When first I love, my heart filled with passion

every second away from him was filled with love sick.

Every beat uneven, confused, doubtful, full of chaos.

Restless days exchanged with sleepness nights

Fear mixed with happiness that was flitting or fear of happiness fluttering.

To him, I gave my all.

My mind filled with his image.

My heart thirsting for his beat.

My body yearning for his touch.

The obsession was overwhelming, running out of control.

But that is the problem.

It was my first.

Before him, my world was in the grasp of my hand,

control by my mind where the heart has no chance to make its argument

and my dream, my path.

All those dreams changed,

they have to be moved to fit him… somewhere

It was not plan… is it ever plan I wonder?

Even with plan, could it come?

An uninvited roller coaster ride into the unknown.

Spinning out of control with no way back.

Too much for my heart to bear and my mind to keep up with.

“You don’t love me… you are in love with love.”

A truth too harsh for me to bear.

A hot summer night on the beach in May is short lived.

And so I was relieved when he let me go.

Tears of sorrow I have never felt before.

Hunger, poverty, and outcast I have lived through…

But this… what is this?

My mind reasons

but it could not comfort the heart that bled out tears.

Tears I didn’t know I had.

Ok, call me a cynic, call me realistic, call me a devil's advocate, call me whichever name you will.

but come on... i love seeing profiles that proclaim... i'm looking for love... that's all i ever wanted...

if love is all a person ever wanted... why are you here? on this site? do you know how many dating sites there are? what makes you think this site will give you the love that you want? 

the fact of the matter is... there are so many conditions to your desire to love... or desire for you to give love...

there is nothing wrong with conditions... and lists of them... but don't play the "I only want love game." That's just childish. 

we're adult... we can handle reality... and understand desires... and ambitions... and conditions... so really we're also not born yesterday... we can see right through you when you repeatedly say "all i want is love... i want true love..." 

aha aha aha i hear you so... how much does he have to make to give you true love? or how beautiful does she has to be for you to fall for true love? or how smart? or how sexy? or how mature? or how old does she/he has to be for this true love? and what religion does he/she has to be in for true love to happen? and how many kids... or lack of kids? so... how true is your true love?

i'll tell you what... go get a dog. it doesn't cost you that much and you don't have to make excuses like "i want true love to" for it to lick your face and whine for treats.