I see a lot on this site man complaining about women being drama queens and so on. I always wonder what they mean by that. I heard many times in my life men also complaning about women talking too much or nagging too much.
On the other hand I heard as often, women complaining about men being too lazy. or not being there for them as much as they need. Or even men ignoring them.
I totally admit that these complains sometimes have solid bases. But many times I also feel that we just missunderstand each others. And for that I want to share this part from John Gray's "Why Mars And Venus Collide" with you.
"A woman's brain has a larger corpus callosum, the bundle of nerves that connects the right and left hemisphere of the brain. This link, which produces cross-talk between the hemispheres, is 25 percent smaller in men. In practical terms, this means men do not connect feelings and thoughts as readily as women do. In a very real sense, women have superhighways connecting their feelings to speech, while men have back roads with plenty of stop signs.
This stronger connection between different parts of the brain increases a woman's ability to multitask. When she is listening, she is also thinking, remembering, feeling, and planning all at the same time.
A man's brain is highly specialized, using a specific part of a single hemisphere to accomplish a task. A woman's brain is more diffuse, using both hemispheres for many tasks. This neurological difference allows men to focus and to block out distractions for long periods of time. On the other hand, women tend to see things in a broader context, from a larger vantage point.
Men tend to do one thing at a time in their brains and in life. When a man is under stress, he can easily forget his partner and her needs. He may be focusing on how to get that promotion, so he forgets to bring home the milk. A woman can easily misinterpret his forgetful behavior as uncaring. After she has misunderstood his forgetful behavior in this manner, it is even harder for her to risk asking him for more support.
This insight can help a woman not to take it personally when he is at his computer and seems annoyed when she asks him a question. For her, it is a simple task to shift her attention when she is interrupted, but for him it is much more difficult. If he seems annoyed, she can remember that it is much more difficult for him to shift gears rather than take it personally.
In a similar manner, women become annoyed when a man tries to narrow down the focus of her conversation to a single point. He may interrupt her and ask her to get to the point, or ask what she wants him to do when she is still just connecting all the dots of what she is talking about. Quite commonly men will say, "I understand," but a woman hears that he wants her to finish talking. He feels she doesn't have to continue, because he understands. Since she is still in the process of discovering what it is she wants to say, she knows he cannot fully undersand...
The differences in brain structure between men and women has another important effect on stress relief. A man can more easily disengage from his serious, responsible left brain and allow it to rest and regenerate. When a man is stressed, he can simply change his focus to a hobby or watching TV and he begins to relax. He shifts from using his left brain, which is logical, practical, and reality-based, to his right brain, which is feeling, risk-taking and fantasy-based. By making this shift, he automatically disconnects from the stress of his responsibilities. In this manner, a man can shift gears and disengage from everyday worries with greater ease.
A woman does not have this luxury, since the connective tissue between the two hemispheres of her brain won't allow her to disengage as easily. When she is on the right side of her brain, trying to relax or have a fun time, she is still connected to her analytical and rational left brain.
On a practical note, understanding this difference helps men to recognize the futility of making comments to a woman like "Just forget it" or "Don't worry about it". She can't make this shift the way a man does, but she can talk about what is bothering her. If a man can't solve a problem, his way of coping is to forget about it until he can do something about it. If a woman can't solve a problem, then she feels, "At least we can talk about it"... By remembering her problems, a woman can actually free herself from their gripping hold on her and her mood.....
Most men appreciate a beautiful and orderly home, yet they can easily return to an untended house and simply relax while watching TV. In his world, relaxing comes before tending to the home. After a long day at work, a man takes a deep breath and begins to relax at just the thought of going home. When a woman returns home, her stress levels go up. Every cell in her body says, "this house must be cleaned up before we can relax."
Even if she wanted to rest, she couldn't. Her mind is too busy with standards that she must uphold... In a woman's mind, there is a long to-do list. Until it is finished, it is very hard for her to rest, relax, or do something simply because she enjoys it."
I hope that with this insight in how our neurological structures are different, we may get a little bit of more understanding about each other. I will recommend everyone to read this book ("Why Mars And Venus Collide"). This may stop some unrealistic expectations we have for each other and hopefully will make our relationships full of joy and pleasure.