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rmac22
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Posted on Tue, Jun 04, 2013 11:38

Be careful about passionate and driven.  Few can be passionate and driven about more than one or two things.  If that does not include you it is a disaster. 

 

Are you content to be in last place with his career, his investments, everything about his business, all ahead of you?  Great success most often demands that.  If it is not the most important thing in his life he won’t get there.         

 

Few women say they are interested in a man who is moderately successful, is a moderately good lover, is moderately attractive, is moderately understanding, is moderately good at seduction, is moderately good at communication, has a moderately good sense of humor, etc. 

 

Balance is everything.  What tradeoffs are you willing to make? 

 

 

Note: this was written as a man addressing the question to women, but it would not be that hard to rewrite it the other way.  It would be better for a woman to write that though. 

 

Comments from either and / or better yet both females and males would be most welcome. 

 

 

 



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Dakota35
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Posted on Thu, Jun 13, 2013 18:39

Quoting Hoping4Love2000:

As someone who may very well know you better than most here, 

 

YES DAVID--- 

 

SELF-DESTRUCTIVE!! ;)


 

 

"Self-destructive" is that the same as clinically insane?  If so, that's what I's got.  Remind me to fix that at some point in time.

 

GUILTY AS CHARGED!  Hello, my name's Dave and I'm a self-destructive non-alcoholic.



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Livnlov
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Posted on Wed, Jun 12, 2013 03:37

Quoting rmac22:

 

Liv, 

 

I think it is achievable too.  Pretty sure I did not always manage it though.  Mutual tolerance helps.

 

Like your explanation of the phenomenon.  

 

 

Thanks,

RMac

 



Hey RMac,

 

You are welcome...you know you are a ray of Sunshine!

 

Liv.



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rmac22
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Posted on Mon, Jun 10, 2013 20:54

BeWell,

 

I am glad you are now in a happier place. 

 

Thanks for sharing.

 

 

RMac

 



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rmac22
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Posted on Mon, Jun 10, 2013 20:18

Quoting Livnlov:

RMac,

 

This is a great post!

 

Those honest ambitious and driven souls do indeed exist, and in as much as I am irresistibly attracted to a man with ambition and drive, the ambitious and driven needs to have some level of multi-tasking skills to have a balance on all aspects of what is important to him and if I am not high ranking in his priorities, then he will become very unattractive to me very quickly. Such sing-minded, blinded ambition can be unattractive in itself! I'll be bored to death and just walk. I think it is a question of balance and the timing/life cycle of his climb to success. A very ambitious man who is just starting out is more likely to be single-minded and blinded and hence would not be able to strike that much needed balance. I think a man who is at or close to the apex of his ambition is probably going to be more able to relax, and put things into perspective for himself. In some instance, the woman may need to point things out to Mr. Driven.....just let him know where the scales are tipping.

 

I tried the moderately good, moderately intelligent, moderately this and moderately that....it was just mediocrity and that is a total turn off for me. A lot of drive, a lot of balance....that's what works for me. It is achievable.

 

Liv.


 

Liv, 

 

I think it is achievable too.  Pretty sure I did not always manage it though.  Mutual tolerance helps.

 

Like your explanation of the phenomenon.  

 

 

Thanks,

RMac

 



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Livnlov
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Posted on Mon, Jun 10, 2013 12:02

Quoting BeWell:

I was married for 15 years to a man who was passionate, driven, obsessed and possessed about his job, and still is after 20+ years. It made him a multi-millionaire (that's annually, not just net worth). I had it all--the house, car, vacations, status, the stuff--and gave up it all because it wasn't worth it. 

 

His anger and hostility I could not handle. It came from his lack of self-esteem because he kept listening to those little voices in his head that said he wasn't good enough. So he kept trying to prove that he was at work. He was a control freak at home. We even spent about $20K on marriage counseling, and it just made things worse. I just couldn't take it anymore, and I walked out with nothing.

 

Both he and I were completely out of balance.

 

Leaving was the best thing I ever did. I got my balance back eventually. Balance is the first thing I look for in a man. Not how big his portfolio is..................... BeWell



BeWell,

 

So sorry to hear that, but you nailed it good! BALANCE....that is the watch word! 

 

Liv.



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BeWell
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Posted on Sun, Jun 09, 2013 21:44

Quoting rmac22:

Be careful about passionate and driven.  Few can be passionate and driven about more than one or two things.  If that does not include you it is a disaster. 

 

Are you content to be in last place with his career, his investments, everything about his business, all ahead of you?  Great success most often demands that.  If it is not the most important thing in his life he won’t get there.         

 

Few women say they are interested in a man who is moderately successful, is a moderately good lover, is moderately attractive, is moderately understanding, is moderately good at seduction, is moderately good at communication, has a moderately good sense of humor, etc. 

 

Balance is everything.  What tradeoffs are you willing to make? 

 

 

Note: this was written as a man addressing the question to women, but it would not be that hard to rewrite it the other way.  It would be better for a woman to write that though. 

 

Comments from either and / or better yet both females and males would be most welcome. 

 

 

 



I was married for 15 years to a man who was passionate, driven, obsessed and possessed about his job, and still is after 20+ years. It made him a multi-millionaire (that's annually, not just net worth). I had it all--the house, car, vacations, status, the stuff--and gave up it all because it wasn't worth it. 

 

His anger and hostility I could not handle. It came from his lack of self-esteem because he kept listening to those little voices in his head that said he wasn't good enough. So he kept trying to prove that he was at work. He was a control freak at home. We even spent about $20K on marriage counseling, and it just made things worse. I just couldn't take it anymore, and I walked out with nothing.

 

Both he and I were completely out of balance.

 

Leaving was the best thing I ever did. I got my balance back eventually. Balance is the first thing I look for in a man. Not how big his portfolio is..................... BeWell



BeWell and wishing you only the best ! ..................;-D

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Livnlov
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Posted on Sun, Jun 09, 2013 21:42

Quoting rmac22:

Diana – An interesting twist you bring up.  I tried listing all the things I would not do.  Too long a list, I would never get the list done.  So, to summarize:  I wouldn’t marry for money.  I wouldn’t do anything unethical or immoral.  I wouldn’t do anything that has the appearance of being unethical or immoral.  That covers it. 

 

I was thinking more of the honest souls that are just plain passionate and driven about success, religion, a hobby, or whatever, and who are so actively involved that they have no time / energy / emotion left over for anything or anybody that is not a part of that passion. 

 

It could be a lonely existence being married to such a person. 

 

 

Thanks

RMac

 


RMac,

 

This is a great post!

 

Those honest ambitious and driven souls do indeed exist, and in as much as I am irresistibly attracted to a man with ambition and drive, the ambitious and driven needs to have some level of multi-tasking skills to have a balance on all aspects of what is important to him and if I am not high ranking in his priorities, then he will become very unattractive to me very quickly. Such sing-minded, blinded ambition can be unattractive in itself! I'll be bored to death and just walk. I think it is a question of balance and the timing/life cycle of his climb to success. A very ambitious man who is just starting out is more likely to be single-minded and blinded and hence would not be able to strike that much needed balance. I think a man who is at or close to the apex of his ambition is probably going to be more able to relax, and put things into perspective for himself. In some instance, the woman may need to point things out to Mr. Driven.....just let him know where the scales are tipping.

 

I tried the moderately good, moderately intelligent, moderately this and moderately that....it was just mediocrity and that is a total turn off for me. A lot of drive, a lot of balance....that's what works for me. It is achievable.

 

Liv.



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Diana3316
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Posted on Sun, Jun 09, 2013 20:37

 RMac~

Somehow I do believe in the notion of 'tempting the fates'.  I never call in sick to work when I just want the day off....because I always thought that I really might then get sick!  I believe that when I do bad things, I feel bad inside….which in turn attracts bad things to happen to me.Alternately, I don’t think I should do good things because I fear punishment if I don’t do them.  I try to do good things, because it’s the right thing to do and it’s the best way to live your life. The general happiness I feel due to the good feelings I experience when I know I have done something good, seems to attract good things in my life. (I hope that doesn't change).

 

You said:

 

vIn particular in the case of the pursuit of wealth there can be the attitude that – “she (he) should be grateful for all the good things my success has gotten for us.”

 

I have heard this many times and when I do, I am reminded of a scene in the movie Pretty Woman....right after Richard Gere punches his partner for assaulting Julia.He partner says, “look at all I did for you”……and Richard Gere says (paraphrasing), “You became a very rich man and you enjoyed every bit of it.”



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Hoping4Love2000
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Posted on Sun, Jun 09, 2013 07:55

Quoting Dakota35:

Thanks.  But for someone (myself) that understands it completely...I'm a totally screw up in that area.  Ever seen someone that knows what to do but just can't seem to make himself do what he knows?  As insane as it sounds, that's me.  In some ways I'm self destructive.  I kick myself over and over again, but it does no good.



As someone who may very well know you better than most here, 

 

YES DAVID--- 

 

SELF-DESTRUCTIVE!! ;)



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Dakota35
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Posted on Sat, Jun 08, 2013 23:22

Quoting rmac22:

Dakota – I very much like your rdiscussion concerning the wants, needs, and achieving a balance.

It is like I understand more about what I am talking about after reading your comments.  

 

 

Thanks,

RMac

 

 



Thanks.  But for someone (myself) that understands it completely...I'm a totally screw up in that area.  Ever seen someone that knows what to do but just can't seem to make himself do what he knows?  As insane as it sounds, that's me.  In some ways I'm self destructive.  I kick myself over and over again, but it does no good.



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rmac22
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Posted on Fri, Jun 07, 2013 14:57

Quoting Diana3316:

RMac~
Did you say twist....or twisted? lol *wink*

I have a personal experience with dedication and commitment. I guess I think of that differently than I do of as 'being driven'.  I'll try to write about it later tonight.

 

PS:  Those passionate honest souls you speak of...that have nothing left for their partner or family....why do you suppose they get married in the first place?

 

 



Diana – perhaps a better way of explaining it is that sometimes people get infected with an all-consuming cause.  The cause might be personal wealth, getting up the corporate ladder, prestige, religion, a charity, getting someone elected, whatever.  They may not have been infected at the time they were dating and getting married.  Or the cause may over time become more important than anything and they will neglect family and friends in its pursuit.   

 

Then as Hope has mentioned, it is easy to be spend time and be emotionally involved in the dating and early marriage stages.  It is only later that the problems may begin to surface.   

 

In particular in the case of the pursuit of wealth there can be the attitude that – “she (he) should be grateful for all the good things my success has gotten for us.”  

 

 

Thanks,

RMac

 



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rmac22
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Posted on Fri, Jun 07, 2013 14:49

Diana – I don’t know how to even address something as bad as sending away ones children so that one could marry a wealthy person.  I would not even be able to think of such a thing had you not mentioned it. 

 

In the not all that distant past, wealthy people thought nothing of offering money to the poor for one of their children.  They thought they were all around doing a good thing.  Giving a little something to people in desperate straits and raising the child as their own -- giving him (her) advantages he (she) would never otherwise have.  

 

I really can’t list the top three things I would not do for money.  Gets way to close to who I am.  For those who believe in God, we are not supposed to test him.  For those who do not -- don’t tempt the “fates” lest they arrange to make you do that which you would not.

 

The easy one I already mentioned.  I would not marry for money. 

 

 

Thanks,

RMac

 



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rmac22
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Posted on Fri, Jun 07, 2013 14:38

Dakota – I very much like your rdiscussion concerning the wants, needs, and achieving a balance.

It is like I understand more about what I am talking about after reading your comments.  

 

 

Thanks,

RMac

 

 



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Diana3316
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Posted on Thu, Jun 06, 2013 08:45

RMac~

I would be interested in hearing your top 3 things that you wouldn't do for vast amounts of money.

 

For me, number one would be to give up my child.  Yet I know a young woman in the town that I lived in, that gave up both her children by a previous marriage to marry a wealthy, much older man.  Now mind you, she was the youngest of a very religious family...in fact her father was a deacon in the church.  They were there every Weds and Sun all prim and respectable.  But when it came time, the wealthy man wanted to marry her....but not the children.  So she sent the 2 children to live with her parents.  I am assuming the entire family was in on the deal and approved of it.  First thing she did was get pregnant again!  She now lives happily ever after, with her horses, her big house and her Porsche.  I have no idea where the wealthy man is, but he isn't seen much.  I'm wondering how he likes his younger woman.  (True story...I know them well).

 

I'm sure in her mind she has rationalized it.  Today she has no financial worries...and even her two kids and ex-husband are living off the wealthy man's money.  She sends all her horses to her ex for training and I'm sure the 2 children will get good college educations.



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Diana3316
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Posted on Thu, Jun 06, 2013 07:53

Quoting rmac22:

Diana – An interesting twist you bring up.  I tried listing all the things I would not do.  Too long a list, I would never get the list done.  So, to summarize:  I wouldn’t marry for money.  I wouldn’t do anything unethical or immoral.  I wouldn’t do anything that has the appearance of being unethical or immoral.  That covers it. 

 

I was thinking more of the honest souls that are just plain passionate and driven about success, religion, a hobby, or whatever, and who are so actively involved that they have no time / energy / emotion left over for anything or anybody that is not a part of that passion. 

 

It could be a lonely existence being married to such a person. 

 

 

Thanks

RMac

 


RMac~
Did you say twist....or twisted? lol *wink*

I have a personal experience with dedication and commitment. I guess I think of that differently than I do of as 'being driven'.  I'll try to write about it later tonight.

 

PS:  Those passionate honest souls you speak of...that have nothing left for their partner or family....why do you suppose they get married in the first place?

 

 


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rmac22
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Posted on Wed, Jun 05, 2013 21:16

Quoting Diana3316:

This can be a very interesting topic RMac.  In many ways, wealth has become the new pornography for today’s society.  Nudity no longer holds the height of intrigue it once did.  Today….it’s wealth.  That means for both men and women.  Our society loves to look at it, read about it, be around it….lust for it!  In some cases, there isn’t much some wouldn’t do for it….even sell their very souls for it.  Committing unethical and even immoral acts are standard business practices today.  Young, beautiful girls marry trolls and then obediently perform while holding their noses at night.

 

“What trade-offs are you willing to make?”   Alternately…. What wouldn’t you do for success and wealth?  How the brain rationalizes/justifies certain behavior is something I don’t think we fully understand. 

 

 



Diana – An interesting twist you bring up.  I tried listing all the things I would not do.  Too long a list, I would never get the list done.  So, to summarize:  I wouldn’t marry for money.  I wouldn’t do anything unethical or immoral.  I wouldn’t do anything that has the appearance of being unethical or immoral.  That covers it. 

 

I was thinking more of the honest souls that are just plain passionate and driven about success, religion, a hobby, or whatever, and who are so actively involved that they have no time / energy / emotion left over for anything or anybody that is not a part of that passion. 

 

It could be a lonely existence being married to such a person. 

 

 

Thanks

RMac

 



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rmac22
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Posted on Wed, Jun 05, 2013 21:11

Quoting Hoping4Love2000:

Hey darlin!! 

 

RMAC, you could not be more correct here!! 

 

The more successful a man is in business, usually, not alays, but usually, dictates how much time he is available and the demands on his time.... 

 

And even deeper is... 

 

It isn't only his TIME that gets drained.. But even his (or her) emotions.. 

 

I am not saying the genuinely successful men and women cannot make it work. But, I would reiterate your thoughts on "BALANCE," and caution anyone dating someone extremely successful should really think it through first; B/C, we all manage to make time and have energy to explore emotions in the beginning.

 

But, when the fire dims, we are often left alone on many nights.   :(

 

GOOD POINTS RMAC!! ;)

 

 



Hi Hope – Thanks, I think the ones that make it work, have reached some sort of balance.  Mutual tolerance during the crunches.  Enough time together.  That sort of stuff.   

 

I don’t suppose it to be easy.   

 

 

RMac

 



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rmac22
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Posted on Wed, Jun 05, 2013 21:09

Quoting Dakota35:

Yep, always a trade off...can't have it all.  And if one dreams of having it all then it is nothing more than a dream.  Finding balance in what you need and want, is the key.  Finding what makes you happy is the goal.  For some it takes little to make them happy, while for others it takes more and for some they will never be happy.  Yes, it's all about balance...which I've failed to completely master yet.



I think I have hit a balance now.  Of course I am retired.  For a time did the consistent ten hours or more work days.  Also worked every weekend.  Learned better.  

 

Thanks for your comment.

 

 

RMac

 



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Diana3316
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Posted on Tue, Jun 04, 2013 23:37

This can be a very interesting topic RMac.  In many ways, wealth has become the new pornography for today’s society.  Nudity no longer holds the height of intrigue it once did.  Today….it’s wealth.  That means for both men and women.  Our society loves to look at it, read about it, be around it….lust for it!  In some cases, there isn’t much some wouldn’t do for it….even sell their very souls for it.  Committing unethical and even immoral acts are standard business practices today.  Young, beautiful girls marry trolls and then obediently perform while holding their noses at night.

 

“What trade-offs are you willing to make?”   Alternately…. What wouldn’t you do for success and wealth?  How the brain rationalizes/justifies certain behavior is something I don’t think we fully understand. 

 

 



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