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Blog title: Questions/ Thoughts to ponder
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Reflections, thoughts, questions for the mature, adult to ponder as we venture out into the world of finding love!

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While You Were Sleeping 274 Views 09/26/11

While many of us were sleeping, a group of american citizens have occupied Wall Street. They say they have done so to protest against the 1 % of America who own and control our resources. The participants who have  occupied WallStreet say they represent the 99% of the population who gets repeatedly scewed by corporate america and they are tired of the people losing our jobs, homes and freedoms due to corporate greed.


Activist and filmmaker Michael Moore said: "What's hurting our country is WallStreet and corporate America owns our membes of congress, both republicans and democrats. Thats why nothing is being done for the people."


Most of us are unaware of this revolution, because even though the citizens have occupied WallStreet for 10 days now, and other groups have spread accross the country, such as Occupy America and OcuppyEverywhere, Occupy San Diego, and Occupy Atanta, etc, the mainstream media is not reporting on this. But that should come as no surprise, we've heard Gil Scott Heron say "the revolution will not be televised."  Its ok, because livestream online has been covering Occupation Wall Street LIVE, non stop.


Oh me, oh my, WHAT IN TARNATIONS IS GOING ON?  What say you? Are these protestors serious or are the "misguided" souls?

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Discover the Gift 99 Views 09/17/11

I often hear people say that when they get around to it, they will do what makes them really happy. I see their eyes light up and hear their voices rise with delight as they discuss in detail their natural gifts and abilities which they do only when they have time.  


But alas, their enthusiasm dissipates and the fire in their eyes fizzle as they proclaim that participation in work, parental duties, volunteer and/or church leaves them little time or energy to do what truly brings them joy.  



This taught me that many people choose to endure their lives, rather than enjoy them. In my opinion, that’s hardly living! I don’t want to merely exist, I want to LIVE! 




When was the last time you did something which brought you such eternal elation that you felt like you were having an out of body experience?



This happens to me whenever I stand before a crowd and speak. It is like a beam of light from heaven illuminates my body and sends an electrical charge through every fiber of my being. If feels like a flood of universal approval descends upon my body and charges me with energy beyond this terrestrial realm!



What you love and are interested in is a clue to what your gift is. The closer you vibrate to the frequency of what you’re supposed to be doing (using your gift(s) to fulfill your purpose), the more ideal and wonderful life becomes and the more joy you will experience.


Discover your gift, your passion, and learn to truly LIVE! #ThisIsJoyfulLiving!

















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BEWARE of the Big O!!!! 414 Views 09/09/11

You think Karma is a B*tch! You haven't seen anything yet! Meet Oxytocin; a woman’s greatest dream or her worst nightmare. You haven’t heard of her? Some says she’s Karma’s twin sister, separated at birth. You can tell she’s related to Karma, because she is fun one day, but you hate her, the next. She’s the type of sistah who will play with your emotions and romance you, but then come back to bite you in the backside. Others say she is the devil, disguised as an angel. Truly, a celestial being from Hell!


So just who is she? And why do women need to beware? Do men need to fear her also? Allow me to elaborate.


Oxytocin is a chemical released during physical contact. This includes hugging, kissing and touching.  And oh yes, SEX! Women release large amounts of this 'cuddle hormone' during intercourse. It is in fact, what bonds a woman to a man.


Have you ever wondered why a woman can be so attached to a moronic loony tune? Have you seen the ones who chase after thugged-out miscreants? What about the educated woman who runs behind the low-down dirty, rotten scoundrel?  She has been smitten by the devil called Oxytocin.


It seems like an enigma, but in fact it’s a known truth.  A woman who has sexual contact with a man is wired to bond with him, rather she wants to or not. That’s why some women have cravings and can’t shake the addiction. She feels like she can’t live without him, because her brain and hormones told her that. Her prognosis is good, though. The best defense against large doses of oxytocin is the same as all chemically induced substance addictions; detoxification! 


Sure, a woman suffering from large doses of oxytocin behaves like a fiend -out sex addict, but she can’t help herself. She has ingested a ginormous amount of the sexually-induced hormone. She needs to run to rehab, pronto! The man may thank her for it and she might even thank herself.  


She needs to rush into detox fast, because unless she and he are both prepared for a long-term committed relationship, she is probably wearing him out with the incessant phone calls, twenty-one questions and late night romps in the hay. He might like it at first, but ladies beware, every man is not worth bonding with! You must decide which is.


While his love potion may be intoxicating, oxytocin will come back to bite you in the buttocks. She will make you wish you never tasted of her, because you crave her like a cracked-out drug fiend. If your man is not into you, you need intervention.


Instead of following after him like a zombified nincompoop, bereft of your God-given senses, ask yourself: does he love me? Will he make a good father and loving provider? If we procreate, can I deal with him for the next eighteen years? Will I be able to put up with him vicariously through our children for the rest of their natural-born lives? If your answer is a resounding, “No!” get a grip! Get help immediately! You need to detox and get him and that evil heifer, oxytocin out of your system!


By the way, what is detox? It is abstaining from sex for a period of time, until you are void of any "toxins" associated with unhealthy bonding. You must abstain, even though you will have withdrawals. Relationship experts advise thirty to ninety days, depending upon the dosage ingested. Some women have reported needing up to a year, but that’s an extreme case.


The first step to getting help is admitting you have a problem. Next comes doing something about it. Detox is a good starting point. This means you withdraw from all sexual contact until he is out of your system. Your brain, your man, and your va ja jay will certainly thank you for it.


If you have met oxytocin and found her to be an unwanted guest, evict her at once! She can be trouble. She will romance you on Tuesday, but come back to haunt you on Friday. Unless you care to entertain her, go to rehab immediately. Detox is in order!


Men, don't get too comfortable, you release oxytocin too, just not in large doses like we women. However, please be advised that when your lady friend is hooked on the Big O, unless you are prepared to deal, my good friend Oxytocin can bite you in the backside too.


Ladies and Gentlemen, deal with Oxytocin at your discretion; and always use wisdom and precaution.


Now back to your regularly scheduled program...

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Become the Person You Wish to Attract 190 Views 09/03/11

People often wonder: what is the key to finding a mate? The answer is not as complicated as one would think. Quite simply, the answer is: become the person you wish to attract. Without question, we attract who we are and choose a mate who represents the way we see ourselves. Have you ever wondered why you attract a certain man or woman? Take a look into the mirror. Who you see is who you will attract; and what you will seek after.






While we may not consciously choose a mate who mirrors us, subconsciously we do.  Have you ever noticed, for example, how it is that a seemingly, “together” woman can choose an unhealthy or volatile man? Take a look for a minute how this woman perceives herself. On the exterior she may appear to have it together, but a discerning look into her psyche will reveal a hurt, insecure or fragile woman with a damaged self image. Through her thoughts and behavior, she will put out negative energy and that is exactly what she will get back. Undoubtedly, a broken or incomplete man will rush to her “aid.” 






The energy that we send out is the same energy that we receive. If we send out positive energy, that’s what we will receive. The same works for negative energy. What we spend time thinking about is what we will draw to ourselves. If our subconscious mind tells us we are unworthy, that is how we will behave and that is what we will attract. And if we believe there are no good, desirable, healthy potential mates, that is what we will seek after (the ones who are unhealthy), for we won’t be in the position to notice the healthy ones.






Conversely, if we have a positive attitude and believe that there are healthy people from which to choose, and we go out into the dating scene with joyful expectations, we will be able to spot them and also draw them to us. This is the basic premise of the law of attraction.






We attract who we are.  






Therefore, if a woman or man desires a healthy, whole, complete partner, s/he must first, become healthy, whole and complete. Confidently walking in your power as a whole, complete person will draw unto you a mate who mirrors who you are.






So how can you attract your reflection? Quite simply: Become the person you wish to attract.

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What's a Girl To Do? 201 Views 11/16/10

I don't think I'm half bad-looking. I am pretty cultured and highly educated. I posted "harmless" pictures and a few sexy ones, too. I even blog from time to time, but very few men will reach out to me. Whats a girl to do? I recently renewed my membership, after letting it lapse for a spell and within two weeks, I've received over 150 views, but on 3 men actually stated an interest. I've reached out to gents, but for some reason, I am not getting actual emails. I know I may not be desirable to everybody (okay for real, I'm lying) but c'mon, can a sistah get some action? An email or 3 or 4? What can I do? Any ideas?

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The Law of Attraction 127 Views 11/10/10

The Law of Attraction says: That which is like unto itself, is drawn.


Have you ever thought about this? This is said to be the most powerful law in the Universe.  It is the basis of everthing that comes into our experience. An awareness of the Law of Attraction and an understanding of how it works is essential to living life on purpose. In fact, it is essential to living the life of joy that we came forth to live.


So while we are on our quest to connect with our soul mates, I submit to you:




What do you want to receive? Are you there/have you become this? How will you achieve this? Our soul mate await us, but we must attract him/her by becoming what we want to receive. If we are already there, now we must experience the emotion of JOY and EXPECT our desire to happen, as we position ourselves to receive.

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Are You Down with the Swirl? Repost 238 Views 11/08/10

Here I go on my soap box, but um, I gotta say it. So, I'm a 42 year old, educated African American woman (with a lil Latino flavor..okay, Grammy was mexican) and I'm single. In my community, the numbers are stacked against me. We outnumber our black men 7 to 1 and when we factor in those who 1) are in prison 2) are homosexual 3) are without a high school diploma 4) date other races exclusively, it looks pretty dismal for me. The numbers increase to 12 to 1. My black male friends find me "amazing" but also say my qualifications can be "intimidating." This hurts, because dont' I deserve love too?  :( Uggh! Thus I've decided to open my mind to dating outside my race. I want and deserve love, committment and marriage from a man who values what I have to offer and what I bring to the table.

Have you guys dated outside of your race? What is it like? Why do some choose not to date outside the race? By the way, we call that "DOWN WITH THE SWIRL" ..the mixture of chocolate (black) and vanilla (white) and what's with these successful black men who prefer anything but a black woman? Even some white men want anything but a black woman? What's up with that? Umm, I don't bite. I want a man, too! Daaaang! Can a sistah get some love? I'm just sayin! Hee Hee! Help!!!!

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Dear SisterCounselor Show 156 Views 11/06/10

Dear SisterCounselor: I logged onto our computer with my husband's password & found pics named "FOOT WORSHIP" This sent me into a rage! A pretty woman had her FOOT in his mouth while he sucked her toes! Another pic had her stepping on his FACE. WTH? Im in tears! I hate feet. Dont want him touching mine & I sho aint touching his but does that give him the right to have another woman's toes in his mouth?






How can he cheat on me for a FOOT HOE! I read one of his email and it said, "Dear Mike, I'm wearing the socks you gave me and I'm getting my feet nice and sweaty for you so you can smell them when you come here." I cried!






Then I logged onto the site that she attached to her email and apparently they have houses where MEN GO to SUCK WOMEN'S TOES, ENGAGE IN "SMASHING" WHICH IS HAVING A WOMAN WALK ON HIS FACE! AND RUBBING HER FEET! THESE MEN PAY FOR THIS! I'm in tears! I want a divorce. These women are beautiful and he's giving our hard earned money to some FOOT HOE! Saints/Aints, any advise






How would you all advise this woman? Have fun!!! Lol

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I am not your expectations 144 Views 11/05/10

I am not my hair; I am not this skin; I am the soul that lives within. These are the words of a songwriter, India Arie. In my humble opinion, too many people look on the surface of things. We spend a lot of time on outer beauty or the lack thereof, but what about the soul of a person? What about your own soul/spirt? What is that like? Are you full of joy and peace or are you full of misery, anger and pain? I love it when people look at me and experience my JOY. The other day, I boarded a plane and the passengers, flight attendants and even the captain took it upon themselves to tell me that they admired my bubbly personality; how I bounced around, singing to myself as if I had not a care in the world! It totally caught them off gaurd, as if they expected me to look and act like many of the other passengers...tired, miserable and murmuring about one complaint after the other. I on the other hand, danced onto the plane. Who cares that the plane had arrived late and was full to capacity? I was ALIVE to have the experience! I KNEW I was going to have the time of my life both on that plane and once I reached my destination. And I did! I EXPECTED IT, SO I RECEIVED IT! I submit that it is when we focus on the inner-being, cultivating JOY within, only then will we ATTRACT beauty, joy and peace both in a mate, and in this life. What say you?

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Spiritual Journey 90 Views 11/04/10

For the past few months, while enjoying life, I took a brief pause. A pause from work, school and dating. It just felt right. I'm glad I listened. What I discovered is that I don't need religion. I need to follow the voice WITHIN. How liberating! How joyful and exciting! I don't need a man/woman to dictate what is right for me. I discovered that I AM DIVINE. My CREATOR IS DIVINE and so is all the Creator's creation. (Some people may not realize their divinity and may not access it, but I realize mine and choose to access all of my inner beauty and godliness). Being divine, I attract divinity. I attract who I am, what I desire and all my hopes and dreams. And I create them, simply by being the most wonderfully, powerfully DIVINE me! Now, I don't question what I should do and I don't look for others to tell me. I JUST DO WHATEVER FEELS GOOD IN MY SOUL! :) Yay me! Welcome Back!

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A wonderful parental moment! 54 Views 03/02/10
So, I'm in Kentucky (from Cali) so I haven't blogged lately, but while here to meet with my dissertation committee, I've been spending a lot of time with my adult sons and my 18 yr old daughter. My eldest, 22 and my babyboy, 20 live together. My first night here, we stayed up until 6am reminiscing about old times. My eldest son, Doug, put his arm around me, kissed me on the left cheek, and said, "Mom, you said, 'one day, you all will thank me for the manner in which I raised you." He continued, "I thought you were nuts with all your crazy rules, but..well, here it is, Mom, thank you! thank you! thank you!" He said, "I hadn't had sex or experimented with drugs or any of the things my friends had done, because you were NUTS and we knew you'd KILL us. How were we so afraid of letting you down then? How did you do it, paying all the bills, staying on top of our academics, sending us to college and keeping your cool?" My babyboy chimed in, "we thought Dad was the fun guy (we were divorced), but now that we are grown, we see you really did have our best interest at heart. We are so much better off than many of our colleagues. It's unbelievable." I swallowed hard to prevent the tears from flowing. If only they knew the many nights I broke down crying. I can't tell you how elated and humbled I was to hear that from my boys! God is so good to me. All I can say is "Thank you!" I've always heard that children understand what we parents go through once they become adults themselves and have to figure life out and pay those bills. Lucky for me, mine worked from the time they were little boys, playing instruments as church musicians for various churches. My mom always said that a man must work. I encouraged mine to, because I needed help with rent. Now, they work and go to school, because its IN them. Priase the Lord! What a wonderful parental moment. Isn't it something how they (the kids) come to understand what we went through by raising them? I'm smiling.....
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Wigger Please! 101 Views 02/17/10

Lengthy article I found by Mike Adams (professor of criminology at Univ of North Carolina, Wilmington)...but hilarious!! Well, I enjoyed it. Laughed so hard, I got tears in my eyes! Hope you do too.




Some people call them ¿wiggers¿ but I just call them ¿idiots¿. I used to wonder where they learned to be so racially condescending - presuming that dressing and ¿talking black¿ was a cool thing to do. But now I suspect that many of them have taken a course under Maurice Martinez, an education professor at UNC-Wilmington.



The class "Teacher, School, and Society¿ (EDN 200) is required of all education majors. When students take Maurice Martinez for the class they get a special treat. Maurice teaches them ¿Black English.¿ In 2003, he even copyrighted course materials to make white future teachers fluent in ¿Black English.¿



To think I used to call ebonics the ¿new black death.¿ In retrospect, that was mighty Caucasian of me ¿ and that isn¿t a good thing. If only I had taken Professor Martinez for ¿Teacher, School, and Society¿ I would know better.



In his class, students are taught that ¿many African Americans speak and use a form of English that is somewhat different from Standard English.¿ They also learn that ¿the rules of Black American English are functional to those who use them.¿



Professor Martinez states that ¿Many teachers are unaware of the rules of Black American English.¿ But he does not blame white teachers. In fact, he says the blame ¿should not be placed upon the student or the teacher, but upon ¿unawareness.¿¿



Maurice believes that if we wish to succeed in our ¿No child left behind¿ efforts we can begin by ¿trying to understand the language spoken by African American children.¿ Maurice cautions that ¿not all 36 million African Americans choose to speak Black English, especially the educated middle and upper income blacks.¿



I wasn¿t surprised to hear that many ¿educated middle and upper income blacks¿ refrain from the use of Black English. But, then again, I wasn¿t surprised the first time I heard that ¿more people are in prison despite the fact that crime is down.¿



Maurice devotes dozens of pages of class notes to teaching white future teachers the specifics of Black English. It isn¿t rocket science but it¿s darned close. For example, Maurice teaches his students that while whites use terms like ¿This, that, them, these, and those¿ blacks often say ¿Dis, dat, dem, dese, and dose.¿ His notes say ¿There is a ¿duh¿ sound substituted for the ¿th¿ sound in the beginning of the word. 



Actually, the ¿duh¿ sound was the student reaction to Professor Martinez¿ lecture. There are some things so obvious that even education majors can learn them on their own.



Of course, if a white teacher is going to teach black kids, she needs to learn how to curse like they do. Here, Professor Martinez is brilliant. He informs us that while whites use the terms ¿mother¿ and ¿brother,¿ blacks often prefer to say ¿muvah¿ and ¿bruvah.¿ Maurice even gives a sample sentence: ¿My muvah cook grits.¿ But he cautions that when using profanity in conjunction with the ¿F-word¿ it is best to pronounce ¿mother¿ properly.



Well, I¿ll be a muvah f----r! I mean, I¿ll be a mother f-----r!



Maurice, the tenured education professor, also informs students that when using plurals it is not necessary to add an ¿s¿ in Black English. That¿s why a paper costs ¿50 cent,¿ not ¿50 cents.¿ Is this making sense? Or do we say ¿making cent¿?



All of this is getting so confusing I¿m thinking about taking a trip to the public library to confirm the existence of a thing called ¿Black English.¿ But Maurice cautions that ¿library¿ is a white way of saying things. Blacks say ¿liberry¿ ¿ that is, those who speak Black English.



I already knew many words in Black English before I perused Professor Martinez¿ class notes. For example, I knew ¿before¿ was ¿fo¿ and ¿fifty¿ was ¿fitty.¿ But I have to admit that I never knew that ¿corner¿ was ¿cornda.¿ Now I can say ¿Look at that ho on the cornda. I never seen that ho ¿fo.¿ The possibilities are endless in the world of multiculturalism and diversity!



But Black English can be used to avoid conflicts, according to Professor Martinez. Specifically, one can help avoid fights if one is aware of certain ¿fighting words¿ in Black English. For example, the white teacher should be on guard if she hears ¿why you trippin¿?¿ or ¿shut up ¿fo I spaz on you.¿ Apparently, that¿s even worse than when a redneck says ¿you ain¿t no count."



But not everything that seems like a clue to a fight really is a clue to a fight. For example, ¿yeah, he packin¿¿ would seem to mean ¿he has a gun.¿ But in Black English, according to Professor Martinez¿ notes, it could just mean ¿yes, he¿s well endowed."




When white students are done with their homework, Professor Martinez may decide to ask them ¿Did you do your homework?¿ In response, he has taught them the correct Black English answer: ¿Teacher, I been done did dat.¿




After sending their kids to study education at UNC-Wilmington, many parents may decide they want their tuition money back. Thankfully, Maurice teaches 18 ways to say ¿money¿ in Black English: Book, bread, cake, cash, cheddar, cheese, chump change, coins, crumbs, dough, eagle, fitty, green, jingle, loot, moola, scrilla, and Benjamin.




I recommend that parents, black or white, call UNC-Wilmington and say ¿I want my chump back, ¿cause Professor Martinez is whack!¿ Or, to make it less personal, they could say ¿I want my scrilla, ¿fo rilla!¿




I¿ve always said that within higher education the idiots have taken over the asylum. But, now that I know Black English, I guess I¿ll just say the dizzy have taken over the hizzie.

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Freedom! 79 Views 02/16/10

A year ago today, at 40, I came to California, tired & overwhelmed. I came to help my brother. Helping him, was helping myself, & being in this environment was the change I needed. 2 busy 2 get 2 my "creamy crack" (perm/relaxer), my hair, rebelling against the old relaxer from 6 months prior, began to burst into wild, curly, free-growing ringlets and soon I realized its free way of growing was an expression of the inner beauty & liberation I'd come to embrace within my spirit. What an experience...the day I stood in front of my brother's bathroom mirror and released my tightly bound hair from a stiff rubberband. For the first time EVER I saw ME! The way God intended me to look...nappy, curly, wild-growing hair, and all! What freedom! No more "creamy crack for me!" I'm finally happy with who I am!  It took me 40 years. Have you ever had an experience which influenced you to embrace who you are? or have you always done so? If so, please share your experience....

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Love, In Love, Lust, which is it? 84 Views 02/12/10

Is there a difference between loving someone and being "in love" with them? I had a conversation with a male relative who says he loves his estranged wife, but he doesn't get along with her. They just don't see eye-to-eye. They are worlds apart. When I asked him if he's "in love" with her, he said that was a STUPID question, because "in love" is a made-up phrase. He just loves her. Really? I wondered. Every time he speaks about her he's complaining, like he dislikes her, maybe even hates her, but refuses to get divorced because the bible says not to. He said, "in love" is something stupid that we WOMEN made up. Hmm, really? Maybe I'm confusing "in love" with lust. That made me think and pose the question: What's the difference between lust, love and being "in love"? And is this something we can control? What say you?

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Help!!! I'm falling & can't get up! 152 Views 02/10/10

Okay, I admit, I'm going crazy. I can't help myself. I'm on a roll, and can't stop blogging. Ummm, I may need some help. I say I'm ready to settle down and KNOW I "should" be attracted to the older, wiser, gent. But I can't help it...I LOVE the younger men! Something about their smiles, ambition and fun-loving nature. And Lord help me, if they have athletic builds and a good career, to boot!! Something happens, like the Cougar, the hunter within lurks out and leaps, much to my chagrine (or maybe NOT! Hee Hee). Is there something WRONG with me? Do I need counseling or to be psycho-analyzed? LOL

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Whet my appetite; arouse my senses. Part II 51 Views 02/10/10

Careful not to seem too eager, I walked to the restroom and stayed a little longer than I normally would. When I walked back to my seat, his eyes widened and he stood to his feet. "That's right!" I thought, "Stand at attention when Momma enters the room!" "I missed you" he offered. "I thought maybe you had left or contemplated leaving and that made me sad." He placed his hand upon his heart. "Momma wouldn't leave you." I assured in a whispered, loudly enough for only him to hear. He slowly sat in his seat, as did I. I touched his lips, circling them with my right index finger and gently pat his nose. Slowly, I let my finger fall from his nose, to his lips and then glided it down to his chest. Twisting my fingers around his shirt collar, I pulled him close.  Our noses touched. I winked and released, gently pushing him away. And with that thought, I stood and walked away from him, and towards the dance-floor. I felt his body behind me, walking slowly as if in a trance, mesmerized by my movements. He stood before me on the dance-floor, tall, well-built, god-like and still. The music seemed to pause as we gazed into one another¿s eyes. My 4 inch heels allowed me to stand taller than my normal 5¿7¿ frame. I swayed my hips from left to right, and he stood, still, ¿unable¿ to move. Suddenly, as if snapping out of his trance, he moved, sway-like, mimicking my steps. I turned my back to him to feel his ¿presence¿ tower me like a ¿god.¿ Nervously, he whispered, my dear¿never, never have I met a woman of your caliber. Never have I felt so weak and powerless. I¿m speechless.¿ "I know, I offered." Little did he know, I felt the same about him, and we didn¿t know each other..had never met, though I had seen him before at other events for the ¿Grown & Sexy.¿ I turned around, facing him, and leaned my hand against his chest, dancing closer to him and then away from him. He followed me as if I were the Pied Piper. I knew this was uncharted territory¿the road less traveled, but my curiosity and desire overwhelmed me and compelled me to beckon him for more.  That night, I had the time of my life..tentalizing him, then pushing him away. I danced with him, danced with the guests, and danced alone, until my 6'5" "fan" would find me and then interrupted and stood in front of me, beckoning me to dance close to his statuesque frame. For the rest of the evening, 6'5" as I call him, kept my attention, and I had his. We stared at one another for the remainder of the party. Even when apart, his eyes followed my movements and mine followed his. The attraction was overwhelming, to the point of distraction. We could barely focus on other dance partners and continued to yearn to be in one another's presence. We ended the evening with a long, clinging embrace. I let him walk away, as he did me¿.could it have just been lust, pheromones, or more? I may never know. Those damn pheromones¿powerful aren¿t they? Wink Wink.

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Whet my appetite; arouse my senses 33 Views 02/10/10

I walked into the club for a birthday party, feeling sultry, vibrant, alive and vivacious! The room hushed when I opened the heavy, metal door and entered the dark room. I stood in the doorway for a second, against the backdrop of the moonlit sky. I paused, and then walked forward, as I felt the eyes of the hosts (a group of promoters and other men, who I presumed to be their "boys") fix upon my silhouette. Their smiles of approval assured me that the black, curve hugging, knee length wrap-dress was a perfect choice for the evening. It was 10:00pm, but the party had started at 8:00. I didn't MEAN to arrive two hours tardy, but my taxi showed up late. That was my story and I was sticking to it. :)  Heading to the bar, I sashayed past the group of men, while smiling and strolling, ensuring each step swayed to the sound of the music. Finally, as I arrived at my seat, a tall, medium brown gentleman, sporting fitted jeans and a muscle-hugging t-shirt approached and asked to sit in the vacant seat beside me. Flashing a bright smile, with the right end of his mouth curving downward, he leaned towards me as flattering complements spilled from his thick, full lips. I tried to focus my eyes upon his face, but as he leaned, his muscles peaked from his snug, body conforming t-shirt, clinging for dear life and hugging every bulge. My heart began to race and adrenaline surged through every inch of my body from my head to my freshly painted toes. His voice heightened the adrenaline and awakened my half-sleep libido. He had that "it" thang going on and I had to let him know. Subtly, while smiling, I tossed my hair and strategically placed one strand behind my right ear lobe. I swear his pectorals danced at the movement of my hand. And that put a wide, approving grin on Momma Kia's face. His body was responding to my movements and mine delightfully "danced" at his every word and gesture. As the evening wore on, we danced together, apart and together again. When apart, our eyes followed one another, like lonely "lost" puppies, yearning for their playmate. What was it about him that awakened every molecule of my body? It was that "magic" about which a recent blogger had spoken. That "thing" that I could not explain, which made me yearn for his words, his body, the tantalizing scent of his manly cologne. Could it have been pheromones, the chemical to which we humans respond? I don't know, but whatever it was, it left an indelible impression in my mind and insatiable desire in my body, whicn causes me to think of him, days after the event.

Have you ever experienced this? What was your experience, and how should one respond once the "chemistry" has been ignited? Hmmm, food for thought.  I'm eager for your response...

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The PENIS does the picking 157 Views 02/08/10

When an attractive woman walks into the room, it seems as though mens' penises stand at attention, and their brains go on vacation!!! Patti Stanger, the self-professed Millionaire Match-Maker who is also the author of "Becoming Your Own Matchmaker: 8 Easy Steps to Attracting Your Perfect Mate" asserts that with a man, what actually selects his match or desirable woman is his PENIS! Hmmm, is that right? Well, it must be, because e'ry time I hang out with my platonic PROFESSIONAL male friends, they are constantly complementing women's body parts. Then the "remember" that I'm in the room and commence to apologizing. I mean, come on, isn't there more to us women, according to men, than behinds and boobs??? I even have to correct my sons when I'm out with them, because the 3 of them together is like a pack of wolves or school of perona!!! "Man, did you see THAT walking past?" "Boy, what I could do to THAT at any given day! Woo Hooooo!" they say to one another, high fiving each other, as if I'm invisible. Didn't I raise these fools better than this? I think to myself? "Um, excuse me nimwits...THAT??!!" I ask them. "What the F$%k is THAT?! Please STOP objectifying women as if we are just some piece of meat created for your flesh-eating pleasure!" I rant! "I raised you all better than this! What is it with you guys?!" I demand. "Damn, Ma, you heard us? We can't say nothin' without you yellin' at us. We was just playin" they snicker, rolling their eyes at me and givin' each other dap, as I smack 'em upside their heads, which obviously houses puny little marbles, for brains!!! Come on, fellas, you came outta ME, can you PRETEND you have sense? And these kids of mine are real estate brokers, Music Directors, honor college students! What the hell??!!!

I mean, even on the millionaire dating site, I run across "men" or shall I say those of the male persuasion, who allude to sex in their initial conversation, with comments like, "you sure are sexy" ; "I like your mischievous smile" or "do you have a big booty?" Excuse me, you moron, I have a freakin' PhD and I'm a GROWN a$$ WOMAN with FOUR adult kids..can you ACT like you have some sense?! Sheesh! What a way to start a conversation!!! "Do you have a BRAIN?" I shoot back! Damn, what is wrong with people these days? Then when I chastise them, these fools have the audacity to admonish me to "calm down" or "chill" or ask me to "please stop being so HARSH." Harsh? Are they serious? We teach people how to treat us. Therefore I'm not letting a guy, or any one for that matter, get away with sex talk when he doesn't even know me! And excuse me, idiot, but there is NOTHING 'mischivious' about my smile! Give me a freakin' break!! I KNOW I'm sexy...DUH??? But um, can we talk about my PROFILE or what makes me tick? I always ask men on the dating site, "What was it about my PROFILE which resonnated with you?" Cricket Cricket Cricket...I can hear the silence as the crickets "chirp" in the background. I even think I hear the crickets in their "brains", I mean in that empty space in between their ears that we call their heads. Guys, can you talk to me with the head on your shoulders and not the one between your LEGS?! Uggh! What is it? I mean, I know the PENIS does the picking, but can guys at least keep his lil' buddy in check long enough to get to know us ladies first? Sure, I understand that mens' anatomy stands at attention at the sight of a beautiful woman, and yes, I keep my body in tack and look nicely at all times, but gents, there is more to a WOMAN than her body. Ladies and gents, is it just me, or do men attend a "charming" school which 'train' them on "manners", unbeknownest to the rest of the REAL world? LOL! Help me out PUHLEEEEZ!

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It's YOUR fault, Momma! 46 Views 02/07/10

"It's YOUR fault, Momma! YOU- are -the -reason- I -struggled -all -my -life. YOU made me miserable. YOU singled me out, because I looked JUST like my dad. YOU were harder on me, than my brothers and SISTER! Why? Because I look like my dad and act the most like him! I blame YOU!!! And then you talked badly about my dad, and that made me feel like I HAD to choose! NO child should have to choose, MOM! Did you ever stop to consider how difficult the divorce would be on us?" "Did you ever stop and wonder how hard it was being poor?" My son struggled to get his words out as he studdered through his tears. It was October 1, 2007, my 38th birthday and the kids, my friends and I had just come from my birthday celebration at the Cheesecake factory. Their father had even driven down to celebrate with us, because he and I were trying to put our volatile past behind us and get along for the children's sake..even though they were near adults, and 2 were grown, at the time. Hey, I was trying to do better, LOL! I even invited my then, estranged 2nd husband to the party. We had a great time. I digress. 

Three of my children, their dad and I wisked my then 19 year old son away from the restaurant as fast as we could. He was breaking down in plain sight and we had NO idea why or what was going on in his head. I panicked and offered to take him to a hospital, but he refused to go. Limp, contrite, broken and weeping profusely, my son could barely stand upright. We carried him into his and my 20 year old's apartment. They were college students. Thoughts raced through my head as my son broke down, had anxiety attacks and crumbled onto the floor, before we could all get into the apartment. What was happening to my baby?! He cried for 12 hours straight in front of us and I felt helpless. "I'm I'm sorr-sorr-sorry, Mom! I was your most difficult child. I challenged your rules..(sobbing)...I I I tried hard, but I was so angry with you, MOM!" You made me was too hard! You talked about my dad!" He fell to his knees. "Dad, you talked about MOM! You guys went back and forth, making it HARD for us!" 

I didn't know what to do. I had done my best, I thought, but apparently I hadn't. I dropped to my knees and held his head as he cried so hard he could hardly breathe. "Son, you are absolutely correct. I failed you. I was wrong. I am so sorry for how I treated you. I take full accountability for my behavior. I hope you can please find it in your heart to forgive me. Please, son. I was wrong." I looked at his dad and nodded at him to speak. He took to long..I interrupted..."and son, daddy is sorry for the part he played too (okay, I shouldn't have done that, but I did...)..son please forgive us. Please forgive me."

My son collasped in my arms. Thank you mom! He shouted through his tears. Then he laid prostrate on the floor. "God! He called out. God!! You have been calling me for years but I would not listen. I was too hurt. I was in too much pain. But today, I give you my life. Today, I KNOW you are real! Thank you God, thank you for calling me! I accept you today! Thank are real!"

Wow! Talk about powerful! For another several hours, my son cried and repented and asked God to forgive him. He promised to change his life. And you know what? He DID!!! He stopped smoking weed, he stopped drinking, he calmed down and worked on his anger. He had been filled with so much anger and I never understood why. I thought I had done my best, but truth was, I hadn't. Sure I made sure he made good grades in school, but I had wounded him and so did the divorce. While the divorce may have been the best decision for me, it still hurt my kids significantly and I needed to acknowledge that.

Today, my son is a 4.0 college student, with academic scholarships. He is a kinder, gentler person and I praise God for the power of forgiveness. He truly forgave me and accepted God in his life that day. His life shows it. One thing I learned tht day is to take accountability for our actions.  It is when we become accountable that our children are open to changing. Can we really blame others and society for our personal failures as parents? I think not. I'm not perfect and admitting that did something powerful for my family. It brought healing! It brought a transformed son into my life and into our family! Hallelujah!

I was jut thinking about this today, as my son and I chatted about how our relationship had evolved. He is living with me now, while he finishes college and the healing has made both of us better people. Thank you for listening. I needed to get this out. Excuse me while I take a praise break!!!! :)


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Come here, baby, let Momma teach you!!! 81 Views 02/06/10

One thing I've learned in my 41 years is that we teach people how to treat us. Now, I'll admit, life can be difficult, but I'm of the opinion that it does not HAVE to be if we make sound choices, take responsiblity and accountability for our actions and lead a godly, healthy life. Indeed, we cannot control everything, but we should wisely control the things we can. I've shared my story. My mother was extremely abusive, starving us, putting us in chairs and stuffing our mouths with socks while beating the living day-lights out of us with chords, her fists, pans, whatever was in her grasp. We grew up extremely poor, in housing projects, while mom sold our foodstamps so she could do whatever it was she was doing with her money, because she sho' wasn't feeding us. Infact, she told us we only needed 1 meal a day to survive. Starving, my brother and I stole from the corner store to feed ourselves and our sibblings! Ugh! That woman! And, daddy, well lets just say, he was 17 and mom 15 when I was born, so um, he wasn't much help. He has always been and to this day is a heroine addict. In fact, I grew up visiting the crack houses, pulling him out or visiting prisons in Ohio (I've been to every last one) to visit my daddy. That's the only relationship we've ever had. Now, he's dying from his addiction and too guilt-ridden to speak to me, because I confronted him about how he once sexually assaulted me while high on crack and heroine.

My mom's former husband also sexually assaulted us, but Mom was too weak and powerless to do anything about it. Bummer! And I say that partially in jest, and partially with all seriousness. Anyhoo, to make a long story short, I married 2 abusive men, the 1st with whom I had my 4 children, mainly because the church "ordered" it so and partly to get away from my abusive mom. I mean, at 17 she tried to drown me! Why? I'll never know..we never understood her abusive nature. I think she was an undiagnosed bi-polar. I left that husband and moved to a place where I knew no one, struggling, but all the while, going to therapy and going to college. Still, broken, I made bad choices. Fast forward 11 years, I married another "church man" who was emotionally abusive. Damn, when would I ever learn. On top of that, I stayed in an abusive church which used fear and intimidation to control my children, me and the rest of congregation and also told us we would be punished by God if we left. I felt trapped and doomed!!! Still, something inside me told me there was a better life ahead.

After being admitted to the psychiatric hospital upon feeling suicidal and devising a plan of my demise, something "clicked" in my head, heart and spirit. God never intended for me to live like this and somehow I had to regain my power. Well, it took 2 full years of therapy and yes, medication (that was 2006 and I still take medication and receive therapy) for me to regain some semblance of strength.

I came to California in Feb. 2009 and together, we confronted our demons. We discussed our traumatic childhood, sexual, emotional, physical abuse, at length. We cried, prayed, vented and cried some more. We concluded that we used education and career success to cover up our pain, but at 40 (we are 9 months apart) we HAD to do something about it. Together, we confronted our mother (she lives in Cali...moved her out of guilt to try a relationship with my brother). We confronted her and told her that her abuse scared us immensely and that we needed her to take accountability for her actions. She is in total denial so she told us she would not. It was at that point that we decided to take responsiblity for own lives! We told her we forgive her but for our mental health, contact with her would be limited!!! I noticed that this has eliminated a lot of her negative calls, negative conversations, as we keep her at a distance and shut her off when she pours on negativity.

Next stop, I confronted, a man who had date-raped me once on my visit here..he was a friend of my brothers. I told him I was weak and powerless at the time, but that this day, I resumed my power and that now that I was back in Cali, he had BETTER keep his distance, even though we lived in the same town. I felt so powerful that day! Next, I made a decision to just stay in Cali. Why go back to Kentucky? The kids were now grown and told me to live for me!!! I then wrote my pastor who used fear to control me and told him about himself, what I thought and how I was never returning and so far, God had NOT punished me for leaving, but instead had rewarded me with true PEACE, JOY and FREEDOM! Of course, he didn't receive it well. Smile. I know because the ppl from the church "snuck" and called me and told me he commanded them to never contact me, for I was evil...a bastard who had "left the covering which God had given me." Hogwash!!! A few of the members stayed in contact, despite his warnings and a few even left his control. God is good! I divorced my 2nd husband who enjoyed calling me names, taking MY car and forcing me to take the bus when I had to go to work. Uggh!

I told myself that indeed I had made poor decisions, I apologized to myself, my God and my children and declared that things would be different. I notified my sibblings and friends that those who would bring positivity in my life were welcome to stay, those who were negative, would NOT be welcomed, until they got themselves together and let me tell you somethin' honey, I've never had more peace and joy than I do this day!!! I learned to take control of my own life and teach others how to treat me, based on how I treat myself. I am committed to God, therapy, myself and my children, and those (ppl) who want, seek and LIVE a good godly, peaceful and joyful life. Now, life is much sweeter and I experience true Joy! Thank you for listening. Smooches! -Swirly!!!

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