Blog description:Welcome! This is a research blog used to educate. If you seek a different type of blog (e.g., personal, poems, etc.), I completely understand and encourage you to seek them. Please practice the Golden Rule. Happy searching! ~Orlando
My blog address: http://MillionaireMatch.com/blog/Orlando__
Professors Sassler, Addo, and Lichter's work on sex and relationship quality has shown that sex too early results in unhappier relationships later. Their work was published in The Journal of Marriage and Family. The authors used the Marital and Relationship Survey, which provided information on nearly 600 married or cohabiting couples.
Over one third of those surveyed became sexually involved within the first month of the relationship while one quarter waited 6 months or more. The researchers then examined how the speed of entry into sexual involvement was associated with higher or lower estimates of these measures of relationship quality.
"Women who entered into sexual relationships with their current partners the most rapidly reported significantly lower levels of relationship satisfaction than those who waited somewhat longer before becoming sexually involved. Women are just more sensitive to relationship-quality issues than are men," said lead author Sharon Sassler. This breakdown in a quality relationship is "largely driven by entry into cohabitation." For men, higher levels of sexual satisfaction and lower levels of conflict were reported, but it was primarily women who were dissatisfied with the quality of the relationship later.
Sassler, S., Addo, F. R., & Lichter, D. T. (2012). The Tempo of Sexual Activity and Later Relationship Quality. Journal of Marriage and Family, 74(4), 708-725.
An online survey of 5,481 individuals conducted by MarketTools Inc. Here's what they found:
Top 6 Things Men Judge Women On 1. Teeth 2. Grammar 3. Hair 4. Clothes 5. Having/not having tattoos
Top 6 Things Women Judge Men On 1. Teeth 2. Grammar 3. Clothes 4. Hair 5. Nails/Hands 6. Having/not having tattoos
Top 5 "Must-Haves" for Men 1. Is someone I can trust and confide in 2. Treats me with respect 3. Is physically attractive to me 4. Has sense of humor/makes me laugh 5. Is comfortable with her own sexuality
Top 5 "Must-Haves" for Woman 1. Treats me with respect 2. Is someone I can trust and confide in 3. Has sense of humor/ makes me laugh 4. Shares the same values as I do 5. Is comfortable communicating his wants, needs, and desires
Among other finds they found out --38% would cancel a date if they found something bad on the internet about their date --42% would not date a virgin --65% would date those owing more than $5000 in credit card debt --54% would not date someone with a large student loan debt --49% are fine getting into a committed relationship if the other person lives with their parents
Source: USA Today. (2/4/13). What singles want. Health and Wellness Section of USA Today.
Professors Gordon, Burch, and Platek did a landmark study on semen as a possible anti-depressant. Using a sample of 293 college females who answered a questionnaire on their sexual behavior, the study found that women who used unprotected sex were significantly less depressed. Those who "never" used condoms, the study noted, showed significantly better moods--fewer depressive symptoms, and less bouts of depression--than those who abstained from sex or who regularly used condoms.
The study also looked at length of time between sex. For those who did not use condoms the correlation was significant. As the authors stated, "females who did not typically use condoms, depressive symptoms increased as the amount of time since their last sexual encounter increased." In other words, less sex, more depressed for the non-condom group. They suggested that semen might have anti-depressant quality. Interestingly, the raw group (i.e., no condoms) also reported having sex more often.
The authors looked at relationships thinking that might be the cause. Whether the females were in a relationship or not had no significant correlation to depression. So that was ruled out. Finally, they noted that those who used condoms or abstained from sex were also "more likely to report having attempted suicide."
As a result of the study the authors suggest that semen might play a role in reducing depression in women.
Gordon Jr, G., Burch, R. L., & Platek, S. M. (2002). Does semen have antidepressant properties?. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 31(3), 289-293.
Christian Rudder, did an interesting piece of research on profile pictures. Using 7,000 photographs on OKCupid. He assessed the photos and the amount of messages they received. In doing so, he looked at 3 areas:
Facial Attitude. Is the person smiling? Staring straight ahead? Doing that flirty lip-pursing thing?
Photo Context. Is there alcohol? Is there a pet? Is the photo outdoors? Is it in a bedroom?
Skin. How much skin is the person showing? How much face? How much breasts? How much ripped abs?
He found the following:
1. Women smile 50% more than men do in profile photos.
2. Women are 4 times more likely to try and be flirtatious in their photos.
3. A woman being flirtatious while looking directly into the camera with a smile received more messages from men than any others in this category.
4. Not making eye contact with a flirty face was the worst thing a woman could do and resulted in the fewest contacts.
5. Men who look away and DON'T smile actually had the most positive effect. The author states it gives a little "mystery" to the man.
6. Men who make eye contact with a flirtatious smile received only average responses.
7. A man who flirts away from the camera, smiling, was the worst thing to do resulting in fewer return messages.
1. For women, the "My Space" photo where the shot is made from above the head (e.g., hold the camera above you and look up to the camera) was the best shot a woman could make irrespective of cleavage showing or not.
2. For women, a photo of them in bed was the second best shot.
3. For women, doing something interesting, drinking alcohol and posing with animals was the worst thing they could do.
4. For men, the best photo is one with an animal.
5. Men doing something interesting was the 3rd best photo.
1. For women, the cleavage shot is a winner. When young, showing ample cleavage garners a 45% improvement in contacts over those who do not. As a woman gets older, it actually IMPROVES their chances to 79% above average. As the author states, " the older the woman, the relatively more successful she is showing off her body."
2. For men, the shirtless abs shots (2nd best photo) works EXCEPT only if you are 30 and under. After that it begins to have a NEGATIVE effect.
Source: Christian Rudder. (2010). The 4 Big Myths of Profile Pictures. OK Trends.
You read the headline right. Dr. Andrew Kramer, a urologist at the University of Maryland Medical Center has found a link between men who cheat on their wives and penile fractures. Men in the study who had suffered penis fractures commonly were having sex in unusual settings, including in restrooms or at work, cars, elevators, and so forth. Kramer studied 16 cases of penile fractures treated at the University of Maryland Hospital between 2004 and 2011. He reported the findings in the Journal of Sexual Medicine.
"If you're having acrobatic sex…you do have to be careful," Kramer said. "If you are doing something in a weird position or a weird situation…you do have to be careful of fracturing the penis."
Source: Rettner, R. (2011). 'Broken penis': Karma for cheating husbands? Today Health, NBC News.
There are some unusual studies at times. Add this to the list. Since OK Cupid has such a large data of people, they decided to see the relationships that exist with oral sex. With a huge sample of over 250,000 people answering the question, they found that Vegetarians tended to enjoy giving oral sex more than meat eaters. This was the case for both men and women in the sample. However, men scored especially high in willingness to provide such sexual services if they were Vegetarians. See chart below:
Source: OK Trends. (2011). Data Research by OK Cupid.
"It's not a good fit." "There just isn't any chemistry for me." "I don't see this working out."
Online rejection is is par for the course. In some online sites, I have seen individuals complain of a 99% rejection rate or higher. You like them, but they don't like you; they like you, but you don't like them. Rejection sucks.
According to Diane Barth, LCSW, who published an article in Psychology Today called "It's Not About You: Dealing with Internet Date Rejections" she points out the following ways to deal with it.
1. It's not personal. If they don't respond or send you the "no thanks" email, it is because it really isn't a fit for them. You may be a great person but they have someone specific in mind.
2. It takes two to tango. If rejection is rampant, consider looking at yourself. Is your profile as good as it should be? Are you aiming too high? Have someone else look at it and give an honest opinion on how to improve it.
3. Most fail before they succeed. She suggests you look at it from a business viewpoint. Most people trying to make it in business fail more than they succeed. But it only takes one. So, don't give up.
4. It's OK to feel bad. Rejection can be hurtful but it can also make us stronger--if we let it. Consider it a lesson in development. (Site note: Personally, I don't need or want that many lessons).
I like how my friend once told me when I was feeling bad about online rejection. It changed my perspective on rejection 180 degrees. He said, "Orlando, rejection is a good thing. You don't want to be with somebody who doesn't want to be with you. They did you a favor."
This chart which tracks sample size and based on over 1.3 million women is very telling for women as it relates to sex drive and self-confidence. Curvy women pass skinny ones in self-confidence at age 29 and never look back. They also consistently have the highest sex drive among the groups. From 50 onward sex drive begins to free-fall but self-confidence grows.
"SCUD alarm, SCUD alarm, SCUD alarm!" I yelled into the microphone. "Don masks and gloves and take cover!"
As an Air Force Officer who served in Operation Desert Storm I was responsible for the operation of a command and control center that warned 6,000 people of incoming SCUD missiles randomly launched from Saddam Hussein's Iraq. During this particular alarm, we were warned that we were in the "cone." "Cones" were a 100 mile guess of where the deadly Al Hussein missile might hit.
It was February 25th, 8 days into the war. It wasn't my first SCUD alarm. Many were launched at or near my base. It is one, however, I will remember. As I continued to yell those words into the microphone, I knew there was only 2 minutes before impact. People ran like roaches seeking bomb shelters. And we waited. And we waited. Seconds seemed like hours. As the time approached, I looked at the countdown clock. I held my breath.
Impact. But it wasn't us. It landed 55 miles west of us. The intelligence report told us it was in Dahran, Saudi Arabia. That day 28 of my fellow soldiers lost their lives to a random missile. Those are 28 lives who ceased to see their spouses, kids, parents, and family.
Memorial Day is a remembrance of our fallen soldiers. I want to recognize those 28. May you be with God.
Communication professors Catalina Toma (University of Wisconsin-Madison) and Jeffrey Hancock (Cornell University) have done work to detect the language patterns shown by online liars. Toma and Hancock used a computerized linguistic program which analyzed profile descriptions. By crunching the numbers and types of words the online daters produced, the computer found some revealing clues to lying.
First, online liars avoided topics they lied about. For example, if they lied about their age they avoided that topic. If their weight was incorrect they omitted food-related words. If their photos were not accurate, they deflected the profile to work, material things, or accomplishments.
Second, liars used fewer words (generally speaking). The less said, the less likely they are to be caught in a lie.
Third, liars avoided negative expressions of emotion. They sought to portray a positive self-image. So, the profile seemed upbeat.
Now the two professors did a secondary experiment to see if people could catch the liars. In short, they found people did a poor job of detecting liars compared to computers. Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D., a Professor of Psychology at the University of Massachusetts Amherst took Toma and Hancock's study and provided four recommendations:
Longer is better. An internet profile with greater detailed self-description is likely to be more truthful. In fact, the more detailed a person's profile appears, the more truth worthy it tends to be.
Look for consistency. Check to see if one part of the profile is different than another. As Professor Whitbourne states, "they should be able to provide back-up evidence somewhere else that confirms it. Don't just read an online self-description from top to bottom. Go back and double check within the profile to make sure it all fits together." She even suggest considering a good Google search. Sites such as Pipl, PeekYou, YoName, and Wink allow you to search their username.
Recognize that liars avoid negative emotions. If someone is trying to manipulate you, they will avoid negative statements. They will give you positive platitudes to make you feel warm and fuzzy. They don't want you to feel uncomfortable. If it all seems unrealistically positive, it really is.
Watch out for the "we's." A liar will seek to put you on an even par with words like "we" and "us". An unusually high number of first-person plural pronouns may signify a profile that is intended to make you feel emotionally close to the liar.
Source: Toma, C., & Hancock, J. T. (2012). What lies beneath: The linguistic traces of deception in online dating profiles.. Journal of Communication. 62:78-97.
Whitbourne, S. K. (2010). The Search for Fulfillment: Revolutionary New Research that Reveals the Secret to Long-term Happiness. Ballantine Books.
Online dating is category-based. Individuals are put into categories and summed up to determine if they meet the perceived standard of that individual's dating criteria. For example, here are some of the categories often used: attractiveness; ethnicity; height, income, educational level; personal interests; body type. There are many more.
Yet research on love involves the following:
understanding personal and emotional needs
nurturing physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual needs
respecting, supporting, forgiving, accepting and encouraging behavior
showing appreciation and affection
sexual pleasure, fidelity, and commitment
the absence of negatives like controlling, defensiveness, contempt, stonewalling, and blaming
Unfortunately, love is interaction-based involving face-to-face communication on a verbal and nonverbal level that develop relationships. Although online daters can exchange messages, it does not lend itself to interaction at the "love" level. Rather, it reduces itself to decision boxes of acceptance or disapproval of the potential mate's categories.
Rejection of one's categories can lead to emotional scars and a cycle of false advertising. If one is repeatedly rejected, it must be logical to the online dater that they must "improve" the categories. So, categories are falsified to enhance themselves (e.g., height, weight, income, photos). Once two people meet it leads to disappointment. "They weren't like their profile," is the common theme. This can lead to even greater emotional scarring and disillusionment. And the cycle continues.
People don't fall in love with categories. They fall in love with people.
Using 500,000 first contact messages from their online dating users, OKCupid found some interesting insight in what you should and should not say in these messages. Here's the breakdown:
Grammar. Netspeak, bad grammar, and bad spelling are huge turn-offs. Using ur, u, wat, wont, and so on will reduce responses by up to 25%. This all makes for a terrible first impression. A big exception to Netspeak is haha and lol which garnered 45% and 41%, responses, respectively.
Avoid Physical Compliments. Words like sexy, gorgeous, beautiful, and hot reduce responses for men by as much as 35%. On the other hand, words such as cool, nice that, fascinating, and awesome can improve responses by up to 35%. The word "pretty" when used to compliment a woman reduces your chances but when it is used like "pretty good", "pretty sure," or "pretty much" you can improve your responses 33%-38%.
Greetings. Unusual greetings (e.g., hola, howdy, how's it going, what's up) improve responses up to 53%. Words like hi, hey, and hello will reduce your chances of a response. Actually, the study said it is "best to dive into what you have to say" and avoid the greetings.
Use Specific Interests. When writing about the persons's specific interests responses improve dramatically (33%-43%). In addition, using the following phrases coupled with specific interests jumped response rates even higher: curious what, noticed that, good taste, you mentioned, and your name.
Be Self-Effacing (Guys only). Instead of trying to sound more confident, words like awkward, sorry, apologize, kinda, and probably all made male messages more successful. Sounding desperate, however, by using "please" or worse yet "pls" dropped responses 23%.
Source: Christian Rudder. Exactly what to say in a first message. OKTrends.
Professors Swami and Tovee just published a study on the size of women's breasts and men being sexist. Men who liked more bustier women tended to be more sexist. Here's what they did and found.
The study of 361 white British men, were asked to view five 3D renderings of women. The pictures were identical except for the breast sizes. Using eye-tracking, the professors found most men spent time looking at the woman's breasts. No news there. A total of 32.7% preferred the middle bosomed women, 24.4% preferred the large-breasted women, and 19.1% preferred the big boobs gals. (Note: cup size was not provided).
Participants then completed a survey about their attitudes towards women. The survey assessed general attitudes, hostility and benevolent sexism.
"Men who more strongly endorsed benevolently sexist attitudes toward women, who more strongly objectified women, and who were more hostile toward women idealized a large female breast size," the researchers concluded.
In short, if you like big boobs you are a sexist pig.... well, according to the research of course.
Source: Swami, V., & Tovée, M. J. (2013). Men’s oppressive beliefs predict their breast size preferences in women. Archives of sexual behavior, 1-9.
This response rate information collected by OKCupid dating site is based on 500,000 dating members randomly selected along gender and ethnic groups. It is very eye-opening. Red indicates below average response return of an email, yellow indicates an average response, and green indicates an above average response.
Male Senders: In looking at male senders first, you can see that African-American and Native American Women were the least discriminating in their responses. White males received the most responses across the board from every ethnic female while other male ethnic groups were generally below average or average.
Female Senders:When it comes to females sending first messages, white males wrote back 20% less than all the other ethnicities. Almost every female group received responses from men at above average levels except for African-American females. They consistently received below average or neutral email responses from every male group.
Source: OK Trends. (2009). Data Research from OK Cupid.
This is an interesting distribution of age and income as it relates to the amount of emails received by men. As you can see, the more money a man makes, the more likely he is to receive emails. Ages 25-36 with 100K+ income is the prime demographic that enables a man to receive the most emails from women. Source: OKCupid. (2009). Based on 1.3 million responses.
Statistics have shown that in the U.S. 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce. But why the progressively worse divorce record? According to Israel Leo Averbach in his book "Breakup", the reasons are as follows:
Rebounds: A large number of people remarry without first working through their issues. They end up repeating the same mistakes.
Independence: Men and women have gotten used to being alone. They have become emotionally and financially protective. In essence, there is no real union or shared values.
Less Glue: Parent-child, blended families are a source of conflict. Most children are born in the first marriage and second marriages don't tend to have children that glue a marriage together. The element of "family" is not central in the relationship. Moreover, bringing in children from another marriage tends to create more ungluing than gluing.
Interacting with women makes men dumb: Researchers at Radboud University of Nijmegen in The Netherlands, determined that men tended to have difficulty performing cognitive tasks after socializing with women.
Beautiful women can be hazardous to a man's health: Researchers at the University of Valencia in Spain found that attractive female raises stress hormones of men to dangerously high levels. Some men were so stressed out, their cortisol hormone levels reached that of a person diving out of a plane.
Women thrive on romantic uncertainty: Researchers from Virginia University and Harvard found that women were more drawn to the profiles of men who showed little interest in them.
Married women are more likely to get bored than single women: A psychologist at Stony Brook University studying couples in long-term relationships found that boredom sets in after seven years of wedded bliss.
Beautiful women are happier with less attractive men: A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that women who marry less attractive men tend to be happier in their marriages. The not-at-all stereotypical thinking behind the study is that men place more value on physical appearance while women prefer a stable, supportive spouse.
After returning to the journal article "Empirical Analysis of Online Dating”, by Günter J. Hitsch and Ali Hortaçsu of the University of Chicago and Dan Ariely of MIT, I found even more interesting predictors. I'll try and be brief:
Who is Likely to Respond to Emails? Men by 70% to 40%. Attractive women only respond by 14%.
Reasons for Sending the Initial Email: How good looking they are.
Long-Term vs. Short-Term Relationships: Only 17% chance of getting an email response if you list "casual relationships." Women look for "long-term relationship" listing.
Photo: No photo. No emails.
Weight: Women receive 77% more emails if they are fit. Fit women respond to fit men. Overweight people get few emails.
Hair Color: Women with long blond hair get the most contact emails; men with red hair the least.
Income: Women are attracted to a higher income man; men generally don't care. Rich women get no more extra contacts than poor women.
Occupation: Top occupations for men are legal professions, military, firefighters, and health-related. Manufacturing only gets you 10% response. Men didn't care about a woman's occupation.
Ethnicity: By far, people prefer their own ethnicity with not much crossover. Asian men and women were the least discriminating.
Age: Men avoid women older than themselves; most women avoid men younger than themselves; 5 year range is the idea for both genders.
Kids and History: People with kids prefer somebody with kids; people without kids don't want someone with kids; people who are divorced prefer a divorced person; never married women avoid divorced men.
Research shows men prefer women who were dumped by their last boyfriends, while women prefer men who initiated their last breakup. When a man initiates a breakup, his actions reinforce the male dominance that is inherent to gender roles. Therefore, knowing his prospective girlfriend was dumped reassures him that he'll be the one in control. On the other hand, when women leave their boyfriends, guys may consider them high-maintenance and picky, which could also make them worry that she will eventually reject him as well. Meanwhile, women prefer guys who initiated their last breakup because it suggests that he isn't hung up on his ex.
Source: Stanik, C., Kurzban, R., & Ellsworth, P. (2010). Rejection hurts: The effect of being dumped on subsequent mating efforts. Evolutionary psychology: an international journal of evolutionary approaches to psychology and behavior, 8(4), 682.