A well-known proverb states that an optimistic would say a glass is half full, while a pessimist would say it is half empty. What would people of different professions and walks of life say?
The BANKER would say that the glass has just under 50% of its net worth in liquid assets.
The GOVERNMENT would say that the glass is fuller than if the opposition party were in power.
The OPPOSITION would say that it is irrelevant because the present administration has changed the way such volume statistics are collected.
The ECONOMIST would say that, in real terms, the glass is 25% fuller than at the same time last year.
The PHILOSOPHER would say that, if the glass was in the forest and no one was there to see it, would it be half anything?
The PSYCHIATRIST would ask, ?What did your mother say about the glass??
The PHYSICIST would say that the volume of this cylinder is divided into two equal parts; one a colorless, odorless liquid, the other a colorless, odorless gas. Thus the cylinder is neither full nor empty. Rather, each half of the cylinder is full, one with a gas, one with a liquid.
The ENGINEER woud say that the glass is twice as big as it needs to be for a given amount of water.
The SEASONED DRINKER would say that the glass doesn?t have enough ice in it.
Now, what's your "half-glass" story?
Remember that song from the 80s? I bet people's life with this phone number across the US turned into lving hell after the song became a hit.
Share your stories about your phone numbers!
Mine is one digit different from the Post Office and over the years I finally learned how to talk to grannies and grandpas whos hearing aid is failing and actually be heard and understood that I can't hold their mail even if I wanted to he he he
I heard a while ago of a poll: describe your last relationship with a known movie title. Most of the respondents answered "Dumb and Dumber" A song title could be used too!
Mine would be "What the hell happened?" but there is no movie title like that as far as I know..
You and your prospect....
You: Sorry, but your behaviour/words/way you carry yourself painfully reminds me of somebody who was not a good/honest/trustworthy, etc person
Him/Her: But you don't know me at all, you are just projecting old pain onto a brand new person and basically kicking the dog.
How do you find a BALANCE between learning from your experience, and especially mistakes, and "kicking the dog", your new date, when you see the same red flags all over?
Actual letters received by the welfare department.
I am forwarding a marriage certificate and six children. I have seven but one died, which was baptized on a half piece of paper.
I am writing the Welfare Department to say that my baby was born two years ago. When do I get my money?
Mrs. Jones has not had clothes for a year, and has been visited regularly by clergy.
I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell me why?
I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead.
This my eighth child. What are you going to do about it?
Please find out for certain if my husband is dead. The man I am living with can't eat or do anything until he knows.
I am very annoyed to find out you have branded my son illiterate. This is a dirty lie, as I was married a week before he was born.
In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighing 10 pounds. I hope this is satisfactory.
I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 5 children, one of which is a mistake as you can see.
My husband got his project cut off two weeks ago, and I haven't had any relief since.
Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life.
You have changed my little boy to a girl. Will this make a difference?
I have no children yet as my husband is a truck driver and works day and night.
In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.
I want money quickly as I can get it. I have been in bed with the doctor for two weeks, and he doesn't do me any good. If things don't improve I will have to send for another doctor
"You Were an Accident"
"You Are Different and That's Bad"
"The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables"
"Dad's New Wife Robert"
"Fun Four-letter Words to Know and Share"
"Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book"
"The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking"
"Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her"
"Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence"
"All Cats Go to Hell"
"The Little Sissy Who Snitched"
"That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption"
"Grandpa Gets a Casket"
"The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator"
"The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy"
"Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way"
"Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will"
"Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games"
"Your Nightmares Are Real"
"Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School"
"Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things"
"Daddy Drinks Because You Cry"
"Oh, the Places You'll Scratch and Sniff"
"Strangers Have the Best Candy"
"Some Kittens Can Fly!"
"Getting More Chocolate on Your Face"
"Where Would You Like to Be Buried?"
"The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer - Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!"
"When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer, They Say 'God Did It'"
"Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia"
"What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?"
"Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?"
"Testing Homemade Parachutes Using Only Your Household Pets"
"The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad"
"Babar Meets the Ta...
What were your dreams?
Have you achieved any or all of them?
Well, as a kid I really wished for world peace for all people of all nations... still working on it! ;o)
Actually none of my dreams have become reality. But I have accomplished sooooo many other things and the party ain't over yet!
I hope you'll find this entertaining, folks! After having read a few hundred profiles, I've come up with a collection of used, abused and recycled cliches that leave no room for any original thought... Though the compilation of "classic" pearls is based on "male" profiles, sure it can be unisex... feel free to share your favorites ;o)
OK, in no particular order:
- I like to have fun (now you are truly different from the rest of us, old grumps)
- I work hard, play hard(er) (sleep deeper? chew more thoroughly?)
- I am not comfortable talking about myself here (that's a killer introduction, you had me at "Hello"!)
- I am just an average Joe looking for a good woman (would Angelina Jolie be ok for you?)
- I love to travel (but I have not renewed my passport in like 10 years)
- I like to spend time both indoors and outdoors (like cleaning the house and being stuck in traffic jam?)
- I love long walks on the beach as well as snuggling in front of the fireplace (does the second part apply to Florida/Texas/CA residents especially during summer months?)
- Intimacy/sex is important to me (really??? man, and I thought it was some urban legend...)
- I have a great sense of humor (why was I yawning through the whole profile then??...)
- I will know her when I see her (meaning I possess better than 20/20 vision and can see through people, time and space)
- I am tired of the bar scene (well, nobody ever tied you down to the bar stool)
- She should be comfortable both in jeans and an evening gown (what about in business suit? PJs?)
- She should be beautiful on the outside as well as inside (usually accompanied by "in my eyes" remark)
- I work (an answer regarding one's job title)
- I love sports and I work out often (game of chess anyone? c'mon, we can do it 5 times a week!)
- I will treat her like a Princess (well, if I want to be treated "differently", I should join S&MRUs site then, right?)
You meet somebody in person or talk to somebody on the phone and the meeting/phone conversation goes sour for whatever reason. You still pull it off with "Best of luck with your further search" final note and move on with your dating business.
In a week or two or a month later you see that person looks up your profile again (and again). This happened to me MANY times, therefore I see a trend there.
I have a very simple question to ask: Why would a man do that? or a woman, but since I don't date my sisters, I am asking about men lol
If my date failed to impress me enough, I never look back and keep checking out his profile again, I prefer to move forward full steam ahead...
This blog is brought to you in parts by GianFranco4u's blog "How to say I love you", NCO/NDA saga and (sigh) upcoming Valentine's Day.
If you think it's just another juicy scoop on NCO/NDA, then I will have to disappoint you... But keep reading, you might find this blog somewhat helpful.
Years ago, when my oldest son was just a baby, I witnessed the following situation on the playground. Next to us, there was this cutest little Shirley Temple look-alike with curly blonde hair and a doll face. She was not older than 5. She was a naughty little thing and always tried to do what her Dad would not let her to do. He'd raise his voice several times to call for her attention, she'd stop misbehaving for a few minutes just to do it again and again... And one time when she climbed much higher on a playset than she wa supposed to, her father got very angry, got up, marched toward the playset and in a very elevated voice told little girl: "Missy, that's enough, we are going home and you will be punished!"..... That little naughty face instantly changed, the most angelic expression appeared on it and she said softly: "Daddy, I love you!" , "innocently" blinking her eyes...
What do you think happened next? That angry man melted before my eyes, he hugged her and said kind of apologizing: "I just did not want you to get hurt, honey".... and voila - she got away with it!!! I could not believe my eyes - this little manipulator already knew HOW to get her little cute behind out of trouble, and what would be the most effective weapon in paralyzing her father. Not even 5 years old, she ALREADY learned the power of a phrase I LOVE YOU if used "wisely"!
LOVE..... the most used, misused and abused word in English language!!! I've lived long enough to see that the original meaning had deteriorated from the constant abuse by people who don't mean it and don't feel it... Love - the most sacred word of all....a feeling of strong affection, unselfish loyalty and benevolent concern for others, immeasurable passion and overwhelming desire and unconditional trust... This all has been demoted to a prosaic "Honey, don't forget to take the garbage out! Love ya!"
I always wonder whether people totally lost their ability to differentiate LOVE from INFATUATION from LUST from "JUST FEELING GOOD"? And I am not talking about predators who are looking to benefit from an innocent victim! That what the first page of our blogboard is for lol
I will NEVER say I LOVE YOU to a man if
I just saw two blurry pictures of him,
I have never met a man,
I never spent enough time with him face to face on the same territory
I see at least one red flag about his behaviour,
I don't think my kids would be comfortable around him and he'd be a good role model for them,
I have not seen him managing stress without much collateral damage
I will NEVER say I LOVE YOU..... UNLESS
after the proverbial butterflies in my stomach calmed down a little....
Still...I am totally convinced I just can't spend another day without him by my side,
Without a shadow of a doubt I can totally trust him with my finances, health and ultimately, my LIFE
Do you think to get to this point all you need is to spend 60 hours of the phone?
Call me pragmatic, call me too practical..... I refuse to throw this sacred word left and right when it's convenient for me to get what I want. After all, I am a single mother with plenty of unspent love and who still believes in romance and a healthy union between a man and a woman, but is too smart to fall prey to somebody who starts his FIRST email or IM with "Hello, love!"
We all are known and hopefully highly regarded for what we do at work or in the community we live in. But life would be so boring if we only were just accountants, teachers, doctors, scientists, etc with no "outside" personality and talents... Besides our professional skills, there must be hidden talents (or secret passions/hobbies if you will) that not too many people are aware of, when all of a sudden your friends say: "We did not know you could do that". I know an attorney who wrote beautiful poetry, a computer geek who can build a house from the foundation up to the roof, a chemist who knows more about art that any guide at the Louvre would know....Wouldn't it be interesting to see our bloggers from a different prospective, to learn something that did not fit into their 200 word profile description? C'mon, don't be shy and let the world know what you are great at besides work, whether it's world-class crocheting skills, ability to remember all 500 phone numbers including area codes you need for your business, being a foster parent to a baby panda, being able to master calligraphy with your left foot or combing your eyebrows with your tongue
Well.... truly yours has been caught doing:
- playing piano
- cutting and styling hair almost professionally (never went to school for that) and no, I am not referring to buzzcut ;o)
- being fluent in 3 languages, but can understand and somewhat communicate in 2 more
- sewing, knitting... I know, not very impressive ;o)
- remembering smallest details about insignificant events 20-30 years ago, but not remembering what my neighbour called me yesterday for ;o)
- having a green thumb, according to my neigbours if I leave a stick in the ground, it will bloom the next year
- the one I am particularly proud of - I am a free (and a good one!) shrink for all my friends, anytime of the day... (always makes me think of changing my career ;o)
Now it's your time to brag!!
WANDER: as a : to wander from company, restraint, or proper limits b : to roam about without fixed direction or purpose c : to move in a winding course : MEANDER d : to move without conscious or intentional effort e : to become distracted from an argument or chain of thought f : to wander accidentally from a fixed or chosen route g : ERR, SIN
It started as a regular lunch with my friends, the usual banter and jokes back and forth but somehow we ended up in a pretty heated discussion on a subject of cheating and when EXACTLY it starts... Nobody could agree and opinions were ranging from "it starts the moment that very idea popped into your head" to "it's only cheating when you do the deed" with "you're ok for as long as you are on "watch but don't touch" diet and don't contemplate any further actions" in the middle. And what was remarkable, the Great Divide was more or less gender-biased, the ladies were leaning toward idea that even emotional attachment is enough to qualify as straying, where the boys were more traditional in viewing it as purely physical action...
As long as there have been relationships there has been infidelity... a problem as old as this world, and something that still provides soap opera stars and PIs with a steady paycheck!
Let's set aside those chronic cases like "never can keep his pants up/her skirt down", but what about the "regular folks" who's eyes and hands and other body parts usually don't wander around lol
Times have change, so have straying tactics. Before a cheating spouse/partner did not have much to chose from: pick up somebody at the bar, cheap hotel, co-workers... In the 21st century the full menu of options has been expanded dramatically. Especially when there is an instant gratification aspect to it! You can virtually hook up with anybody anywhere in the world, and while you are in your safe element, you can pretend to be ANYBODY you ever wanted to be and the best part of it - to remain totally anonymous!
For single men and women this is probably just a harmless fun game, but if you are involved or live with a partner or married, it is probably as damaging as "physical wandering". Entering this danger zone is not as harmless as people think.... your partner begins to exclude you from his/her deeply intimate or sensual conversations, robbing of that attention that should be given to a committed relationship, using energy that your primary relationship needs. ... There is no physical contact, there is no risk of getting an STD or getting somebody pregnant, or even getting caught (especially if your partner is not computer savvy) yet emotional affairs with their deceit and betrayal, emotional infidelity may eventually lead to a little crack in trust between two people, which in time may become the size of Grand Canyon.
When does this all start? Does it start with pure physical frustration? unfulfilled fantasies? or a lack of communication? or lack of trust? or fear to be misunderstood, judged and laughed at? or your upbringing, including religious, would not let you open up completely and define and discover things you very curious or even obsessed about? And that's why people turn to faceless cyber "friends" somewhere in Timbuktu for sexual satisfaction, and what's more important, for understanding, support and non-judgemental sympathetic ear? And they actually FIND IT!!!
A committed relationship is based, among other things, on honesty and uncommunicated expectations. Mistakenly assuming that you "know well" the person you live with and how your mate feels about certain topics and not keeping things in check is maybe one of the reasons for this evolved type of straying... As we grow older and change (and boy do we change!), I guess we forget to make sure we are still on the same page with our partners not only about our current jobs, finances, kids, housekeeping and sex but about what still glues us together as a couple, and your personal needs in this relationship.
I was lucky enough to have never experienced or been affected by neither old-fashined cheating nor this new trend, but lack of communication had definitely contributed to my marriage fiasco and that's why I am here in cyberspace writing these words.... Maybe expression "WE NEED TO TALK", those four words so feared by many, should not be the last resort to figure out what's going on in your world as a couple...
Check out this pic below - priceless!!!
That would be the most burning question around the holidays...
Are you guilty of re-gifting? Have you ever been a victim of bad re-gifting?
First of all, I really (and I mean really) encourage my friends and family NOT to give me anything for Christmas, Bdays, etc... So far it's been working!!!
How do I handle this problem? presents that I (or my kids) did not like or did not find to be useful, I usually donate charities like The Marines Corps Toys for Tots.
And I absolutely have to give some presents to teachers, the bus driver, etc... I usually try to find a gift that is universal and ANYBODY would find it hard to give up - like movie theatre certificates... who's be so stupid to re-gift those???!!!
What was the most bizarre rejection line you've ever received (verbally or in written form)? Forget those boring "I did take a look at your profile but I don't think we'd be a good match" excuses! Share the most unusual ones!
Once I got (via email): "You are too cerebral for me!"
Hmmmm.... Duh....Scratching my head....
Looks like I am in my prime time now!
GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa; half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile soil.
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like America; well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like India; very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like France; gently aging but still warm, and a desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain; with a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Yugoslavia; lost the war and haunted by past mistakes.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Russia; very wide, and borders are now unpatrolled.
After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages....only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.
A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It`s hard to believe these were actually
done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you.
While reading these keep in mind that these are first graders... "6" year-olds, because the last one is a classic!
Better to be safe than......................punch a 5th grader.
Strike while the ...........................bug is close.
It`s always darkest before..................Daylight Saving Time.
Never underestimate the power of............termites.
You can lead a horse to water but...........how?
Don`t bite the hand that....................looks dirty.
No news is..................................impossible.
A miss is as good as a......................Mr.
You can`t teach an old dog new..............math.
If you lie down with dogs, you`ll...........stink in the morning.
Love all, trust.............................me.
The pen is mightier than the................pigs.
An idle mind is.............................the best way to relax.
Where there`s smoke there`s.................pollution.
Happy the bride who.........................gets all the presents.
A penny saved is............................not much.
Two`s company, three`s......................the Musketeers.
Don`t put off till tomorrow what............you put on to go to bed.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and.....you have to blow your
There are none so blind as..................Stevie Wonder.
Children should be seen and not.............spanked or grounded.
If at first you don`t succeed...............get new batteries.
You get out of something only what you..... see in the picture on the box.
When the blind leadeth the blind............get out of the way.
And the favorite:
Better late than...........................pregnant
A humorous email (below) from a friend prompted this blog. So many times I've asked myself : "Is modern life and technology a blessing or a curse to all of us?" These days there are probably 10 numbers to reach a family of three (including a KID!!!), still we can't get together because we are "too busy". We are able to chat with friends and strangers who live across the globe via Internet for free but we barely say hello to our next door neighbors. My kids can't imagine a 2 hour car ride without watching a movie on a dual-screen DVD player. Very often I feel "too tired" (noooo, God forbid using words "too lazy") to get my precious behind out of the car and walk into the store to pick up my prescription and burn those 3 calories naturally, yet I prefer the "drive -thru" option. Physical and emotional laziness has become a norm of our life. Do you remember when was the last time you sent 30 hand-written Xmas cards to friends and family? It's sure easier to fax a document to a colleague two floors down than to take the stairs... We can't get enough of our new gizmos and gadgets that presumably are supposed to make our life easier and work more productive! Now we are able to take pictures with camera phones and share them instantly with the whole world and yes, at the same time somebody else can take a picture of your credit card number while you're standing in line at the grocery store and get you in trouble. Easy access to any kind of (free) information has given us tools to find long lost pals but denied us our basic right like privacy. We get paranoid that EVERYBODY can print out a map with detailed directions to your house, something that once was literally your fortress. We might think we are invinsible, we can claim all we want to be 40 or 44 and it takes only 2 minutes (and zero dollars) to find out it's really 50 (plus). We felt safer years ago, we seemed to be more connected literally and figuratively speaking. That's why I am trying to tell kids that instant messaging is by all means NOT a substitute to human voice with all its undertones and expression of emotions. Birthdays are not only special days but also a great reason to make that phone call you've been "meaning" to make for months... or are we getting more and more disconnected while continue being "technologically" wired? I don't know, but I really regret not having that camera phone when years ago my friend was dying of cancer, and being thousand miles away, I just wish I could look at her one more time, send her my kiss and tell her: "I love you and I know that your way to heaven will be bump-free"....
The Way We Were or Why People Over 35 Should be Dead...
- According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's, 50's, 60's, or even maybe the early 70's probably shouldn't have survived.
- Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paint.
- We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets, and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets.
- Lets not mention the extreme risks we took hitchhiking.
- As children, we would ride in cars with no seatbelts or air bags.
- Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat.
- We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.
We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing.
- We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.
- We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
- We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the street lights came on.
- No one was able to reach us all day. (No cell phones!)
- We did not have Playstations, Nintendo 64, X-Boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, video tape movies, surround sound, personal cell phones, personal computers, or Internet chat rooms.
- We had friends! - We went outside and found them.
- We played dodge ball, and sometimes, the ball would really hurt.
- We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. They were accidents. No one was to blame but us. Remember accidents?
- We had fights and punched each other and got black and blue and learned to get over it.
- We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms, and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes, nor did the worms live inside us forever.
- We rode bikes or walked to a friend's home and knocked on the door, or rang the bell or just walked in and talked to them.
- Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.
- Some students weren't as smart as others, so they failed a grade and were held back to repeat the same grade.
- Tests were not adjusted for any reason.
- Our actions were our own. Consequences were expected.
- The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law.
- This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever.
- The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
- We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.