So, uh... who wants to come to my holiday party with me, in February?
Yes, I said holiday party. My company is so afraid of offending people that we are not allowed to have a Christmas party. Even speaking as a half-breed Jew, I think that's kind of weird and more than a little sad. Of course, for all I know, they're just trying to get the cheap prices. We all know that Christmas/New Years celebrations come at a premium cost. Supply and demand.
Anyway, back to the point. I need a date for this thing. Male or female, I don't care. (It might actually be more funny if my bosses suspect I am a lesbian! Let's feed the rumor mill!) Just someone to sit with, have a cocktail or five, laugh about the saleswenches getting wasted and falling out of their dresses, eat a good meal on the company dime- and then dance our butts off!
I don't know the exact day yet, I'll keep ya posted. Any takers?
I have been blog bumping pretty ardently for the past ten minutes or so. I wanted to show some of the newbies what the blogs COULD be like (what they used to be like), if we were able to just let some things go and move forward.
I apologize to anyone positive that got moved down the board, that was not my intention. But rehashing all of the old drama is getting pretty old.
"Hi, my name is Lauren, and I am a blog bumper. And dammit, I am unashamed!"
Think what you like. Just friggin' go with it.
I don't like white cars. I have no idea why. Same goes for books with dust jackets. I eat all the chocolate off of Snickers bars before I eat the stuff inside. I cross myself whenever an emergency vehicle passes. I call people darlin' all the time- even at work. I am one of those people that has to "fix" others when they have a stray hair on their clothing or their collar is crooked. Slightly OCD, I know...
What are your odd little quirks?
When I was a little girl, I never wanted to pretend to be a bride. All of my friends would strut around with white towels strapped to their heads and I would be playing in the dirt with some weird bug I found in the backyard. I never understood the appeal of Prince Charming and a veil.
I have only recently come to the realization that, yes- I want to get married. No, not today, not tomorrow... But someday. I've finally started fantasizing about what it will be like to put on a beautiful white dress, share a wonderful day with my closest family and friends and pledge my utter love and devotion to the as-yet-unnamed love of my life. I get it now. Haven't strapped a towel to my head yet, but maybe I'll have to give it a try sometime...
If you have had a wedding, what was it like? If you haven't, or would like another, what do you want it to be? Tell us about your dream day!
Have you ever seen Legally Blonde 2? Great movie, not as good as Legally Blonde One, but still pretty damn funny!
They talked about this concept called The Snap Cup- you write a compliment about someone down on a piece of paper and slip it into a cup. Then you pull the slips from the cup and read them to the group. Snap! I reintroduce it for your viewing pleasure here.
I'll go ahead and start:
Hey September! You rock my world, big sis! Funny, smart, funny, sweet, effervescent and funny some more. I have such a great time with you, girl! We WILL get you in a Winnebago at some point, no use in fighting it!
Who's next? Anyone else have something good to say?
Lesson of the Day: Homonyms are My Friend!
Learn it. Live it. Love it.
Today, boys and girls, we are going to discuss HOMONYMS. For those of you that don?t know, these tricky little buggers are words that SOUND alike but have very different meanings and are spelled differently than you might think- as evidenced by some of your posts! In fact, the word HOMONYM comes from the Latin root words homo, meaning same and nym meaning name! Same name! They sound the same! (Yes, that?s right- homo also like homosexual. Go ahead and giggle, children. Are you done?)
Here we are going to cover some of the basics:
To = preposition used in indicating placement, position or a state of consciousness
Ex. Trey321 is going TO get all the women while Healey is gone!
Too = adverb, meaning also, in addition or more
Ex. If Will would lose that Esther chick, he would get a lot of play TOO!
Two= noun indicating a numeric value
Ex. I wonder if even TWO people will read this?
Ok, kids. Let?s get ambitious here and put it all together. You ready?
September1998 thinks she is TOO cool TO go TWO hours in a Winnebago.
Now let?s move on to another.
Here = adverb used to indicate placement or presence
Ex. Millionaire Match is great; I have met a lot of wonderful people HERE.
Hear = verb used to indicate auditory recognition or to listen with favor
Ex. Lovelylotus HEARs voices in her head late at night.
Ok, kiddies, this next one is pretty difficult.
There = adverb meaning in or at that place
Ex. AmandaRenee is all the way over THERE in Texas.
Their = pronoun, indicative of possession
Ex. CaptainG and Lady Dee are so together, even THEIR names rhyme!
They?re = contraction of they are
Ex. AsianAura and ScorpioBeautie are so beautiful and fun- THEY?RE intimidating!
Your = pronoun used to indicate singular possessive
Ex. ShortnSweet22, I returned YOUR book a few days ago.
You?re = contraction of you are
Ex. Cateyes, YOU?RE going to be very happy to see November, aren?t you? ??
And that concludes the lesson for today. Those of you that need it, read it! Those of you that don?t, God bless you for listening to your English teachers. Those of you that think I am being a total b*tch about this, remember it?s just a joke!
Next up- Periods and Commas: Yes, There Really Is a Difference!
So... I am sitting with my mother today, reading the newspaper, when she hands me a stack of papers she has printed from the internet.
This is no surprise, as it happens all the time. Usually, she wants me to read some news article about a blonde 23 year old girl that got kidnapped/killed/raped/robbed (because of course, if I go out without the mace, it will happen to me!), she wants to start a political debate of some sort, or she found an article on the hospitality industry, something to help me in my career. This is not a problem, I like that she wants my opinion on issues and I appreciate the constant education she throws my way. As for the "warning" stories, well... she cares and it's both irritating and sweet.
No, the problem was today's content. My mother handed me... several different articles on DATING. Like it was her way of gently saying, "Lauren, you're mucking up this whole man thing, why don't you let the geniuses help you out a bit."
Ouch. Oooh. I don't think she had any idea how much that killed me. When I asked her about it, something along the lines of, "And you think I need this because...?" she just shrugged and said, "I've been out of the game so long, my advice won't help, so I thought I would do a little research for you." Double ouch.
Well, I read the darn things and one article talked about how you shouldn't be too proud to accept help once in a while. This, I agree with. A lot of you know that I have no problem asking for advice when I need it. So that's what I'm doing here- creating a blog where you can tell me your dating do's and don'ts and hell, even talk about your hot, single neighbor. We don't have to limit the dating arena to MM, I am not too proud to date "this guy, that knows my second cousin."
Really, I just wanted to take the opportunity to share my embarrassment. I am laughing as I type this, but it still kind of irks me a bit. So, uh... if anyone has any mom-tested suggestions for me, I am all ears.
We seem to have a recurring theme here on the blog boards. People we have come to call friends are leaving in droves, accusations and anger abound, and everyone keeps talking about how they are tired of all of the negativity.
We are all vastly different individuals, with different belief systems and principles. That's ok. The past few days have proven that we are not going to change anyone's minds. One fo the few things we seem to have in common is a stubborn streak. That's ok too. We can agree to disagree.
Think about this- if we were all in a big room together, socializing, flirting, drinking, etc. would we be behaving this way? Would we have the audacity to say some of the things that have been said? I would like to think not. I would like to think that we have better manners than all that. Correct me if I am wrong. Maybe this is just some naive hope on my part.
I have kept quiet on these more controversial topics. I usually do when the sh*t hits the fan, because I try not to judge. But I will not stay silent any longer. I do not, however, speak up in order to choose sides. Instead, I issue a challenge to you all.
You're tired of the fighting and name-calling? Tired of the troll obsession, tired of being attacked? Then put your money where your mouth is. MAKE IT BETTER! Post a blog about your favorite article of clothing. Comment on the origins of humanity. Bump up the blogs that make you smile. I don't care. Just make a positive contribution.
Dwelling on the issue won't help. It will only serve to remind everyone of the pain and anger that has brought us to this point. If we aren't moving forward, we are moving backward. And no one wants that.
Please. Think about it.
I used to frequent the bar scene. My friends and I would walk into one of our favorite spots, the one where the bartender always knew to put a double vodka tonic in front of me without my having to ask. Some nights, a man would approach, we would begin talking, flirtation would abound, he would ask for my number at the end of the night and he would call a few days later. Most of the time, anyway.
I don't go to bars very frequently anymore- it's just not as fun as it used to be. I am growing up, I have different goals and dreams than I used to. None of them involve partying until I drop. Someday my child will ask me, "How did you and Daddy meet?" I refuse to tell him/her, "Well, sweetie, Mommy was hammered and Daddy threw up on her shoes. It was such a magical night!"
That brings me to my question. How does one meet someone, without the liquid courage, the mood lighting, the easy pick up lines? ("Can I buy you a drink?" or "Got a light?" being the ubiquitous favorites) Online doesn't seem to be working for me. My mother tells me to try bookstores, but people seem to go there to... buy books or something. Strange, I know. At church, the men are either married or... the pastor.
How do you meet the love of your life? Seriously- any ideas will be considered. I'll even give you a progress report. Just give me suggestion, I am fresh out of inspiration!
I believe that the man that sees my brain as my largest erogenous zone is the man that will have my heart.
I believe that sweaters are not meant to be worn by animals. Evolution gave your dog a protective coat. He does not need to accessorize.
I believe that a real friend is not always the first in line to offer advice. A real friend is the one that knows that sometimes, you just need someone to listen.
I believe that a big heart is more important than big breasts- or a small waist.
I believe that every once in a while, you have to dance in the rain. You will not melt, not unless you are the Wicked Witch of the West.
I believe that you should always tell someone if they have something stuck in their teeth. Might be embarrasing for a moment, but you are probably saving that person from further embarassment down the road.
I believe that God is everywhere you choose to see Him. Her. It. It is Allah, found in the piss-soaked wino on the street corner. It is a newborn Yahweh, being held by an exhausted, labor weary mother. It is Krishna in the wind. It is Jesus. It is Buddha. It is in your backyard. It is love.
I believe that Bluetooth headsets should be outlawed. I hate it when I think someone is talking to me and I respond- and then find out that they are on the phone with their mother. Do they do that on purpose?
I believe that people are paid to serve others, not be others' servants.
I believe that trolls are only as powerful as you allow them to be.
I believe that celebrities should only be allowed to express their opinion on the following things: make-up, movies they are in, songs they have sung and the other celebrities they are dating. I do not have a personal assistant, I do not have Lindsay Lohan on speed dial, and I have never been to the Oscars. My reality is not your reality. Therefore, your political views have little to no meaning to me.
I believe that fate is inevitable and destiny is earned.
I believe... that I am finished.
Anyone else have anything to add? What do you believe?
I can't seem to reply to your last post, so I will say here that I have always enjoyed your blogs, found you to be a reasonable and kind man.
I think your perspective on what is going on around the blogs is the most astute assessment I have seen thus far. I admire you for having the courage to say it.
You will be missed. I wish you the best of luck in your quest for truth and love. Of course, you must always remember that the most important answer to life's questions is 42...
Since Chanukkah is drawing to a close soon, I thought I would throw this out there!
Every year between the end of November and the end of December, Jewish people around the world celebrate the holiday of Chanukah, the Festival of Lights. Chanukah begins on the 25th day of the Hebrew month of Kislev, but the starting date on the western calendar varies from year to year. The holiday celebrates the events which took place over 2,300 years ago in the land of Judea, which is now Israel
Long ago in the land of Judea there was a Syrian king, Antiochus. The king ordered the Jewish people to reject their G-d, their religion, their customs and their beliefs and to worship the Greek gods. There were some who did as they were told, but many refused. One who refused was Judah Maccabee
Judah and his four brothers formed an army and chose as their name the word "Maccabee", which means hammer. After three years of fighting, the Maccabees were finally successful in driving the Syrians out of Israel and reclaimed the Temple in Jerusalem. The Maccabees wanted to clean the building and to remove the hated Greek symbols and statues. On the 25th day of the month of Kislev, the job was finished and the temple was rededicated
When Judah and his followers finished cleaning the temple, they wanted to light the eternal light, known as the N'er Tamid, which is present in every Jewish house of worship. Once lit, the oil lamp should never be extinguished
Only a tiny jug of oil was found with only enough for a single day. The oil lamp was filled and lit. Then a miracle occurred as the tiny amount of oil stayed lit not for one day, but for eight days
Jews celebrate Chanukah to mark the victory over the Syrians and the rededication of the Jerusalem Temple. The Festival of the Lights, Chanukah, lasts for eight days to commemorate the miracle of the oil. The word Chanukah means "rededication"
In America, families celebrate Chanukah at home. They give and receive gifts, decorate the house, entertain friends and family, eat special foods, and light the holiday menorah
-from holiday dot net
Every year, my dad and I make baskets for our friends and family. We fill them with jellies and jams, chocolate covered pretzels, fudge, cookies. Everything is handmade and delicious, but the most wonderful part is the time I get to spend with my father, laughing and slaving over a hot stove.
My mother and stepfather and I open our Christmas presents together on late Christmas Eve, a tradition that began when joint custody arrangements meant that I spent Christmas morning with my dad, and now because hotels never close, and I always seem to be on duty Christmas Day. (I still contend that it had a lot to do with the fact that my mother is like a little kid about opening presents- she can't wait!) We make hot chocolate, put on "It's A Wonderful Life" or "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas" and exclaim over the gifts of the season. Family, togetherness, and of course, the material stuff- I like presents, what can I say? :)
Every year, sometime during the week after New Years' we all go to a local children's home and distribute gifts and play with and read to the kids.
We go to my grandmothers house and pick up all of the free make-up and skin care samples she has accumulated throughout the year and we take them to a battered womens' shelter. These poor women love to feel beautiful- heaven knows they have been told they are not often enough!
Then we go to the homeless shelter my uncle directs and he tells us how many men they have with them at that time. We can't give them cookies or just any food- you have to keep a very close eye on their nutrition, so we bring coats and scarves and hot showers for all of them.
Why do we do this AFTER Christmas? To remind all of us that giving is a year-round thing. It's a great start to the New Year.
I see The Nutcracker every year, I bake and cook and go to the office holiday parties. All because of tradition, to carry on the simple things that bring joy to my family and myself. Someday I will have a family of my own and I will do the same things with my children.
What are your favorite holiday traditions? What do you do that your children will remember forever? What makes the season so special for you?
This is one of those email forward things that I usually hate. This one, I love! So... I reposted it for your viewing pleasure.
What is love????...Children can answer better than most adults when it comes to love.
The answers they gave were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:
"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."
"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
Karl - age 5
"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
Chrissy - age 6
"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
Terri - age 4
"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
Danny - age 7
"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"
Emily - age 8
"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)
"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"
Nikka - age 6 (we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)
"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."
Noelle - age 7
"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."
Tommy - age 6
"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.
He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."
Cindy - age 8
"My mommy loves me more than anybody
You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."
Clare - age
"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."
"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."
Chris - age 7
"Love is when your puppy licks your
face even after you left him alone all day."
Mary Ann - age 4
"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
Lauren - age 4
"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (what an image)
Karen - age 7
"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross."
Mark - age 6
"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget." Jessica - age 8
And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge.
The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.
The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.
Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.
When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,
"Nothing, I just helped him cry"
Love is a year-round thing. Hope you enjoy this!
Dear Lord, it was the worst date ever. He talked incessantly (keep in mind we were at a "listening venue" and announcements were made to that effect), told boring stories, (at one point, he even apologized for telling a story because it was pointless- then why continue telling it??) the wait staff and manager saw my pain and kept interrupting us so I could talk to normal people (How do I know this? When he went to the bathroom one of the waitresses clued me in to the fact that they were "protecting" me)He got into a fight with the bartender over me, he denigrated a waitress, and then wanted a kiss at my front door. Oh ick!
Sorry to go on and on, but I needed to vent. I am seriously disgusted, I actually considered joining a convent at one point tonight.
Where are the decent men??????
So, I like to play this game with people I don't know very well, called "The Question Game." Original title, I know. You take turns asking ridiculous questions and all parties answer them. Here are a few of my faves...
If you could have any superpower, what would you choose?
If a movie was made of your life, who would be the star?
If you were a flavor of ice cream, what would you be and why?
If you had a dinner party and could invite anyone to it, dead or alive, who would you invite?
If you had to go without sex or food for the rest of your life, what would you choose?
Just a few odd questions to kick off some fun- and get to know each other a little better (the questions are actually pretty telling) if anyone has anymore, feel free to add!
So... I have a birthday coming up in about a month and a half. Not a milestone birthday or anything (darn it, I STILL can't rent a car!) I am yet another year older, though not necessarily wiser.
I'm starting to feel old. Lindsay Lohan and the teen dream squad is younger than me. I can no longer date the hot high school senior that works at my health club- he is jailbait and therefore off-limits. To say nothing of his icky Halo obsession. I am in the working world, have been for a few years now and months upon months go by without any vacations. The other day at work, I looked at this punk rollerblading through the lobby of my hotel and I actually used the phrase "When I was his age, I would have NEVER gotten away with that!" Worst of all, I no longer get carded. For anything. Sh#@%^&@!
So why is it that every time I talk about how I feel old, I get this look, like I am losing my mind? I feel how I feel, people. And I no longer feel like a lithe young high schooler. Mostly because I'm not. Sure, I am still young- but I feel my age crashing around me like a tidal wave of dentures, Depends and IRA accounts. I'm not there yet, but I know it's coming.
It has finally hit me- I am going to grow old, God willing. I am going to get married, have children, watch them get married, retire, have grandchildren, get gray hairs, and buy an old boat of a car I can barely drive.
This is so strange- can anyone else smell the mothballs?