PRE-BOOTY CALL AGREEMENT
This pre-booty call agreement (hereinafter referred to as the "Agreement") is entered into on the _____day of____, 2004 , by_____, between ____ and ____.
THIS AGREEMENT SHALL COVER THE FOLLOWING RULES AND
1. No sleeping over - unless it is very good and we need to repeat it in the morning.
2. No meeting in public except for dinner or drinks before the events of the evening.
3. No calls before 9 PM - we don't have crap to talk about.
4. None of that "lovemaking" stuff - only sex allowed.
5. No emotional discussions (i.e. Where are we heading with this? Do you love me?) The answer is no, so don't ask.
6. No plans made in advance - that is why you are called the "backup," unless you are from out-of-town, then! it's only a one-time advanced arrangement.
7. All gifts accepted - money is always good.
8. No baby talk - however, dirty talk is encouraged.
9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers - it's really none of your dang business.
10. No calling each other "friends with privileges", ?friends with benefits?, we are not friends, just f*** buddies.
11. Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK - don't be offended.
12. No extra clothing - I don't want your ass leaving anything behind when you leave.
13. No falling asleep right after sex - it's over, so get your self up, get dressed, and go the hell home.
14. Don't be offended if I don't ask if you enjoyed it - I don't care.
15. You cannot borrow my car for any reason.
16. If anyone asks who you are, the standard response will be: "My roommate's girlfriend/boyfriend."
17. Doggie style is the preferred position - the reason is less eye contact the better.
18. NO condoms, NO sex. Carry your ass home.
19. Bring your own drink - I am not your liquor store.
20. No phone use, please - don't want anyone calling back looking for you.
21. If going to a hotel room, we either split the cost, or alternate who's! paying....you pay this time, I pay next.
22. Don't bring any of your friends with you, unless they're gonna join the party.
* EXTRA TIP FOR SUCCESSFUL BOOTY CALLS:
The aforementioned rules may only be altered by the holder of the agreement. If the other party attempts to change or alter any terms of this Agreement, it will automatically become null and void and you will then be removed from the BOOTY CALL LIST and deleted from phone memory and email list. In other words, you will be BLOCKED from all communications until your silly ass understands the rules.
P.S. THIS IS JUST A JOKE!!! well unless.....j/k
I am a 3rd generation farmer/racher. I have raised corn, soybeans, oats, hay, barley, and milo. I have dairyed, farrowed to finished hogs, raised feeder cattle, trained horses, and now currently I breed cows and raise baby calves.
My fist experience farming was about 4 years old. I put on my dads cowboy boots, and went outside completely naked. I crawled up on the manure spreader and began throwing crap out, till mom caught me...
My grandpa and dad are top farmers. Grandpa started farming at 17 when is dad died. He took over the family and the farm. I moved on one of our farms when I was 18 my senior year. It was fun I got to wake up from my own house and go to school. Man the parties I had....
I have been farming on my own since then. I started out farming by raising hogs with my dad. Then dairying and raising horse hay with my uncle. Things were a lot simpler back then....
Now I work a full time job in town and farm. I'm a certified tech for Vermeer, farm 400 acres, and have cow herd. I've been poor and I've been rich, just depends on the market and luck... Between Grandpa , dad, and me we farm about 1800 acres. We are not big farmers by anymeans.
When it comes to animals and the land I know what I'm talking about. I do soil sampling, commercial pestiside application, and manure management. You have to be certified to do all these things. Today's farmer actually does a lot more for the land than they did 50 or 100 years ago. We have strict conservation practices we follow, and 10 times the knowlede we had back then. The ground is in better shape than it has ever been. There are a few big farmers that don't follow the rules and get caught. Those are the ones that put a bad image on the TV. But the vast majority take pride in the product we raise. If properly raised your food is safer and healthier than ever.
Do you know it takes 320 to 350 dollars an acre to raise corn? That can be more depending on the rent you pay. A bag of seed corn cost up to $190. One bag does about 3 acres depending on seed count.It takes about $275 for soybeans. A bag of seed beans is about $30 and covers about an acre.
Most people think farmers are rich because of the trucks and equipment we have. We are not rich, farmers are always cash poor, but we look good on paper. We handle large amounts of money, but hardly see it. Combines and tractors cost a 100000 to a quarter million depending on the size. All profit is invested.
We are the only business people who gets what they tell us our crop is worth. Other business's get to set their price. Our world is governed by the Chicago board of trade. Our corn can be worth 1.89 to 3.50 a bushel. Corn back in the fifties was worth $2. It doesn't matter what our cost is. We can raise from 150 to 200 bu corn. Last year we had a drought and most of use raised 100 to 130 bu. It's easy to loose a lot of money out here.
Someday people in this country will starve. There is only so much land and each year it gets to be less and less. The population grows and we try to raise more bushels to cover it. But if we have a major crop failure, it will get ugly. Right now there are 90 million projected acres of corn going to be planted. We need all of it at 157 bu to the acre to keep up with demand and have a slight surplus. The chances of that going to be tuff. Just think what would happen if we had a crop failure?? Just a little food for thought.
In the spring and fall I get up at 6 and get in at 12 to 1 am. We work very hard these months. But we get a great lifestyle, watching crops and animals grow. We don't have to lock our houses or vehicles. Kids can go to school without metal detectors. And I can walk around outside naked if i want to.....
So please next time you have to slow down for a farmer on the road, or sit down at the table for a meal. Say a prayer for a farmer. We are out here trying to make a difference in a world that sometimes doesn't realize what we have to do.
We do care!!
Before buying your first horse, sit down and work out a realistic budget. Think of buying your first horse as starting a small business. You'll have start-up costs: the basic equipment, a pre-purchase veterinary exam and the actual cost of the horse. Next you'll have operating costs, including fencing, building a stable or paying regular stable fees. Finally, you should calculate your monthly expenses. These costs may vary, but you can determine an approximate range.
Do you plan to do anything extra like transporting your horse in a trailer or showing him occasionally? Take those costs into consideration, too.
Are your horsemanship skills up to par? If not, you'll need to budget for lessons or pay someone else to care for your horse.
Do you feel pretty confident that you can handle the day-to-day tasks of owing a horse? Do you feel prepared to handle an emergency on your own? Do you have access to a good horse vet nearby? Some of these factors may add to the costs of owning a horse.
Making the commitment to buy a horse is just the beginning of your responsibilities. You're now financially and morally responsible for his care and well-being. That means that you need to ensure he is receiving the proper nutrition, hoof care, veterinary care and exercise.
Horse Start-Up Costs
A horse can cost $1,000 or more. This is for a average horse. You can buy cheaper, but there is a reason why they are cheap!! To ensure that you get a healthy animal, a check-up from a veterinarian is essential and costs about $125, depending on where you live and what services are offered.
This is the basic equipment you'll need for your new horse, with approximate cost:
lead rope: $10
hoof pick: $2
fly spray: $10
bridle (new): $40
saddle (used): $400
saddle pad: $20
Total equipment start-up costs: $542
That's a minimum of $1,667 in start up costs alone.
Operating Costs of Owning a Horse
Costs can mount up quickly. Here are some regular expenses that you should include in the costs of owning a horse:
monthly board: $200 and up
food: Costs vary; contact your local feed store for some general numbers.
shoeing: $65 and up
training/lessons: Costs vary and the amount you need will depend on your situation. Assess your skills and then get quotes from local trainers.
veterinary care: Costs vary depending on the health and age of your horse. Discuss your situation with a local vet to get an idea of the costs you should expect.
vaccinations: Costs vary.
de-worming: Frequency and costs vary.
If you're providing care yourself, subtract the cost of monthly board and add:
hay: $8 to $20/Bale
bedding (shavings): $12/Bale
bedding (straw): $8/Bale
fencing and shelter: costs vary.
Many factors will affect your monthly horse ownership expenses and you'll have to do significant research to even make an estimate of these expenses. Keep in mind that this will only be an estimate and unexpected costs can arise at any time. Horse ownership is an expensive and significant commitment, so make sure you're ready! A horse can break you! Be prepaired to spend 5000 to 10000 a year on a horse!
It is my opinion that way to many horse owners don't know jack crap about owning a horse. They are in love with a dream or the bragging rights that they have a horse. There were 90,000 horses turned loose this year. People couldn't take care of them because of money. They couldn't sell them because the horses lacked proper breeding and skills. I'm not saying blood lines determine a horse. I have had lots of good horses with no papers. But they had skill!!
I'm tired of people who think they are a cowboy or cowgirl cause they have a horse. Owning a horse doesn't make you anything but that. A horse owner, unless you have skill , your horse has skill, and you use it on a daily basis.
I know nobody likes slaughter houses. And everybody looks at horses like pets. But when they closed down the slaughter houses in the USA, they killed the market on horses. Where do you think all the horses are going now?? Instead of being sold overseas and used, they are being dumped or picked up for free by people who can't take care of them in the first place. Then the cycle starts again...
I am all for saving horses, but there are not enough places to run them. It's like raising cattle, if we didn't use them for food consumption, and making consumer products, where would they all go?? On your front yard?
We would have to get rid of current cattle numbers. Then quit breeding and raising calves. Then the market would stabilize. The same has to be done with horses.
Quit letting every Tom, and Harry breed horses and keep them from selling them to every person who thinks they need a horse.
A horse locked in a pen or at a stable that gets ridden once a month or every other week when you get time is more inhumane than killing them. You either work with that horse everyday or let it run free on enough acres for him to feel free. How many of you can say you can do either of those?
For those of you who own a horse and treat them like a horse wants to be treated, my hat is off to you. For you have kept the meaning of what being a horse owner is all about. Horses and humans were born to be free. You can't pen either up.
Owning a horse is a privilege not a right!
I could sure use some help in this department. Make sure they like cowboy hats, beat up cowboy boots, leather gloves on the dash, pickup trucks, cattle, horses, finding objects in my pockets that wreck most washing machines and driers, practical jokes, smell of fresh cut hay, getting the fourwheeler stuck in the creek, getting the fourwheeler out of the creek, sitting in the tractor with me, grabbing tools out of the truck for me while i fix fence, combining corn, shooting skeet, dancing in the moon light, sitting on a tailgate watching the sun go down,laughing, handing a glass of water to me while i unload hay, Sunday morning church most days..., not locking doors, home cooked meals, wore out wranglers, puppies, new born calves, my dogs, and last but not least-- me.
like red on a rose...
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh** out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry".
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God". and finally...
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St.Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.