I spent a number of years as a university student followed immediately by being a university professor.
The university environment allows a professor the luxury of being able to be exactly as eccentric as you really are. The students expect it.They would be a little disappointed if you were not at least a little.
It is hard to know just how eccentric that is because the real world discourages it in so many ways we don't think of or worry about.We have been hammered, molded and had the sharp edges knocked off for so long we don’t even know it is happening.
The first thing I noticed on my first ventures out into the real world was that everyone thought they were normal.They were not of course, no one is.The big mystery was they wanted to be.They actually wanted to be considered normal.They would have been offended at the very idea that they were not.
I understand that.When someone accuses you of not being normal they are really meaning to insult you.They are saying that there is something wrong with you -- something wrong with you as opposed to being exceptional in some innocent or even a good way.
You have met the one.He (she) really is the one.Causes your toes to curl, spine to tingle, nose to itch, or whatever signals inside you that you might happen to have.Now there is a big problem he (she) violates three to seven of the twenty plus items you have on your wish list.No kidding, I have counted them, twenty plus is pretty realistic.Are you going to sigh sadly and let him (her) get away?Or, are you going to proceed with a prolonged long term relationship to explore further whatever combination of compromise and live with it might work for you?
Now we could get into a big discussion on whether 3 to 7 and 20 plus is fair, realistic, whatever.Don’t care.
The point is there is for everyone some set of numbers and the question remains.What are you going to do?
I don’t think anyone is ever going to find that perfect everything.If you think you have you likely don’t know them well enough yet.
A man running an all-night convenience store has some five dollar per pound bulk coffee and some ten dollar per pound bulk coffee.
A lady wants some eight dollar per pound coffee.So, the man says, “I just might have some in the store room.So he goes back “to his store room and mixes some of each of the two bulk coffees he has on hand so that the mixture is worth eight dollars a pound.
What fraction of a pound is each type of coffee in his mixture?
know, this problem is really too easy for folks as smart as you all.High school algebra.Not a trick in it.
So that everyone can have the fun of solving it, post only the answer.Not the set-up, equations, process, reasoning, and so on.
I will not confirm or dispute anyone’s answers so all can do on their own.
"He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you." ~Bob Marley
One of the “so called” experts on “picking up” women said, “Get her number and walk away.Don’t chat her up, anything you say at that point won’t help you later get a date and may well be used against you.”
“When you later ask her for a date, just ask her for the date, if she agrees save all the chit chat for when you actually meet.Anything additional you say at that point won’t help you and may well work against you.She does not know you yet; wait until you are face to face over coffee, drinks, or dinner for further conversation.”
How does this apply to online dating – well -- what is the purpose of all the emails, chatting online, and the phone conversations?It is to rule you out.Find a reason not to actually meet.Trouble is, you will be ruled out on limited and possibly misconstrued evidence.
That may not actually be the perceived purpose, but that is how it works.
How much “get there” time is reasonable for starting a long term relationship (LTR)
To get around in a heavily populated area, miles are a useless term. Time to get there, rush hour and non-rush hour, is how people here usually answer when you ask them how far away something is.If they give you the miles, the usual follow up question is how long does it take you to get there.
Rush hour is itself no longer an hour.2 to 4 hours usually.Staggered starting and quitting times is part of the reason.More people drive on some days also.Flexible starting and quitting times at some companies adds a certain randomness too.
So, what is a reasonable amount of travel time to routinely and regularly travel to see a date?Someone with whom you would like to establish a LTR?
How often do you need to see this person to establish a LTR?
Back in the day of newspaper dating, a woman had her son check me out before she met me.She had arranged to meet me at a bench outside a grocery store.He drove by in advance of her showing up.He said I was ok.
All this bring to mind the ugly date competitions that various misguided organizations have held in the past.The idea was each man contributed ten dollars to the pot and voted on the date he considered ugliest not including his own.“Winner” takes the pot.One such competition I know of had to be discontinued.Too many of the men wound up marrying their date.
Can you imagine the scene if little wife ever found out.What to do? Say, you cheated and took a pretty girl?I expect many actually did do so.Why waste a good date on a lousy competition?For the record, I never took part in any such competition: think the whole idea deplorable.
I know of one person who admitted he married his date from one such competition.He lived in fear she would find out the true nature of that “celebration.” He must have found her attractive.
Be careful about passionate and driven. Few can be passionate and driven about more than one or two things. If that does not include you it is a disaster.
Are you content to be in last place with his career, his investments, everything about his business, all ahead of you?Great success most often demands that. If it is not the most important thing in his life he won’t get there.
Few women say they are interested in a man who is moderately successful, is a moderately good lover, is moderately attractive, is moderately understanding, is moderately good at seduction, is moderately good at communication, has a moderately good sense of humor, etc.
Balance is everything.What tradeoffs are you willing to make?
Note: this was written as a man addressing the question to women, but it would not be that hard to rewrite it the other way.It would be better for a woman to write that though.
Comments from either and / or better yet both females and males would be most welcome.
Some of us are fortunate to still be here and to learn from our mistakes.
The lady I loved most in the world and I were riding from a downtown bar to someone’s home where the party was to continue.Admonishing the driver to slow down only made things worse.
Different story.We, a small group (six) of civilian contractors and military men had gone out after work to a nice restaurant. We all had a few drinks after dinner. Some a few more than a few drinks.I casually mentioned on the way to the car. “I am glad I am not driving, I am way too drunk to drive.”In unison the rest said, “That’s it you‘re driving.”When I protested they explained, “You are the only one sober enough to know you are drunk, so you are driving.”
When I hit the magic age, which happened at about the same time my wife died, aggressive charities and others hit like a bunch of hungry vultures.Caller ID wasn’t yet working to any reliable degree.The “do not call list” was not yet offered.Besides I was still burdened with the silly notion that you answer the phone if it rings.Ditto listen politely.Always they started out sweet, polite, and persuasive.If you politely declined they always had another line.If you persisted they became progressively more and more aggressive and insulting.I discussed with a friend why anyone thought being insulting was a successful “sales” technique -- he explained, “Because it works.” Took awhile, lifetime habits do not go away overnight, but I did learn to say “NO” and hang up before they could say anything more.
Some of the stuff was just plain unbelievable.“You have just won a Ford 150 Pickup; we just need your full name, birthdate, address, and social security number so we can fill out the paperwork and deliver the pickup.”
Then there were the stock offers:Saturday morning, had to be purchased and paid for that day.“If you just give us the transaction numbers on your checking account we can take care of everything.”Yep, I bet they could.
An unlisted, unpublished number is a wonderful thing.You will need to change it from time to time.It ultimately will become known to the wrong people.
I was still working and was used to dealing with competent, tough negotiators.The mother of a friend was not so lucky; she had to be put into an assisted living arrangement.Fully cognizant, she was just too sweet, nice, and lonesome to cope with the vultures.The Aunt of another friend is another example.She also was too sweet, nice, and lonesome, plus she was in the early stages of Alzheimer’s.She pretty much depleted her retirement before her family discovered the problem.The family naively presumed that if they advised the charities of her condition they would quit the solicitations -- that made it worse, much worse.Ultimately she needed to be put in an Alzheimer’s nursing home.
I posted a defense in PianistMBa777’s blog re beards.
The summary of the defense is as follows.
1.Derek Clontz writes parodies of other articles and other concerns.I found the exact article that was quoted from with a disclaimer that said in effect: All facts are made up and all institutions are made up.Everything is fiction meant only for entertainment.
2.Derek’s article was the only thing that was quoted from.
3.The Huffington Post and the Canadian CBC articles were mentioned but not quoted from at all.They were only used as proof that the concerns were real.
4.They, the CBC and Huffington Post, were reporting on a Fort Detrick experiment that happened way back in 1967.
5.Trouble is, Fort Detrick, was only concerned with spreading nasty pathogens from a facility that studied them to the researcher’s families and the surrounding community.That experiment involved spraying extreme concentrations of pathogens on the subjects beard; be that subject a manikin or a volunteer and then, for various situations, seeing if it could be adequately washed off.
6.The hair on a woman’s head, the hairy lower legs on some men, as well as beards; all would have failed that experiment.
7.No general alarm concerning beards back then was sounded as none was necessary.Most of the general populace in not involved with work, recreational, or leisure activities that involve getting sprayed with extreme concentrations of nasty pathogens, either accidentally or on purpose..
Conclusion:Beards and mustaches are safe.Reasonable cleanliness is desirable.Whether one likes beards or mustaches is up to the individual, but there are no grounds for any medical reason to avoid them.