#1 Dating Site for Successful Singles and Admirers
Millionaire Blogs > Wwww12345's blogs > Are you looking for the right stuff
Are you looking for the right stuff Sort by:
wwww12345
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 1406
Posted on Mon, Nov 01, 2010 19:05

Quoting Curious2078:

Bernie, this remark of yours:  "how many people concentrate on the wrong things in picking a mate and the wrong things in trying to make themselves attractive to the opposite sex."

 

Where stand you on the issue of MEN, even the ugliest of men, rejecting average-looking women like me in favor of gorgeous women they could never get--and so such men end up with total trash who only look attractive after 17 beers because they themselves are so unattractive that's all they can get?

 

This problem is not one-sided for sure.  There are thousands--yea, millions of us average-looking women who can't get a Saturday night date with a decent man of AVERAGE LOOKS because these men are too busy trying to overwhelm the beauties of the world.  They never will; they'll wind up, in the end, with the uglies of the world because us average gals have moved on....we'd rather spend the rest of our lives with our dogs and/or our cats than with some idiot who rejected us out out of hand because we didn't look like Raquel Welch. 

 

Did that make any sense????  I tried really hard....

 

 


IMHO, If any man, at any age, is only concerned with the criteria in the 1st list, such as beauty, then he is obviously don't have many level 3 assets himself - or he is just stupid. As a blogger on here said several years ago, we all want the best deal we can get, but I believe that should include good character - if you know what you are doing and want the relationship to last. If I was a woman, regardless of my beauty, I would want someone to appreciate my good character, that's assuming I have some. lol Of course there are men (or women)that would go for a movie stars looks or money, regardless of their character, but are those men (or women) really worth having? Personally, I am glad I don't look like a movie star. Hopefully anyone interested in me will have to look deeper to see if I am worth having.. OK OK,, I do resemble some movie stars,, Godzilla,, for instance.


Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    1 up Bookmark and Share
Curious2078
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 2501
Posted on Mon, Nov 01, 2010 18:45

Quoting wwww12345:

Thank you jackbunny. It has always amazed me how many people concentrate on the wrong things in picking a mate and the wrong things in trying to make themselves attractive to the opposite sex. The only people they are likely to attract are the people with problems or with few good character traits .


Bernie, this remark of yours:  "how many people concentrate on the wrong things in picking a mate and the wrong things in trying to make themselves attractive to the opposite sex."

 

Where stand you on the issue of MEN, even the ugliest of men, rejecting average-looking women like me in favor of gorgeous women they could never get--and so such men end up with total trash who only look attractive after 17 beers because they themselves are so unattractive that's all they can get?

 

This problem is not one-sided for sure.  There are thousands--yea, millions of us average-looking women who can't get a Saturday night date with a decent man of AVERAGE LOOKS because these men are too busy trying to overwhelm the beauties of the world.  They never will; they'll wind up, in the end, with the uglies of the world because us average gals have moved on....we'd rather spend the rest of our lives with our dogs and/or our cats than with some idiot who rejected us out out of hand because we didn't look like Raquel Welch. 

 

Did that make any sense????  I tried really hard....

 

 



Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
Curious2078
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 2501
Posted on Mon, Nov 01, 2010 18:34

EVA, my dear!  Nothing namby pamby about your remark at all.  Not a wink of it.  Nor are you being contrary!

 

Just a victim of some lousy love experiences lately...maybe?  Or some other somewhat ruinous "adventure?'

 

" Open/vulnerable. Compromise/boundary. Give/take, push/pull, accept/select...dang"

 

Talk to me, Sweetie.  Tell "Mama" all about it.  You know the private "number."  I don't like the "down" sound of your posts lately.  Not like you at all.

 

Pat

 

 

 

 



Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
Curious2078
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 2501
Posted on Mon, Nov 01, 2010 18:20

Quoting rmac22:

I really expected this to take off. Perhaps every one agrees and no one comments. Do not know. I like it in any case. In my opinion you are dead on. Have you read "The Sociopath Next Door" by Martha Stout? rmac


YES!  I just finished it.  Good, but not very memorable.  For a far better read on the subject, try:  WITHOUT CONSCIENCE, Robert D. Hare, PhD. 

 

Hare developed a highly critical test for therapists/law enforcement agencies/courts/parole boards to use to determine if someone is a sociopath/psychopath that is in use today as a standard all over the world.   The man is considered one of the most foremost authorities on the subject, if not THE most foremost authority.  I think you'll get a great deal out of his book.

 

And by the way, it was Bernie who turned me on to both Stout's and Hare's books.  As long as Bernie (wwww12345) doesn't have his tongue in his cheek [sometimes it's difficult to determine if he does or not], he is a man whose advice should be taken seriously. One of our brightest bloggers indeed. 



Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
GentlyWoman
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 424
Posted on Sun, Oct 31, 2010 03:16

Quoting wwww12345:

Friends is one case, a mate is another. I certainly have many friends that never could be a mate of mine but that doesn't mean we can't be friends. There are limits to bad behavior or a set of criteria to even be a friend of mine. I came to the conclusion long ago that many people will never arrive or become good people no matter how long they live. I see no point in being around them, and certainly it would be total hell having one as a mate. I had two aunts that were such examples. They were as mean at 80 as they were at 40. I have no idea how there husbands put up with them a month, let alone 50 years. I didn't want to be around them at all. I guess I just have my shortcomings.


Having criteria is not a shortcoming. I am being contrary simply because I feel this way in this writing. But it is a strength for you to be intolerant of BS. You are right, we should all have as much self-respect as to disallow meanness, disrespect, belittling, etc. in our own chosen and carefully created environments - a singular space we would do well to protect at all costs. Still, it's such a fine balance, for me. Open/vulnerable. Compromise/boundary. Give/take, push/pull, accept/select...dang. As generally hopeful as I tend to be - today I don't see a mate relationship as uncomplicated at all. Yet I can be responsible for only one thing: how I love, and how I accept love (Ok, that's two). So much else is for further negotiation. Is that WAY too namby-pamby? Yeah. Probably. But I'm hitting send anyway, for the sake of some rousing discussion.


Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
wwww12345
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 1406
Posted on Sat, Oct 30, 2010 19:21

Quoting GentlyWoman:

Sure, a safe and selective option, to frat with only those truly "arrived" people. Still, have you met many that are? Aren't we are all still on that path? I'm sure you have good friends, also sure that few of them are perfectly perfect. Loving is its own reward, imho...not a hopeful return on investment.

Friends is one case, a mate is another. I certainly have many friends that never could be a mate of mine but that doesn't mean we can't be friends. There are limits to bad behavior or a set of criteria to even be a friend of mine. I came to the conclusion long ago that many people will never arrive or become good people no matter how long they live. I see no point in being around them, and certainly it would be total hell having one as a mate. I had two aunts that were such examples. They were as mean at 80 as they were at 40. I have no idea how there husbands put up with them a month, let alone 50 years. I didn't want to be around them at all. I guess I just have my shortcomings.


Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
wwww12345
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 1406
Posted on Sat, Oct 30, 2010 12:36

Thank you jackbunny. It has always amazed me how many people concentrate on the wrong things in picking a mate and the wrong things in trying to make themselves attractive to the opposite sex. The only people they are likely to attract are the people with problems or with few good character traits .


Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    1 up Bookmark and Share
GentlyWoman
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 424
Posted on Sat, Oct 30, 2010 02:50

Quoting wwww12345:

Love may transform you, but who could love you until you are transformed? (in severe cases). The old "which comes first" problem. I think becoming a better person is usually a bunch of baby steps. Some people arrive early in life, some late, and some never will. I personally will not wait while someone "arrives", life is too short.


Sure, a safe and selective option, to frat with only those truly "arrived" people. Still, have you met many that are? Aren't we are all still on that path? I'm sure you have good friends, also sure that few of them are perfectly perfect. Loving is its own reward, imho...not a hopeful return on investment.


Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
jackbunny
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 2
Posted on Fri, Oct 29, 2010 10:52

keep writing.  Your thoughts and comments are very enlightening and interesting.  You are absolutely right about those things.  Beauty is deep within and it's the characters and traits you've worked so hard to attain over many years of your life that define who and what you are and are solid foundation to a long and lasting relationships.

 

 



Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
wwww12345
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 1406
Posted on Thu, Oct 28, 2010 12:06

Quoting GentlyWoman:

Hey Dubs! It's ironic that I posted, just tonight, almost an opposing topic. BUT - I think you are dead-on about what I want to value within, starting with a lack of 4, an abundance of 3, inching my way through 2, hopefully with a dash of 1. The topic on my mind was, interestingly, how simple things can be when you just "dig" someone. For you, and just for fun, I'll say that a woman, VERY close to me has told me that that she grew up as a very dishonest person. Lying, constantly, out of fear and self-protection. She lived a life of deceit because she believed, deeply, that her survival depended upon how convincing she could be with the best story she could concoct. Promiscuity, check, immaturity, check, anger, check. She met a man, fell in love, and 45 years later still says that being well-loved was the one and only thing that allowed her to operate in your 3's. This is one of the most honorable women I've ever known. It's a paradox...find and be a third category person? Or forgive yourself, whatever, wherever you are, and let love transform you? OR...maybe I'm just feeling too optimistic tonight, lmao!


Love may transform you, but who could love you until you are transformed? (in severe cases). The old "which comes first" problem. I think becoming a better person is usually a bunch of baby steps. Some people arrive early in life, some late, and some never will. I personally will not wait while someone "arrives", life is too short.


Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
wwww12345
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 1406
Posted on Thu, Oct 28, 2010 11:58

Quoting rmac22:

I really expected this to take off. Perhaps every one agrees and no one comments. Do not know. I like it in any case. In my opinion you are dead on. Have you read "The Sociopath Next Door" by Martha Stout? rmac

No I haven't read that one.. Learning about sociopaths and successful psychopaths is a hobby of mine. They cause a lot of damage so it is good to learn about them.


Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
GentlyWoman
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 424
Posted on Thu, Oct 28, 2010 01:06

Hey Dubs! It's ironic that I posted, just tonight, almost an opposing topic. BUT - I think you are dead-on about what I want to value within, starting with a lack of 4, an abundance of 3, inching my way through 2, hopefully with a dash of 1. The topic on my mind was, interestingly, how simple things can be when you just "dig" someone. For you, and just for fun, I'll say that a woman, VERY close to me has told me that that she grew up as a very dishonest person. Lying, constantly, out of fear and self-protection. She lived a life of deceit because she believed, deeply, that her survival depended upon how convincing she could be with the best story she could concoct. Promiscuity, check, immaturity, check, anger, check. She met a man, fell in love, and 45 years later still says that being well-loved was the one and only thing that allowed her to operate in your 3's. This is one of the most honorable women I've ever known. It's a paradox...find and be a third category person? Or forgive yourself, whatever, wherever you are, and let love transform you? OR...maybe I'm just feeling too optimistic tonight, lmao!


Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
Michelle0097
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 126
Posted on Wed, Oct 27, 2010 19:37

"These people usually are able to give love to people who deserve it, and sometimes to those that don’t. Their respect, love or affection cannot be bought with flowers, dinners, promises, status, position, wealth, being catered too, or any of the ways that people put a price on their selves." ~~That's me in a nutshell! Thanks for posting this excellent essay. I enjoyed reading it! :-)


Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    1 up Bookmark and Share
rmac22
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 809
Posted on Wed, Oct 27, 2010 19:14

I really expected this to take off. Perhaps every one agrees and no one comments. Do not know. I like it in any case. In my opinion you are dead on. Have you read "The Sociopath Next Door" by Martha Stout? rmac


Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
Follow - Email me when people comment