It's just really sad. Every time a pay raise comes up for the military, they usually receive next to nothing of a raise. Now the green machine is in combat in the Middle East while their families have to survive on food stamps and live in low-rent housing. Make sense?
However, our own US Congress voted themselves a raise. Many of you don't know that they only have to be in Congress one time to receive a pension that is more than $15,000 per month. And most are now equal to being millionaires plus. They do not receive Social Security on retirement because they didn't have to pay into the system. If some of the military people stay in for 20 years and get out as an E-7, they may receive a pension of $1,000 per month, and the very people who placed them in harm's way receives a pension of $15,000 per month.
I would like to see our elected officials pick up a weapon and join ranks before they start cutting out benefits and lowering pay for our sons and daughters who are now fighting .
If you go onto a person's profile and try to read the comments posted by others and it says "removed?" Does the user of the profile delete the comments or does that mean the poster is no longer there? Would that be a red flag?
This is an event taking place at the top of the resort where I ski patrol. I believe there are over 80 couples participating this year. Gives new meaning to "White Wedding." :) span>
Loveland's 19th Annual
-Marry Me & Ski Free-
Valentine's Day - February 14th 2010
The Mountaintop Wedding is for couples getting married or renewing their vows and takes place at 12pm sharp outside the Ptarmagin Roost Cabin, elevation 12,050 feet. The Ptarmigan Roost cabin is located at the top of Chair #2 at Loveland Basin. Couples are required to sign-in the morning of the event and are asked to be at the Ptarmagin Roost Cabin by 11:30am the morning of the event. The chairlift ride is approximately 12 minutes.
PARTICIPANTS AND GUESTS MUST BE ABLE TO RIDE THE LIFT UP TO THE TOP AND THEN SKI OR SNOWBOARD DOWN THE HILL IN ORDER TO ATTEND THE CEREMONY. THERE WILL BE NO TRANSPORTATION UP OR DOWN THE MOUNTAIN FOR NON-SKIERS/SNOWBOARDERS.
The ceremony is a ¿mass wedding¿ done for all couples at the same time and lasts approximately 30 minutes. At the conclusion of the ceremony, all participants and guests will ski or snowboard down the mountain for a casual after party with cake, music and prizes. The runs leading back to the base area from this point are beginner and intermediate. The after party will start at 1:30pm at the base of Loveland Basin. Due to the high volume of traffic anticipated on this Valentine's Day, lunch will not be included in this year's event.
Participating couples that complete the pre-registration form (below) will be eligible for the $59 ¿2 for 1¿ lift tickets the day of the event. Pre-registered couples will also be eligible to purchase 2-for-1 lunches for $11 including two $11 vouchers good at any Loveland Cafeteria outlet (alcohol excluded). Wedding cake, raffle tickets and beer coupons will be provided complimentary for pre-registered couples. Pre-registration ends on February 12, 2010.
Guests are NOT eligible for the 2 for 1 offer. Individual lift tickets will be $59 the day of the event. Guests will be eligible to purchase a lunch package including an $11 lunch voucher, 2 beer coupons and wedding cake at the after party. These packages will be available for purchase at morning check in.
Couples getting married are required to obtain a valid Colorado Marriage License and need to bring it with them to the ceremony to be signed.
Couples are encouraged to dress in appropriate ¿ski-wedding¿ attire as there will be a prize for the best dressed couple. Please keep in mind that The Ptarmagin Roost Cabin is located at 12,050 feet and that dressing warmly is important even on a sunny day. The wedding will not be rescheduled because of snow or cold weather, so be prepared!
... for this unfortunate tragedy before the competition begins... I have seen the video of the accident and thank GOD (if that's possible) for being on the receiving end as a ski patroller... I have shed tears for this man and his family....................
If you haven't heard:
The games are beginning on a sad note, following the death of Georgian Luger (Sledder) Nodar Kumaritashvili during practice earlier Friday.
The 21-year-old was approaching the final turn on the twisting track when he crashed and was thrown from his sled, smashing his head against a metal pole. He was hurtling at nearly 145 kilometers per hour at the time (88 mph American).
Competitors have exceeded 145-kilometers per hour on the track, and several Olympians recently have questioned its safety.
The president of the International Olympic Committee, Jacques Rogge, said the accident affected the entire Olympic family. Despite the death of Kumaritashvili, Georgian officials say their country's athletes will stay and compete.
They have noted this is allegedly the "hardest track" EVER in the olympics thus far...
Please say your prayers!
It will be like this for many competitors as they have had to IMPORT snow from around the world due to the lack of snowfall in our/their region.... Please pray for them ALL!!!!!
I have to put this out here as it's been weighing on my mind for a few weeks.
As many of you may remember, my relationship with my mother was strained for many, many years. In the meantime I was able to grow my relationships with my two brothers, who both now reside in California... Both are now married and happy daddy's (which I'm thrilled about). However, now their relationships are strained with my mother because of their WIVES!!!! Granted, my mother is not an easy one to understand, let alone get along with... If you ever watch Two and a Half Men... well, their mother is a PRIZE compared to mine...
Anyhow, I am not terribly fond of either sister-in-law after many years of trying and really soul-searching in an effort to not alienate myself from my brothers. I feel I have succeeded with one, but the other's wife... well, let's just say she's a REAL piece of work... Typical "wanna-be" Hollywood type (yes, my brother works in Hollywood). Well, my brother has FORBIDDEN her to speak directly with my mother, even if he's in the room with her, or reply to her "notoriously nasty" emails... At first I was OK with this... HOWEVER, he allows her to speak with OUR father once or twice a week by phone or Skype yet my mother has YET to hear from her since leaving the country for her winter in Mexico. Um.... does that sound FAIR? I mean, I can understand not wanting to feel on the offensive with my mother, but COME ON... she has a right to speak with her if dad does, doesn't she??? Can grandma not speak with grand-daughter with any frequency, let alone at ALL???
To put the icing on my bitter cake, my father has been planning a ski trip out here in March and, in the process, will be staying with me for a few days. So, I get an email yesterday to approve his itinerary... Denver, Denver, where's Denver... OH, it's under Los Angeles... Needless to say, the schedule didn't work with mine due to school and exams but NOBODY told me he was going to go to or come from LA either... WT????? UM... am I over-reacting to learn that they were planning around THEIR schedules and not even mentioning LA to me? She works 3 days per week and otherwise spends my brother's money like it was water... what schedule does SHE have to work on.... UGH!!!! Sorry...
Is it wrong for me to NOT want this woman calling MY father "DAD?" I'm just not sure how to feel about this... Offended, defensive, bitter???? I mean it's MY family, not hers... Is that selfish? I think so but I'm not sure as I'm typically a pretty even-spirit but she really has the juices flowing!!!!!
HELP!!!! Please, be honest, I don't know how to approach my brother OR my dad on how I feel about all of this. I don't know how to tell my mother that my brother has "forbidden" wifey-poo to speak with her, putting her relationship with both he and her grand-daugher (and soon to be grand-son) in jeopardy....
Whoops, just looked at the time, have to run but please share, I'm sure I'll have more thoughts on this later as well....
Recent studies of the "science" of love have determined through fMRIs (functional magnetic resonance images) that love, specifically romance, is as real as the sex drive. In her words, Love is not really an emotion, rather a drive ¿ as important as the maternal instinct or the sex drive. It comes from the parts of the brain associated with motivation. Romantic love is probably stronger than the sex drive. It¿s harder to control. You can turn off the sexual urge, it¿s very hard to turn off romantic love. In the grip of romantic love, you can commit suicide or homicide, or stalk somebody, or fall into an intense clinical depression.¿
How real is it? Measurably real.
Science has blamed dopamine (a naturally-produced chemical that serves as a neurotransmitter in the brain, and a neurohormone released by the hypothalamus) for the ¿nuisance¿ of love within human reality. It is believed to be responsible for all the dramas we go through within the clasp of romantic love. When our subjects look at a photograph of their sweetheart, one of the main parts of the brain that lights up is the ventral tegmental area, a tiny little region that makes dopamine and sprays it around the brain. Dopamine is a natural stimulant. It gives you ecstasy. It gives you focused attention. It gives you motivation and goal-oriented behavior. It¿s associated with arousal and, at very high levels, anxiety and fear. The hypothesis, which the fMRIs support, is that dopamine is the driving force behind the energy and arousal and attention that are all a part of love. Dopamine is also associated with all the addictions. When you take cocaine, dopamine soars. Alcohol, Nicotine, Morphine ¿ they all elevate levels of dopamine.
This discovery has incited both positive and negative responses. Unfortunately, the heavier side lies upon the negative response. How come? The way many people see it, ¿Love¿ seemed to have been reduced from the infinite heavens into the murky soil of the mundane Earth - due to this sudden dopamine-awareness.
People¿s hopes for the bliss and eternal happiness that ¿only heaven knows of¿ have now become some April Fool¿s Day prank. Love has turned itself into a disgraceful characteristic; an animalistic, primitive trait that ought to be punished with humiliation. Like other instinctually-based traits, love, due to dopamine's presence, has become as barbaric and primeval as impulse ¿ we have come to perceive it as something only animals give in to.
Moreover, the courage, creativity, and depth that stems out of love has suddenly become impersonal. We, humans, feel disconnected with the passion that yearns to erupt out of 'love', for suddenly, it seems like it doesn¿t belong to us. It seems like we don¿t belong to ourselves.
However, do realize that it is dangerous to base the truth from a single source, let alone a purely-objective field of study. After all, ¿love¿ is anything but objective. Henceforth, ¿love¿ shall now be comprehended in an artistic manner.
We have the canvass... Then, we lay out the foundations. These foundations shall funnel the depths of our intended piece. It is where the beauty of our work ultimately falls. It is where, when everything else is stripped off from the painting, this layer prevails ¿ impenetrable and ceaselessly existent ¿ no matter what disturbance taps upon it.
This is a logical perception of ¿fate¿, or ¿truth¿. Most significantly - of true love. Just what is this foundation? Why, it is the innermost state of being that occurs to a person whenever he/she is in the presence of his/her ¿soul counterpart¿. In other words, it is that bliss which a person experiences in the midst of the person he/she loves most.
We, humans, might acknowledge it ("that rare state of being") as the mere outcome of dopamine release. But, may we please look beneath the dopamine? How can dopamine, first and foremost, extrude out of the hypothalamus? What triggers it? And what triggers that trigger?
It all ends up in the foundation, the first layer that has been ¿photoshopped¿. It is not physical. It is not even chemical. What is it? Only the purest state, of course. Physical, when reduced, becomes chemical. Chemical, then, becomes spiritual. Spiritual, finally, endures as the existential.
Now this existential/spiritual state of being is responsible for the depth of a feeling, the breadth of a sentiment, the fire of a touch, the creativity borne out of a certain reactivity, and most importantly, the reason one has for existing. Though we, the surface layer, cannot see the root of all these, it seems we¿re fated to just experience such things as human beings. And dopamine is actually just the second surface of the entire artwork.
Dopamine is not the end all-be all of love. That statement is just another human excuse.
When you communicate with others, what's your style: aggressive, passive, or assertive? All styles of communication are useful in certain situations, but using any one style at the wrong time or overusing it can cause problems. See the descriptions below to determine whether one of these styles is your primary method for communicating:
Aggressive style: You tend to believe that you know best. You often feel that you need to "stand your ground" against the opinions of others. You may not understand other people's feelings or may not think that they are as important as your own, and you may expect others to know what you need or want. You often feel emotionally isolated or cut off from others.
Passive style: You avoid conflict at all costs, and you have trouble asserting your point of view. You may believe or act as if other people's feelings are more important than yours. You may downplay what you really think or feel, pretending that it isn't important even when you believe it is. You often feel taken advantage of and have a hard time saying no to others. You may feel anger at someone, but find it difficult to express your anger or confront the person directly.
Assertive style: You demonstrate an understanding of the needs, wishes, feelings, thoughts, desires, and opinions of others while being able to state your own views and opinions in a healthy, respectful manner. You can empathize with what another person is feeling without giving up your own opinions and beliefs. You feel comfortable communicating how you feel, and can do so in a way that builds respect and trust and fosters cooperation. You feel understood, and you feel you can understand others.
The way we communicate with our spouses, family, friends, and coworkers can play a big role in our efforts to get healthy. If you communicate too aggressively, you may be missing out on valuable input and support from others. If you communicate too passively, you may not be able to put your needs on an equal footing with the needs of others.
Often, the best approach to communication is an assertive one. This week, analyze your communication style and think about how it may be affecting your weight-management goals. Strive for a healthy, assertive style when appropriate, and try to break communication habits that aren't working for you.