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LuckyStiff2001
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Posted on Fri, Feb 28, 2014 17:52

I have run across several profiles in which the woman has claimed that she will no longer "settle for good" when she is looking for "great". Some are more strident than others and you have to wonder if any man could even meet their qualifications.

 

Then there is the flip side. Would a guy so great actually want to be with such a woman? Have they given that a moment's consideration?

 

So my question is this. Do women have some sort of secret internal rating system for their potential dates, say on a scale of 1 to 100? And do they have an idea in their head of how they would rate on that scale?

 

For example, suppose she believes she deserves an 80 guy. But in real life the best she can meet is a 50. At some point does she simply give up and settle for some 50 guy? If she does, will she forever be bitter or dissatisfied?

 

Does she ever think that she is at the level of the 50 guy and she would need to improve herself in some way to be attractive to the 80 guy?



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FemGirl
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Posted on Mon, Jun 09, 2014 19:14

Everyone has settled in a relationship at least once. Why? Doesn't matter. 

 

When someone decides they want quality over quanitity, they will stop settling. 



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rmac22
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Posted on Mon, Apr 07, 2014 13:11

Quoting LuckyStiff2001:

Not so quick, rmac. The reviews on Amazon are mostly positive.

 

You can't overcome the math. Some men on this site have profiles with hundreds of comments from women begging to meet them, while most others have few or none. If you insist on monogamy, that simply won't work. This is from the book blurb:

 

"Gottlieb, 37, made the decision to become a single parent after years of searching for Mr. Right. Four years later, when she still hadn’t found him, she decided to take a good look at her dating habits—and the dating habits of women around her—to see if the problem is not a dearth of good men but rather women’s expectations of them. Gottlieb finds that women want it all—and often aren’t willing to compromise on their list of traits their ideal mate must have. In their twenties, many women leave good relationships based on an elusive feeling that they could find something more with someone else, and they regret it down the road when their choices dwindle. It’s not that women aren’t willing to settle; it’s that many refuse to recognize that their vision of the perfect man doesn’t match reality. With the help of dating coach Evan Marc Katz, Gottlieb reconsidered her own standards in the hope of finding happiness. Gottlieb’s honest, astute analysis will resonate with many women and make them uneasy as they recognize themselves in her experiences and those of the women she interviews. Gottlieb makes a strong case in this groundbreaking work"



 

lucky stiff,

 

 

 

re  “ Not so quick, rmac. The reviews on Amazon are mostly positive.”

 

 

 

Glad to know that the reviews on amazon are mostly positive.  I was reacting to the author’s comments re dealing with the angry backlash. 

 

 

 

Some women are going to hate the book.  It is not telling them what they want to believe.  It is a tough lesson. 

 



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LuckyStiff2001
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Posted on Sun, Apr 06, 2014 15:19

Not so quick, rmac. The reviews on Amazon are mostly positive.

 

You can't overcome the math. Some men on this site have profiles with hundreds of comments from women begging to meet them, while most others have few or none. If you insist on monogamy, that simply won't work. This is from the book blurb:

 

"Gottlieb, 37, made the decision to become a single parent after years of searching for Mr. Right. Four years later, when she still hadn’t found him, she decided to take a good look at her dating habits—and the dating habits of women around her—to see if the problem is not a dearth of good men but rather women’s expectations of them. Gottlieb finds that women want it all—and often aren’t willing to compromise on their list of traits their ideal mate must have. In their twenties, many women leave good relationships based on an elusive feeling that they could find something more with someone else, and they regret it down the road when their choices dwindle. It’s not that women aren’t willing to settle; it’s that many refuse to recognize that their vision of the perfect man doesn’t match reality. With the help of dating coach Evan Marc Katz, Gottlieb reconsidered her own standards in the hope of finding happiness. Gottlieb’s honest, astute analysis will resonate with many women and make them uneasy as they recognize themselves in her experiences and those of the women she interviews. Gottlieb makes a strong case in this groundbreaking work"



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rmac22
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Posted on Sun, Apr 06, 2014 11:57

Well there is a book out on this subject. 

 

Marry him: the case for settling for Mr. Good Enough, by Lori Gottlieb. 

 

Apparently was met with a big backlash from angry women.

 

 



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Gray07
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Posted on Sat, Mar 22, 2014 14:25

I agree.  We can create a "must have" list which can be unrealistic so the goal should be creating a realistic one...A few things which you need in a mate and allowing the right person to come into your life.   



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leonicvirgo
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Posted on Fri, Mar 14, 2014 03:15

Quoting lola1386:

In my opinion women often don't know what they want, they think that they have created in their minds an ideal prototype, and they are looking for that match, but at the end they madly fall in love with a complete different person , and some times this person has qualities that where a big NO for her.   And now try to figure, did she settle or give up? NO, she just plaid the game that was meant to her...


I've got to go with Chemistry here. Some women admit in conversation that what draws then to  a man is bad for them. Try to pry them away.  There are a percentage of good men out there, and good women as mate's. It's that gulf inbetween, they can't tuff out.Trust is only as good as communicated truth.Those balances. 



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DriveUcrzy
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Posted on Tue, Mar 11, 2014 17:34

Perfection doesn't exist. We are not settling its seeing imperfect beings through perfect eyes. 

 

Nonsense grading system!!?? 



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Dakota35
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Posted on Wed, Mar 05, 2014 09:29

Quoting lola1386:

In my opinion women often don't know what they want, they think that they have created in their minds an ideal prototype, and they are looking for that match, but at the end they madly fall in love with a complete different person , and some times this person has qualities that where a big NO for her.   And now try to figure, did she settle or give up? NO, she just plaid the game that was meant to her...



Exactly...goes for men also.



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lola1386
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Posted on Tue, Mar 04, 2014 20:49

In my opinion women often don't know what they want, they think that they have created in their minds an ideal prototype, and they are looking for that match, but at the end they madly fall in love with a complete different person , and some times this person has qualities that where a big NO for her.   And now try to figure, did she settle or give up? NO, she just plaid the game that was meant to her...



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Dakota35
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Posted on Tue, Mar 04, 2014 08:49

Quoting Jenkneee:

David, you are hilarious!!  Women love a humble man with a sense of humor :)



Sense of humor???  Hell, I'm serious.  :-)



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Jenkneee
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Posted on Tue, Mar 04, 2014 01:05

Quoting Dakota35:

god I hope so, otherwise I'll never get married!!!



David, you are hilarious!!  Women love a humble man with a sense of humor :)



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Dakota35
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Posted on Mon, Mar 03, 2014 20:28

god I hope so, otherwise I'll never get married!!!



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MizzSunShineHere
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Posted on Mon, Mar 03, 2014 08:49

I second what "MissMonteCarlo" said!  :-)  To each their own.....



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3345roc
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Posted on Sun, Mar 02, 2014 13:03

We all settle.  We settle for what we feel we deserve, nothing more nothing less.  There is no standard criteria for what's good and what's bad.  

 

 

Some men might want a brainless beauty while others might one with a working brain regardless of looks.  Some women choose a millionaire even though he's as ugly as Quasimodo... others will pick an Adonis who might be struggling... it's a matter of personal choice.

 

 

We all have flaws.  That's what the dating process is all about.... finding the flaws.  If the good far outweighs the bad a relationship might be in the offing



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wwww12345
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Posted on Sun, Mar 02, 2014 02:51

Quoting rmac22:

Wish I could remember the title of the book.  Anyhow the gist of the book was that men and women know their "value" in the "market" and pair off accordingly to a shocking degree.  It also stated that mismatched pairs typically resulted in unfair relationships with the one with way more "value" unfairly taking advantage of their position in the relationship. 

 


I think people of "sound mind" do know their "market value" and their value "points" score..  In general, mismatched pairs don't work very well, but because people have different weighting or place different priorities on certain criterial over others it is not a simple answer..  For instance, a person who places high priority on the mate being a good father or mother to the kids would look at a match completely differently than someone who never intends to have kids, or maybe not even ever marry.. Another example, someone who does drugs or drinks will think getting stoned every night or every weekend is a good thing and would probably want a mate who does the same.  Someone who likes to go hiking or boating might not like a stoned companion, no matter how attractive or valuable otherwise.

 

So, you have to take the valuable assets and modify that by the priority and weighting each person places on that asset, and then subtract out the "negative points". Usually a severe "negative" factor will outweigh almost any "positive" value.



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Jenkneee
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Posted on Sun, Mar 02, 2014 00:41

Quoting LuckyStiff2001:

There was one woman, age 56, looking for a guy between 45 and 56. Not likely, especially on a millionaire site, even though she looked attractive. She would be better off going full cougar and looked for a guy twixt 25 and 30. That she could pull off, especially if she buys him stuff.

 


You act as though this woman is delusional for considering someone who is a decade or less younger than her. You do you think you are to specify what age she should go for and where she should do it? You said she was attractive, she probably has a lot of life experience which has made her smarter and more aware of what she wants. With some help of currents products and maybe some laser work, she could be looking good for the next few decades, how about you?

 

 

She has a very reasonable age gap and yet you are the one to suggest that she should think like a lot of delusional males and shoot for an age gap of 26-31 years instead.  To further insult her, you add "especially if she buys him stuff" line. Uggh!

 

 

I think she is being very reasonable, have you seen what a lot of middle-aged men are looking like these days?  The majority are not looking too good and I have seen them easily look 10-20 years older than the age they post they are,actually I was being kind, a lot of them in their 50's look like they're in their 70's.   Many of them also have the old mentality too.  I call it -one foot in the grave. lol.

 

 

One more tidbit for you; this site has at least one other name,  it was called a "classy-dating-site",  so even your argument is wrong there. Not everyone signed up with the title of Millionaire Match including myself.



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LuckyStiff2001
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Posted on Sat, Mar 01, 2014 10:14

There was one woman, age 56, looking for a guy between 45 and 56. Not likely, especially on a millionaire site, even though she looked attractive. She would be better off going full cougar and looked for a guy twixt 25 and 30. That she could pull off, especially if she buys him stuff.

 



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LuckyStiff2001
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Posted on Sat, Mar 01, 2014 09:58

wwww12345, I am sure there is a story behind your mention of "personality disorder". For the naive, and unsuspecting, a relationship with such a person can rip you apart. Maybe I'll blog about it one of these days when I can get some separation.



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rmac22
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Posted on Sat, Mar 01, 2014 07:09

Wish I could remember the title of the book.  Anyhow the gist of the book was that men and women know their "value" in the "market" and pair off accordingly to a shocking degree.  It also stated that mismatched pairs typically resulted in unfair relationships with the one with way more "value" unfairly taking advantage of their position in the relationship. 

 



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