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Irish Humour - The Best Toast!
37 Views
05/16/13
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John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night" She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
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The Beauty of Tax
147 Views
04/22/13
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If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this…
The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay £1.
The sixth would pay £3.
The seventh would pay £7..
The eighth would pay £12.
The ninth would pay £18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay £59.
So, that’s what they decided to do..
The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve ball.
“Since you are all such good customers,” he said, “I’m going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by £20″. Drinks for the ten men would now cost just £80.
The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes.
So the first four men were unaffected.
They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men?
The paying customers?
How could they divide the £20 windfall so that everyone would get his fair share?
They realised that £20 divided by six is £3.33. But if they
subtracted that from everybody’s share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer.
So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man’s bill by a higher percentage the poorer he was, to follow the principle of the tax system they had been using, and he proceeded to work out the amounts he suggested that each should now pay.
And so the fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% saving).
The sixth now paid £2 instead of £3 (33% saving).
The seventh now paid £5 instead of £7 (28% saving).
The eighth now paid £9 instead of £12 (25% saving).
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Life's Shovel of Dirt
30 Views
05/13/13
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A friend of mine posted this to me, and I thought to share it:
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well.
The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbours to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quietened down.
A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.
As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.
Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.
Live simply and appreciate what you have.
Give more.
Expect less.
NOW..........
Enough of that crap... The donkey later came back, and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him.
The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.
MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:
When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.
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Does Race influence Size?
673 Views
10/02/12
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I was going about my normal business this morning when I stumbled across a new research that sought to determine the endowment of the human male species in relation to their races. Here are the interesting findings as well as the shortcomings of the research methodology or lack of it. Do you generally agree with the findings, and what difference does size really make?
British men typically have bigger penises than their French counterparts but are less well endowed than Germans, a new study has suggested.
The average penis size for a British man is apparently 5.5in when erect - larger than the French at 5.3in, Australians (5.2in), Americans (5.1in) and Irish (5in).
Men from Africa's Republic of Congo are best equipped with an average penis length of 7.1in, while the average manhood in North and South Korea measures in at a mere 3.8in, the research claims.
The research published in the scientific journal Personality and Individual Differences claims Ecuadorian men are among those with the largest penises, with an average length of 7in. They are followed by Ghanaians at 6.8in and Colombians at 6.7in.
British men rank 78th out of 113 nationalities in the table of average penis lengths, according to the study.
In Europe, Icelanders are the best endowed at 6.5in and the Irish are the second smallest at 5.03in - behind Romanians at 5.01in. British men come in just under the Germans, who are in line with the European average of 5.7in.
Africans have the biggest penises with an average of 6.3in, while north-east Asians the smallest at 4.2in, the study claims.
Research author Mr Lynn said that the findings confirm previous theories of "race differences in penis length". He concludes: "For most of these populations, penis lengths are predictable and confirmed."
But critics argue that Mr Lynn's research is flawed because he has gathered data on penis length from websites.
Jelte Wicherts, professor of methodology at Tilburg University, Holland, told the Telegraph: "This is a brave paper in a controversial area but the data has no methodology."
Credit to Mr. Lynn, Scientific Journal Personality and Individual Differences.
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Sugar Mummy Profile!
255 Views
07/11/12
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Dear Friends,
Would you kindly review my profile and honestly tell me if there's anything there that gives the impression of a SUGAR MUMMY PROFILE??? Or loser magnet? Lol, but this is not funny really! I am fuming right now!
Most people who know me on here would agree that I am funny and cheeky - I hardly take offense but this time -I am quite offended.
Just like anyone on here, I have received my fair share of undesirable e-mails from this site and they don't usually bother me. However, this particular one I received from a member [same as age as me btw] who splashed the fact that he is looking for a sugar mummy on his profile infuriates me because despite my polite decline response, he has carried on bombarding me with annoying e-mails! I have been forced to send him a warning notice!
Seriously is there something wrong with my profile? Honest please.
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Female Perspective
321 Views
05/30/12
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OK now men, feel free to YELL!!!!!
Is this even true at all?? Do men really do these things, ha ha!
Annoying male habit 1: Adjusting your private parts
The day that women discover the secret to a man’s love for fiddling with his private parts will be a joyous occasion. Surely that much scratching and re-adjusting can’t be good for you; why hasn’t someone invented a cure for this frustrating problem by now? The image of a man lying on the sofa with his manhood in one hand and a bag of... well, nuts in the other, certainly won’t make it into a list of women’s top 10 sexual fantasies any time soon. Whilst we understand you sometimes need to ‘sort the boys out’ for comfort purposes, at least do it while we’re not looking.
Annoying male habit 2: Selective hearing
Choosing to watch the television over listening to your other half is never going to end well because it’s insulting. Are women really that boring? Or do you only enjoy conversations about sex and food? Tuning in and out of conversations isn’t really an option; you’re either having a chat with us, or you aren’t. Maybe all conversations should take the form of ‘Sex. Please take the bin out’ or ‘Food. Can I have a cuddle?’ or maybe even ‘I’m naked. Your tea has been on the side for half an hour’. Please don’t make us do this.
Annoying male habit 3: Leaving a trail of mess
What is it with the male tendency to leave the story of their day behind in a long trail of mess like a storyboard? When we get home from work we don’t need to ask what you’ve been up to on your day off; we can see that you had a shower and a shave, played on your game, had lunch, played on a different game and then watched films. Is this a strategic trail that you leave behind so you can find your way back to the fridge? Or is it so you needn’t bother telling us about your day when we get home? Please enlighten us, and in the meantime, pick your mess up.
Annoying male habit 4: Leaving the remnants of your shaving session in the sink
Men, if you walked into the bathroom only to find used makeup wipes and the hair from our freshly shaved legs around the bathroom, we’re sure you’d find it somewhat bothersome. We seem to face a similar problem every morning with your short curly hairs and bits of stubble. It’s not pleasant at all. Just because you hate the boring process of shaving, don’t bring us into your battle against the beard and overgrown chest hair.
Annoying male habit 5: Man flu
The term ‘man flu’ has permeated public consciousness to suggest that men exaggerate their cold symptoms as a way of getting attention from their female counterparts. If you’re as strong and enduring as you claim to be, then don’t break down when you have a cold. We dread to think how you’d cope with period pain and childbirth – thank your lucky stars you’re a man.
Annoying male habit 6: Spending all your money on technical stuff
If we go on a shopping spree and return with a handful of bags, we never hear the end of it. Yet men seem to have a bottomless bank of money when it comes to games and technical stuff. We’re willing to call compromise on this one though; if you’re going to spend your money on stuff you don’t really need, let us do the same without feeling guilty about it. You buy your games, we’ll buy our shoes, and we’ll call it a truce.
Annoying male habit 7: Leaving the toilet seat up
The troublesome toilet seat; who would have known it could cause such a fuss? Indeed, no list of men’s annoying habits is complete without the classic toilet seat argument getting a mention. We understand that you need to lift it up – we’d only complain about you dirtying the seat if you didn’t – but what’s wrong with putting it back down again after?
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Real Men Wanted - Desperately!
301 Views
05/30/12
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Yes, I knew the title will get the better of you men, lol! But don't panic, I am only just looking to sample opinions on this rather Mars vs Venus situation some of us ladies find mouth-gaping! Do men really see women in this light? Is this even accurate or close to how you view the female specie? Do we ladies actually do some of these stuff that drive the men up the wall? Let's hear it men and ladies!! :):):)
Check out the ladies' perspective on men's annoying habits, lol!
Annoying female habit 1: Making an anniversary out of everything
What is it with women turning the nice little things in life into a grand gift-exchanging, champagne-popping ceremony? We return home from a normal day at work to be met with a candle-lit dinner and an expensive looking gift but, quite frankly, it makes our heart stop. Have you done something wrong? Is it your birthday? My birthday? Oh silly me, it’s the anniversary of the first time we looked at each other. Please refrain from doing this, ladies. We have a hard enough time getting event dates right without being shouted at for not buying the dog a card to celebrate the anniversary of his first vaccination.
Annoying female habit 2: Piling the bed with cushions
One would be mistaken for thinking that a bed is for sleeping in. We go to get our head down for the night, only to find the bed piled sky-high with strategically placed cushions that leave no room for us. What’s more, only a couple of these cushions actually have a purpose. We don’t need the tiny heart-shaped one or the big fluffy one that makes us sneeze – just a normal pillow to rest our head on will suffice. We don’t adorn the bed with DIY tools and model cars, so please tame your OCD (Obsessive Cushion Disorder) and stop making an elaborate display out of our bed so we can get down to the important stuff.
Annoying female habit 3: Asking us what we’re thinking
It’s a classic example of how women like to test us, and possibly trick us into making the cardinal sin of admitting that we weren’t thinking about her at that particular moment. One minute we’re enjoying a cuddle, the next they’re hurling that question at us when we’re least expecting it. They say it so fast that we don’t have chance to make up a false reply or even to think straight, which leads us to stutter and then be accused of thinking of our ex. Asking what we’re thinking is basically a nice way of saying ‘you aren’t allowed to have private thoughts, unless they’re about me’.
Annoying female habit 4: Saying ‘I’m fine’, when you’re not happy
So she stood in front of the television while the football was on, we got a bit iffy and snapped, and now all sorts of issues have been bought up. Then she says it – that passive-aggressive statement that marks the start of the dreaded silent treatment: “I’m fine”. Erm, are you really fine because you’ve just screamed at us until you’ve gone red in the face, and now you’re laying face down on the bed crying. If you’re unhappy just outline the problem and then we can sort it out and carry on as normal. Or – even better – don’t outline the problem and let us watch the football in peace.
Annoying female habit 5: Using sex as a weapon
One of the most annoying things that a woman can do is deny her man of sexual privileges. Some women seem to take great pleasure in using our weakness to their own advantage through the classic ‘if you don’t do this, we’re not having sex’ scenario. If you’re going to stop us from doing one thing, please don’t let it be sex. We don’t stop you from eating and drinking, so please don’t mess with our basic human needs either.
Annoying female habit 6: Being over-emotional
You cry at funerals, you cry at weddings, you cry at happy films, you cry at sad films. This makes us feel awkward because we just don’t know what to say or do when you’re sat sobbing all over our freshly ironed shirt. Where do all these tears come from? We think women should just have an annual crying day where they get together and cry for twenty four hours, before coming home and being normal for the other 364 days of the year. It would solve a lot of our problems.
Annoying female habit 7: Incessant talking
We’ve heard that women are estimated to say around 20, 000 words a day – which is an awful lot compared to the paltry 7, 000 estimated for men – so we understand that she needs to get her daily nattering fix, but why is it always at the most inappropriate times? She was quiet all the way through the family dinner when we needed her to break the awkward silence, but as soon as we start getting to the competitive part of a multi-player game with our friends, she just won’t shut up about how cute the neighbour’s cat looks when it sits next to the rose bush. To make it even more annoying, the actual part of the story she was getting at whilst rambling on about the neighbour’s cat, was that the cat’s owner now works at the grocery store down the road. Ladies, if you’re going to talk, pick the right moment and please, just get to the point.
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Never Argue With A Woman
208 Views
05/05/12
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Never Argue With A Woman
One morning, a husband returns the family boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.
Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?").
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
"Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the Game Warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads.
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I am Back!
172 Views
05/05/12
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Dear friends,
I've missed you all and I thank you so very much for your love, warm messages and prayers!
Hoping, Mach, Pat, CG, NGL, Voyager, Dakota, JulyMorning, Orlando, Diana, Sarah, RMac, SMax, Don'tfit, Fishy and everyone else! Thank you so much!
I am back on the blogs!
Liv
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Taking a Break
146 Views
12/30/11
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Hi Friends -
Hoping, Machevilli, CG, Curious (Pat), Voyager, Butterfly, Dakota, Diana, JulyMorning, NGL, Orlando, MissMonteCarlo, Smax, Fishyme, Markey, Miss Red (aka VIRGEN –Lolol! That was just for laughs), and everyone else.
Please don’t be cross with me if I haven’t mentioned your name on here. I love you all and have had a great time blogging with y’all. You’ve all made me laugh so much and have brought a lot of knowledge, humour and joy with you.
I am taking a short break away from MM to deal with backlog of work and legal schedules that has become too manic for me to enjoy spending time on MM blogs for now.
But I will be back as soon as possible. And I will miss you all very much in the meantime!
Thanks a lot guys, miss you already!!
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Wills & Trusts
125 Views
12/25/11
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A response to a friends question led me to post this - hoping it helps someone somewhere.
Enjoy - until it bores you to death, lol!
WILLS –
1.Only effective after the death of the testator.
2.Testator cannot be a beneficiary
3.Testator cannot be an executor
4.Quite rigid, but can be updated with a new one – advisable to review every 5 years or so, and review against any changes in life such addition to the family, divorce, remarriage etc. (Case study – Mr. A gets divorced, but forgot to update/change their Will, in which they had left everything to his then wife. He dies – the spouse even though now divorced will inherit the estate. Of course the rest of the family are welcome to challenge the Will in a court of law, but since the testator is dead, he will not be any use as a witness, if you know what I mean).
5.Codocils can be added at a review or when necessary at an extra cost to modify, add or remove certain aspects of the Will.
6.It is advisable to use an attorney to draw one up to avoid writing a Will that is invalid – there are many things that can invalidate a Will – 1. A testator signs a Will, then gets a witness who did not see him/her sign his/her signature to sign the Will afterwards – that will is invalid. 2. A testator gets a beneficiary of the Will to witness his signature or a witness of the signature happens to be a beneficiary – that Will will be invalidated. 3. The testator only has one witness instead of two – that invalidates the will. 4. The testator was not considered to be of sound mind when the Will was drawn up. 5. The testator is believed to have been unduly influenced by a beneficiary (e.g. instructs a Beneficiary to be an Executor or Administrator of the Will).
7.If you die without a Will, the state will determine who inherits your estate in accordance with the laws of intestacy – nobody likes this - can actually make the testator pull out his/her hair from the grave! (Case study – Mrs. B was separated, never got round to writing a will, but then died before her divorce was final (decree absolute) – the separated/estranged spouse will inherit the lion share of the estate to a certain limit, and a life interest {income for the rest of his/her life} on 50% of the remainder of the estate, and the children will be left the other 50%. This can usually cause a lot of upset, lawsuits and counter lawsuits. It is always best to have a Will in order to avoid these sorts of problems. If it is a small estate (i.e. below £250,000), the children will end up with absolutely nothing which means if these children are step-children to the surviving spouse, it would be very devastating for them. Conversely, if the estate is much larger, it cause even more problems that are too numerous and detailed for me to do justice to on here.
8.There are specific named beneficiaries.
9.There are few types of Wills i.e. mirror will (where one spouse’s Will mirrors the other’s); single will (drawn up by a single person); Will trust (one that incorporate a Trust within it to tackle the tax man with regards to death taxes)
10.Will addresses who should get what and may not deal with death tax problems except a Trust is incorporated in the Will as in Will Trusts.
11.May not protect the beneficiary from divorce asset sharing.
12.I am sure there are other points, but can’t remember any right now as my brain is tired!
TRUSTS –
1.Effective from the date it is setup, during and after the lifetime of the donor or settlor.
2.Donor/Settlor can benefit from the trust.
3.Donor/Settlor can be and are usually Trustees - so they retain control irrespective of whether they are beneficiaries or not.
4.Trust can be rigid or very flexible. There is no review necessary – flexible trusts tend to address these unpredictable life changes from the onset. Absolute trusts are different ball game – they are set in stone and cannot be changed without effectively almost nullifying the existing trust.
5.Codocils do not apply to trust for reason 4 above – one can simply set up a flexible trust or series of different absolute trusts.
6.Trusts are very complicated so one definitely needs to instruct an expert to set one up. Never attempt it on your own otherwise you could end up with a worthless piece of paper but worse still the entire purpose ends up being defeated and could have very serious and devastating effects as Trusts are highly time dependent (I will explain that later in ….below).
7.One can die without a Trust and it will make no major difference as long as there is a Will. Trusts are specific and not everyone needs one. It all depends on the circumstance of the individuals and should really not be a big deal for tax purposes if the estate is worth less than the Nil Rate Band (NRB).
8.Some Trusts are flexible and there need not be specific named beneficiaries but could have potential beneficiaries – these are particularly good for asset protection in the event of a divorce. They have their advantages as well as disadvantages. There are other trusts that however must have named beneficiaries – these do not protect against the named beneficiaries’ trust assets in the event of divorce, but protects the donors’ since the assets are no longer the donors’ once given away – but that completely depends on the type and wording of the trust as well as the time between the trust date and the date of filing of the divorce, and if the Donor is also a Beneficiary.
9.There is a wide array of trusts.
10.Trusts, if set up properly, at the right time, and monitored on an on-going basis, effectively addresses death taxes. They also deal with transfer of wealth on death as a Will would.
11.As earlier stated in 8 above, trusts can protect against divorce asset sharing.
12.I am sure there are other points – Have had too much fun today with the kids, lol!
Basically, from the day a trust is set up, it becomes effective. A Will only becomes executable and effective on the death of the settlor or testator. A valid point to understand is that on death everyone has an estate; this could either be small, medium size or quite large – it could also be in the negative, which means the beneficiaries of such estate would have to settle the debts, sadly. When a trust is set up, the assets placed within the trust cease to be the assets of the estate. In other words, if a person had £1 million pound and then set up a trust and places £500K into the trust, subject to some rules, his estate would become worth only the remainder £500K. An interesting point to note is that gambling debts are not imputable for the purposes of death tax reduction i.e. if a man died worth £5 million, and had gambling debt of £4 million, the tax man will tax his entire estate less the Nil Rate Band and ignore his gambling debts. But if the same man died worth £5 million and had business or any other debts of £4 million, his estate will automatically be reduced by the debt to £1 million and his estate would only be charged taxes on £1 million less the Nil Rate Band.
I hope I have not bored the living day light out of your souls this Christmas day! Consider this my boring Christmas present to y’all my friends!
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MM - Where's the Pre-Nup Blog, Please?
141 Views
12/08/11
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A blog was put up a little while ago that dealt with the subject of pre-nups. It was beautifully and sensibly written. Full of stats and reasons why some people may or may not want a pre-nup. I responded to it with my own opinion on pre-nups. Suddenly, I can't find the blog - what happened to it and can we have it put back up please? For the sake of decency and freedom of speech please?
I invite responses from everyone who may have something to say about this.
Many thanks,
Liv.
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5 things that make a man a keeper
429 Views
11/19/11
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5 things that make a man a keeper
His glance may make you blush hard enough to burn your cheeks, but does he deserve your long-term attention? You know already that lust and love are not the same thing, but you may not know that love and keepability aren't the same either. Love isn't all you need.
For example, it's not enough for him to treat you like a queen - a keeper treats himself well, too. And he certainly doesn't make you such a priority that he has no time left for his friends. Read on to find out why optimism is more marriagable than a nice car.
1. He's happy
Not in the laugh-a-minute sense, though it's important that you can make each other laugh. A happy man is a man who is comfortable in his skin, at peace with his baggage and has a positive outlook. He is happy when he's around you, but he doesn't need to be around you to be happy.
Of course he will have unhappy days, weeks or even months, as a response to events in his life. Just as you do. But he never quite loses his positivity. He isn't so optimistic that he's deluded, but his default state is one of contentment with his life.
Why is it so important? Because an unhappy man will eventually make you an unhappy woman. Being around negative people is draining and contagious. Unfortunately, many women are drawn to men who need "fixing" or looking after, and they end up doing all the giving and none of the getting. You can't fix a man; he has to fix himself. If you want to help an unhappy man, be his friend but don't be his emotional nursemaid.
2. He looks after himself
While we're on the subject of maids, make sure that you never end up as a man's skivvy or secretary. Gone are the days when men went from being looked after by their mothers to being looked after by their wives, who in turn were "looked after" financially. Good, because co-dependency is not a good basis for a relationship.
True independence is not about being an eternal bachelor, but about being a grown-up. A keeper does his own laundry and doesn't empty his wallet into the local pub on pay day. When problems arise in his life he handles them with maturity, and he's not afraid to ask for help when he needs it.
3. He's not afraid to express his feelings
Google "men and feelings" and you'll get a thousand articles telling you that men do not talk about emotions, ever. Clearly, the people who wrote these articles have not yet met a keeper. Real men certainly do talk about their feelings – and they're not afraid to talk about yours, either.
You can't base a relationship on guesswork. You have to know where you stand, and that means being with someone who doesn't shrink away from saying “I want to be with you,” or “I love you.” More important still, sharing feelings is an expression of trust. A man who can't or won't explain what's going on in his head is a man who's keeping something from you, consciously or not.
4. He treats his friends and family well
If you're with a man who's stopped seeing his friends because he wants to be with you all the time, alarm bells should ring. Partly because he's suffocating your relationship, but mainly because he's missing a loyalty gene. If he's fickle enough to drop his friends for you, he's definitely fickle enough to drop you.
A true keeper will want to show you off to his friends and family, but he'll also want to spend time with them. You are two individuals whose friends were around long before you met each other. Give each other space you maintain those friendships, and value a man who treats his loved ones with respect and loyalty.
5. He texts you on the way home
This is a small but perfectly formed clue to a man's keepability. He won't insist that you call him when you get home (too pushy) – instead he'll drop you a quick thank-you text after you part. It's a thoughtful and courteous gesture from someone who wants to make you smile. That's the sort of man you want to keep.
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Guys, do you agree with these....?
207 Views
11/10/11
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Are these true or a whole load of BS???
5 things that make a woman a keeper
She's the most beautiful creature you've ever set eyes on. All your friends are jealous, and you've even stopped fancying other women, at least when you're sober. She must be a keeper, right? Ain't necessarily so.
You should know by now that lust and love are not the same thing. Just to make it more complicated, love and keepability are not the same thing either. Love is a vital ingredient in a long term relationship, but it isn't all you need. The qualities that make a woman a keeper are sometimes about her, and sometimes about her relationship with you - but they're all vital clues to your long-term compatibility:
1. You can talk to her about anything
You've always been a bit guarded with previous girlfriends, and always assumed that you hated discussing your feelings. But suddenly you find yourself opening up to her. What's going on? Quite simply, you trust her. You trust her not to laugh at you, and to understand where you're coming from, and to help you make sense of life, the universe and everything. If you fancy the pants off her as well, she's a 24-carat keeper.
2. She answers back
A woman's ability to hold her own in an argument is vital, because of course you will disagree at times and you need to be able to handle conflict. Neither of you should be steamrollered by the other, and neither should automatically surrender every time there's conflict on the horizon. If you want a healthy relationship, allow each other a voice, hear each other out and don't bear grudges.
A woman who can stand up for herself in a witty and/or courteous manner is a woman with self-respect. The best keepers can even do it whilst having a bit of a cry, because they know that showing emotion is not a weakness. It's basically multi-tasking.
3. She dresses to please herself, not you
We're all guilty of editing our tastes a little when we meet someone we want to impress. You know the kind of thing – you're dating a rock fan, so you move your vast collection of Kylie CDs to the back of the shelf. Fine. It's called dating.
But if you want things to last long-term, you should each be true to yourselves. Embrace your different tastes as well as the ones you have in common. A girl who dresses to please you may seem to fulfil your idea of the perfect woman, but she's not being herself – and that will cause resentment once she remembers that she loathes wearing high heels. A woman who dresses to please herself is also likely to be happy in her own skin, and therefore more at ease physically and socially.
4. She finishes your sentences
Isn't it maddening when she interrupts to finish what you were saying? Well, relax - it's actually a very good sign. For a start, it shows that she's engaged and interested in what you're saying. Crucially, it shows that she understands where you're coming from, and she's enthusiastic about showing it.
One of the greatest things about being in a long-term relationship is the feeling that the other person knows you better than anyone else. And one of the worst things about being in a long-term relationship is the feeling that your other half just doesn't understand you. So if you want to find a keeper, pay attention to her sentence-finishing interruptions. They're an important clue that she "gets" you.
5. You want your mum to like her
This clue points to a woman's keepability in a number of ways. First, your mum's opinion matters to you, and if you really care for a girl you'll want your mum to like her too. Secondly, it suggests that you want to show her off to your family and friends - which wouldn't occur to you if you didn't think she was worth hanging onto. But most importantly, it's a sign that you see her as part of your future. If your mum loves her, the future really is bright.
Comments welcome from our beautiful ladies in the house please!
From yahoo. (Wish I could take credit for such succinct dissertation, but can't).
Liv.
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The 5 Most Deadly Relationship Questions
173 Views
09/15/11
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I was reading my yahoo page and I found this. Some of which make perfect sense and the others were hilariously delivered! Enjoy and of course comments are welcome:
The 5 Most Deadly Relationship Questions
Some questions just aren’t worth the oxygen you expend asking them. Especially in love. Here, match.com’s relationship expert Kate Taylor reveals the mistakes you don’t want to make out loud
“Did you get my message?”
Anyone who knows anything about love and life immediately recognises this question for what it is – the relationship equivalent of the pin being removed from a hand-grenade. You have approximately 10 seconds to get yourself to a place of safety, and you’re not going to make it if you simply reply, “Which one?” (with all its undertones of SMS complacency). What the asker of this question is really asking, of course, is: “Do you love me? Why don’t you reply to stuff I send you? You used to reply, you used to bombard me with texts all day. But these days, oh no, you’re too busy with your fancy friends and your new iPad to bother with the likes of me. Well, perhaps I’ll stop texting you then. I’ll use up my free text allowance exchanging filth with that ex who still emails me when they’re drunk. Would you like that? Would you? WOULD YOU?” The only way to bring this back is to put down whatever you’re doing – as long as it’s not your partner – and say, “Yes, shall we discuss it now?” You do risk that your partner will test you – saying deliberately oblique stuff like, “So are we on?” or throwing out a bluff like, “Yellow or blue?” – but you have to take the chance. Often all your partner really wants to hear is, “I love you.” And the sound of their text-alert a bit more often.
“Was it good for you?”
Really, come on – what are they going to say? Lying there, damply steaming in the afterglow, no partner is ever going to give you a truthful post-match analysis: “The first five minutes were a sheer joy, but you lost your way in the second half. I expected better from you, I admit, especially after your recent season in Brazil.” You’re only asking because you feel insecure and that’s never arousing. You might try to get feedback in a different way, by just flat-out complimenting them on their performance, but if they just say, “Thanks,” you’ll feel worse. The best thing to do is keep quiet and assume they thought it was incredible – and that they’re just not telling you because they’ve lost the strength to speak.
“Shall we go halves?”
This never ends well. Asked by a woman, this question means, “Do you still love me? Talk is cheap, I need you to say it with your Visa card.” Asked by a man, it just sounds like, “Wow, you’ve gained weight. I’m not subsidising those hips anymore, sister.” If you haven’t already worked-out a satisfactory bill-splitting arrangement, now isn’t the time to bring that up (even if the waitress has cleared away the sharp knives, those wineglasses can still be lethal), but try to address it in the future. Most people find that taking turns to pay for dates is less soul-destroying than going 50\50 on each one. Or replace expensive dates with thoughtful, cheap ones – a picnic where you’ve prepared your partner’s favourite foods, for example, or rent their favourite film and throw in a box of microwave popcorn.
“Do you know that girl?”
…Because if you don’t, and you really have just spent the last five minutes gawping at her like I don’t exist, I’m going to take you down into a universe of pain. When I’ve finished with you, you’ll be begging me to remove your eyeballs just so you can never disrespect me this way again. Not that you’ll be able to speak.”
If you’re a woman and you find yourself asking this question, slap yourself. The only way to keep your sassy edge in a relationship is to maintain as much self-control as you can. Keep “dignity” as your mantra and you won’t go far wrong – you won’t booty-text at 3am, you won’t drink too much on dates, and you won’t let insecurity leak out in seemingly innocuous ways like asking this question. If you don’t like how you look and fear your partner might find someone else, then improve yourself. Not to keep him, but to make yourself feel better. Look after yourself, exercise, wear your best clothes. Feel like a catch!
If you’re a man on the receiving end of this question, there can be only one answer: “What, that ugly one?” Then check you still have all your limbs. If you do, you dodged a bullet so vow never to make the mistake again. Scientists say there are biological reasons men leer at girls, stuff to do with “movement in the peripheral vision” and “survival instinct”, but don’t quote me unless you want the rest of your sentences to be typed out by a pencil attached to your forehead. Just keep your eyes on your own prize – the girl you’re with.
“Where is this going?”
Ah, there it is. The death knell. The knock at the door from the Four Horsemen of the relationship aplocalypse... or from the removal men your partner booked in case your answer doesn’t involve dropping to one knee. It’s the big one. How much do I hate it? Let me count the ways. Firstly, it’s usually asked by women and puts them squarely in the position of no-power. Asking this says, “You’re in the driving seat, you get to choose my future.” Yeuch. My advice is always – set a personal timeline of when you’d like to be committed to your partner and when it’s passed, THAT is the time to speak. Not now, three weeks in, when you still barely know each other. Don’t worry that it’ll drag on for years and you’ll be wasting time – the timeline will stop that happening. Secondly, this question implies there’s no communication in the relationship – the future, as a topic, should come up naturally as you get closer, not have to be nailed-down artificially. And thirdly, it says that the goal of Marriage, Babies, Forever, is more important than the person you’re actually with. Tick-tock, come on, if you’re not going to propose then I can’t hang around! How can that be flattering? Instead, ask questions that tell you if this is even a person you’d LIKE to spend the rest of your life with. What are their political views? What are their retirement plans? Will they ever see a doctor about their snoring? Those are far more important.
(The above advice stands, unless of course, this question was just directed to a bus-driver. In that case, sorry – as you were.)
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I thought I should share.....
131 Views
09/02/11
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I saw this somewhere and I thought I should share with my friends on here purely for laughs.
80 year old man: My 28 year old wife is pregnant, your opinion Doctor?
Doctor: Let me tell you a story. A hunter in a hurry grabs an umbrella instead of the gun. He moves into the jungle, sees a lion, lifts the umbrella, pulls the handle and... BANG... The lion drops dead!
Old man: Thats impossible; someone else must have shot the lion....
Doctor: MY POINT EXACTLY!
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What does he really want?
181 Views
08/14/11
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Believe it or not, this is a profile picture. He states that he is looking for romance and a woman who will respect him etc etc ....and he is a hard worker. So to prove it, he photographs himself sitting with cash! For one second I thought I had stepped out into a strange planet. I guess my question is what does he really want? Would there be anyone actually foolish enough to contact someone like this or am I being overly critical?
(Face has been edited to preserve anonymity).
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What's up with these ex's Profile Photos?
144 Views
07/21/11
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Does anyone know why some people post photos of themselves with their ex(s) hanging off their arm either in full view or just about cropped out of the photos? You can see strands of long blonde hair or a hand or fingers over the shoulder or something, lol. I am struggling to understand why folks do that. If they haven't moved on, why do they need to be in another relationship? Or if they are still with this person, what are they doing here? Some are photographed surrounded by a bevy of girls. Did they obtain these people's permission to post their full or partial images on here? I guess not. What is the point? Personally, I just walk right past these lot, but I'll like to hear your opinion.
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Trophy Wives
301 Views
04/18/11
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Why do some men like trophy wives? Isn't this boring? Not being able to have an intelligent conversation, plan for your future etc. Maybe I have the wrong idea, but do trophy wives contribute to their marriages positively in any way? I would really like some well thought-out comments please.
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