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intimacy
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Posted on Tue, Mar 30, 2010 10:02

Back in the day the “dating pool” was usually a person’s work, church, or social settings. With the advent of the internet the relational possibilities seem endless. For those of us who are single, many of us are keenly aware of the internet dating scene. There are both pros and cons to internet dating. One of those pros or cons depending on how you look at it is the factor of long distance relationships. (LDR)

If you're single and you decide to internet date here are some pros and cons of long distance relationships:

Pros:

1.Everybody has a special person that is a best match for them. Who knows where they live?
2.Distance helps the relationship move slower so that you don't make impulsive and foolish decisions.
3.LDR's enables you to get to know the person from the inside out (heart first) instead of knowing them from the outside in.
4.No distance hinders love.
5.If you really want it....it will happen.
6.No price is too high to pay for love....including travel, hotels, meals, etc.
7.Finally, the more something costs us the higher value we place upon it. This means that a man who has invested greatly for a woman will usually value her more.

Cons:

1.The person you are dating can hide their flaws easier.
2.It’s harder to tell if the person is lying about things.
3.It costs a good sum of money to travel back and forth.
4.You can never truly know a person fully until you spend a great sum of time with them.
5.Body language plays a big part in communication vs phone, email, text, or IM.
6.Some people whose primary love language is quality time crave the in person experience and no amount of electronic communication fills their love tank.
7.Transitioning from the distance can be very hard, seeing how someone will usually have to move.

Regardless of how you look at it long distance relationships are an ever growing phenomenon in our world today. If you’re single and you decide to have a long distance relationship, don’t rush in, because only time spent in person ultimately reveals who they are.

 

 

 

 

 

(I am a part time author, poet and teacher about love and relationships. I often write short articles most of which are not posted on this site.)


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The River

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iwillcherishu
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Posted on Wed, Jun 30, 2010 06:44

Okay Mr. "author". Without being verbose, the practicality of long distance dating is at best a long shot at love. Even though some may say distance doesn't matter, and it does, I'm betting that very few ever lead to a consummation of marriage. With children, family ties, our careers, etc, relocating is just a fantasy. Maybe Mr, or Mrs, right is far off. Get a reality check. Seek Mr. or Mrs. almost right for you, in your geographic. With dating services creating frustration, exasperation, desperation, deceitfulness, and the like, for most involved, the probability of finding someone near is 100 times better than various states away. In closing, even close proximity dating yields potentially one in a thousand chance of leading to a marriage. Sad deception!!!!


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Posted on Fri, Jun 18, 2010 01:03

Interesting article...I find the cyber dating world quite interesting. I also learn that it helps to save me some time because there are some men that I am glad that I did not waste my time and energy to meet because there interest were not aligned with mine. I do know people with successful long distance relationships and marriages (not sure I can do this) so ultimately it is up to the individuals. Personally, I believe the best relationships are among couples that are best friends. I also believe that a person must decide what's truly important to me...for instance a physically handsome guy becomes becomes very unattractive to me if he has a bad personality. I also think that this mode of dating is very tempting to many as people are always looking for the next best thing...the "grass is greener on the other side" mindset which diminishes the desire for a dedication and loyalty. I really like LynnCat's comment about her aunt - pray and God will direct you. I remain optimistic that I'll meet some interesting people and maybe, just maybe I'll meet not the perfect guy but the perfect guy for me :)

 

Carpe Diem!



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Posted on Sun, Jun 13, 2010 15:23

Hi, intimacy. Wonderful article. yes,I agree there are pros and cons about LDR but when there is that Click and that spiritual conection is when things happen and distance does not matter.

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Sssail3
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Posted on Thu, Jun 10, 2010 20:47

Hello! I know about long distance relationships boy do I!I am a widower. After losing my wonderful wife of 18 years I was lonely but felt really funny(not in the good way) dating. I join an online widow and widowers group,it was wonderful.These people know exactly what I was going through and could help with some of the things before they happened. And one night hlped me with some perscription information... Anyway.. I met this lady in that group we talked and after awhile we met 600 miles away from my home.It was great she was nice I didn't have to worry about feeling weird becauseI didn't know anyone 600 miles away. I would visit her at least once a month and talked on the phone just about every night. After time had passed I brought her to my house and intorduced her to inlaws etc. We only met for a few days then went back to our homes. LONG STORY short,, I guess she was on her best behavior when we were together. Then I deicded to spend a couple of weeks with her at her home.. It was fun at first then the real lady came out..... One night we went to dinner with her teenaged daughter. They got to fighting in the parking lot and screaming F*** You and other such phrases I was totally embarrassed and wanted to get the Hello out of there! I guess were together long enough for her to let her guard down! IT was a scary sight to see but glad I saw it when I did and not later on.. True story Thanks for reading, if anyone wants more detail feel free to ask questions.. Thanks


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EdnaDoll
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Posted on Sat, Jun 05, 2010 09:34

Eloquently said.  I would love to read more of your publishings.


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Lynncat
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Posted on Mon, May 24, 2010 16:01

I so agree with the statement that men are looking for flings or affairs.  The internet is a place that makes that happen.  I have met so many that have told me they wanted serious relationships but, not with me.  After so many you know it isn't something wrong with you.  It is the game they play.  But here I am on a dating site.  Five years ago there was a distance relationship for me.  It lasted about a year.  He called me to tell me to go on with my life that he wouldn't be getting married for five years and he didn't want to hold me up.  Also,  I was the best woman anybody would ever want to meet etc.....  It took me a long time to heal from that one.  I don't easily fall for that type anymore.  The guy even took me to church with him.

Long distance relationships can hurt but, so can any relationship that ends. I think it is nice to live close to another person.  You can be there for each other.  I have also, met men locally. I thought  these local  guys were wonderful and turned out to be jerks.  My  Italian Aunt used to say if it is God's will it will happen.   I  pray God's will shows up before I "kick the bucket"! 



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janiesecret
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Posted on Tue, May 18, 2010 18:35

Hi intimacy, I'd like to hear some of your articles. I agree with your observations. But I think some people are good at it and some aren't.


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Posted on Mon, May 17, 2010 06:43

I'm only going to share basically, one thought. In matters of the heart, honestly, everything is possible. I don't have a lot of experience in long-distance relationships, but still, for me represents simply one thing: hope. When you live in a third world country, surrounded by decadence, it gets even more difficult to find gentle and well educated men with a promising future. So the web truly offers a chance for us, nice women, to get in touch with some potential soul-made, a concept which I do insist, to hold on to. I grew up in a multicultural home, builded by strong, caring parents who loved each other deeply. I had a very beautiful childhood. To say more, my father lived in a different country and still managed to conquer my mother's heart in times when technology wasn't involved. Of course, I'm scared that people here, could deceive me although, we need to take the risk and never stop believing 'cause, look around you, people already living near by could be lying too. If you are a honest person, with good intensions, your actions will follow and it won't matter if is by typing your keyboard or looking towards one and other face to face. Sincerely, I wish you all, all the luck in the world, because love is the must amazing feeling on earth, it's what makes us humans, the reason why the globe spins around its axis. Kiss


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Posted on Thu, May 06, 2010 04:09

Will do @ Dreameyesopen

However there are many profiles that I'd rather not be contacted by :)



It is not what you do once in a while. It is what you do day in and day out that makes a difference.

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Dreameyesopen
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Posted on Wed, May 05, 2010 23:27

Zephyr,

Now I am sure you will get more answers and emails or winks or whatever... Keep us informed ;-)



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Posted on Wed, May 05, 2010 07:57

:) profile now open.



It is not what you do once in a while. It is what you do day in and day out that makes a difference.

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Dreameyesopen
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Posted on Tue, May 04, 2010 23:41

I agree I got member, don't know why I should start to get verified, all I see around are just, sorry guys, "funny" people. In real, I would not give a freak chance to those kind of people to flirt even.

They flirt pushy without knowing who you are. I believe that relation is made from a contact, a deep knowledge as thru the net and not thru a physical flash... As we don't see each other.

I just had a fast chat with a guy named sexy n handsome, with such a name I had to look at profile thinking how proud ppl can be, I don't find his pictures sexy or handsome (also each taste is different to each of us !), and told the guy his profile made me smile as he is so sure of himself... He took it so wrongly, I was laughing behind my screen alone, he said in his profile he was open minded... Read his profile the guy is selling himself as someone so "sure of himself", it is repeated under each picture, and few times in profile. I think I rather have someone caring than so "proud" of him...

I want to be proud of my man for sure, but anything he would do will make me proud... Such ego is laughable really... The guy took all I said so negatively, I cannot understand I was just saying "just don't repeat every two lines"...

Well sorry see again long distance and especially different languages can cause misunderstanding, while he said he could understand different cultures and languages, well he is not open minded and I might have frustrated him for the day LMAO.

Honestly, be simple, take a good laugh at yourself.. If you really cannot... You will get no where !-)

Have all a lovely day !

And Zephyr, I cannot read your profile, so if everyone is like me, I can understand you don't have ppl looking for you btw ;-)

Smooches



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Posted on Tue, May 04, 2010 02:53

With any relationship be it friends, family, business and in finding a new partner to share life with it does not matter whether it is long distance or up the road.  The best is to find like minded people with the same values.  I think this maybe ties in slightly with your other blog @ intimacy.

 

In joining this site I did expect something quite different from what you find in attending social circles.  Although I am getting my information verified I am wondering whether this is all worthwhile.  A quick search in my area and age range revealed no recommended or verified members.  In searching all age groups in my area, only one member is verified and I was quite impressed as he is from the younger generation.  

 

Way off the subject:-  

What if one can only be recommended by somebody else as the real deal?  Then thereafter complete your profile.  That will not exclude the quickies from the site but at least it will make matching interests easier to find :)



It is not what you do once in a while. It is what you do day in and day out that makes a difference.

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Dreameyesopen
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Posted on Mon, May 03, 2010 23:16

It would be a change indeed, if Men would agree they just looking for internet affair, being kinky anytime without knowing you... I am dying everytime I see that... Like quoting "yeah it is also a way to know each other better" wtf ! Really ???

Really do we need internet website for those Short love affair, or I would go out in the street and pick on that flirts me no?

Are men over here are so desesperate in real to jump on like that ?

As well how many fake pictures, why... Does it really matter ? It brings me up to "internet short affair" again... I don't understand MEN of this website... thinking of leaving this even...

Where are the loyal, nice and real MEN on here ? If any girls know, I will be glad to read them !



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Posted on Mon, May 03, 2010 04:19

I agree with your statement Dreameyesopen.  It would be quite a change to find some that are open to communication as per their profiles.  Although I am one that expects a faithful relationship, I am open minded to accept that not all are.  Maybe it will be a good idea that people are more upfront about what they really want.



It is not what you do once in a while. It is what you do day in and day out that makes a difference.

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Dreameyesopen
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Posted on Sun, May 02, 2010 23:59

Well true a long distance relation, me being oversea, I think allows you to know the person deeper inside... As it seems not to be the interest of men here LMAO...

So you take time, going slowly, avoid jerks date ...

I think phone can tell you about the personality of the person, the voice is the sound of the soul, you can hear the sweetness, the lies, the laugh, the attitude, the behaviour, the thinking, the spontaneity... You can't see all this thru IMs or emails.

But true body language, charms is only visible to eyes...

What to do, I wish a person would be worthy enough to dig our soul for once ;-) That would be a change !

 

A dream maybe xx



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intimacy
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Posted on Sun, May 02, 2010 18:44

See my latest blog titled: Where has all the Loyalty Gone?



The River

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CDinCO
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Posted on Sun, May 02, 2010 17:09

I would love to say that I would do it for love but I cannot. There are certain aspects of a relationship that I need here, or close by. Even if I was in a position to travel all the time, it's too burdensome and I would eventually find a way to ruin it...


Courtney :)

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Posted on Sat, May 01, 2010 05:23

Hello intimacy and contributors,

Completely new to the cyber scene with reference to match making as such.  Suffice to say that I enjoyed reading this blog and the diverse responses.

My personal thoughts on long distance or close by is that the best is to find a person you can communicate with first of all that shares a sense of what you are looking for.  I must agree with “roomtolet” that if you find someone interesting the best is to meet the person.  Whilst words and pictures create a certain expectation it is only upon real life interaction that you learn more.   

In business and social circles I am fortunate to meet many people local, nationally and internationally.  To date I have made many friends and acquaintances but, there has not been anyone that stood out from the crowd to possibly share my life with.  And as they say: you can learn more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.

If someone wants to meet up with you it is a sure sign that they are on the site for reality of life.  The only thing then is to figure out whether they have the same intentions as you do.  In being a divorcee, I have a very clear thought on the second phase of my life and though you learn from the past you must still live towards the future. 

Wishing you a wonderful rest of weekend. 

Greetings from beautiful Cape Town, South Africa.

 



It is not what you do once in a while. It is what you do day in and day out that makes a difference.

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