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szeman
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total posts: 18
Blog title: Adult ADHD.
Blog description:

This is going to be a short blog. I am wondering if there is anybody on this site who has ADHD?

The reason why I am asking is that I have ADHD and I am having lots of problems meeting people. I'm currently taking Concerta, which helps with my anxiety and impulsivity. But I am working on all of my other social skills in order to get a head and meet people.

If you have Adult ADHD, please comment on this blog.

My blog address: http://MillionaireMatch.com/blog/szeman
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The Friend Zone. 103 Views 06/20/13

Hello All,

I was thinking about another topic to write about. This one came about a week ago, after talking to an attractive young woman (She does have a boyfriend). Like me, she's new to this small town and is from another province (We're Canadian). She was talking about how the women her close to her age ate her job are more cliquely (These are small town girls that were born here and still act like they are still in High School). Oh, this young woman's job is at the Pententiary (However you spell it).

But then she mentioned that she doesn't like being around women all that much because they tend to be mean, and that most of her friends back east are men her age. I actually told her that it's good because one of those friends, might become her boyfriend in the future.

But then that got me thinking about a mistake that I have made when I was 19 or 20 years old. I do remember being just aquaintance type friends with this one guy and the only thing that we did (I think that it was with other people, I can't remember), outside of college, was to go see the movie "Philadelphia" (The one with Tom Hanks). Thinking about it now, I think that he wanted to date me, but we ended up just as friends. He was just a few inches tall and blonde. The only thing that kept him in the friend zone was that he was a nerd. Again that was my mistake.

I also do remember as a kid during class when the teachers wanted us to be in groups, I always ended up with a group full of boys. I was wondering why not the girls. But then again, I realize now that the type of female friends that I wanted were more tomboyish. I've never found a friend that was like that. Then my mother always tried to have me be friends with girls who were more into fashion and being pretty. To note here, I did play with dolls, but most of my play was imitation of what I saw in real life rather than dress up play, I mean that I did cut one of my brother's doll's hair as a toddler, and I accidentally ripped Barbie's head off her neck, just trying to comb the tangles out of her hair. Yes, I was a rough child.

But, now I am thinking that I should have been more friends with boys when I was in High School. I say High School because I was teased sexually in Junior High. Or even college.

I can see why this young woman thinks that it is better to be friends with those of the opposite sex. The big example is how both genders treat gossip. I'll give you another personal example.

This example is both work and school related. I was working part time as a part time File Clerk at a mechanic's shop (There were also two other women working in the office besides myself). And I went to Academy of Learning at the same time. Now sitting at lunch with a bunch of men, I've learn that they love to talk about sports, electronics, and somewhat relationships. If I talk to a woman in her forties about the latest technology, the tech lingo gets past her head.

The topic of the school lunchroom with a bunch of women is exclusively about relationships.

Now how both genders handle gossip.

The men that I work with. I've heard the guys talk about the married boss might be cheating on his with with one of the women at work. Nothing mean or nasty, it's just more like wait and see what happens.

The women that I went to school with. Now the women that I had lunch (Oh Academy of Learning is a correspondence school, but you have to go to the school) where learning to be nursing attendances (Or something like that. I was taking Administrative Assistant). The director of Academy of Learning did teach these nurses and these women hated her. I've heard them complain about her. However, I get along with her without any problems. Case in point, when it comes to gossip WOMEN ARE JUST PLAIN MEAN.

My point is that it's great to have friends of the opposite for two reasons that have to do with dating.

1). This one is difficult because it is all about getting out of the friend zone. Yes, you can be more than friends, and the benefit is that they already know you before either of you got serious. But the difficulty is trying to get used to the idea that becoming more than friends. Also, the friend might not want you to be the boyfriend/girlfriend.

2). If you can't get out of the friend zone, that friend will be a great network in finding you a date. Yes, it could be a blind date. But it's great.

I wish that I could follow my own advice. And by the way, I do work with a bunch of men at theis small town radio station. However, all but one is married. The one that isn't married, already has a girlfriend, and I am not that attracted to him anyway. However, it's hard to find a date in a small town.

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Where are all you good quality men out there? 164 Views 06/16/13

By the way, women can read and comment on this too.

 

Whenever I join a singles club or do something like take a dance class, I noticed that there are more women than men that go. I'm wondering why? Being busy is just an excuse.

 

The internet is not only place to find a date. In fact, going out there an meeting women is still the tried and true tested way of meeting the one that you will settle down with. And also try to find hobbies that are great for both genders like dancing. And you don't have to be Fred Astaire to join a class. Hey, there are women out there with two left feet that never danced before, and you won't be judged.

 

I know that you are afraid of rejext, but rejection is a part of life. Have you ever been rejected by a beautiful woman at a bar? How did you handle that? And by the way, the bar isn't the best place to meet a woman you want to spend the rest of your life life, unless you like to get drunk and love having one night stands. That's why not that many men and women want to go to bars because that's all it is.

 

Why not try meeting a woman at a coffee shop. It's easy if you see sitting there by herself reading a book or on her computer sipping a latte. If she rejects you, fine, go on to the next woman. Actually I have had that done to me, but it was at a mall cafeteria. The guys that did this weren't my type to begin with. They were creepy. So my advice is to be genuine and down to earth. Women do like that.

 

For all you men out there that are over 40 and want to date women in their 20s, why not try to expand your horizons and date women in their 30s, 40s, or older? They're not as b****y or always complaining as you think they are. They might at like the 20 year old women that you would love to date. Besides, if you already have been through marriage and kids and don't want to go through that again, but you want to date 20s, I'm sorry, but that is not the way to go. Most women in their 20s have never been married, dream about marriage, and children. They don't know what married life is like and they have never been divorced. Women in their 30s and beyond might have those experiences that you have and they also do not want to go through it again either.

But if you are a man who has never been married, over 40, and still want to date 20 year old women. I understand your logic there, That's fine, but you still might have to expand your horizons. There are women in their 30s and 40s that are in the same boat as you are. And plus you are living in a world where there are lots of ways to start a family aside from just having sex.

See men, there are a lot of choices out there that are not found on the Internet. So go out and learn how to dance or hike with a group, or join meetup.com. Do something and not just sit on the couch, which is something that I am going to get off of right now. I"m going to take a walk by myself.

 

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Getting Off The Internet. 77 Views 06/09/13

Yes, I am one of them. I do remember years ago, getting off the internet, only to find everyone else still wired to the Internet. This is a catch 22 because someone like me does want to meet people, but they would rather be texting, emailing, or chatting online instead of real life.

I also know that I am not the only one that tried but realized that getting off doesn't work because everyone else doesn't want to meet face to face or do something fun. Or rather, the only fun thing people want to do is be on the computer.

I hate to say this, but it is twice as hard for adults with ADHD who don't have any friends, or have a few friends and acquaintances. Someone like me does want to improve on their in person social skills and not see people's heads looking at looking at messages on the phone.

I just asked a question to one of those ADHD sites about how to have fun outside by yourseld and someone said that it is difficult. I need to find seeker motivation or something like that. I am doing it, but it's hard to find other people with the same mindset in a small town. And that where do I find fun seeker motivation. Every time I try something new, I don't follow through or finish that project. So I need something that I can stick with for good and I'd know what it is. I want to find out, but I don't know where to start to find out what that fun is. I'm only doing this for self confidence and not rely on finding other people to have fun with.

As for going to the big city, I don't drive, and I don't intend to drive in the future (Anxiety reasons). So I would have to take the bus to go to the nearest big city. But the last bus schedule going back is 6 p.m. in the evening.

Has anybody tried to get off the Internet, only to find that everyone is still wired? Did you try to encourage others unsuccessful to do the same? And how does one find that hobby that they stick with that gives them self confidence without relying on people?

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Scammers and Liars 186 Views 06/09/13

Hello,

I know that there are people on this site that were scammed by others who posts fake photos and make up fake information about themselves.

On the chat room, I did mention an incident on another dating site where I did respond to one email. But then, I got another email with a different photo, place, and person, but the red flag was that the information that they emailed me was exactly the same fluff as the one that I responded to. That's when I decided to let the owners of the site know about it.

Now I am thinking to myself the reason why I don't get scammed to the point where I'm not broke. And by the way, I am not rich either. Maybe it is that I am not a big fan of the romantic flowery language. It's that type of language that sweeps a woman off their feet. Oh, I don't know what kind of words that scammers use to when they target men. All the male readers, can you please tell me what words they use?

I've been told so many times in real life that I'm beautiful and I know that. But I know that there is something else that makes a man want to want me. Perhaps, intelligences? I don't know. But I know that real men do not like flowery words. And I don't mind attention, but I hate being put on a pedestal. I don't mind being worshiped as a goddess by the men that I date, but not to the point where it is on a pedestal.

Perhaps it's also the writer in me that also says no to this. 

But speaking of Scammer, I would also have to mention liars. I just had a guy on another dating website respond to me. I did look at his profile where it says that he is 49. But in his photo he has grey hair and looks like he was in his sixties. I blocked him. I know that there are men out there that grey prematurely. I know of a fellow graduate who is a year older and had grey hair. But he had youth in him. I don't mind dating 49 year old men with a little bit of grey in his hair either. It's just that the photo didn't match the age for me. And I thought to myself "Been there, done that." Now let me tell you that story.

I met a guy on one of those phone chat lines back in the early 2000s. I was in my late 20s and just broke up with my first boyfriend of 5 years. The guy that I met said that he was in his late 30s and he is from a wealthy family. 

When I met him, he did want to buy me the whole world. I told him that I only want extravagent gifts only on special ocassions. Which he did by the way. And the only extravagent gift that I remember him buy, was a crystal candle holder that my mother still has. He also mentioned to me that he also wants to get married and have kids. I also found out that he was Jewish. Well throught the relationships (Which was mostly friends with benefits), He complained a lot, and he did fear that I was going to leave him, take his money, and get back to my ex. I've done none of that. He also did say that he and his friends did spy on his ex-girlfriends and found out the truth.

Anyway, I did have one of those make-up, break-up relationships with this guy too. During the last one (Which he said that he didn't want to have any kids, or I think that it was), is when I decided to become Pagan. But when he wanted to get back with me again, I started to question the relationship on my own. I also do remember that he also did spy on me (Which I didn't mind).

His friend was in the park that I usually walk in asking if I want to go out with him. I flat out said no. Then I got a call from the millionaire boyfriend saying that he was 16 years older than me and never wants to get married or had kids. That's when I decided to break up with him via email (I know that's a cowardly thing to do). I was shocked that he lied to me. What else did he lie about, I don't know? But I had to do it because I know that honesty is hallmark of a successful relationship.

About six years ago, after I've been to a fair, the liar called me wanting to resume the friends  with benefits relationships. At first I was the nice, but he did not get it and resumed to call me to get me to his bed. I did snap at him and I haven't heard from him sense.

This is the reason why I am picky when it comes to the age of the men that I now date. It's more about relating and communicating to them for me.

 

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Creating Your Own Dating Site. 97 Views 06/08/13

Hello,

This is not about how to create your own dating site. And i do like being on this one. I did read an article that confirmed one of the issues that I have been having with all dating sites. That is there are some men out there that don't bother to read the profile, but would rather look at the picture. I can't do anything with the fact that men are visual, so thankfully there is the blocking option.

So, in saying that. I'm going to turn this discussion over to you readers. If you were to create your very own dating site, what would you change or make different from all the other ones?

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Double Standard. 163 Views 06/06/13

I know that there are men out there that don't think this, but I might as well post this double standard.

On other dating sites when I mentioned that I am almost 40 and never been married, some men feel sorry for me, and say something like "But you're so beautiful, how come you've never been married?" This bothers me for two reasons that I will mention later.

Now for a man who never married and is turning 40, that is a different story. No one feels sorry for him.

Now, there are times that I wanted to cry when some guy says this, and other times I am thinking that I am not the only beautiful 40 year old woman that has never been married. There are many. In fact there are many beautiful 50 and 60 year old women that never been married. What's wrong with that?

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My Views on Sex and Dating 454 Views 05/27/13

Hello,

 

 

I have to post this after talking to some men on this site. First off, I think that it is very important to talk about sex on the very first date. That way the other perso can understand where the other is coming from.

 

 

As for myself, I was born and raised by Catholic parents. I am not Catholic myself, but my mother did stress that I should only have sex when i get married. However, I was sexually teased by other boys from age 11 to 14. I did not enjoy it. In fact it does haunt me to this day. But that is not the issue that I have with sex.

 

 

I've had the experience of having sex on the second date. And months later, I get really bored of having just sex. That's not my idea of a date. But it has happened to the point where I felt that all my past relationships were all friends with benefits. I want some fun in a date that doesn't involve sex all the time.

 

 

 I also have ADHD, and my mind tends to also wander off to something else, during sex.

 

 

And this does not mean that I never want to have sex or wait until marriage. I want to get to know the man first before doing it.

 

 

By the way, I do enjoy sex, it's just that I get easily bored just doing that and nothing elseon a date.

 

And I am waiting on a man who does share this point of view with me. It's been six years since I last dated and now you know why. I want a man (Close to my age), who wants to get to know me by wining and dinning, doing some sort of phsyical activity together, that kind of thing. So are you out there. But he is hard to find.

 

 

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I don't mean to be old fashion but.... 156 Views 05/12/13

Hello,

Is it just me, or is it because of the femininist movement, that men would rather be the gatherers and not the hunters when it comes to dating? Of course women are shy too, and you are not going to get the person of your dreams just by sitting around in you house all day. Which reminds me of another question. I've tried to meet people out side of online dating in the forms of volunteering and hobbies. Only to find out that there are more women than men. The only men that do those sorts of things are marrued and have their eives drag them to sovial events.

Online dating is not the only way to meet people.  There's still the old fashion in person contacts, which is the tried and true method dince the beginning of time.

Plus, not all women like meeting men in bars. I know that there are also men that do mot like the var scene as well.

I thought of writing this because I haven't been getting much response online. And if I do, most men just want to text me and not meet with me in person.  I have moved to a new city last September and I still haven't met anyone (Men ir women) who is willing to show me the hottest places in town (Like a coffee shop).

Of course, I can take the initiative and search for men myself. But wouldn't that make me look too needy?

 

 

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Job Networking 48 Views 05/11/13

I know that this is a dating site. I'm wondering if I can network for a better playingjob here? I'm already on LinkedIn, and I got my starter job on another broadcasting job search website. I don't want to try that website again because I know that  my boss might find out. I like my job, but it doesn't pay well. So I am wondering if there are other Broadcasters on this site that I can connect with job wise? The only issue would be how to contact each other here. 

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