Posted on Sat, Dec 16, 2006 00:00
Many women are confused about what information is appropriate and the profile entry calls for when an online peronsals profile form asks "What are you looking for in a relationship? (Describe your ideal match.)"
The purpose of the questions in an on-line profile on a personals site is to facilitate filtering. To distinguish few amongst many.
Men generally are not confused when they read that particular question. I think that is representative of a different mindset in their quest.
Men imagine what the person they want will be like. Thus they tend to describe characteristics of the person. In contrast, women imagine what the experience will be like with the person they hope to find. In doing so, they tend to give characteristics of the expererience.
Here is some wisdom: It doesn't mean give your vision of what your future relationship will be with the kind of person you are looking for. Instead, it is asking for your criteria to be used to separate few from many.
That means what characteristics the person you are looking for will have, not the experience and not characteristics that the person may come to have as a result of the experience.
This rules out answers like best friend, soul mate, someone you will have chemistry with, someone that likes you for who you are, someone you can trust, someone that won't lie to you, someone that will sweep you off your feet, and someone that will spend time with you. Imagine if men started describing the vision THEY can imagine since you know what most men if not all, want and it's the very thing that distinguises a platonic relationship from one that is not.
While those are all interesting visions, they are a waste of space to put in your profile. Men are reading your profile. Can they really read it and say to themselves, "I'm best friend material" or predict the kind of interaction they will have with someone they have not even yet made contact with? Of course not. Those kinds of answers don't help anybody narrow down their selections.
I hope those that were previously confused will update their profiles and show how much more astute they are than the rest.