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szeman
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Posted on Mon, May 27, 2013 06:22

Hello,

 

 

I have to post this after talking to some men on this site. First off, I think that it is very important to talk about sex on the very first date. That way the other perso can understand where the other is coming from.

 

 

As for myself, I was born and raised by Catholic parents. I am not Catholic myself, but my mother did stress that I should only have sex when i get married. However, I was sexually teased by other boys from age 11 to 14. I did not enjoy it. In fact it does haunt me to this day. But that is not the issue that I have with sex.

 

 

I've had the experience of having sex on the second date. And months later, I get really bored of having just sex. That's not my idea of a date. But it has happened to the point where I felt that all my past relationships were all friends with benefits. I want some fun in a date that doesn't involve sex all the time.

 

 

 I also have ADHD, and my mind tends to also wander off to something else, during sex.

 

 

And this does not mean that I never want to have sex or wait until marriage. I want to get to know the man first before doing it.

 

 

By the way, I do enjoy sex, it's just that I get easily bored just doing that and nothing elseon a date.

 

And I am waiting on a man who does share this point of view with me. It's been six years since I last dated and now you know why. I want a man (Close to my age), who wants to get to know me by wining and dinning, doing some sort of phsyical activity together, that kind of thing. So are you out there. But he is hard to find.

 

 



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greenkindeyes
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Posted on Sun, Jul 14, 2013 11:30

I’m sure your comment wasn't intended to make me laugh so hard I almost peed my pants, but there you go.  Honey, if you're mind wanders while having sex it says a great deal about the quality of sex you've had.  Your ADDHD or whatever you've chosen to blame your wondering attention screams you’ve had a lifetime of boring sex. You may have little sexual confidence or no skills in this area (not a negative, just a lack of experience), or typical massive emotional/spiritual conflicts about the act.   Most women justifying a sleepy repertoire of boredom in the bedroom who can't figure out what the fuss is about is ignorance without the bliss part.

If that’s you, you’ve had a serial resume of crapy lovers.  Clearly you've never had the kind of headboard banging sex that your neighbors are ready to call 911 and the dogs are hollering in the backyard kind of sex....lol.  Keep in mind, there are only a select few of men who are skilled enough to lure you out of your moral dilemmas to open you up.  That's Ok, there's hope.  I'm a reformed Catholic also.



Unapologetically Feminine

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Dekan09
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Posted on Wed, Jun 19, 2013 20:56

So do you fuck on the first date or not? Is that what you're asking? If you do are you a whore? If you don't put out on the first date that may be it...but if you do you're a whore....go figure!



Government's first duty is to protect the people, not run their lives. President Ronald Reagan

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TimeKillah
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Posted on Wed, Jun 12, 2013 04:58

I'll take bachelor #3 ;)



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Pthlesstrvld
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Posted on Thu, Jun 06, 2013 07:06

Hi Szeman,

 

Dakota took all my valid points.  Everyone is different, but you should always lay out the expectations before the first date.  I grew up in an era where you have sex with someone if your physically attracted to them and you've been on a date or two.  I appreciate the women who value making the guy wait, but I'm no prude if its offered ill take it.

As far as the ADHA, ill prescribe you "GREAT SEX" or "MIND-BOGGLING SEX" you choose.  In all honesty though everyone goes through phases of being bored with sex with a certain individual....UNLESS the guy is hung like an elephant and you never get used to the size.  Anyways those are my views if the matter.



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Hoping4Love2000
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Posted on Tue, Jun 04, 2013 21:31

Now now Lovely Lady DI---

 

You WILL get another date.. I hear your mom is on the phone now!! LOL.. 

 

I just have ONE PREMISE I utilize when dating, and it doesn't matter what type relationship I am seeking... 

 

RESPECT--

 

If he doesn't act respectful on his intial intro, he will NEVER be respectful. And that is yet another reason I do not approach men. I "observe" how they approach me. Does he mention things on my profile? Does he mention his favorite photo of me? Does he write properly and appropriately? DOES HE MENTION SEX TO A WOMAN HE HAS NEVER MET?

 

TACKY! and TRASHY!! 

 

People treat you how you "allow" them to treat you. If a person is being treated badly, they need to accept their responsibility in this. 

 

I have little sympathy for women, or men, who CHOOSE to date a jerk. With online dating, we have a chance to see how people address themselves in their profiles, how they react to others and how they address us. 

 

I have had some of the finest looking men approach me with "Yo baby! You look yummy!" 

 

GUESS WHAT? AXED! I won't tolerate being treated like that! If they can't keep their mouths shut long enough to speak to me like a "lady," they don't even get to be on a list of maybe's! 

 

AND I BELIEVE ALL WOMEN SHOULD BE THIS WAY! 

 

I have ignored, blocked and yes, even written back and doing my ever so graceful throat slashing in a classy, lady manner! ;) 

 

Maybe the next time, due to my not responding or my polite scolding, he won't treat the next lady he might be interested in like that!  

 

Etiquette is not innate in everyone. Some men need to be taught! 

 

And I have found, some men, are excellent learners! ;)

 

And I think you and DAKOTA did agree ONCE! LOLOL..

 

 



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Diana3316
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Posted on Mon, Jun 03, 2013 19:42

Hope~ I think you make a lot of valid points and I will keep them in my thoughts....if I ever get another date! 

 

 

And gee wiz Dak...how come you never say that to me???  "There is nothing wrong with your views".......Not once!!!!  *pout*



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Diana3316
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Posted on Mon, Jun 03, 2013 19:32

Quoting rmac22:

Diana -- Maybe you should put this in a blog under the title, "There are basically three kinds of men."

I expect there would be a fair bit of discussion.  More than will happen here (on this subject). 

 

 

RMac

 



Hmmmm....you think so RMac?  I'm not so sure.  I think if we drilled down into this topic, many might become uncomfortable.  You start a topic.....and I'll comment.  lolol



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rmac22
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Posted on Sun, Jun 02, 2013 19:03

Quoting Dakota35:

Your number 3 makes me feel good.  Seems that women are blind to this kind of guy though, but when they realize what they have, then they never want to let go.



Agree -- women do tend to be blind to this type.  It takes them awhile to figure it out.  So much for instant chemistry.  Plus some of them are suspicious.  This guy isn’t normal.  He is weird.  At the last party he spent most of his time talking with the ladies.  Did talk to the men, but not much.  . 

 

At least for some women, once they figure it out they hang on for dear life. 

 

 

RMac

 



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rmac22
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Posted on Sun, Jun 02, 2013 08:27

Quoting Diana3316:

Hmm....well....lolol....in my opinion...lolo....there are basically three kinds of men:

  • The kind that have sex with other men, but generally like women.
  • The kind that have sex with women, but basically prefer the company of other men and actually don't even really like women.  These are the kind that like to go play golf/hang out with their buddies, don't like to play with their wives/few together activities except maybe going out to dinner...generally they just want sex and someone in the house to help with the activities of daily living, like chores.
  • The kind that have sex with women, and generally prefer the company of women.  These are the kind that like to hang out with women, spend time getting to know her...and actually don't even want to have sex with her until she is ready, because he genuinely likes her....likes just being with her and cares about her feelings.  It doesn't matter if she talks about sex on the first date, the second date...or on every date!!  He's listening and taking notes, so when the time comes he will already know what she likes and know how to make the earth move for her.  He's not impatient to 'get it'...because he's pretty confident he eventually will and not worried if not, because he's pretty happy just being there.  He likes how women think, how they act, how they feel laying next to him.  Typically they are great and generous lovers.

The trick is to find a guy like the third kind....that isn't married and being held on tightly by his wife!!!  *wink*



Diana -- Maybe you should put this in a blog under the title, "There are basically three kinds of men."

I expect there would be a fair bit of discussion.  More than will happen here (on this subject). 

 

 

RMac

 



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Hoping4Love2000
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Posted on Sat, Jun 01, 2013 08:30

DAKOTA- This is a really good topic.. 

 

THANKS SZMAN!!

 

I do not see any of her views as "wrong." She has to deal with men as they come to her... 

 

However, MY experience has been, IF a man starts off with sex talk... he seeks SEX only and is not valuing all the other things I have to offer... nor is he willing to take the time to get to know "ME," nor is he seeking to establish a real relationship.  

 

I DUMP HIS ARSE IMMEDIATELY! There are many men online dating who ONLY seek sex... and most of them will discuss sex first!

 

Additionally, if I were to discuss sex right away, men tend to focus more on the sexual side of me than the rest, so I don't make it a habit to discuss it right away. THEY LOSE FOCUS ON ME!! 

So, I do understand her frustration!! 

 

WWWW.... Your point of frequency is well taken. It does interfere... However, if a man cannot show me the RESPECT to take me to dinner or meet me at Starbucks and see FIRST if we are even attracted to one another, then he simply ISN'T WORTH MY TIME!!! WHY would I discuss sex, frequency, fetishes, etc...  with a man I do not even know I have chemistry with IF I desire a relationship?

 

Now if one is only seeking a sugar daddy, the rules change... 

 

But for a relationship, the first essential element is RESPECT... 

 

And if a man cannot show me the respect to ask questions about ME, then he isn't worth my time.. 

 

IE: I do not care for "overly large or small..." (Bus just ran over me!! HA!) 

 

How does it make me look if I ask the man, "Are you built like a horse or a thumb tack? Do you finish early or do you run the whole track?" 

 

In MY eyes, that is disrespectful. A man of substance is worth a little bit of my time to get to know HIM, not his "size" or how long he lasts! 

 

LOVELY LADY DI-

 

A man will NOT contact us initially if he isnt thinking about sex; so that is a "given." 

 

But what a man THINKS and what a man says to me are two dfferent things. If a man cannot control his libedo mouth long enough to say, "Hello, what do you like to do for fun? What are your political views? Do you like animals?" 

 

I have found "sexual issues" to be more easily rectified than personality issues. And if a man cannot exude "class" to me and treat me like a lady, I don't go there! Even in times when I have had sugar daddies, I refuse to be treated in that manner!

 

If a man can't get to know ME, (my mind, likes, dislikes etc..) a little first, he darn sure has no business knowing what my "sexual quirks" are...

 

Well, that is, unless he's paying my bills! LOL.. *wink.... 

 

 



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Diana3316
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Posted on Fri, May 31, 2013 22:31

Quoting Mtnsunny:

What's Sex?  :)))


Lololol....Right!!!  If any of us were having any....we probably wouldn't be here!



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Dakota35
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Posted on Fri, May 31, 2013 01:42

Quoting szeman:

Hello,

 

 

I have to post this after talking to some men on this site. First off, I think that it is very important to talk about sex on the very first date. That way the other perso can understand where the other is coming from.

 

 

As for myself, I was born and raised by Catholic parents. I am not Catholic myself, but my mother did stress that I should only have sex when i get married. However, I was sexually teased by other boys from age 11 to 14. I did not enjoy it. In fact it does haunt me to this day. But that is not the issue that I have with sex.

 

 

I've had the experience of having sex on the second date. And months later, I get really bored of having just sex. That's not my idea of a date. But it has happened to the point where I felt that all my past relationships were all friends with benefits. I want some fun in a date that doesn't involve sex all the time.

 

 

 I also have ADHD, and my mind tends to also wander off to something else, during sex.

 

 

And this does not mean that I never want to have sex or wait until marriage. I want to get to know the man first before doing it.

 

 

By the way, I do enjoy sex, it's just that I get easily bored just doing that and nothing elseon a date.

 

And I am waiting on a man who does share this point of view with me. It's been six years since I last dated and now you know why. I want a man (Close to my age), who wants to get to know me by wining and dinning, doing some sort of phsyical activity together, that kind of thing. So are you out there. But he is hard to find.

 

 



szeman,  There is nothing wrong with your views and how you feel about sex.  We all are different, and I don't see anything that you said as way out into left field.  It sounds as if you are seeking a man that thinks of you more than just a object or sex toy.  It's fine to talk about sex on a first date as long as it's in a mature adult manner and you make it clear where you stand.  Just maybe it wasn't your ADHD and it was just that the guy wasn't good enough to keep your attention.  I think a relationship should be built upon a strong foundation before jumping into bed.

 

 

From my experience, when I was with someone that I loved, I'd rather hold her and talk than have sex.  Sex was just a feel good act, but the conversations before and after were what created the bond, love and caring.  Despite what some may say, there is a difference between sex and making love...I realize it's a over-lapping line.

 

 

 

And you are more than welcome for my comments on your blog.  It is a interesting topic. 

 



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Diana3316
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Posted on Thu, May 30, 2013 21:59

Quoting Hoping4Love2000:

OMG Lady DI--- 

 

LMSAO!!

 

I still say---- 

 

Doesn't matter which way the door swings,,,,,,,, 

 

IF a man discusses SEX with you right away..... 

 

He wants SEX, 

 

not a relationshi(T) ....... LOL... 


Yes of course he wants sex, Hope. But don't we want him to want sex with us? Obviously, we want him to want more than just sex.....we want him to want the whole package. But if he isn't thinking about sex with us...then he's probably not that into us as the whole package either. It's up to us to also listen and take notes, in order to discern which type of guy he is.

One of the things I do in the course of the conversation is try to find out what he likes to do the most for fun. It has to be his favorite activity. If he says golfing, I mention that I like to golf and then watch his reaction. If he tells me he would like to take me golfing, I know there's a good chance he's a type 3. But if he tells me he has buddies he golfs with and no girls allowed because they're too advanced or something like that....well then I can begin to suspect his type as well.  I don't make a complete judgement just based off that, but I start putting pieces together.

 

I think both parties ultimately want sex.  But speaking from a woman's perspective....she wants it to be good sex!



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Diana3316
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Posted on Thu, May 30, 2013 21:20

Quoting wwww12345:

Sex probably should be talked about even before you even meet.  The most important issue, the one that causes the most trouble, is frequency.  A morning, nooner, nighter will not be happy with a once a weeker.  It doesn't matter if its a man or woman. Why even bother trying to start a relationship if you know the frequency gap is to great to ever work out. If you approach the issue as adults, being open and honest, above all honest, you will save yourself a lot of grief.  Until you get this biggie discussed you may be just wasting both parties time and effort.  If sex isn't important at all to you then you have to find someone who feels the same.  Same for the opposite end of the scale... You need to find your equal and it is far better to do that by discussion than putting more notches on your belt. Simple statements like I have a high sex drive when I care for someone, or I have a low, will usually suffice to provide the clue one needs.  And then there are those who have a high sex drive and what was your name again? lol   Probable the next issue to discuss is are you fast like a race horse or slow like a turtle.. Again, it's best to find your equal and you can eliminate the most obvious without more notches.


WWWW~

I know this is going to get me in trouble and I should probably just keep me thoughts to myself….but….

 

Good God Man!!!!  Morning, Noon and Night????  Why I think that’s ridiculous!  Who could possibly maintain or equal a schedule like that?  My next question is what kind of quality can be produced putting out that much quantity?  Forget it!  lololol  Not every day!!  That’s just weird….and delusional.  Ooooweeee!!!!  I would laugh at a man if he ever told me that.  I would advise him that’s what showers are for.  Hmmm….I guess I probably wouldn’t make that cut.  *wink*  (Just funnin' with ya W)

 

PS:  When does a person like that ever work?  Don't most people like to take a snooze after sex?



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wwww12345
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Posted on Thu, May 30, 2013 10:00

Sex probably should be talked about even before you even meet.  The most important issue, the one that causes the most trouble, is frequency.  A morning, nooner, nighter will not be happy with a once a weeker.  It doesn't matter if its a man or woman. Why even bother trying to start a relationship if you know the frequency gap is to great to ever work out. If you approach the issue as adults, being open and honest, above all honest, you will save yourself a lot of grief.  Until you get this biggie discussed you may be just wasting both parties time and effort.  If sex isn't important at all to you then you have to find someone who feels the same.  Same for the opposite end of the scale... You need to find your equal and it is far better to do that by discussion than putting more notches on your belt. Simple statements like I have a high sex drive when I care for someone, or I have a low, will usually suffice to provide the clue one needs.  And then there are those who have a high sex drive and what was your name again? lol   Probable the next issue to discuss is are you fast like a race horse or slow like a turtle.. Again, it's best to find your equal and you can eliminate the most obvious without more notches.



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Hoping4Love2000
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Posted on Thu, May 30, 2013 07:02

SZMAN---

 

People with ADHD can focus long enough to enjoy sex.. "IF" you truly suffer, (and most peple diagnosed are MIS diagnosed) well, you can have good sex only last 20 minutes.. but it can still be a GREAT 20 minutes!!

 

You have "other" underlying issues if you don't enjoy sex.. 

 

That may range from fear of intimacy, to sexual abuse, to lack of sexual maturity for your age, etc....  Many things.. Find a good therapit to help you... 

 

Personally, if you don't enjoy sex? 

 

You are of no use to a man... 

 

Who wants anyone for a partner who doesn't enjoy sex? male or female?? 

 

I don't care how nice a man is, how much money he has, how smart he is, yada, yada, yada,

 

If he doesn't have a healthy sexual appetite, 

 

I'M DUMPING HIS AZZ!! 

 

Disclaimer: Gentlemen, this is NOT intended for invitation... (Oh, do I know you guys well! My winks are on the up now!! LOL... BUT...  Whoever "gets" me, is one lucky dude! Allz I'm sayin!!) 



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Hoping4Love2000
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Posted on Thu, May 30, 2013 06:48

OMG Lady DI--- 

 

LMSAO!!

 

I still say---- 

 

Doesn't matter which way the door swings,,,,,,,, 

 

IF a man discusses SEX with you right away..... 

 

He wants SEX, 

 

not a relationshi(T) ....... LOL... 



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Dakota35
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Posted on Thu, May 30, 2013 00:32

Quoting Diana3316:

Hmm....well....lolol....in my opinion...lolo....there are basically three kinds of men:

  • The kind that have sex with other men, but generally like women.
  • The kind that have sex with women, but basically prefer the company of other men and actually don't even really like women.  These are the kind that like to go play golf/hang out with their buddies, don't like to play with their wives/few together activities except maybe going out to dinner...generally they just want sex and someone in the house to help with the activities of daily living, like chores.
  • The kind that have sex with women, and generally prefer the company of women.  These are the kind that like to hang out with women, spend time getting to know her...and actually don't even want to have sex with her until she is ready, because he genuinely likes her....likes just being with her and cares about her feelings.  It doesn't matter if she talks about sex on the first date, the second date...or on every date!!  He's listening and taking notes, so when the time comes he will already know what she likes and know how to make the earth move for her.  He's not impatient to 'get it'...because he's pretty confident he eventually will and not worried if not, because he's pretty happy just being there.  He likes how women think, how they act, how they feel laying next to him.  Typically they are great and generous lovers.

The trick is to find a guy like the third kind....that isn't married and being held on tightly by his wife!!!  *wink*



Your number 3 makes me feel good.  Seems that women are blind to this kind of guy though, but when they realize what they have, then they never want to let go.



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szeman
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Posted on Wed, May 29, 2013 20:16

Thanks for the response. i just realized the real reason for my issue with sex and that is my ADHD. I get easily bored with sex. It's the same with other areas of my life where I also easily get bored.



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