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" Do we (( Need )) or Do we (( Want )) love? " Sort by:
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southernstarr2006
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Posted on Mon, May 22, 2006 20:17

First of all, we are talking about one's belief's about love. You can choose to believe you need love or only want it. The difference to me is that needing is an absolute demand, while wanting is a preference. When we think we need love, we make love an absolute condition of our happiness and self worth. Need is like oxygen, something you have to have. Preference is desirable, but you don't have to have it to be happy or feel okay about yourself. Believing your need love is unhealthy because it makes you desperate for love, anxious about losing it and depressed if you lose it. Wanting love is health because it will motivate you but without creating desperation, anxiety or depression. Once you realize you don't need love, you will be more willing to seek out more desirable individuals, not just the safe ones. You will have much more power in a relationship. You won't put up with bad treatment. In short, you are much more likely to have a satisfying love relationship. It is ironic that the more we think we need something, the less able we are to have it. Coming to really believe that you don't need love, while healthy, also takes some work. The idea that we need love is very common, as you can prove very easily. Just listen to the radio and in a few minutes, you will hear a song with lyrics like, "I can't live without you". That sounds very romantic, but it isn't really true. One reason why people love the idea of needing love is that they are chasing an illusion - that if you can only find the right person, everything will be wonderful and you will "live happily ever after". While a good love relationship can add a lot to your life satisfaction, it isn't the end all of happiness. There are no Cinderellas or Prince Charmings, just us human beings. Any relationship will have it's plusses and minuses. The trick is to find and create a relationship where both parties can be better off by being together. So, to summarize, it is much healthier (and more realistic) to seek love because you want it, not out of a desperate need. Now the above may be true enough but..the flip side is.. My uncle and aunt met and fell in love immediately...they were married in a few months ofmeeting. They were happily married for years and years..She once told me..she loved my Uncle and needed him..that if something were to happen to Uncle Bill that she knew she could not live without him. On another occasion He said the same about her. Cancer took my Uncle not too many years after this..After his death my aunt followed him exactly a year to date after his passing. She was young too...the doctors could not find one thing wrong with her..they put on her death certificate ..." Died of Natural Causes." I know she died of a broken heart because she simply did not wish to live in this world without him...I have heard of this happening several times in my life to others..and I know of at least two other instances that I have seen this has happened with my own eyes. It seems to me these people (( needed )) the love that they shared and each other to live. Am I wrong? It does give one pause does it not? Love to all.. Erica Anne Comments and Thoughts are welcome Erica @)----------

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AsianAmericanIdol
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Posted on Tue, Nov 07, 2006 09:55

Katie, I'd agree that some or even most people fit the descriptions you gave, but some genuinely don't. There are those who have zero desire to procreate the species, even though they still may have normal mating urges outside of that. As for wanting to belong to a larger "herd," it's hard for me to hear the word "herd" in reference to humans without thinking "herd mentality," which is something I have no use for. It seriously makes me think of the Borg collective, as far as having to bury your individuality in order to conform to someone else's expectations, whose opinions you may or may not even share. I'm not too concerned with what society thinks about me, because I think society itself is pretty f*cked up most of the time, but that's a whole other topic.


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southernstarr2006
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Posted on Sun, Nov 05, 2006 16:42

ou can give without loving...but cannot love without giving... Dale...how eloquently stated...you have a depth of understanding..that shines through your heart felt thoughts and posts..thank you so much for sharing.... Erica @)----------


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southernstarr2006
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Posted on Sat, Nov 04, 2006 07:15

Hello Katie..I agree with you..but the Goth thing lost me..giggle Erica Anne @)-----


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KatieGirlK2B
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Posted on Sat, Nov 04, 2006 03:35

According to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, love is a necessity, one of the higher Deficiency Needs related to belonging. Babies depend on it in order to be taken care of while they're so vulnerable and unable to care for themselves. Some humans need love/belonging to survive because they're smaller or weak or ill. Large, strong or healthy humans need love/belonging so they'll be able to procreate and perpetuate the species. Humans need love or "acceptance" by society to belong, so as not to be an outcast, rejected by others. They need to belong to the larger "herd." And then there are those who dress "goth."


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southernstarr2006
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Posted on Fri, Nov 03, 2006 09:10

lastromantic..I do agree we both need and want love...I believe we need it from the very moment of birth..that touching ..that warmth..that connection to another human being...they have studies of babies that don't receive love or human touch...will seize to thrive and will die without it. Isolation is devastating to the human psyche and the misbehavior of children can be related to the lack of love... Thank you for posting Erica Anne @)-----


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Posted on Mon, Jul 31, 2006 06:45

I believe at first you want love. Once you find it and it's right, from that point on you need love. And if you loose it, you try everything you can to find it again because you don't want to live without it. The greatest feeling in the world is to be truly in love and to have that love unconditionally returned.


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southernstarr2006
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Posted on Sun, Jul 30, 2006 17:36

Mr. MalcomJames... I agree with you...love is like an ember in the deepest reaches of our soul heart and spirit..it is the core of us who we are...then that special someone comes along...it flares up ..sometimes to an intensity that is overwhelming...If we are one of the fortunate few..this love..grows still hotter and deeper through the years...keeping us warm..happy and full ...it is our nourishment of the heart...for without we whither and die...... I believe we all need love..With our complexities....we are not easy creatures to satisfy...We cannot meet the conditions of a satisfied life by gorging ourselves, lying down on the grass , and staring at the clouds. We have deeper needs than the brute and the deepest one is love. Babies cannot live on milk alone. They are born with a nature that needs requires love. There are many confirmed cases in which babies who received nourishment and shelter wasted away from the lack of love and the physical touch...in fact they are known to rock endlessly..Baby now adult has a greater need to give love than to receive it, to feel love more than he needs to be felt by it. Being the selfish creatures that we are...we tend to think more about receiving than giving...However we are not babies and as adults we need to scatter our affections around. We grownups if you can call us that( I question this reading some of the blogging going on here) like attention too..We enjoy being pampered . It is gratifying to receive. But there is much more fulfillment and a higher ecstasy in having a heart so filled with love that it finds more joy in giving than receiving....The need of love is universal as man himself.... Ok Will and Steve..either draw pistols and fire..or shake hands and go to your corners!! " Walt Disney" >>>>>>>>>>>>>Wink... Thank you for posting... Erica Anne@)---------


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southernstarr2006
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Posted on Sun, Jul 30, 2006 09:41

Thank you Karlan and Mariana...I appreciate your posts and sentiments ...your insights no doubt raises both one's thoughts and perception. Hope to see you both again soon.. Erica Anne@)-----


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witchyhour
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Posted on Fri, Jul 28, 2006 18:48

I think love is important to everything. You may not need it, you may not want it, but if you have it, it is good for you. Look at animals. If you have a loving attitude towards them, you open a channel for communication. They will approach you, and once they feel safe, they will relax and enjoy the love you give them. Even plants seem to be that way. Give them love and attention, and they grow like crazy. I believe the same rule applies for human beings. Unfortunately, some of us are so damaged by past events that they can't even understand when someone simply offers a caring attitude. They sense it as someone trying to take something from them and either attack you or distance themselves. But if you can get through their defensive attitude and make them understand you don't want anything but enjoy their company and help, then they realize your love (in whatever way you express it to this person) makes them feel better and happier about life. As The Beattles used to sing, "All you need is love..." :)


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malcolmjames
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Posted on Fri, Jul 28, 2006 18:10

You know, I read most people's replies, and while I found something meaningful in *most* of them {Lance obviously needs another beer), I think everyone's missing the point. If I'm wrong then I welcome responses. Love is something that grows from within. It's a subjective experience that grows with the people who touch our lives. For me, love happens when I can look at someone and know without reservation that my smile is genuine; my heart wells without asking questions; my soul shines because I just 'know.' It may be a simplistic view, but love starts within and spreads out like a wonderful virus that infects everythingt that our hearts touch. It's as simple as that. Do we need it? Of course we do. We're humans, and humans are an anomaly on the face of the earth. Most creatures who mate for life find love without going through all the crap that we feel is necessary. Do we suffer when we lack love? Of course. There's no magic solution to what makes love a part of a human's regular diet, but like Sodium, we all need it. Experience however, has taught me that few people really understand what it is. Food for thought...


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KaylaAnn
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Posted on Wed, Jul 26, 2006 18:54

I have had the chance to read many of your blogs. I do enjoy what you are contributing to these blogs, a sensitive and experienced life obviously, with lots of thought put into them! As per the topic! Needing love is the beginning of something spiraling down in a relationship. However, if you meet someone and you want to be with them, the love for each other is healthier. Does it become a need is the question? Perhaps, the need to want to feel the person near to you, the need to want to kiss them whenever you want to, the need to touch them whenever you want to, the need to hear their voice whenever you want to! Now need and want become one word in unison dont they? I often categorize need as insecurity and want as something you can have if you let go of the fear to go out and grab it! Finding love or better said having love is separating the two from the start and then realizing as the relationship continues you still want each other, but yet are separate. I often use the analogy from Kahil Gibran, if you are familiar? He states, how two pillars will stand together yet apart from another and remain beautiful, how the strings of a lute quiver with wonderful music but yet still remain separate. Do you get where I am going with this?


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southernstarr2006
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Posted on Wed, Jul 26, 2006 16:21

Cdinco... Thank you..I believe we were born to love and be loved...babies will wither and fail to thrive without love and affection....we are supposed to give love unconditionally .. ..but we need love to survive...we are thirsty for it..we thrive when loved...we need both... Thank you for posting... Erica Anne @)---.


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southernstarr2006
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Posted on Wed, Jul 26, 2006 16:15

Cowboy ..Cowboy..Cowboy....giggle Erica Anne@)---- btw..some lady is looking for you..HotCalady..I think..wink


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southernstarr2006
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Posted on Wed, Jul 26, 2006 16:14

NativeNewYorker... Women check you out sweetie ..because it is just a natural curiosity....nothing more...no hidden meanings...considerate a compliment. smile..wink As for finding love..relax..you are young and have plenty of time...Ms. NNY...you are beautiful...now grow and be all you can be...this takes time and experience...Love will come to you..Love will seek you out..just be ready for it....be happy ...be at peace. thank you for your post. Erica Anne@)----


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southernstarr2006
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Posted on Wed, Jul 26, 2006 16:08

Nishmi..thank you so much for sharing... Erica Anne@)----


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CDinCO
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Posted on Mon, Jul 24, 2006 10:45

All great comments but in my opinion it comes down to nature vs. nurture. Do we have the natural drive to love or be loved or is it that we have to have somebody do it for us so we can feel it?


Courtney :)

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Posted on Mon, Jul 24, 2006 00:33

maybe u want 2 fall in love and maybe u dont... but f u do get trapped in love u will feel that u need it...and u cant survive without it...it can be a serious addiction...that will make u feel naturally high...its when ur emotions control ur brains...and believe u me some of us try to buy it...this is how addictive love is...me i dont mind getting addicted 2 love as long as it dont damage my brain cells......


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southernstarr2006
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Posted on Sun, Jul 23, 2006 15:14

asianaidol...Please don't be dismayed...love is out there...It is fear that we need to overcome...one has to put themselves out there ..take a risk..a chance....be open to it..if you do not open the door..it will certainly pass you by....It will come...be patient...and believe. Thanks for posting God Bless Erica Anne@(----


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AsianAmericanIdol
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Posted on Sun, Jul 02, 2006 15:29

Some people might literally "need" love, but for me, it's more something that would be "nice to have" and that I'd "want," but which I can also easily live without, because it seems so unattainable as to be almost pointless to hope for. I'm one of those women mentioned in some of these blogs who most people would consider above-average attractive, but who almost never get asked out (at least not outside of the Internet or drunk guys in bars), because the local men are too intimidated, assume she must already be seeing someone else, etc. I'm also one of those people that's too shy to do the asking out myself, for probably the same reasons I mentioned above that deter the men from doing so. So here I am, 38 years old, never-married, only had one guy that dated me longer than a month, so when I hear all this talk of love, my cynicism kind of kicks in. "Love? What's that? Oh, you mean that thing everybody talks about, but which no man I've cared about has ever claimed to feel for ME? Oh, THAT!"


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