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Posted on Sun, Jan 27, 2013 13:11

Several here have contacted me in private sharing some bullying stories, strong reactions and celebrations to this blog...as this seems to be a very delicate, personal and sensitive matter and most dont want to even seem associated with either being a bully/being bullied or just have some publically expressed thoughts about it is seems...most dont want to exhibit their feelings and experiences about this so puclically...which I do respect and understand.

 

Im happy for you to have shared such interesting things with me, and to have been able to give my support to you...you all know who you are.

 

Just wanted to leave a note on here to you all...


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Posted on Sun, Jan 27, 2013 12:10

I had posted somethings earlier here, about my thoughts about some issues...but I chose to remove it as I felt that I wanted to keep this blog more general and pay more focus to the subject than about some meaningslessness...


I ultimately do feel very sorry for those who seem to not dont have enough love in their hearts than to jab at others and desperately live in a bubble online when their reality seems rather confused and oh so sad...it doesnt excuse bullying hating etc...explains it a bit...

 

Its so sad to notice and know that some people can do anything to people they dont even know just on the basis of their own wrong conclusions bad experiences in their own lives and extreme jealousy...how such individuals can do anything (up right lie which could be contra proven, try making themselves being some "victim" when they are the exact opposite, instigate trouble and spread lies and hatepropaganda etc etc ie schoolbook "bully") to any price just to satisfy their aching ego of misachievements and bad choices in life...

 

I feel great pity on such individual and that such individuals would feel such ego and jealousy pressure to desperately even waste their very limited and lifeupholding resources on exactly NOTHING...but which is most obviously everything to them.

 

I say to such kind of an individual...sorry that you dont own a pure nonhating heart, solid beliefs, true happiness or golden shoes in your life...so that you obviously urge so hilariously and all apropå need to "rent" something so unreal lifed and so temporarily in such desperation...even if its just fake goldcoated...and that you seem to prance around wearing a home made plastic crown with no reality attached to it, trying to be something you just cant and you cant even be original but need to mimic others...as there is a lack of genuine class...

 

Yeah...all in the name of NOTHING...

 

See...no one needs to hate you back you hater...as life already seems to not fancy you all too much...and karma works as clockwork.

 

Hm...and by the way, ohoy you hater/s out there! Your "victim/s" obviously won before the fake race (in your head only) even started :-)))



To all bully victims out there...I can understand it must be tough and disgusting and there are no excuses or should be any room for such behaviour...on the lighter side...the fact someone chooses to bully and occupy him/her self with and about you can also be seen as some kind of statement in itself...a statement that you are something special and they are not and can never be, hence they so desperately need to try to taint your aura as theirs is so filthy...but..see..you won before you even met this bully/ies.

 

Ultimately and despite the terrible stuff...

 

YOU WON just by being YOU!


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Posted on Tue, Jan 22, 2013 07:16

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Posted on Sat, Jan 19, 2013 23:01

Dear RealtorLulu, Thanks alot for sharing and Im happy to hear things got better with your family..and your grandson is definately a hero to have survived such horror...this is a very important subject indeed, and thank your for being a part of those who asctually tries to enforce change of mentality amongst youngsters. Im personallly involved in some organisations to handle such and other issues and its so sad what a bunch of such people can do to someone just to feel better about themselves in their usually unachieved and sad lives...

 

Bullyers are obviously everywhere, they have huge issues and there are many facts about why, when and who, but nevertheless, this should not be going on, by any age or place. Its like internet gives them a selfaclaimed "crown" they actually dont have in real life.

 

 

 

I wish you and your family the best!


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Posted on Sat, Jan 19, 2013 21:59

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Posted on Sat, Jan 19, 2013 20:49

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Posted on Sat, Jan 19, 2013 20:43

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Posted on Sat, Jan 19, 2013 20:33

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Posted on Sat, Jan 19, 2013 20:32

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Posted on Sat, Jan 19, 2013 20:32

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Posted on Sat, Jan 19, 2013 20:31

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Posted on Sat, Jan 19, 2013 20:29

Some bully-characters


The Attention-Seeker

Motivation: to be the centre of attention
Mindset: control freak, manipulation, narcissism
Malice: medium to high; when held accountable, very high


The Wannabe

Motivation: craves respect for being competent and professional despite lacking in competence and professionalism
Mindset: deceptive
Malice: low to medium; when held accountable, medium to high


The Socialised Psychopath or Sociopath

Also known as the corporate psychopath, workplace psychopath, industrial psychopath and administrative psychopath.

Motivation: power, gratification, personal gain, survival
Mindset: manipulation, deception, evil

Malice: high to very high; when held accountable, off the scale


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RealtorLulu
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Posted on Sat, Jan 19, 2013 20:26

Worldmind, thanks.

Bullying has been affecting people, especially children with the most awful results. My grandson, who is now 11, started getting bullied a little better than a year ago. It was devastating to him and very painful for my daughter, his mother, and me. I cannot begin to imagine what a person goes through at the hands of a cyberbully.

I started a set of meetings with the Chief of police  and other officials of that particular city to get a Uniformed Officer to visit the elementary schools and talk to the children about the concequenses of bullying while they were still young.

My point was that they should not wait until they are bigger and stronger to attemt to change the bully mentality.

My daughter and I moved out of that city and to a better school district for the children's sake and we are very happy to say that things have improved and both of the children are having a much happier time at school.

 

God bless you!

Lulu



Lulu in Dallas

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Posted on Sat, Jan 19, 2013 20:25

Some traits/background facts about a cyberbully

 

  • Not always aware of her/himself being a bully, and even if pointed out, the “denying” and blaming mechanisms sets in, as this person is eager to “look” good, and want to consider her/himself being “respected” and keep that “mask”
  • often works her/himself to be accepted into a group/setting and often “uses” this group/setting due to loyalty points and/or guilt triggering to support her/his actions, kind of a “bully-bubble”
  • excels at deception and should never be underestimated in their capacity to deceive 
  •  uses excessive charm and is always plausible and convincing when peers, superiors or others are present (charm can be used to deceive as well as to cover for lack of empathy) 
  • is unusually skilled in being able to anticipate what people want to hear and then saying it plausibly
  • is a convincing, practised liar and when called to account, will make up anything spontaneously to fit their needs at that moment
  • is adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise collate incriminating information about them
  • has a Jekyll and Hyde nature - is vile, vicious and vindictive in private, but innocent and charming in front of witnesses; no-one can (or wants to) believe this individual has a vindictive nature - only the current target of the serial bully's aggression sees both sides; whilst the Jekyll side is described as "charming" and convincing enough to deceive personnel, management and a tribunal, the Hyde side is frequently described as "evil"; Hyde is the real person, Jekyll is an act.
  • is spiritually dead although may loudly profess some religious belief or affiliation
  • exhibits unusual and inappropriate attitudes to sexual matters, sexual behaviour and bodily functions; underneath the charming exterior there are often suspicions or hints of sex discrimination and sexual harassment, perhaps also sexual dysfunction, sexual inadequacy, sexual perversion, sexual violence or sexual abuse
  • displays a compulsive need to criticise whilst simultaneously refusing to value, praise and acknowledge others, their achievements, or their existence
  • is evasive and has a Houdini-like ability to escape accountability
  • Is most probably embittered by some kind of an abusive upbringing, seething with resentment, irritated by others' failure to fulfil his or her superior sense of entitlement, and fuelled by anger resulting from rejection,
  • sees anyone attempting to be conciliatory as a sucker to be exploited
  • quickly and loudly feigns victimhood when exposed and held accountable, often repeatedly and loudly accusing the person holding them accountable of being a bully her/himself instead
  • appears to be “intelligent” but often performs poorly in academic or professional roles, despite appearances; the “intelligence” is focused exclusively on deviousness, cunning, scheming, manipulation, evasiveness, deceptiveness, quick-wittedness, craftiness, self-centredness, etc
  • may be passive aggressive, blowing hot and cold, superficially cooperative but motivated by retribution, stubborn, uncoachable
  • they detest anyone more competent than themselves
  • is unable to maintain confidentiality, often breaching it with misrepresentation, distortion and fabrication

  • gives the appearance of loyalty to drones but will discard them when they've served their purpose

  • distorts, twists, concocts and fabricates criticisms and allegations, and abuses the disciplinary procedures

  • uses gossip, back-stabbing or spreads rumours to undermine, discredit and isolate the victim
  • gains gratification from provoking people into emotional or irrational responses but is quick to claim provocation by others when challenged
  • has poorly-defined moral and ethical boundaries
  • acts most often out of gratification and self-interest only
  • often has a hatred of a sector of society, for example fat people, poor/rich people etc. 

  • often has a hatred of certain professional groups, eg psychologists, psychiatrists, counsellors, therapists etc.
  • is a plagiarist, steals other people's work - and the credit for it
  • has a writing style which has the feel of a young teenager trying to write like a grown-up
  • often uses false praise or praise which is inappropriate to the circumstances; this is partly to make the bully feel good, partly for the benefit of witnesses
  • is frequently sarcastic (*wink)
  • exhibits duplicity and hypocrisy, eg says one thing one day and another the next or just don’t stick to her/his words, beliefs etc.
  • often has an overwhelming (and unhealthy) need to feel recognized and wanted
  • is fastidious, often has an unhealthy obsession with cleanliness or orderliness
  • has never learnt the skills of and has little concept of empathy; may use charm and mimicry to compensate
  • attempts at empathy are superficial, amateur, often inappropriate or inappropriately high, and based on mimicry rather than genuine concern - and are for the purpose of making the bully look and feel good, especially in front of witnesses
  • is uncharacteristically fulsome and effusive, especially in front of witnesses - but hollow and insincere 

  • is devious and manipulative (especially female bullies)

  • is spiteful and vengeful
  • is unforgiving and often seizes on and exploits others' mistakes or perceived mistakes
  • is financially irresponsible and often has a bad credit rating
  • can be unpredictably and disarmingly pleasant, especially when you are unmasking them in front others - this plays on people's sympathies and is a use of guilt for manipulation and control
  • is insecure and sees some others as a threat; the threat seems to comprise a fear of exposure of inadequacy, and often borders on paranoia
  • often displays interpersonal behavior that is ill-advised, especially with a sexual overtone, eg invasion of intimate zone, gestures or comments which include inappropriate sexual references or innuendo
  • lacks a conscience and shows no remorse
  • an inability or unwillingness to learn from past experience, however unpleasant - this "learning blindness" is a key feature of the bully and a closer inspection suggests that the bully does learn from experience, but only how to be more secretive and how to be more skilled at evading accountability.
  • is spiteful towards and despises anyone who is qualified in the profession from which the bully has been excluded by virtue of lack of competence or studies
  • narcissistic traits, which are often projected on others, leaving the bully acting a “victim” of her/his own actions

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Posted on Sat, Jan 19, 2013 19:50

Info from an American Criminal Justice Department - Cyber bullying is accomplished in many ways, including:


  • Flaming is a type of online fight. It is an act of repeatedly sending or posting electronic messages that are deliberately hostile, insulting, mean, angry, vulgar, either privately or publicly.


  • Denigration also known as "dissing,” occurs when a person sends or publishes cruel rumors, gossip or untrue statements about a person to intentionally damage the victim's reputation or friendships both publically and privately.


  • Bash boards are online bulletin boards where people post anything they choose. Generally, the postings are mean, hateful and malicious.

  • Outing occurs when someone sends or publishes confidential, private, or embarrassing information, online. Private email messages or images meant for private viewing, is then forwarded to others.


  • Trickery is when a person purposely tricks another person into divulging secrets, private information or embarrassing information, and publishes that information online.


  • Exclusion is an indirect method of online bullying, intentionally excluding someone from an online group or community.


  • Harassment is when the electronic bully/ies repeatedly sends or publically posts insulting, hurtful, rude, messages.

  • Text wars or attacks are when several people gang up on the victim, sending the target emails or text messages or announcing disrespectful and hurtful comments publically.


  • Griefing involves chronically causing grief to someone/es of an online community, or rather, intentionally disrupting the immersion of another player in their game play or online appearence, causing discomfort and pushing for the victim to eventually "give up".

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