Member's Blog > Orange2004's blogs > it doesn't follow the rules of anything.
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Posted on Feb 13, 2014 at 11:55 AM

When first I love, my heart filled with passion

every second away from him was filled with love sick.

Every beat uneven, confused, doubtful, full of chaos.

Restless days exchanged with sleepness nights

Fear mixed with happiness that was flitting or fear of happiness fluttering.


To him, I gave my all.

My mind filled with his image.

My heart thirsting for his beat.

My body yearning for his touch.

The obsession was overwhelming, running out of control.

But that is the problem.

It was my first.


Before him, my world was in the grasp of my hand,

control by my mind where the heart has no chance to make its argument

and my dream, my path.


All those dreams changed,

they have to be moved to fit him… somewhere

It was not plan… is it ever plan I wonder?

Even with plan, could it come?

An uninvited roller coaster ride into the unknown.

Spinning out of control with no way back.

Too much for my heart to bear and my mind to keep up with.


“You don’t love me… you are in love with love.”

A truth too harsh for me to bear.


A hot summer night on the beach in May is short lived.

And so I was relieved when he let me go.

Tears of sorrow I have never felt before.

Hunger, poverty, and outcast I have lived through…

But this… what is this?

My mind reasons

but it could not comfort the heart that bled out tears.

Tears I didn’t know I had.


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Posted on Feb 24, 2014 at 07:57 PM


thanks 3345roc... i think... i guess i'll just wait for 5 or 7 years... lol.

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Posted on Feb 23, 2014 at 09:51 PM

thank you Flor2307

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Posted on Feb 20, 2014 at 10:36 AM

It´s really beautiful... :)




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Posted on Feb 13, 2014 at 06:32 PM

Only in death we find out what LOVE was truly about......

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Posted on Feb 13, 2014 at 04:31 PM

I love him

“Already” he said

I gave him my all

He gave me the mask he worn.


In order to reveal himself to others

He must first reveal to himself the person he believes himself to be

Perhaps it was for fear of revealing himself to his mind

That he chooses not to reveal himself to me

Or perhaps… it was I all along.


They say New Yorker drinks like fishes

I wouldn’t know… but he certainly drinks a lot.

“Are you escaping life? Or yourself?”

I once asked.

There was no answer.


Too much for my weak heart

My mind overwhelmed with thoughts of him

My body yearning so much it grew drained.


So I pretended to let him go

“I agree” he said

Shattering my heart by his spoiling

It was a test you see

Or a last attempt


Either… he failed… I failed…

It’s mostly my fault as before.

I love without knowing how.

I love without knowing my heart.

I love without reserves.


And I love them so

Help, hope, love, hate all have four letters you see

I wonder why

Their inventor must have read my heart

To help me learn the abstract language,

To give me hope of love

To promise me the heaven on earth, not of a place but of feelings

To hate that it all ended so abruptly


The world is full of fences.

Why did I have to walk over yours?


No fences are put up unintentionally.

Motivated by fear of loosing

Things precious and

Protecting what we are.


Yet fences are not walls

Too many holes of vulnerability.


No it is more than fear.

It’s being curious.

Allowing the world to view &

Yet keep it out.


Sometimes a little thing fits through.

The distance shrinking.

The holes look bigger.

And She got to the other side.


Curiosity sometimes kills the cat…

But sometimes it finds a secret garden

 I found you.


Remnants of him when we met

Thinking that you would not be able to remove the rest

I carelessly revealed all

So soft, tender, and gentle as your embrace…

I did not recognize

It is the first for me all over again


How did I loved them so

And you this way?


Passion but patience

Perfect rhythm and harmony

Our heart danced the rumba

There is no fear

There is no confusion

Only certainty

Certain that I love you

And that you adore me


In every kiss,

With every embrace

You assured me

And with every heartbeat

I felt your moves


For my first, the dairy of my thoughts

He showed me the secret of my heart

For my second, letters of my past

New York with all its skyline

so high I couldn’t reach

For you… this poem and my future

You delivered the world to me


And showed me how to love

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Posted on Feb 13, 2014 at 04:29 PM

Often I questioned the existence of feelings.

So abstract no one definition is correct,

So invisible no one can measure,

So unreal I believed them to be an invention of the mind

As a way of survival mechanism.

Happiness, the reason for living.

Sadness, the courage to move on.

All part of living/surviving.



But these tears are physical truth.

They are proof that feelings maybe abstract and invisible but have real affects.

Charges are invisible but we see lightning.

I cried when I was hungry,

I wept when I witness others’ suffering

I sobbed when I was scared


But these tears are not of the same reason… nor origin.

They come from the heart… house of my feelings.

Tears not of my mind’s invention.

How then can my mind stop it?

How should I convince my heart to stop weeping for the lost that is forever gone?



Twenty years of my life in this machine.

Complex, efficient, and elegantly put together, these parts my mind control.

And yet… it does not have the key to the heart’s chambers.

How can I unlock what was hidden within me?


If it be true that feelings are the mind’s invention… then

Why can’t it control them?

Oh no, it is real… and tragic that I should find them that way.


If I could not beseech my heart to not feel

Perhaps I should coax my mind not to accept their reality.


Time allows reality to seep in

Forgetting and moving on.

I met another with characters like him

There I go again.


A promise made, plane tickets bought

And in the middle of August I was on top of the world

The best that New York has to offer.

“You’re a fragment of my imagination.”


Sick with love

Love sick sickens me

As before, my heart beating out of rhythm


Fourth dimension, spacetime, keeps us apart

My love could not reach him

His heart in the fifth dimension

My voice is heard… but my words cannot penetrate

Their forces weaker than gravity


One sided love cannot sustain any relationship

Nor the person

Nor the lover

For the first, exhaustion will come

For the second, indifference


I love him

“Already” he 

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