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wwww12345
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Posted on Wed, Oct 27, 2010 01:09

I was asked to post the following essay that I wrote about 30 years ago as a discussion topic. Open for discussion.
*****************************************************


What are you looking for in a mate? Are you looking for the "right stuff"

My view:

People's assets, traits, and qualities can generally be categorized into three positive categories plus a negative category.

1. Those assets you were BORN WITH, and had nothing to do with: Such as beauty, intelligence, inherited wealth and family money, good genetic mental health, good genetic physical health, sexy looks, natural talents or abilities, charisma, inherited social position, etc. Some of these characteristics, such as good looks, money, etc.  are often “flashy” and attract a lot of attention and admiration in most societies. However, this category of traits does not make you a “class act” by any means. Regardless of the items on this list, the key factor is that you had to do nothing to gain these assets.

2. Those assets you had to WORK FOR to obtain: Traits and accomplishments such as: education; interests, knowledge, wisdom, developed skills and abilities; accomplishments, personality, development as a whole and balanced person; common sense, sound philosophy of life, tolerance of others; trying to be good, trying to be a good parent or role model; admirable but realistic values; open and honest with yourself and others, knowing yourself; good work ethnic. They may have: wealth, success, pleasant personality, sociable, interesting, a good leader; have a balanced personality, sound goals, ideas, etc. They may recognize their special talents and try to improve their weaknesses; accept challenges in life, etc. Regardless of the components of the list, the key factor is that you had to work and expend effort to gain these assets.

3. Those assets that define your CHARACTER and the higher-level traits of a good human being: Such as: honesty, integrity, honor, compassion, kindness, flexible, understanding, responsible, affectionate, patient, tolerant, capable of love, stable, good morals, spiritual, dependable, easy going, mature, willingness to compromise, be slow to anger, help the less fortunate, and about 60 other higher level traits of a good human being.

These people usually are able to give love to people who deserve it, and sometimes to those that don’t. Their respect, love or affection cannot be bought with flowers, dinners, promises, status, position, wealth, being catered too, or any of the ways that people put a price on their selves.

4. NEGATIVE traits

A few are: drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, rage, unjustified anger, undependable, immature; unrealistic expectations; sensation seeking; emotionally cold and unfeeling, feeling they are “entitled”, being "self centered", and the lack of the many positive traits. Of utmost importance are the harmful personality disorders, which cover many negative behavior traits and bad behavior. It is important to understand that the sociopath and psychopaths of the world cause much more damage (often to millions or even nations) than the town drunk will ever cause.

In my humble opinion,

The third and fourth categories are the most important. We can appreciate the other categories

copyright 1980
permission granted for this post on MM



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wwww12345
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Posted on Thu, Jun 06, 2013 17:19

Quoting rmac22:

wwww12345

 

Since I first saw it I have liked this essay.  I have one small point where I differ though.  I think, at least to some extent, one can develop one’s intelligence beyond its inherited value.   At the same time, I think one can waste it and not live up to its inherited value.

 

RMac   

 

 

 

 

 

 


I agree that the mind can be developed much beyond it's inherited state.  In fact, it must be exercised to reach it's full potential, and it can even be changed by exposure to things that exercise and develop different kinds of intelligence.  There are 11 or 12 different types of intelligence and most people are born with a few, but with practice, can develop more.



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Hoping4Love2000
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Posted on Wed, Jun 05, 2013 21:02

Very good thoughts WWWW... 

 

I do agree w/ RMAC however.. Intelligence can be achieved on a bit of a higher level, but more so, I think "outter beauty" can as well. Additionally, BOTH of those can be stifled too. 

 

As WINDY stated, "good health" can be attained. I mean, sure, many people are predisposed to certain elements of poor genes.. But look at Angelina Jolie... Double mastectomy.. yet still beautiful and carrying herself well... 

 

Although it is obvious some people are born with "easier" beauty, most beautiful women maintain their beauty due to how they care for themselves. I feel all people can attain better beauty outwardly if they took a bit more pride in their appearance. 

 

And if everyone strives for #3... 

 

Well, that encompasses the inner beauty!

 

GREAT THOUGHTS! ;)



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rmac22
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Posted on Tue, Jun 04, 2013 21:14

wwww12345

 

Since I first saw it I have liked this essay.  I have one small point where I differ though.  I think, at least to some extent, one can develop one’s intelligence beyond its inherited value.   At the same time, I think one can waste it and not live up to its inherited value.

 

RMac   

 

 

 

 

 

 



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wwww12345
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Posted on Sun, Apr 28, 2013 23:07

@ Windrider....I agree with you and I certainly think friendship has to be the foundation of any good relationship.



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Windrider735
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Posted on Sun, Apr 28, 2013 21:31

 

 

wwww12345...

 

The things I look most for in the people I surround myself with, be it friend or possible mate, would be...in order of importance to me...the things you list in #3 and 2. Things that are handed to you aren't necessarily assets. Okay, so good health is sought after by most of us, but that can be achieved by a healthy lifestyle. What makes a person attractive to me is who and what they are as an individual. Looks and wealth have nothing to do with that...what makes them stand out is the integrity and beauty that shines from within.

 

In my opinion, if a person can't take the time to get to know someone on a personal level... regardless of their looks or financial status...they're too shallow for me to waste my time on. I try not to judge the way others live their lives, their choices have nothing to do with what I'm looking for...nor will it influence the values I place upon what really matters  (to me) in others.

 

Your question was. "What are you looking for in a mate". My answer would have to be the same things I look for in good friends...but with that magical spark that ignites a fire that can't be put out with the rain that falls in all of our every day lives.



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wwww12345
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Posted on Fri, May 25, 2012 08:18

I am not sure what is happening on this blog but I am getting notices of comments but they don't seem to be posted.. Sorry about that..

@sundance .. I was in my early 30's when I first wrote this..

 



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SundanceWoman
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Posted on Wed, May 23, 2012 13:55

1234, This essay is remarkable, I'm wondering how old you were when you wrote this?



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wwww12345
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Posted on Sat, Feb 11, 2012 23:21

I think I was about 35 or 36 when I wrote that.. I am glad you enjoyed it.


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wwww12345
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Posted on Thu, Nov 25, 2010 02:24

Quoting Sammie1951:

Enjoying this great discussion among all! Great incite regarding character, most people now a days have no idea what the word even means! wwww12345, your Essay should be published and required reading in our schools! Wish I had it years ago when molding my girls characters; used "Character Sketches" instead while home schooling. Curious2078, Outward beauty means nothing to a blind man, but he can feel, sense, touch, smell and even taste the depths of a persons character and soul! Another great book: Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work By Babiak Paul, Hare Robert D. Regan Books 2007 Thank You All! Sammie

I have heard that is a great book, thanks for posting. I certainly have known snakes in suits. They can do horrible amounts of damage. Enron comes to mind as a good example that most people know about, but there are thousands of unknown examples, at every level of management, in every industry. In fact, most probably don't even wear suits, they may just own a lawn service, etc.


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GentlyWoman
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Posted on Mon, Nov 08, 2010 03:11

Quoting Sammie1951:

Enjoying this great discussion among all! Great incite regarding character, most people now a days have no idea what the word even means! wwww12345, your Essay should be published and required reading in our schools! Wish I had it years ago when molding my girls characters; used "Character Sketches" instead while home schooling. Curious2078, Outward beauty means nothing to a blind man, but he can feel, sense, touch, smell and even taste the depths of a persons character and soul! Another great book: Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work By Babiak Paul, Hare Robert D. Regan Books 2007 Thank You All! Sammie


Hi Sammie! I used Character Sketches for my boys too, homeschooled a bunch as well. I'm stepping off this month as president of an independent program, just shy of 1k students, and need to be replaced. Curious?? Location, as you must know, is not an issue, lol. Message me. Oh Yeah, major hijack...and welcome Sammie to our little home :)


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wwww12345
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Posted on Sat, Nov 06, 2010 17:40

Quoting Curious2078:

Still no drawing.  Hmmm.  Have you tried sending it telepathically?  That way it might just pass by the "monitor gods" so we could all see it.  I'm most curious.


It is a scanned printed page. MM may have a size limitation, left over from the dark ages of dial up, but if they do, MM should at least have the courtesy to inform the poster of the problem. And if they do have a size limitation, perhaps they should try to get out of the dark ages somehow. I have posted the drawing on other web sites with no problems at all.


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Curious2078
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Posted on Thu, Nov 04, 2010 17:42

Quoting rmac22:

I have been trying to find WITHOUT CONSCIENCE in one of our libraries here in Northern VA. recommended it in his response to me. Have found some of Dr. Hare's subsequent work. After reading them I will get back to WITHOUT CONSCIENCE. rmac


If you can't find it in a library, Amazon has softcover editions for next to nothing.



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Curious2078
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Posted on Thu, Nov 04, 2010 17:41

Quoting wwww12345:

Here is a drawing that is mostly related to list 3. Hopefully you can read it. I have no idea why MM keeps deleting the drawing. I wrote it and it was not copied from anyone. This is very irritating. Dear MM monitor gods. Please consult with your manager before deleting this drawing again. If there is a problem with the drawing, please write me and tell me what the problem is.


Still no drawing.  Hmmm.  Have you tried sending it telepathically?  That way it might just pass by the "monitor gods" so we could all see it.  I'm most curious.



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rmac22
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Posted on Wed, Nov 03, 2010 16:40

Quoting Curious2078:

YES!  I just finished it.  Good, but not very memorable.  For a far better read on the subject, try:  WITHOUT CONSCIENCE, Robert D. Hare, PhD. 

 

Hare developed a highly critical test for therapists/law enforcement agencies/courts/parole boards to use to determine if someone is a sociopath/psychopath that is in use today as a standard all over the world.   The man is considered one of the most foremost authorities on the subject, if not THE most foremost authority.  I think you'll get a great deal out of his book.

 

And by the way, it was Bernie who turned me on to both Stout's and Hare's books.  As long as Bernie doesn't have his tongue in his cheek [sometimes it's difficult to determine if he does or not], he is a man whose advice should be taken seriously. One of our brightest bloggers indeed. 


I have been trying to find WITHOUT CONSCIENCE in one of our libraries here in Northern VA. wwww12345 recommended it in his response to me. Have found some of Dr. Hare's subsequent work. After reading them I will get back to WITHOUT CONSCIENCE. rmac


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GentlyWoman
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Posted on Tue, Nov 02, 2010 17:07

Quoting migliore:

I've looked at love from both sides now,
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions i recall.
I really don't know love at all.

 

Donna Gentile, 

 

You post inspired me to write the words above, although, someone later told me they were already written...by a Canadian.  Just shows you Canadians get there first.

 

True, we want to maintain our own chosen and created environments.  I recall words I read recently on a church marquis, "Harbors are safe, yet the purpose of a ship lies elsewhere."

 

Andy



Very funny, Andy. Great thanks to you AND Joni. I'm appreciating this comment, "Harbors are safe, yet the purpose of a ship lies elsewhere." It creates a picture I can carry when I find myself adrift. Eva


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GentlyWoman
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Posted on Tue, Nov 02, 2010 16:43

Quoting Curious2078:

EVA, my dear!  Nothing namby pamby about your remark at all.  Not a wink of it.  Nor are you being contrary!

 

Just a victim of some lousy love experiences lately...maybe?  Or some other somewhat ruinous "adventure?'

 ​

" Open/​vulnerable. Compromise/boundary. Give/take, push/pull, accept/select...dang"

 

Talk to me, Sweetie.  Tell "Mama" all about it.  You know the private "number."  I don't like the "down" sound of your posts lately.  Not like you at all.

 

Pat

 

 

 ​

 



Mama, don't worry about me! You know I'm a hopeless romantic. No, life is good, even while peppered with some harsh lessons, about others, about myself. I am simply processing. Learning more each day about what I want and don't want. It's why I am enjoying this blog...


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billzeke
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Posted on Tue, Nov 02, 2010 03:46

Not sure about looking for the right stuff 5W's. Lately I have been just trying to avoid stepping in the wrong stuff. One has to be dilligent. I do a little test. If it looks like sh*t, smells like sh*t, and tastes like sh*t, I just move on feeling very thankful that I didn't step in it. My shoes stay clean. LMAO...



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migliore
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Posted on Tue, Nov 02, 2010 01:33

I've looked at love from both sides now,
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions i recall.
I really don't know love at all.

 

Donna Gentile, 

 

You post inspired me to write the words above, although, someone later told me they were already written...by a Canadian.  Just shows you Canadians get there first.

 

True, we want to maintain our own chosen and created environments.  I recall words I read recently on a church marquis, "Harbors are safe, yet the purpose of a ship lies elsewhere."

 

Andy



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wwww12345
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Posted on Mon, Nov 01, 2010 23:04

Here is a drawing that is mostly related to list 3. Hopefully you can read it. I have no idea why MM keeps deleting the drawing. I wrote it and it was not copied from anyone. This is very irritating. Dear MM monitor gods. Please consult with your manager before deleting this drawing again. If there is a problem with the drawing, please write me and tell me what the problem is.


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