When first I love, my heart filled with passion
every second away from him was filled with love sick.
Every beat uneven, confused, doubtful, full of chaos.
Restless days exchanged with sleepness nights
Fear mixed with happiness that was flitting or fear of happiness fluttering.
To him, I gave my all.
My mind filled with his image.
My heart thirsting for his beat.
My body yearning for his touch.
The obsession was overwhelming, running out of control.
But that is the problem.
It was my first.
Before him, my world was in the grasp of my hand,
control by my mind where the heart has no chance to make its argument
and my dream, my path.
All those dreams changed,
they have to be moved to fit him… somewhere
It was not plan… is it ever plan I wonder?
Even with plan, could it come?
An uninvited roller coaster ride into the unknown.
Spinning out of control with no way back.
Too much for my heart to bear and my mind to keep up with.
“You don’t love me… you are in love with love.”
A truth too harsh for me to bear.
A hot summer night on the beach in May is short lived.
And so I was relieved when he let me go.
Tears of sorrow I have never felt before.
Hunger, poverty, and outcast I have lived through…
But this… what is this?
My mind reasons
but it could not comfort the heart that bled out tears.
Tears I didn’t know I had.