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Posted on Fri, May 24, 2013 09:41

Using 500,000 first contact messages from their online dating users, OKCupid found some interesting insight in what you should and should not say in these messages.  Here's the breakdown:


Grammar.  Netspeak, bad grammar, and bad spelling are huge turn-offs. Using ur, u, wat, wont, and so on will reduce responses by up to 25%.  This all makes for a terrible first impression.  A big exception to Netspeak is haha and lol which garnered 45% and 41%, responses, respectively.


Avoid Physical Compliments. Words like sexy, gorgeous, beautiful, and hot reduce responses for men by as much as 35%.  On the other hand, words such as cool, nice that, fascinating, and awesome can improve responses by up to 35%.  The word "pretty" when used to compliment a woman reduces your chances but when it is used like "pretty good", "pretty sure," or "pretty much" you can improve your responses 33%-38%.


Greetings.  Unusual greetings (e.g., hola, howdy, how's it going, what's up) improve responses up to 53%.  Words like hi, hey, and hello will reduce your chances of a response.  Actually, the study said it is "best to dive into what you have to say" and avoid the greetings.


Use Specific Interests. When writing about the persons's specific interests responses improve dramatically (33%-43%). In addition, using the following phrases coupled with specific interests jumped response rates even higher: curious what, noticed that, good taste, you mentioned, and your name.


Be Self-Effacing (Guys only). Instead of trying to sound more confident, words like awkward, sorry, apologize, kinda, and probably all made male messages more successful.  Sounding desperate, however, by using "please" or worse yet "pls" dropped responses 23%.




Source: Christian Rudder. Exactly what to say in a first message. OKTrends.

















**My top strength is"learning." So, my blogs are learning-focused. ~Orlando

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Posted on Sun, May 26, 2013 17:30

Fascinating, Orlando.  And I totally believe what the report says.  Just think about it, common-sense wise, and you've got [minus the text-message shortcuts] pretty much what does and doesn't work for most healthy-headed women in real life.  The emphasis being on "healthy-headed." 



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