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RealtorLulu
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Posted on Sat, Mar 02, 2013 09:47

All in good fun!!

 

What it really means:


40-ish = 49
Adventurous = Slept with everyone
Athletic = No boobs
Average looking = Ugly, can only be loved by mommy
Beautiful = Pathological liar, airhead
Contagious Smile = Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure = On medication
Feminist = Fat, hates men
Free Spirit = Junkie
Friendship first = Former very “friendly” person
Fun = Annoying
New Age = Body hair in the wrong places
Open Minded = Desperate
Outgoing = Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate = Sloppy Drunk
Professional = Bitch
Voluptuous = Very Fat
Large Frame = Hugely Fat
Needs soul mate = Stalker

 

 

An okay-looking guy was using a fake online-dating account.

After a few weeks of looking, a girl finally agrees to go grab a coffee with him.

She says she will wear something Yellow, he says he will wear something Green.

At a relatively empty coffee shop, the guy shows up wearing Red instead.

After a few minutes of waiting, an ugly girl shows up wearing something Yellow.

Seeing that an okay-looking guy in Red is sitting alone, she comes up to him and asks him, "Hi, by any chance are you the guy from the online-dating website?"

The guy responds, "No I'm not! Does it look like I'm wearing Green??"

 



Lulu in Dallas

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Jenkneee
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Posted on Thu, Mar 21, 2013 13:11

 

MM staff here deleted my explanation of - BBDiapers: Be Open Minded.

 

This was the big headline on his profile. If I try explaining further, it will probably get deleted again. Clearly he wants to literally be a baby in his spare time.

 

The bottom line is I have come across too many people who have a fetish or are otherwise kinky about something that is undesireable to most normal people.  I would rather NOT have to discuss this stuff with a stranger before you even talk on the phone but now it is an unfortunite priority to find out sooner than later so we don't waste each other's time.

 

 

 

 

He does not have a baby,lol.  This guy must have one of those fetishes where he likes to be like a baby and wear a diaper.  For the record; I want a man, NOT a baby!

 

 

 

So OPEN-MINDED could mean something else besides DESPERATE, it also means kinky. Be open minded about my kinky behavior.  To that I say, No thank-you!!

 


 

 

Seeing this today only added to my single lady doldrums.

 

 



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Jenkneee
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Posted on Mon, Mar 18, 2013 20:46

Hopingforlove posted:

 

 

"Tats or no tats-- if someone is a LIAR-- RUN SCOOBY RUN!!!" End of quote.

 

The following just happened about a week ago to a friend of mine. They meet online a few months ago, they seem to immediately fall in love. He's in the military and has to leave on a short mission so he's gone for the holidays and she is missing him on Christmas , NYE, etc. She can't wait for him to come back!!

 



Well.. on  facebook she posts something like, "why do men always have to lie?"  This didn't sound good so we had a chat. This guy who she had dreams about a future with him..his "mission" was him visiting his wife and kids for the holidays!!  They are suppose to be getting a divorce!




Somehow she found out the truth. Since we chatted I don't know what happened since but at the time, she didn't know what she was going to do. She didn't immediately break up with him!!  I would have kicked him to the curb. That is one HUGE LIE!

 

 

And Dakota, I don't blame you at all, we all have preferences and there are some things that just bug us or turn us off.  When I see a guy with a crooked nose severely off to one side.  I feel like taking it firmly in my hand and doing a swift crack and putting it back in place. lol.  I won't even mention the protruding, pointy Adam's Apples that moves up and down when they laugh, ewww! Okay...I just mentioned it.   lol



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Windrider735
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Posted on Mon, Mar 11, 2013 09:39

Lulu...great definitions! Ever since I read this I've been giggling my way through most of the profiles I've seen. I'm a very visual reader, and once a seed is planted, you can't imagine the images it paints as I read along!

Thanks for a fun read that appears will stick in my mind for a very long time. Bwhahahahaha!

 

Dakota...I agree with you, piercings are not pleasing to look at.

I once worked in a place that had to hold the world record for tattooed women. In the summer they wore knee-length pants and their legs (as well as arms and most other visible body parts) looked more like coloring book pages than appendages. Every one of them I questioned about the tats had a story about why they did it. Sad, really, to think something that effects our lives so deeply and painfully has to be displayed as cheap-looking body art.

 

There are some tats that don't look that bad if done by a true artist, but I'm not a big fan of covering every part of your body with them. And it takes a well-sculpted body to pull off even the nicest tats. 

 

Oh well...to each his own. 



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BeWell
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Posted on Wed, Mar 06, 2013 16:41

Loved it LuLu! Thanks for all the laughs!............. BeWell



BeWell and wishing you only the best ! ..................;-D

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Hoping4Love2000
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Posted on Wed, Mar 06, 2013 08:15

LOL @ DAKOTA---

 

No offense taken on the tats! I consider myself  unique before and after mine... ;)

 

However, I truly think the biggest issue for the guy JEN spoke to was more that he was a LIAR???

 

Forget the tats! If the tats are what you got out of the posting, you need to read deeper. 

 

Tats or no tats-- if someone is a LIAR-- RUN SCOOBY RUN!!! 

 

Ladies, I did mention this before somewhere... BUT.. I have noticed:

 

The majority of women who have had the most dealings with "scammers" have spent time in the chat room... so BEWARE if you chat!

 

I've been in chat for short amounts of time here and there, and I always seem to get some "jerk" in the mix of nice men! 



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Dakota35
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Posted on Tue, Mar 05, 2013 20:05

Quoting Jenkneee:

I talked to this guy for 3 hours the other night. He said more than once how honesty was important to him. So important that he has a tattoo mentioning it.  His tattoo also says "Respect is earned".  When we talked he only had one photo posted on his profile and from prior experience I have learned to be cautious with one-photo guys so I asked him to please post some more photos.  Well he did the next day, turns out he totally lied, the photo he previously had on his profile wasn't even him.  Obviously he didn't earn any respect from me and honesty is only a one-way street that he expects from others.

 

 

 

He also failed to mention on his profile that he has 3 kids from 2 women and was divorced (twice) and therefore not "single".  I have to wonder what else he left out! A sidenote- I hate tattoos although I can tolerate a few depending on location,etc.. Here is a pic. of some of his tattoos.  The photo turned out to be small so I will add that it says "Honesty is appreciated".

 

 

 

 

 

 



Jenkneee, I'm with you on the Tattoos thing. (I am probably less tolerable)  I also hate the piercings.  Ears are okay (for me) and I might over-look a belly button piercing, but that's it for me.  I see a hole in the nose, lip, or eyebrow and I just say "nope". 

 

Just my preference, not trying to offend any of the body graffiti/pagan/"this is why I got it or did it"  people out there, that want to be like everyone else.  I just chose to be different.



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RealtorLulu
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Posted on Tue, Mar 05, 2013 11:17

(disclaimer) Hold your fire!! I didn't write them. Nothing personal to anyone who has said such a thing.

 

Interesting taglines:


Since light travels faster than sound, is that why some people appear bright until they speak?

I’m like poop. The older I get the easier I am to pick up!

Coffee, Chocolate, and Men - some things are just better rich.

I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures.

Willing to lie about how we met!

Where’s “Clever Opening Lines for Dummies” When You Need It?

How many more frogs do I have to kiss to find my prince?

Love is a sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock.

Ready for the three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering.

Girls are like phones. They like to be held and talked to, but if you press the wrong button you’ll be disconnected.

Tired of shopping the Damaged Goods department.

I’m the best singer in my car!

Looking for a man with a large bulge– in his back right pocket.

Finding a good man is like nailing Jell-O to a tree!

I’ll jump on Oprah’s couch for you!

 



Lulu in Dallas

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RealtorLulu
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Posted on Mon, Mar 04, 2013 04:40

Jen;

 

 

 

Send that guy to BeWell's library. He will probably get along just fine with the flake she met there. :-o

 

 

 

BePositive;

 

 

 

I think we all have a little something from that list we have never admitted to.

 

 

 

pretty_ladyyyyy and Pat;

 

 

 

I'm glad I can make you laugh. Feel free to share some of your own.



Lulu in Dallas

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Curious2078
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Posted on Sun, Mar 03, 2013 13:59

Funny, funny.  Thanks for the laugh!



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Jenkneee
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Posted on Sun, Mar 03, 2013 12:41

I talked to this guy for 3 hours the other night. He said more than once how honesty was important to him. So important that he has a tattoo mentioning it.  His tattoo also says "Respect is earned".  When we talked he only had one photo posted on his profile and from prior experience I have learned to be cautious with one-photo guys so I asked him to please post some more photos.  Well he did the next day, turns out he totally lied, the photo he previously had on his profile wasn't even him.  Obviously he didn't earn any respect from me and honesty is only a one-way street that he expects from others.

 

 

 

He also failed to mention on his profile that he has 3 kids from 2 women and was divorced (twice) and therefore not "single".  I have to wonder what else he left out! A sidenote- I hate tattoos although I can tolerate a few depending on location,etc.. Here is a pic. of some of his tattoos.  The photo turned out to be small so I will add that it says "Honesty is appreciated".

 

 

 

 

 

 


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bepositive
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Posted on Sun, Mar 03, 2013 12:12

What is scarey is that I can actually relate so some of these.....hahahaha  Thanks for the laugh.



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Jenkneee
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Posted on Sun, Mar 03, 2013 12:12

Great post Lulu! Here's one more

 

 

Honest=Liar

 

 



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pretty_ladyyyyy
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Posted on Sun, Mar 03, 2013 11:04

Quoting RealtorLulu:

All in good fun!!

 

What it really means:


40-ish = 49
Adventurous = Slept with everyone
Athletic = No boobs
Average looking = Ugly, can only be loved by mommy
Beautiful = Pathological liar, airhead
Contagious Smile = Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure = On medication
Feminist = Fat, hates men
Free Spirit = Junkie
Friendship first = Former very “friendly” person
Fun = Annoying
New Age = Body hair in the wrong places
Open Minded = Desperate
Outgoing = Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate = Sloppy Drunk
Professional = Bitch
Voluptuous = Very Fat
Large Frame = Hugely Fat
Needs soul mate = Stalker

 

 

An okay-looking guy was using a fake online-dating account.

After a few weeks of looking, a girl finally agrees to go grab a coffee with him.

She says she will wear something Yellow, he says he will wear something Green.

At a relatively empty coffee shop, the guy shows up wearing Red instead.

After a few minutes of waiting, an ugly girl shows up wearing something Yellow.

Seeing that an okay-looking guy in Red is sitting alone, she comes up to him and asks him, "Hi, by any chance are you the guy from the online-dating website?"

The guy responds, "No I'm not! Does it look like I'm wearing Green??"

 



RealtorLuLu .....super , can't help giggling



WE ARE ALL.....BUT.....JUST SPIRITUAL BEINGS.....

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RealtorLulu
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Posted on Sun, Mar 03, 2013 09:21

Hope!!!!!!!

 

Good to see you back!

 

With all the animosity that the blogs are seeing these days I though we needed something to make us laugh.

 

One day a man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out

The genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you a wish, but only one."


The man thought for a minute and said, "I have always wanted to visit Hawaii but have never been able to because I'm afraid of flying and ships make me seasick. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii."

The genie thought for a minute and said, "No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved: the pilings needed to hold up the highway, how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement that would be needed. No, that is just too much to ask."

The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "Well, there is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand my girlfriend. What makes her laugh and cry, why is she temperamental, why is she so difficult to get along with? Basically, what makes her tick?"

The genie considered for a few minutes and said, "So, do you want two lanes or four?"



Lulu in Dallas

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Hoping4Love2000
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Posted on Sun, Mar 03, 2013 09:11

LMSAO!!! TOOOOOoooooo FUNNY!!! ;)



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