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robtest
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Posted on Thu, May 18, 2006 09:56

Now, I can't claim to be an expert, as obviously, I am here and single like everyone else! LOL. I guess someone who had done it, met someone, and been married for several years might be better, or would that be more relationship skills? But anywho, I have successfully met and dated several women from the internet over the last few years, and thought I would share some thoughts on the subject... 1.) This is a marketing type activity, and like many sales type activity, it seems to be a funnel effect. You start with a wide scheme and then narrow it down to the one that you want to be serious with. 2.) Everyone is not a match. 3.) Just because you are attracted to them does not infer that they will be attracted to you. And conversely, just because they are attracted to you doesn't mean that you will be attracted to them. 4.) No Response is a Response in Itself... Now on some systems with low stability, it might be a technology reason that your message may not have reached it's intended recepiant, so you might want to resend or try again. But for the most part, if you don't hear back from them, that is their response. Don't keep writing, and certainly, don't send them a rude letter berating them for not responding... You might think you are the coolest thing since sliced bread, but opinions may vary! 5.) Initial contact... I have read several people's comments with a "pet peeve" of winks. Sorry that you feel that way, but if you are going to get so emotional about such a simple thing and let that get in the way of finding WHO you are looking for, then I have to thank you in advance for narrowing down my search. I am a winker! I start with a number of winks to potential dates, and then see what happens. A response wink means that they too have an initial attraction. 6.) Followup: Work the list... In response to your return winks, followup with an email. Now that they have expressed initial interest, you can pour your heart and soul into an email with lesser fears that they will simply look at your picture and then read or delete your email based on that. 7.) Go for the Gold... This is where it gets tricky. I am looking for someone to get face to face with and have a real relationship. I have found that many people are just looking for online buddies. This is where you start to distinguish who is who. A good normal progression would be wink, email, phone and meet. The depth of online dating experience, shyness factors, previous dating experiences of someone will determine someone's comfort level in actually meeting face to face, if that is there goal. Sometimes you might email/phone for weeks or months before you can get a face to face meeting. Push for what you want, but don't be too pushy. I have had women that we corresponded for weeks before meeting, and I have had women that we email twice, trade phone numbers, talk and meet. And on the extreme side, I have had a couple women that we met totally blind. Email a couple times, and just meet for coffee/drinks. 8.) Well, that didn't work... Hopefully working through your list of return winks finds you someone compatible with to date. Sometimes that is not the case. :o( So next, go back to your list of initial winks (I am assuming that you winked because you were interested in the first place), and write emails. When you first winked, hopefully they looked at your profile, so now when you follow up with an email, you kinda look familiar. 9.) Go for the Gold with the email responses that you get, as explained in step #7... 10.) That didn't work either. :o( Well, now you have attempted to contact and get the ball rolling with the ones that you were interested in, perhaps you might have better luck with the ones that are interested in you! Work the list of anyone that has winked or emailed you initially. While this is step #10 in the list, hopefully, you have been doing good follow up on that list anyway! Other sources of leads are: People who have browsed your profile and people who you enjoy reading their posts in the forums/blogs. One thing to keep in mind is that many, many more people actually read the forums/blogs than actually post in them. Consider it advertising!!! Also keep in mind, when you play silly little blog/forum games, the impression that leaves with potential dates may have an effect. 11.) Notes on after the initial meeting. Sometimes it seems like the hardest part is getting that first face to face meeting. I have found in my experience that is only half the battle won! I think many people are just curious about this internet dating thing, so they might meet once just out of curiousity... When you are actually there face to face and having conversation, you should get a good feel if there is any chemistry or not. If there is, then close the deal for the next meeting before you part ways! You can get a feel for their feelings of potential chemistry by there response. A definite response of "yes, I would love to get together again, how about Friday" should be taken as a good sign, while a wishy washy response of "yeah, that would be cool, give me a call sometime" should probably be taken as a bad sign. I have read that it takes a man about 8-10 minutes to decide if they want to see someone again, and a woman (as in foreplay) takes a bit longer, with 20+ minutes being required to get to the decision point. If you have been face to face, do not underestimate that such a decision has already been made. Getting them to honestly communicate that to you is the hard part. But you will know soon enough, when you follow up the next day with a phone call, or at the very least an email... Again, no response is a response in itself. That is one of the discouraging parts of this. It is hard to go from emailing and talking on the phone for an extended period of time everyday, and then SILENCE... This is one of the reasons that I tend to like to get face to face as quickly as possible. The chemistry is either there or it isn't. No use expending tons of energy for something that just isn't gonna happen... Good Hunting All!!!


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MorningAngel
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Posted on Tue, May 23, 2006 16:49

Now I must say this is a good blog. I had to chuckle about the list. Yes that's exactly it. Though most times i haven't had much problem getting to the first and even second or third dates. Sometimes it takes a couple of dates to form impressons of each other before deciding if it will or won't work out past that. And most times it simply doesn't work out. It's not a big thing really. It's nothing personal in most cases (okay there have been a few cases where it WAS personal. I prefer a man not to have fairly good manners and it drives me crazy to have to look at someone who talks while chewing.)and life merely goes on to the next potential match. Hey sometimes those bouts of silence might be fore ligit reasons. I've had a couple of people email me and simply ask if i am alright and if i'm still interested. I don't see anything wrong with that. I too have done it. Most times it's simply a case of life becoming busier. On the rare occasions it has been due to the person meeting someone else or not being as interested as before. Sometimes it's best to let things die a quiet death. Just never try to take things too personally. I haven't noticed too much diference in my being on the blogs or not on them in regards to the people winking or emailing me. I try to think of this as another adventure in life. Never know what the outcome might be but getting there can be fun with many twists and turns on that path.


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loluma
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Posted on Tue, May 23, 2006 13:11

I am a newby - and scared to death and feel really silly about doing this - I am already embarrassed and haven't done anything yet - just checkin' out the website - now what?????


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Tyburn_Theory
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Posted on Mon, May 22, 2006 05:02

Obvious to some users, but definate must to others!!! good job! It does sound very similar to a sales and busines marketing strategy!!! :)


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luckysolucky
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Posted on Mon, May 22, 2006 04:21

....Is being a seasoned on line dater a "good thing"....gosh...I don't know... I have been on MM...ehh too long... But I am an optimistic dreamer.... Julia


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robtest
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Posted on Sun, May 21, 2006 19:11

In the case of blogging, maybe not, as those are relatively new. But in the case of the forums, a definite "YES"... I have had a couple women that I have met face to face "sheepishly" admit to doing research on me, and that they were given a good impression from what they read. But that was after I made initial contact in one case, and the other she wrote to me first! I think that "bantering" back and forth on the forums is a good way to both flirt a bit and to learn about someone. My comment on that was more of a "warning" though. Some people get a little too carried away, and sometimes the forums are like a dang war zone! I cannot think that would leave a very favorable impression for a potential date...


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robtest
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Posted on Sat, May 20, 2006 09:56

Will wonders never cease! This blog disappeared and reappeared again. And now I have the same blog name twice and I am afraid to delete the second in case they use the name as an index value for the datebase! ROFLMAO... Here is point #12 from the second go round 12.) They just disappeared... Sometimes you will be progressing on just fit as a fiddle and suddenly, they will just disappear. No goodbye, no laterz, just gone. It happens, and seems to happen fairly frequently. It was probably something in them, so don't take it personal. Just say "Next" ... Yes Will, it is a little long, but as abfab40 said, it is internet dating for dummies... But certainly no more complex than "Do Dates need to be Organized?" ROFL... just teasing! If you are already successful, then you already know what to do! Some people just seemed confused as to where to start, so I thought I would throw my 2 cents worth in (well, maybe 3 lol) It does basically boil down to make some contact and followup on the responses!!!


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abfab40
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Posted on Sat, May 20, 2006 08:15

That was great. Internet dating for Dummies Rhonda


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READY4UNOW
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Posted on Fri, May 19, 2006 08:31

Hey Robtest! Great blog! You sound like a very seasoned online dater, and your approach seems very reasonable to me. It's always great to get the male perspective on dating too.


What is love? Love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you. :)

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robtest
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Posted on Fri, May 19, 2006 05:59

bump for the morning OH MY... I went in to delete this post in my blog, as someone else had posted in it and it was effectively bumped, but when I did, I got the picture below... Is the text in the message wrong, or does deleting a single post in a blog "BLOW THE WHOLE DAMN THING UP" ???


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