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Hoping4Love2000
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Blog title: My blog
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My blog

My blog address: http://MillionaireMatch.com/blog/Hoping4Love2000
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CHEATING .. PART 2 Pls read 1 FIRST! 1412 Views 07/09/11

Does this mean the cheater does not “love” his / her spouse? I don’t think in most cases that means this at all. I cheated after 11 years, not something I am proud of, but hey, I’ll stand in the line of fire and get singed if it happens to make me a better woman today than yesterday. I loved my husband and our children. Was I SELFISH? Absolutely! It was also selfish on HIS part when I reached out to my husband for years telling him he did not devote any attention to me anymore, we never did anything alone and on the few occasions we did, not only did I have to plan it, but he was always talking about the children or work and the focus was never on his wife. In essence, I felt HE HAD LEFT ME before infidelity began. And for anyone wondering your answer is: “No, he never cheated, despised cheating and to this day resents my betrayal. He also has never owned up to HIS PORTION of our failing marriage.”

There are many dynamics involved in being a “couple.” Anyone on this site is either single searching, or married and not quite as happy in life as they would like to be. So in the end, is WHY a person cheats on YOU, or why YOU cheated relevant? I say ABSOLUTLEY! A relationship takes TWO willing participants and in “most” cases, BOTH PARTIES have CHECKED OUT long before the cheating begins or the storm ends! I have found the ones who remain resentful after the storm blows over never truly “get” they played a role in this tragic betrayal!

I have to be honest. I take a step back when I find out a man’s wife cheated on him. WHY? Because as a woman who has been through this, I look for “signs” he is emotionally w/drawn or unavailable.  It has been my personal experience and through what I have witnessed, I am already guessing he wasn’t “emotionally available” for his wife, so he will not fill my emotional needs either!  I know myself all too well to recognize I crave “emotional security and attention!” My first clue I missed with my ex? Well the fact he told me EVERY woman he had ever had a serious relationship with had cheated on him PRIOR to his entering my life. That was a neon sign I missed! I was only 20 though, so I didn’t view life as I do now in my 40’s! But if you have a constant barrage of men or women cheating on you as my ex did… you may wish to examine your OWN behavior in relationships. Something you do or don’t do pushes the other to cheat. Some will argue, “Well why is EVERYONE I choose a cheat? I just choose cheaters!” I recommend you look to how YOU TREAT THEM first. We are only in charge of our “OWN ACTIONS”, not everyone else’s!

Please do not misunderstand me. I am in no way advocating “cheaters” behavior, or making excuses for those of us who have chosen an “improper” path. I just wish to express it is not always as cut and dry as some may feel. I also wish to convey, if you have ever cheated or been cheated on, in the future it might also be more beneficial to look toward what your “needs” are, whether the person you meet shows signs they are capable of fulfilling them, and whether or not this is someone you can see as “the last person you ever have an intimate relationship with.”

Because at the end of the day, it DOES matter! If we don’t LEARN what caused us to cheat, or what we missed that caused our partner to cheat, the cycle will be repeated again and again, as the “cheater” or the “cheated!”  How do I know this to be true? Well, now my ex has “one more woman” who dumped on him because essentially HE has never learned from his past. He chooses women who need his emotional understanding, and he lacks in this arena! I craved a husband who told me I was beautiful, would bring me flowers or would just text to say hello or “I love you.” I received NONE of this from DAY 1! Instead I received a man who would come in throw his clothes all over, make messes everywhere and sit in front of the tv while I tried to get his attention in cute little nighties after the kids went to bed.  His emphasis was always on his work, what the children were doing, how tired he was and honestly he was so focused on everything BUT ME, he was too exhausted to have anything left to give his wife! If you do not put your spouse FIRST, your children will suffer in the end. What have I learned by being the “cheat?” I learned I must find a man who gives me the emotional support I crave, will not dismiss me when I speak, and who is a more romantic, expressive type man who will show his love for me with “action.” Was my husband a “bad” person? Absolutely not! Am I a “bad” person? Absolutely not! WE didn’t give one another what we needed in the relationship and I “faltered” in the cheating arena FIRST! A relationship takes TWO devoted people committed to doing whatever it takes to withstand the test of time. He wanted me home for YEARS after I left. I refused, knowing he was incapable of giving me what I needed to be happy. I could not change who he was any more than he could change what my emotional and physical needs were!

So, in the end it is my belief, IT ALL MATTERS…..
And people should remember….

CHEATING, (however wrong it may be)
IS ONLY THE SYMPTOM OF AN ALREADY FAILING MARRIAGE…
IT IS NOT THE DISEASE!!

When everyone starts taking responsibility for THEIR PORTION in their failed relationships, perhaps they wouldn’t remain so angry about how poorly their spouse treated them.
Thank you~

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A DROP does NOT = a TABLESPOON!! 157 Views 11/13/11

MANY MAY WONDER HOW A BLONDE ENTERTAINS HERSELF ON A LONELY SUNDAY NIGHT WHILE AWAITING "THE GOOD WIFE" TO COME ON.....

Well......

Things can get a bit "complicated" when one decides to use regular dish soap in the dishwasher...

NOTE: A DROP is NOT equivalent to a TABLESPOON!! A DROP is only a SMALL amount..

(and I have been told only use 2 DROPS when utilizing normal dish liquid for dishwasher soap!)

PLEAZZZEEE... Do NOT try this at home!! It might not be pretty!

I'm still "rinsing"!!! HeeHeeHee~~

Just sayin.... ;)

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To ALL our VETERANS.. THANK YOU~ 151 Views 11/11/11

I was raised to believe the military was filled with "bad murderous men" dammed to a death with no hope of resurrection by a woman whose religious faith hadn't allowed any kind of government involvement at all. I was taught to vote was a sin and anyone involved in political affairs lived a life "unworthy" of God. My mother’s religion was FREE to teach this premise; despite the fact the religion she chose never understood this.

Regardless their beliefs, I am FREE to walk outside my home and pick up the newspaper outside my door; which is FREE to publish whatever they wish. I am FREE to complain about waiting 10 minutes in a grocery line where I can buy as much bread and milk as I want and not have to wait a week to get it. I am FREE to buy whatever my heart desires and do not have to answer for every action in my life. No one dictates what I wear or whom I answer to. When I purchase the vehicle of MY choice I am FREE to roam wherever, whenever and however I want. I am FREE to select the career of my choice to maintain this monetary status and FREE to obtain an education wherever I choose.

I am FREE to buy and bear arms and FREE from slavery in my own country. I am FREE to vote and FREE to serve any God I want at any time regardless, day or night. I am FREE to roam my streets if I wish. My fear of being shot is from misguided hoodlums, not by my own government for trying to climb a wall. I am FREE to draw, write or speak whatever I wish whenever I deem necessary. Everyone here is FREE to read or not to read.

 
In the United States of America, though this appalls me, I am even FREE to burn our own countries flag on my front lawn, or possibly even the front lawn of The White House if I can climb the fence. I would be arrested for "trespassing," not burning of our flag.  I am even FREE to die wherever I wish. In fact I am SO FREE in this country of ours, the only thing detouring some of my goals would be money, which is basically the only thing that seems to not be FREE around here, unless I own a bank and need a FREE "bailout."  Handouts come FREE to many with some headaches, but I can obtain welfare, food stamps, health care and various "public assistance" if I show a true need for it or learn to "work" our system.

So in a "World filled with heavy prices," I welcome we ALL show a little respect and remembrance of who gave us that FREEDOM in the first place.  I know I will.

To ALL our vets who have paid with the dearest price of their life so that my FREEDOM remains, I THANK THEM and their families for their sacrifice. To ALL the vets currently and previously who have paid be it by their time, family, or wherever they have suffered, I THANK YOU as well.

Many people take these "everyday" privileges for granted because it has always been here in our lifetime. Many people do not realize how powerful FREEDOM is and what a luxury has been granted in our honor.  There were lifetimes ago when such FREEDOM did not exist. Please remember this as you set out in your robe to head to the foot of your driveway to grab the paper and read whatever some "seasoned" author or some nutcase chose to write that you may have the privilege of reading. In many countries Bibles are smuggled in; the citizens caught with them go to prison. They in affect lose further FREEDOM for trying to gain a little LIBERTY in their life.

A Price was paid, and whatever side of the fence you sit is NOT WHAT MATTERS in the end. It certainly does not matter on VETERANS Day. Our RESPECT, HONOR and LOYALTY to ones who have paid the highest price of all is the only recognition they get at the end of their lives. They have pledged their being to serve us so that this FREEDOM we often take for granted remains and ask no questions when duty calls.

Minimal, for one day, kiss this highly indebt soil you walk on. And then, walk up and say THANK YOU to a VET. You not only preserve the sanctity of our nations premise, but you show compassion for those who have sacrificed most.

 

HAPPY VETERANS DAY to ALL who have served!!

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There may be times... 172 Views 11/07/11

At many points in life, each of us has valuable lessons to learn. I know for myself, I am undoubtedly a front runner in this crazy rat-race called LIFE! I see that hopefully one of our newest bloggers has learned a valuable lesson regarding human decency and empathy; but more so I hope she took with her a self-awareness regarding how important others perceptions of her is. A blog which many found extremely offensive has now been taken down, as was requested, by the author. I want to THANK HER OPENLY, for paying attention to what people in this room were stating. I am unclear as to what her intentions are, as her comments have been hidden as well as the blog. I only hope she has thought things over and recognizes how offensive her words were in an already cruel and vile world.

 

I do not know this individual, or what SHE has endured in HER PAST that had caused her to be so insensitive. I know many of us felt, even behind the scenes, she needed to seek emotional help. I also feel after reviewing her profile, the possibility remains she may have just “thought” she was being humorous and didn’t quite know what to convey coming into a new station with new people and trying to “fit in.” I hope she has learned to “OBSERVE” a little more the environment surrounding her before speaking. Being the “new girl” is never easy, as all eyes are upon you! Time will tell if this was a valuable learning tool to help her succeed further in life in an upstanding and classy manner.

 

One thing I will state is; there was some merit to what I feel she was trying to convey… all be it should not have been portrayed in a mockingly manner in this forum. Many victims of sexual assault, esp victims perpetrated upon in younger years, DO have brain malfunctions leaving them with sick,  twisted, mind-bending relations to the beauty of what a sexual relationship is to be like between 2 individuals. I knew a girl in school who was raped at knife point with her boyfriend being held back watching who later dated her rapist. It can be an extremely UGLY world out there! I know, as I have my own “sexual issues” I deal with on a daily basis. I only pray LIV’s little friend escapes those demons. Somehow I think not though and this saddens me.

 

What I also know with all certainty is that every one of us has been placed on this Earth for a REASON. Each of us has a personal history which brings us to where we are at and NONE of us is exempt at making mistakes and having to correct them mid-stream. I sincerely hope this is the intent of this individual who has caused some level of pain for many. And further, I sincerely hope she recognizes if we portray ourselves in an unworthy manner, we will only receive positive attention from unworthy people. That kind of attention will NEVER bring forth a man worthy of her love. 

 

Thank You,

 

~~Hope~~

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THANK YOU to our VETERANS!! 36 Views 11/11/11

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JOBS, ROONEY, FRAZIER... 69 Views 11/07/11

They say they die in THREE's...

Are we done?

All memorable in their own way...

May you all R.I.P. for all you GAVE BACK to the world...

despite your flaws..

We all have them...

GOD BLESS! :)

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???FULL MOON TONIGHT??? 50 Views 11/05/11

Just sayin....

 

MY OH MY!! Strange things be a circlin'......

 

I can't figure out if I am watching the Twilght Zone... or a Hitchcock thriller!!

 

And I thought Halloween was over!!

 

BWAHAHAHAHAA!!

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MICHAEL MYERS ALERT!! 140 Views 10/31/11

OH NO!! da “Wanna Be Princess” thinks she just spotted MICHAEL MYERS walking with ELVIS @ the towne center here in an Atlanta apt. complex!! I’m gonna hop on my broom and go check it out!! Perhaps they will even find Hendrix while they are trollin… 

BE SAFE EVERYONE… It’s just me and Jamie Lee tonight.. But I ain’t answering the door!  And listen.. if it seems at any point tonight like the goblins are out to getcha.. Just keep your clothes on! You gotta know the ones that start peeling off their clothes are always the first to get slashed! I'M IN MY THERMALS!! ;)

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

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MICHAEL MYERS ALERT!! 43 Views 10/31/11

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WHERE IS THE SCAMMERS/TROLLS BLOG? 420 Views 10/16/11

I CAN'T FIND IT ANYWHERE?

Somebody please HELP! I want to view it!

Do they hide it? Or am I missing it?

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Passing of a LEGEND 102 Views 10/05/11
Its times like these that make me wonder… WHAT TRULY MAKES A MAN? I’ve never met Mr. Jobs, didn’t know much about him except he HAD to be a genius geek, and I never could afford a Mac or an Apple… But I KNOW in my heart…. A LEGEND doesn’t make the man.. THE MAN MAKES THE LEGEND… and that is EXACTLY what STEVE JOBS did.. He left a legacy behind no one can deny…. Ironically, Steve received life through two University of Wisconsin graduates, yet he was given up for adoption. His father was a political science professor and his mother a speech therapist. The couple married shortly after placing him in adoption and had another child they kept. He obviously came from a pool of “good genes.” None the less, I am fairly certain he had his own “abandonment issues” to deal with. However, as with most in life, we muddle through the trials and pursue our own happiness and goals. He was 27 when he finally found his biological parents. Steve was considered extremely smart and in fact in very early years, was offered enrollment in high school. His adoptive parents declined. Steve tinkered in the garage with his adoptive father working on electronics as a young boy and 6 months into college, he quit, as he seemed to become distracted easily and could not focus on anything other than what he found enticing. He popped in and out of creative interest college courses and at the age of 20,he and his friend, Steve Wozniak started “APPLE COMPUTERS” in Jobs’ garage. As far as his personal life goes, not much is known. It was stated he had a daughter he denied paternal rights of until the age of 7. I feel despite the sadness of this.... it goes to show that we are ALL human in the end, regardless of how remarkable our achievements may appear. At the age of 7, he finally established a relationship with his daughter and as a teenager; she came to live with him. I hope he got to make up for lost time. Steve was found in 2003 to suffer pancreatic cancer, and chose not to remove it immediately. In 2004 he did opt for surgery, but died October 5, 2011.. leaving a legacy of a wife, 3 new children and his previous daughter behind. His "true legacy" however, was made to the world, starting in his garage! But none the less, I wanted to take a moment and make note of a man who innovated the entire world by a gift he received in life... as he passes in his death… I guess LIFE took a really BIG BITE out of "The APPLE!" Such an inspiration for me to follow as a high school and then college dropout myself with abandonment issues and children I have not always found easy to connect with… People like Steve Jobs inspire me to be “all I can be”…. A better human being and to utilize the gifts granted to me…. Calvin Coolidge once stated: "No person was ever honored for what he received. Honor has been the reward for what he gave." I think that fits here... RIP STEVEN PAUL JOBS… “Good JOB!” Um.. no pun intended!
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LOCKS and SECRETS 208 Views 09/29/11
I have shared many trials as well as triumphs w/ any of you who were interested, so I felt sharing this “little piece / peace of my heart” would add a wonderful addition. I received a phone call about 2 weeks ago from the Pawn Shop where all my precious jewelry collected as far back as 23 years ago was to have been placed on the shelf to sell. It was the manager asking if I could send any money to secure my items. I said, “I am sorry I didn’t contact you, but honestly, I knew I would cry while telling you I could no longer afford for you to hold them. I thought you placed these items on the shelf days ago, so I let it go. They are the only things I have in life to leave my daughters and they meant a lot to me sentimentally. I didn’t want to put you through hearing a woman cry, nor did I wish to endure further pain of losing many things that have become a precious part of me. There is a lot of sentiment you hold in your store. Pieces of my life.” The cracking in my voice was assuredly not missed! He explained… “Normally mam, all your items would have been on the shelf already. I seriously don’t know why they weren’t so I decided to look at your file. In reviewing your records, I see you have placed a significant amount of money down to keep them and have been diligent with your payments, so I wanted to give you another chance before I placed them for sell.” I thanked the manager for his kindness, and told him I would get back to him the following morning after reviewing my finances. The manager again, never received my phone call. Not because I was trying to mislead him, but because I knew my heart would shatter all over; so once again, I let it go. There are times in life where pain is just too bearable to continue swallowing so I chose to spit it out! In my travels and during my struggles, I have marveled in moments I felt close to God and been saddened by moments I have found myself drifting alone not truly feeling the “connection.” Over the years I developed a serious “habit” of playing with my cross necklace that I NEVER took off. It seemed to bring me peace in troubled times. Anyone knowing the story behind that inexpensive 14K yellow gold necklace knows I purchased it when I held NO FAITH there was a GOD, but I was struggling so hard during that period of my life, (11 years ago) that I kept going back to the store to view this simple little necklace symbolizing something I did not even believe in! For the life of me, I could not understand WHY! (I now know it was just GOD jackin with me in His “still small … NAGGING voice.”! LOL) On 3 different days I went to look at this necklace. It was only $35, but it had a “tarnish” spot on it and the counter girl and I couldn’t figure out why it wouldn’t come off. She explained, “It has to be within the gold itself, so it will always remain. However since it is already at an incredible discount, we can’t give you any better of a deal.” My heart tugged until I purchased that necklace! (and bear in mind.. I denounced there was a God!) I wore my necklace for years before I noted one of the four diamond chips needed replacing. It was then I realized the “tarnished spot” was completely gone! To this day, I hold “MY TRUTH” to be self-evident that “HE” had something to do with it. In fact I now feel “ALL THINGS UNEXPAINABLE… “HE” gets His hands dirty in!” This necklace was of incredible significance in my life because somehow it seemed even in times I felt alone; deep down I KNEW in my heart this wasn’t true. “I held the hand of HOPE, even when I didn’t claim HOPE existed! Despite what I feel my mother’s misguided religious beliefs were, she DID instill in me there WAS and IS a GOD and HE walked WITH US through the pain. Even while offshore I would find myself reaching for my necklace to move the cross back and forth. Reaching up and feeling my bare neck these past months was a CONSTANT reminder of all I had lost while trying to forge my way forward working in the gulf. It was also a constant reminder of the mistakes of the past which induced my having to hock all my jewelry in the first place! A couple of weeks ago while staying at a rundown motel in Calhoun, Ga. where I slept with my hammer in my bed; I was buying necessities and found myself looking in the jewelry section at the local Wal-Mart. Many might not understand; but for me, my necklace WAS a necessity. Wearing that cross was much like how I feel about my hair. It summons strength within. I searched and looked, but didn’t find anything I liked that was anywhere near what I could afford, so I walked away disheartened. The other day I was in Marietta Wal-Mart. I had been there before and of course found myself once again, strolling the jewelry section, in search of my heart, in the form of a necklace. I saw some pretty things as I perused the jewelry section searching for “THE PIECE TO BRING ME PEACE”; but I knew I would never find it and not be able to afford it anyway. It was at that moment I passed the mirror. It was with tear filled eyes I looked to my reflection and said to myself, “One day, it will all be better for you. You have been through worse and God will help you move this mountain. HAVE FAITH baby doll.” I looked away, wiped the tears from my cheeks and I wondered, “Does anybody see me? They must think I am crazy crying in the jewelry section! Get the hell out of here! You can’t afford anything anyway! You just live to survive.” So I left Wal-Mart and I buried the thought of EVER being able to find “that piece of my heart.” The “Peace/Piece” that makes me feel a little more secure. Today someone enter my life and came bearing a gift. He said it wasn’t anything fancy as he handed me a little box that said “Tiffany & Co.” As I opened it up I saw a little silver necklace with a “lock” charm. I didn’t know what to say, I barely knew the man, and in reality he will never know how much it meant to me; but here I sit in my hotel room with tear filled eyes as I play with my new necklace. It isn’t gold, it doesn’t have diamonds and there isn’t a tarnish spot on it! But in a Princesses’ world, locks are made to “keep secrets in” …. and God and I have shared many a secret. So in essence this man has no clue, but today he helped give back a “PEACE” of my heart. I have renewed HOPE and know in the core of my being, even should our paths never cross again, God does have LOVE out there waiting for me. But until then, I have my “lock” where I keep my secrets and share a constant reminder, “I do not walk alone, and never really have!” I think life is truly what we make it most times. Some of us have rougher roads/more to endure than others perhaps, so we need to use a little more ingenuity to see the light. But I realize now we believe what we want to believe; “My security needn’t be in lost jewelry, lost homes or lost times where I have failed. My security must come from within myself.” So now I hold a little more FAITH, a little more HOPE, and perhaps even a little more LOVE to add to my life. Besides, now that I wear my “CROSS” tatted on my arm, and stamped in my heart, what’s the difference in wearing a little “lock” to keep the secrets in. There are some things in our lives that perhaps it is best only God knows about. It doesn’t make us bad, it doesn’t make us fallen and it doesn’t make us any less saved. I think it simply makes us “human.” July 6, 2011
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Do we PAY IT FORWARD enough? 122 Views 07/29/11

In one of my favorite movies the main character reveals the concept of using generosity to assist strangers in their lives. He calls this concept, “Pay it Forward” and he believes everyone should practice this concept with 3 strangers to make a dramatic change in the world. He believes the generosity must be a “really big” act the individual cannot do for themselves. The teacher makes recognition to the class on how “Paying it forward” requires a tremendous amount of faith in the goodness of people. Trevor’s first generous act was bringing a homeless, hungry stranger home, unbeknown to his mom, to feed and shower. He then allows this stranger to live in his garage and gives him his savings. The stranger, a needle junkie on the street, takes the money, gets new clothes and then finds a job. When the mother finds the man in her garage tinkering with her truck it is then the stranger reveals the nature of how he began his friendship in her son’s life.

I have been blessed with this type concept many times, sometimes by friends, other times by strangers. Regardless, when I think of those times, it always brings a smile to my face. I thought it might be nice to “share” any of our stories here that have impacted our lives in a positive manner. I believe when we throw enough “positive” around, some of it is bound to stick. I realize most “Christians” do not like the word karma, but I feel for the most part, whatever energy we put out there will come back to us, eventually. (boomerang effect.)

My daughters and I have always made it a routine to have “beauty day” together.  I would bring them to the beauty shop to be pampered when I had hair or nail appointments. My hair dresser would dye my hair and curl my daughters and paint our nails. There were times I would have to ask my girlfriend to “hold my check” until I had the money in the bank to cover it. It was too difficult to rebook appointments and she knew I was good for the money. Several years ago I called her inquiring about a check I had told her she could put through that had not cleared. The following is what she told me. “Oh that check? I thought I told you? One of my clients overheard you asking me to hold your check and she said she wanted to pay for you and the girl’s appointment. She also insisted on remaining anonymous, but she has been a client of mine for years, a very nice lady.” Tears came to my eyes. It was like being paid twice for me, as I was now not only debt free, but I also was $160 richer! I had the money eventually to pay for that appointment, but the stranger’s act of kindness always brings a smile to my face when recollecting and a warm feeling shadows deep inside. This woman was “paying it forward.” Oddly, Tracie became my hair dresser out of her and her mother’s “generosity” many years before. I was a waitress at the Country Club her mother was a member of. I waited on her mother and step-father often and her mother introduced us shortly after 9-11 . We hit it off immediately and the next thing I knew they were telling me how they wanted to do something nice for me. They decided to “make me beautiful” free of charge!  This was November 2001. A beautiful and loving friendship began that day while I served tea and coffee and someone decided I was worthy of having it “Paid forward.”

I have done things in my time to “Pay it Forward” so to speak. My acts may not be of the magnitude the little boy was meaning in the movie, but I believe any time we incite behaviors which induce positive reactions; we are releasing a more positive energy throughout the atmosphere. Studies have proven “positive things happen to positive people.” In the simplest ways we can affect someone’s life daily, even strangers. I have not been financially blessed where I can hand out money to people in financial need, but I have found different ways to “bless others”.  I’ve learned to take a moment to smile or laugh with someone or spend a few extra minutes and allow someone to go first in line or I allow someone to “squeeze in” during rush hour traffic. I compliment people, especially women, as I know many of us need reassurance. I've done lots of community charity events and worked in animal shelters, etc. Mostly, my time and effort is involved. I am the type person who will walk over to console a stranger when I see them crying. It’s the way I have always been, and quite possibly one of my favorite personality traits about me. Obviously, there are plenty of bad ones, but I try to focus on my positive side, as one day I hope it drowns out the negative!

I believe our lives are equivalent to beautiful paintings. If we try to view a painting from too close a proximity, we can’t see the picture for all it’s worth, therefore it loses its visual value. As we start to take steps back we can see the frame, the colors and shapes- and nothing is blurry anymore. Sometimes we are just too close to our own painting!  

As the little boy says at the end of the movie, “People can’t always see what they need.” I find this to be very true. Sometimes all we need is simple like someone who is willing to listen. People with open ears become like our angels. They have the warmest hearts giving us the softest place to land!

Thanks for listening! LOL….

And don’t forget to PAY IT FORWARD!! ;)

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SOMBER HEARTS as 9-11 approaches... 65 Views 09/09/11
With somber hearts our nation approaches the 10th anniversary of the gruesome events heinously befallen us on September 11. Incredible acts of violence filled with such venom of hatred leaving our nation in mourning while at the same time we were forced to face the realization we were not as safe a country as we had once believed. It is in sobering reality we watch videos and recollect all the horrifying moments of that dreadful day. I’ve yet to ask one person that has ever forgotten where they were and what they were doing at the time they found our nation to be under attack. I will certainly never forget my panic of horror as I saw the second plane hit the towers. I recall it seeming like I was watching a bad dream, a nightmare of reality where I could not process what my eyes were seeing as I remained glued to the television in disbelief. There were many lives shattered that day, and I doubt there is one person who has walked away unaffected in some manner by this defiant act of terror. There are many people left with deep rooted scars, either from losing a loved one, or being one of the few who narrowly escaped the clutches of death’s door. But as a nation, we have learned to move forward and rebuild, and as individuals we have all learned to shelter our emotions and cope in our own ways. Admittedly, I find the saddest part in all of this is how everyone “UNITED” during the initial crisis; both politically and personally; but as time has faded the horrific memories; our “acceptance” of one another has dwindled along with it. We have the opportunity to take this evil act and to “learn” and build upon it, or we can allow the bitterness to remain in our hearts seeping bile throughout us drowning us in our own venom. Anger can be a useful tool, but when it creates such a disdain for others and a lack of tolerance, it becomes a noose we place around our own neck. I am not “for” a mosque by “Ground Zero” out of RESPECT for what our nation endured by a specific group of individuals. As a “Christian” I believe in Jesus as our Savior; but as the same “Christian”, I believe if God grants us FREEDOM TO CHOOSE, so should we, respect others right to choose how and who they worship. It is with this same “respect” I am not “for” the 60 Muslims who lost their lives during the attack on 9-11. Somehow I do not believe these individuals who had loved ones waiting at home were any more “willing participants” in this grotesque act of violence any more than anyone else who lost their lives. I do not believe just because a person differs in their belief this makes them evil. I DO however understand why we profile or target specific looks when trying to keep our nation safe. If suddenly 5 foot nothing blondes weighing 100 pounds with green eyes and spit fire attitudes started blowing up buildings, I’d damn sure expect to be stopped at any and all entrances! I feel anyone being “offended” by this profiling need to take a look in the mirror and have a harsh reality check. We have had our retaliation in motion, Bin laden was finally captured and killed, and we have pressed forward in the wake of our nation’s heartache. This is not a “political statement” blog, as it is merely just an expression of one person’s heart who will NEVER forget. Though I have never been to New York, the Pentagon or found myself in a Pennsylvania field, and I fortunately, lost no one dear to me that mind boggling day; but I still felt the heartache wrapped around a nation and wept with the people who lost something precious, along with a country that lost the greatest gifts I feel we can have…. The gifts God grants us though we are unworthy. The gifts of FREEDOM AND SECURITY.
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CHEATING…… PART 1 REASON 175 Views 07/09/11

Being a “newbie” I’ve spent some time perusing blogs / forums and I have come across some interesting, some mind questioning and even some downright dumb dialogue. One of the comments that stood out for me was in regard to WHY the spouse had cheated. The member stated, “In the end, it doesn’t matter.” Although I emphasized w/ the writer’s emotions due to the divorce and betrayal, I must say I could not DISAGREE w/ that statement any more than I do.

I feel being one who has been on BOTH sides of this shattered fence, I might offer what I have learned regarding CHEATING. If my words cause food for thought or someone can identify w/ them, then perhaps it can assist in another attaining a healthy relationship.

FIRST- A man must come to this understanding:

A woman does not see a man and say, “I gotta have me some of that!” and then seeks to “cheat.” In most cases of a woman’s infidelity, she has been missing an emotional bonding w/ her spouse and has found an emotional connection elsewhere. Many male friends I have known throughout the years have complained “the man my wife slept with didn’t have a better body, better job, more money and was a loser w/ a big L on his forehead!” Yes, perhaps so… but he also had a way of “emotionally connecting” w/ a woman. A woman typically has an “affair” when she cheats, not a one night stand. Therefore it is more of an “affair of the heart” than just “monkey-love” sex! Most women who cheat don’t go out with the girls, get drunk and go to a strange man’s home. A cheating woman, however wrong she is, has identified and connected w/ the person she chooses to have an affair w/ but the eventual sex is typically a “PHYSICAL EXTENSION” of an emotional bonding she has been feeling w/ the individual. This is exactly why WOMEN are more likely to leave a marriage after cheating than a man is. They fall out of love w/ their husband, become emotionally connected to another and are more likely to desert their spouse due to this. Sorry.. but it’s true. Women are more likely to leave! We get all caught up in our emotions, do not think rationally and poof! We are gone!

The FIRST thing women need to understand is:

MEN do NOT operate like women. Men are visually stimulated FIRST, before an emotional connection can begin. Most men also take a longer period of time to “bond” emotionally with someone.  I believe this to be why therapist say, “It takes longer for a man to let go / get over a relationship than a woman.” WHEN A MAN IS DEEPLY ROOTED TO HIS WIFE, HE HAS INVESTED ALL STOCK IN HER. And ladies, DEEPLY ROOTED MEN, well.. THEY DON’T CHEAT! It is not always easy to tell which men have truly “invested all” in their wife, as many men are wonderful doting fathers and good providers making  them “appear” they are the “family guy” however, they are not deeply grounded with their wife. Many “wonderful dads who never miss their kids’ ballgame have some sugar on the side!” Also, most men don’t fall in love with the first woman who gives them attention outside their marriage, even if they are not grounded with their wife! However, in the female cheaters case, she is most likely to fall for her lover and has moved on w/ her new connection”.  She shares this “emotional and now physical” tie w/ her new lover.  

I have found there are two types of male adulterers. On one side you have the male who WILL leave his wife when he finds “the perfect one”; and there is the male “cheater” who never had any intention of leaving his spouse to begin with. Most people classify ALL men in the latter category. By the way, this simply is NOT true. (I’ve heard it from the horse’s mouth!) There ARE men who desire a true emotional connection and in trying to fill this void, just as a woman does, he cheats! Many believe men are just dogs that go around humping whatever comes their way, and in many cases this may also be true. (I’ve met them too!) The void this man seeks to fill is almost like a “materialistic fill.” A fill that amps his ego and makes him feel young and alive again! But he would never leave his wife for the other. This is why mistresses are often left in the dust when the wife finds out about the ongoing affair, and is also why men may choose several partners to cheat with, whereas most women are not “serial” cheaters. I have found the male with the desire for affection and emotional connection to be the most complex of all, as nothing is black and white here for them. They have a true yearning to feel “desired” and “loved” and do not feel it on the home front so they seek it elsewhere. Their passion has left them thirsty for what they once felt. Due to his lack of bonding in the marriage, he runs wherever he can, seeking the attention he craves.

As a previous bartender for years, I’ve seen all types who cheat, mostly married men with single women.  I’ve seen the hard working husband who doesn’t want to go home to hear his wife nag about the gardener messing up the bushes he pays for. He is resentful and feels “used.” I’ve known men who were basically “shut off” from their wives bodies because she admittedly had lost HER passion and was not “into” sex anymore, and she would joke to all her friends about this. (Yes ladies, I’ve met these wives and sat in on their conversations) These men are downright angry and resentful. I’ve met the men who just “bore easily”, are skewed by a bent moral compass and love sex so they live by the motto, “Variety is the spice of life! What’s the harm if she never finds out?” And lest we forget the man who just “drank too much”, lost all his inhibitions and chose to make a mistake he later regretted… Alcohol rarely leads to POSITIVE choices now does it?

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CHEATING... REASON MATTERS ... Cont... 144 Views 07/09/11
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