I was asked to post the following essay that I wrote about 30 years ago as a discussion topic. Open for discussion. *****************************************************
What are you looking for in a mate? Are you looking for the "right stuff"
People's assets, traits, and qualities can generally be categorized into three positive categories plus a negative category.
1. Those assets you were BORN WITH, and had nothing to do with: Such as beauty, intelligence, inherited wealth and family money, good genetic mental health, good genetic physical health, sexy looks, natural talents or abilities, charisma, inherited social position, etc. Some of these characteristics, such as good looks, money, etc. are often “flashy” and attract a lot of attention and admiration in most societies. However, this category of traits does not make you a “class act” by any means. Regardless of the items on this list, the key factor is that you had to do nothing to gain these assets.
2. Those assets you had to WORK FOR to obtain: Traits and accomplishments such as: education; interests, knowledge, wisdom, developed skills and abilities; accomplishments, personality, development as a whole and balanced person; common sense, sound philosophy of life, tolerance of others; trying to be good, trying to be a good parent or role model; admirable but realistic values; open and honest with yourself and others, knowing yourself; good work ethic. They may have: wealth, success, pleasant personality, sociable, interesting, a good leader; have a balanced personality, sound goals, ideas, etc. They may recognize their special talents and try to improve their weaknesses; accept challenges in life, etc. Regardless of the components of the list, the key factor is that you had to work and expend effort to gain these assets.
3. Those assets that define your CHARACTER and the higher-level traits of a good human being: Such as: honesty, integrity, honor, compassion, kindness, flexible, understanding, responsible, affectionate, patient, tolerant, capable of love, stable, good morals, spiritual, dependable, easy going, mature, willingness to compromise, be slow to anger, help the less fortunate, and about 60 other higher level traits of a good human being.
These people usually are able to give love to people who deserve it, and sometimes to those that don’t. Their respect, love or affection cannot be bought with flowers, dinners, promises, status, position, wealth, being catered too, or any of the ways that people put a price on their selves.
4. NEGATIVE traits
A few are: drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, rage, unjustified anger, undependable, immature; unrealistic expectations; sensation seeking; emotionally cold and unfeeling, feeling they are “entitled”, being "self centered", and the lack of the many positive traits. Of utmost importance are the harmful personality disorders, which cover many negative behavior traits and bad behavior. It is important to understand that the sociopath and psychopaths of the world cause much more damage (often to millions or even nations) than the town drunk will ever cause.
5. SCORE KEEPING I believe we all keep score. Our score, and the score of others. This score is the sum of the positive traits, minus the negative traits, modified (weighted) by a priority system that each of us has - what we value the most, hate the most. We use this weighted score to determine our value, and the value of others.
In my humble opinion, The third and fourth categories are the most important. We can appreciate the other categories
One final question/comment.. Are you the "right stuff" for a mate who really does has the right stuff? If not, do you realize what you need to work on? Can you fix the problems or would you rather just go through life with the "wrong stuff"?
copyright 1980 permission granted for this post on MM
I have never been attracted to the type of women that always look like they are ready for a glamour photo shoot. It seems such a waste of time to me and so artificial. I had much rather hang out with someone who wears a T Shirt and shorts around the house than someone who always has that dressed up fit-to-kill look. Those hands and nails that will never touch dirt, that are allergic to any kind of manual labor, activity or sport is just not appealing to me. I always had a office type of job but my fun in life was usually some project or sport after work. I don't do much of these type of things anymore (age) but the instant gratification you get when you get your hands dirty and do something physical was much more satisfying to me than my sedentary day job. The day job was very mentally challenging but the feedback, if any, would be years down the road - when you finally found out if what you designed or helped design worked or not. I am also not comfortable with men who look like they are ready for a photo shoot either, and heaven forbid if they get their nails dirty or a scratch..
I was just wondering who would click on this blog, I am trying to get some leads. I do this about every year but it hasn't worked very well for me so far, but neither has anything else I have tried. btw Bill always pays me $10 for leads, so that is another reason for the post.
If you have something to confess, go ahead, I am listening.
Information about a Electromatic Pulse from our sun or from weapons..Plus, info about terrorist attacks on our grid.
Terrorist Attacks have already made on our power grid almost causing a two year outage to parts of Calif. Attacks on only 9 critical locations could take down the entire US.
There is 12% possibility of sun erruption in the next 10 years destroying our grid and knocking out millions of electronic devices, vehicles, etc.
99 % of our military bases are powered by the civilian grid.
What can happen to the country if we lose power? This video, by a former Dep Sec of Defense, is a warning worth listening too. We all need to be planning and prepping for a possible widespread or total electrical outage that might last for years. eg. It takes a year or more to build the large high voltage transformers.
I see quite often someone bragging that they have never married but no other info is given.
I might, just for grins, be interested in how many people that person might have lived with? Is it better morally to live with a bunch of different people or to have married one or two, or more, for that matter.
It might also be interesting to find out how many people have just been your casual sex partners...
So who is the more honorable?.. Some one who commits or someone who just jumps in and out of beds with no commitment at all. It's funny how some people look at things..
I was thinking the other day that I am getting older and that I need to document some of the important events of my life before I become to senile to remember them...... You know, things like how I made my first millions, the showgirls and supermodels I have dated, the inventions, the important large scale computer centers and earth resources and medical image processing innovations and concepts, real time priority processing concepts, the Nobel Prizes, textbooks and novels written, the time I won the Mr. America contest, my winning the Superbowl, winning The Masters, movies I have starred in, hit songs, ........ Things like that.... Did I mention super models?
Well, if you can think of more let me know, I am already forgetting some things.....
I really don't get a lot of mail, but occasionally I get a wink or something from a liberal. Sometimes they are very accomplished, attractive, and I am sure many are nice people with a great heart.
However, if you are a liberal, you obviously haven't done your homework about economics, socialism, communism, investing, business, effects of over taxation, excessive debt, out of control IRS, NSA, Executive Orders, etc. the list goes on. Anyway, I am afraid we would not be compatible, and in fact, I consider you a great danger to our country. Actually I consider you to be my enemy, the enemy of my children and grandchildren, and the enemy of our country. Sorry, but please just don't bother to contact me in any way, you will get no respect from me.
Anyone who feels the same is welcome to use this blog to identify yourself.
If you took all of the money of all of the billionaires IN THE ENTIRE WORLD you could not pay off our debt.. Yes, I said all of their money, not just a higher tax.
If you sold all of the farmland in America you could not pay off the national debt.
If you sold the 650 million acres of land held by the Feds you would not make a big dent in the debt.
If you took all of the stock in America, ever corporation, held by pension funds and people world wide you could not pay off the debt. If someone tries to tell you that all we have to do is tax corporations more, tell them to look up the total value of every stock on the stock market, which is the value of every corporation in America totaled, and then compare that number to the national debt.. Of course a even smaller number (much smaller) is the total profits of every corporation in America.
The total profits of every corporation in the US, perhaps even the profits of every corporation in the entire world, will not even make a dent in the debt. There is no way a higher tax on corporations will pay off the debt and more tax will just run more corporations out of business. If you add up all their taxes (state, county, local) they are probably paying twice as much as you realize.
Gov spending is just totally out of control. We all need to make a bit of fun of anyone who makes false and lying statement by pointing out the real truth.
If you are not aware of just how large the debt is compared to our resources you need to brush up a bit...ps. and maybe quit voting for socialists and people with little or no brains.
Oh, you might also start learning about hunkering down.
I think the economy has a very high chance of collapsing. The debt is impossible to pay off, the jobs are just not there in most parts of the country, and there are too many people drawing government checks.
For the last few years I have been keenly observing how people survive in poor countries, countries that can't afford to give everyone a free meal, housing, medical, etc. Countries where even water and food is a struggle to obtain. From my observations, I can tell you one thing for sure, the people in the US have lost their survival skills, they would not be able to survive in poor countries. They wouldn't have a clue. The people in third world countries have been learning to survive since they were born, they know, but it is still almost impossibly hard.
I have also observed what has happened and is happening to people in socialist countries, such as Greece, Spain, etc. It is not pretty and getting worse. Then there are the Islamic radicals......Now those sweeties really are a danger to the world and its economy.
I see people on MM and everywhere else with their head in the sand. They are dreaming about travel to Paris or around the world, they think eating in a 5 star restaurants and driving expensive cars is the utmost lifestyle. I just wonder if they know that they and everyone they know could be wiped out by a economic collapse. I also wonder if they have any backup plans at all.
Do you believe there is a high possibility of a economic collapse or hyper inflation (worthless money)? Do you have any backup plans?
To My Liberal Friends:
Please accept with no obligation, implied or explicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solsticeholiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/ortraditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.
I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2011 but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere .
Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.
TO MY CONSERVATIVE FRIENDS
AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Would you marry someone who is dying or seriously ill.
I thought I knew the answer to this one, but after thinking about it, I decided that the answer was not so easy.
People face this issue more than you think. I recently saw a video of a very young bride who just had days to live. They did get married, white dress and all, but it was really sad to me to see such a young person have so few days to live. It did make her and all of the family happy however.
A woman uses her intelligence to find reasons to support her intuition.
Gilbert K. Chesterton
Action is the real measure of intelligence.
Be as smart as you can, but remember that it is always better to be wise than to be smart.
Belief is the death of intelligence.
Robert Anton Wilson
Character is higher than intellect. A great soul will be strong to live as well as think.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Common sense is not so common.
Every true genius is bound to be naive.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year. The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together.
Georg C. Lichtenberg
Genius ain't anything more than elegant common sense.
Genius always finds itself a century too early.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Genius is more often found in a cracked pot than in a whole one.
E. B. White
I can't tell you if genius is hereditary, because heaven has granted me no offspring.
I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.
I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
Intelligence is not a science.
Intelligence is really a kind of taste: taste in ideas.
Intelligence is the wife, imagination is the mistress, memory is the servant.
Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings.
It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer.
Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
Man becomes man only by his intelligence, but he is man only by his heart.
Henri Frederic Amiel
Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.
The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination.
There are no great limits to growth because there are no limits of human intelligence, imagination, and wonder.
There is no greater evidence of superior intelligence than to be surprised at nothing.
There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have.
We should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality.
What a distressing contrast there is between the radiant intelligence of the child and the feeble mentality of the average adult.
Wit is educated insolence.
Article from the net, written by Mary Jo Rapini.. You can search for the complete article.
Getting a date may have more to do with your ability to flirt than your looks.
Flirting is often thought of as superficial, cute, and not important. Nothing could be further from the truth. A study in the October-December issue of the Journal of Communication Quarterly identifies five types of flirting behavior based on responses from more than 5,000 adults from the ages of 19 with an average age of 39 years of age. These people were all single at the time. The five types described in the Journal are listed below:
•Physical: People who scored high on this type often develop relationships quickly, have more sexual chemistry and have a greater emotional and sexual connection to their partners.
•Traditional: These believe men should make the first move and women should not pursue men. Both men and women with this style tend to be introverted.
•Polite: The focus is on proper manners and nonsexual communication.
•Sincere: The style most often cited in the study. Relationships involve strong emotional connections and sexual chemistry and are typically meaningful; they are based on creating emotional connections.
•Playful: People favoring the playful style often flirt with little interest in a long-term romance, but they find flirting fun and enhancing to their self-esteem. They are less likely to have important and meaningful relationships and this is the type that is most uncommon.
The most popular (for securing dates) of all of these was the sincere; the least popular as expected was the playful.
Dr. David B. Givens Ph.D. has studied human courtship rituals by attending single scenes, camping out in dimly lit bars, restaurants, and cocktail lounges. His effort was to decode the verbal and nonverbal signals men and women send each other. Dr. Givens, along with a community of college professors, studied simple things such as women going to the bathroom as a form of flirting. These trips were decoded as a way for women to flaunt their attractiveness. It sounds bizarre, but when you think more about it, consider that in that walk to the bathroom the woman may swing her hips, glance in a flirty way at her date across the table, lick her lips, twirl her hair or move in a seductive way. Of course she may really have to go to the bathroom too, as her date may make her nervous. What does the man do as she leaves the table? He sits back, puffs up his chest by putting his arm around the back of the chair. These are all signs of him trying to show his date what a virile, big guy he is.
Dr. Monica Moore, an associate professor at Webster University in St. Louis, has identified more than fifty flirtatious behaviors that are aimed at attracting and keeping the attention of a potential mate. Dr. Moore has found that physical attraction is not the best predictor for finding a mate. A much better predictor is a woman’s ability to flirt, especially how well she can send the appropriate non-verbal signal that she is receptive to a man’s approach. So how do women do that? Below is a list of the top ten non-verbal ways to flirt that resulted in a man approaching a woman:
1. Prolong your eye contact at a potential mate.
2. Arch your eyebrows.
4. Stroke or mess with your hair.
5. Touch your lips or teeth with your tongue.
6. Thrust your chest out.
7. Cross or open your legs.
8. Lean forward.
9. Mirror or copy your potential date’s body behavior.
10. Smile, look like you like yourself.
So many of us criticize ourselves for the way we look. We say to ourselves: we are too chubby, our hair is too thin, or we don’t wear the right clothes. It is refreshing to know that men may not be judging the same things we are. They may be looking to see if you are going to be friendly or rejecting. Trying these behaviors may give him the courage to approach. –Mary Jo Rapini