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The Fowl of the Air Sort by:
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MillionDollarBab
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Posted on Sat, Sep 21, 2013 12:14

Suppose one day the birds figured out exactly what was going on.  Especially domesticated ones.  Yes, I refer again to geese, but also to ducks, turkeys and chickens.  And game birds, too. 

 

One day, they were all able to communicate to each other that these little cages, or barnyards, were not ending well for them.  That hatchet...what do we do with that??

 

And then, they decided to rise up and put a stop to it.  They would start with intimidation.  Like calling us on the phone in the middle of the night.  First, heavy breathing...then  "cock a doodle doo!!" 

 

We're out at "Chickens Are Us" getting a nice piece of fried chicken, when we notice chickens massing outside the door.   They rig up the car and drive it away!  Hey!  

 

They hire lawyers and sue us for frivolous things and unfrivolous things.  

 

When they see that these tactics aren't working, they get tough.  Bird armies form and declare war.  

 

We huddle in fear in our homes.  What to do?  I know, divide and conquer.  

 

We put up signs saying, "Turkeys eat free!"  And the turkeys get their corn.  They break ranks.  Turkeys are special.  The chickens get together.  It's not about them getting corn.  It's about their little chicks getting corn.  The ducks feel the same way, and so do the geese, who have been the most vocal and aggressive of the bird war, hissing and flapping and biting people.  

 

OK, we extend our offer of corn to all fowl of the edible ilk.  Some of them feel that this is victory over the oppressor and they have been heard.  Others are suspicious, refusing to cave.  These birds become even more aggressive in their efforts.  Some "suicide birds" fly into jet engines.  All sorts of mischief.  

 

We begin to arrest errant birds, putting them up in birds jails.  Oh, the squawkking that is heard from bird jail.  Chained by their ankles, they take their little cups, and rattle them on the bars.  Guard!  Guard!  Squawk!   We are bright enough to cut their communication lines to the other birds, and execute them and take them down to Chickens are Us.  

 

The rebellion falls apart.  The birds are given propoganda about how silly it is to believe the vicious untruths told by some birds on the extreme fringe.  They had it good in the barnyard.  

 

Still, there are reports of bird attacks here and there.  But the war is over.  These are just bird crazies. We start to convince the rest of the birds to put them in their place.  Let peer pressure fix it.  Some of the more outspoken bird leaders band together and form The Society for the Betterment of Birds.  There are other noble groups such as Nestling Scouts, Ducklings of the Revolution, and The Feather Guild. The gist of it is encouraging good birds to peck not so good birds.  Classes on pecking become popular.

 

The cockadoodledoos in the middle of the night start to disappear.  We celebrate with fried chicken.



Bab : )

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MillionDollarBab
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Posted on Fri, Sep 27, 2013 13:22

Hi Liv,

Thank you! : )  I read Animal Farm once but it's been so long I don't remember it.  Yes, there may be something going on with me and the birds.  For example, today...chicken soup.  Yes, I clearly at least border on ornitho psychosis.  

I think I'll go write a book about how to help with orhitho psychotic loved ones.  It's probably a lot like phobias.  Gradually immerse them in birdiness...bird photos, bird videos, touching  feathers.  But if they lounge at the screen when you play videos, you've gone too far too fast.  Possibly exploring in group therapy all the experiences one has had with birds and winged creatures.  Discussing how the experience made you feel.  

You know, Tony Soprano had ornitho psychosis.  Every time he saw ducks he would have a panic attack and pass out.   

PS  Keep the ornitho psychotic (OT) away from sunflower seeds!



Bab : )

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Livnlov
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Posted on Fri, Sep 27, 2013 05:10

Quoting Dakota35:

Bab, I really think you have some kind of "fowl" fetish. :-)  Animal Farm (George Orwell)



Bab, I have to say, I noticed the same thing! I have to agree with DAK, LOL! When I read the first line, the first thing that occurred to me was Animal Farm, LOL! I think you have quite an interesting imagination and a great sense of humour!

 

Liv.



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MillionDollarBab
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Posted on Tue, Sep 24, 2013 07:23

LOL.  We didn't see it, even if we had it.  I laughed all day thinking about your ornitho psychotic dog.



Bab : )

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Dakota35
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Posted on Tue, Sep 24, 2013 05:18

Quoting MillionDollarBab:

Bon Jour Dak,

 

Now I feel bad.  Is ornitho psychosis an actual recognized condition?  I wondered the same thing and googled it.  I also didn't know what the word was for "bird expert."  So when I googled ornitho psychosis, there were dozens of sites written in French on the subject.  Therefore the French are the experts on the subject.  Why would that be?  Well, I suppose that they are confronted with large numbers of people sneaking into parks giving little piles of corn to geese with sleeping pills in them, putting unconscious geese in pillowcases, and making them into roast goose stuffed with prunes.  They DEFINITELY are the experts on that.  Also pate faux gras.  So I just put the obvious together.  You know, chicken would be great.  I'm not French.  German extraction, as you thought. True to the German mind, I just connected all the dots.  These dots clearly led to France.

 

Well, if there isn't an ornitho psychosis, there should be.  The French write extensively about it  I can't read French, but I am sure they weren't writing about the joys of birdwatching, which is, in fact, another indication of ornitho psychosis.

 

PS  Now I am worried.  I'd be the first one the birds came after.   Uh oh

 

And maybe just make some Stove Top Stuffing and gravy to go with the chicken.  Yum.  BTW,  there are two ornitho psychotic cats that hang around the birdfeeder.



Yes, it was in French so I used Google to translate.  Didn't find anything so I assumed it was humor.  But it messed with my mind for awhile.  I find interest in human conditions, so that was a new one to me.  I would imagine there would be many more cases of omitho phobia, you may be the first case of omitho psychosis. :)  Unless we count hunters...Well, there it is...it was right there before our eyes and we didn't see it.  I believe my dog may have it as well. :)

 

 



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MillionDollarBab
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Posted on Mon, Sep 23, 2013 07:00

Bon Jour Dak,

 

Now I feel bad.  Is ornitho psychosis an actual recognized condition?  I wondered the same thing and googled it.  I also didn't know what the word was for "bird expert."  So when I googled ornitho psychosis, there were dozens of sites written in French on the subject.  Therefore the French are the experts on the subject.  Why would that be?  Well, I suppose that they are confronted with large numbers of people sneaking into parks giving little piles of corn to geese with sleeping pills in them, putting unconscious geese in pillowcases, and making them into roast goose stuffed with prunes.  They DEFINITELY are the experts on that.  Also pate faux gras.  So I just put the obvious together.  You know, chicken would be great.  I'm not French.  German extraction, as you thought. True to the German mind, I just connected all the dots.  These dots clearly led to France.

 

Well, if there isn't an ornitho psychosis, there should be.  The French write extensively about it  I can't read French, but I am sure they weren't writing about the joys of birdwatching, which is, in fact, another indication of ornitho psychosis.

 

PS  Now I am worried.  I'd be the first one the birds came after.   Uh oh

 

And maybe just make some Stove Top Stuffing and gravy to go with the chicken.  Yum.  BTW,  there are two ornitho psychotic cats that hang around the birdfeeder.



Bab : )

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Dakota35
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Posted on Sun, Sep 22, 2013 18:47

Quoting MillionDollarBab:

Dak, I just started to understand that when you pointed out my hostile tendencies to geese.  It just didn't occur to me.  I need help.  Maybe the grocery store. Maybe KFC...

But come to think of it...if the birds did rebel...



If the birds did rebel you'd be the first they would come after.  You are starting to make me hungry for chicken.  Ornitho Psychosis is that a real condition?  Didn't you say you were German?  Well, I got the German mind from my Grandfather and you know how screwed up it can be (at least the one I got).  So if Ornitho Psychosis is not a real condition then you are really screwing with my brain.  As I have tried to do research on such for the last 30 min.  I didn't really find the info that you wrote.  But I know many people have strange obsessions, so it could be a real condition.



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MillionDollarBab
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Posted on Sun, Sep 22, 2013 15:24

Quoting Dakota35:

Bab, I really think you have some kind of "fowl" fetish. :-)  Animal Farm (George Orwell)


Dak, I just started to understand that when you pointed out my hostile tendencies to geese.  It just didn't occur to me.  I need help.  Maybe the grocery store. Maybe KFC...

But come to think of it...if the birds did rebel...



Bab : )

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Dakota35
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Posted on Sun, Sep 22, 2013 14:32

Bab, I really think you have some kind of "fowl" fetish. :-)  Animal Farm (George Orwell)



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