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Diana3316
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Posted on Thu, Feb 06, 2014 20:33

Quoting rmac22:

According to the book, we all use all of them initially.  Pretty much impossible at that stage to figure hers out.  It is when she (he) is well and truly won that he (she) relaxes into their dominant love language.   That normally does not occur during the dating phase.   Usually well into marriage.  Or for your 15 year LTR sometime after about two to four years.  Once you both are well beyond the limerence stage; that special glow of a new romance. 

 

For clues you might look at their parents.  Per the book, men often follow the pattern of their dad; she her mom.  Not always of course.  Per the book some people may follow the pattern of their respective same sex parent, but have a different dominant love language they respond too.  That complicates things. 

 

Only safe course is to try them all and see which ones really rev her up.  At first they all work.  A gift -- that works, Telling her she is wonderful and that you love her -- that works.  Taking her car off to have its routine maintenance -- that works.  Spending some special time with her -- that works.  Rubbing the back of her neck and / or kissing her ear -- that works. 

 

 

RMac.

 



Hmmm...interesting RMac.  I wonder if it changes with time too.  What we found very endearing initially, may not fill the cup in later years.  Perhaps this is why some men think women are never satisfied.  And I have to acknowledge that I may be guilty of that.  I don't want the same thing all the time.  I have empathy for men in that regard.

 

But re: the initial date when you're trying to figure it out....my friend used to say....just let her talk and she will tell you everything you want to know.  She will tell you what she likes, what she doesn't like, what irritates her, what hurts her feelings....she will even tell her secrets when she trusts that there will be no judgemental response.  He used to say, "It's not hard, you just have to be interested and listen."



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3345roc
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Posted on Thu, Feb 06, 2014 16:20

Quoting Diana3316:

Ok Gentlemen.  So we've talked about wardrobes....but sharp clothes alone won't win a woman.  So if you get a date with a woman that you're really excited about....what are you going to DO to make her fall for you????  Someone was talking about the 5 Languages of Love in another blog.  Obviously you have to figure out what is her language....but how do you do that?



Just be yourself.....



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rmac22
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Posted on Thu, Feb 06, 2014 10:56

Quoting Diana3316:

Ok Gentlemen.  So we've talked about wardrobes....but sharp clothes alone won't win a woman.  So if you get a date with a woman that you're really excited about....what are you going to DO to make her fall for you????  Someone was talking about the 5 Languages of Love in another blog.  Obviously you have to figure out what is her language....but how do you do that?


According to the book, we all use all of them initially.  Pretty much impossible at that stage to figure hers out.  It is when she (he) is well and truly won that he (she) relaxes into their dominant love language.   That normally does not occur during the dating phase.   Usually well into marriage.  Or for your 15 year LTR sometime after about two to four years.  Once you both are well beyond the limerence stage; that special glow of a new romance. 

 

For clues you might look at their parents.  Per the book, men often follow the pattern of their dad; she her mom.  Not always of course.  Per the book some people may follow the pattern of their respective same sex parent, but have a different dominant love language they respond too.  That complicates things. 

 

Only safe course is to try them all and see which ones really rev her up.  At first they all work.  A gift -- that works, Telling her she is wonderful and that you love her -- that works.  Taking her car off to have its routine maintenance -- that works.  Spending some special time with her -- that works.  Rubbing the back of her neck and / or kissing her ear -- that works. 

 

 

RMac.

 



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3345roc
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Posted on Thu, Feb 06, 2014 07:46

Quoting fishyme:

Quoting rmac: " I love ladies in the “little-black-dress.” Sometimes it is almost worth it to get all dressed up. "

 

 

  You couldn't be more right rmac. It's not often, but even I have some fair threads covered in plastic that doesn't smell like a fish or boat.



I've heard that "little black dresses" are best enjoyed when removed.  Just saying...



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Mtnsunny
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Posted on Wed, Feb 05, 2014 20:42

Quoting fishyme:

Quoting rmac: " I love ladies in the “little-black-dress.” Sometimes it is almost worth it to get all dressed up. "

 

 

  You couldn't be more right rmac. It's not often, but even I have some fair threads covered in plastic that doesn't smell like a fish or boat.



And a woman that can run a chainsaw.  wink wink



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Diana3316
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Posted on Wed, Feb 05, 2014 20:01

Ok Gentlemen.  So we've talked about wardrobes....but sharp clothes alone won't win a woman.  So if you get a date with a woman that you're really excited about....what are you going to DO to make her fall for you????  Someone was talking about the 5 Languages of Love in another blog.  Obviously you have to figure out what is her language....but how do you do that?



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fishyme
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Posted on Tue, Feb 04, 2014 22:07

Quoting rmac: " I love ladies in the “little-black-dress.” Sometimes it is almost worth it to get all dressed up. "

 

 

  You couldn't be more right rmac. It's not often, but even I have some fair threads covered in plastic that doesn't smell like a fish or boat.


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Dakota35
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Posted on Tue, Feb 04, 2014 19:58

Quoting rmac22:

Hi Dakota,

 

I thought of that after I wrote and submitted all that stuff.  It will be worth it though if it results in some feedback from the ladies.  Me, I like ladies in jeans too.  Fact is I like ladies period.  If I am in Levi Jeans she can be too, or maybe a casual dress or a denim skirt.  I love ladies in the “little-black-dress.” Sometimes it is almost worth it to get all dressed up. 

 

 

 

RMac

 



RMac,

 

You know, I kind of have a fetish for blue jean shorts on a woman.  Had to make sure I said "on a woman".  I blame the movie Friday the 13, the one from the 80's.  I was rather young, and there is a scene where a girl is walking through the woods in blue jean shorts (that are a little small for her).  At that age, hormones were raging and It apparently made a impression. 



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rmac22
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Posted on Tue, Feb 04, 2014 11:49

Quoting Dakota35:

Hi RMac,

 

I know you can't read my mind...and I didn't explain myself well.  I was interested in a 3 piece for formal type party events, not for dating.  I just wear casual when dating...unless we're doing something formal.

 

If a lady doesn't like what I'm wearing then we are probably going to be a bad fit.  I'd wear jeans and nice shirt if going to something like a karaoke bar.  I like women in jeans, so if they aren't cool with me wearing jeans...well then it's not going to work.  I'm more of a blue collar guy and fit better with the same kind of woman.  Of course I fit with everyone and no-one at the same time.


Hi Dakota,

 

I thought of that after I wrote and submitted all that stuff.  It will be worth it though if it results in some feedback from the ladies.  Me, I like ladies in jeans too.  Fact is I like ladies period.  If I am in Levi Jeans she can be too, or maybe a casual dress or a denim skirt.  I love ladies in the “little-black-dress.” Sometimes it is almost worth it to get all dressed up. 

 

 

 

RMac

 



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rmac22
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Posted on Tue, Feb 04, 2014 10:52

Quoting Diana3316:

RMac,

I think you are right.  The hook doesn't get set for men as quickly as it does for women.  Women can fall before there is intimacy.  In fact, that is probably why the intimacy occurs in most cases.  Although I could be wrong about this because I'm not a man and really don't know these things...but, I don't think the hook gets set for a man until she becomes the object of his fantasy.

 

I have heard it said by many men, that they don't fantasize about movie starlets, models or other celebrity types that are unattainable.  They fantasize about the woman they are involved with...and once that happens...I think the  hook is set.


 

Diana,

 

I think it varies with the man.  At least some men can be “hooked” before intimacy.    Similarly, at least some men can be intimate for a long time before they are hooked.    

 

There might be some confusion between the words fantasizing, dreaming, and wishing I had a girl like that. 

 

If you are going to fantasize, dream, or wish it might as well be about women within ones sphere of access. 

 

The first time I saw the lady I ultimately married, I had a profound reaction almost akin to pain.  I would not say I was hooked, but it was a pretty strong wish that I had a girlfriend like that. 

 

We were a long time “hooked” couple, maybe even married, before I realized it was the same lady. 

 

 

 

RMac

 



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Dakota35
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Posted on Tue, Feb 04, 2014 09:19

Quoting Diana3316:

Sorry, I still have to nix the 3-piece suit.  It's just too formal.  Perhaps if you are a high powered attorney and are trying to convey an appearance of power or intimidate a witness, it might be appropriate.  But if you want to look sharp, yet relaxed and confident....slacks and a sport coat.  Think Hugh Hefner......before the pajamas.  lol


Hi Diana,

 

There are different styles of 3 piece suits.  Not all look like a tux, zoot, or mafia boss.  But I get your point and appreciate your input.  Thanks

 

Oh, and to answer the question of the original post.  For me it starts with attraction, but if a woman has a sweet and caring disposition, that really hooks me.  And if she is smart but a little excitable air-headed at time about things, I think it cute.



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NiceEyes
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Posted on Tue, Feb 04, 2014 03:09

Gorgeous smile/eyes, how a woman carries herself, her sensuality, the passion she exudes is very attractive and sets the atmosphere for that hot first encounter.

Connecting emotionally is the next step to see if you indeed have a potential future with one another of course being currently out of the dating scene for such a long time myself,  the feelings naturally have to be open and mutual :-)

 

Good discussion Diana3316  look-forward to seeing other contributions to this interesting thread.



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Diana3316
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Posted on Mon, Feb 03, 2014 22:32

Sorry, I still have to nix the 3-piece suit.  It's just too formal.  Perhaps if you are a high powered attorney and are trying to convey an appearance of power or intimidate a witness, it might be appropriate.  But if you want to look sharp, yet relaxed and confident....slacks and a sport coat.  Think Hugh Hefner......before the pajamas.  lol



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Dakota35
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Posted on Mon, Feb 03, 2014 20:53

Quoting rmac22:

Dakota,

 

I know you didn’t ask me, but think the three piece suit is more for business. 

 

I think for dating, a two piece or even better, my view, the dark blue blazer with moderately light grey slacks. 

 

All this is to please the ladies, so their opinions count more than mine in any case.  Ladies, I would love feedback.

 

If you go the suit, I would opt for a moderately light grey, not too light.  Black dress shirt, regimental stripe tie with a red stripe.  Obviously can’t wear the same thing all the time.  Other dark dress shirts and coordinated ties.  Everything to go together of course.  If you can get away without the ties do so. 

 

Around here Levi jeans or any jeans would sentence you to a first date only purgatory.  One may be able to get away with that here once she is “hooked.”  I may have to move to Texas. 

 

I might skip the boots.  Have read that you need to get them a half size too small else they will be too loose when broken in.  Maybe it was a full size too small.  Whole thing sounds painful.  I think I will stick to nice dress shoes. 

 

 

 

RMac

 



Hi RMac,

 

I know you can't read my mind...and I didn't explain myself well.  I was interested in a 3 piece for formal type party events, not for dating.  I just wear casual when dating...unless we're doing something formal.

 

If a lady doesn't like what I'm wearing then we are probably going to be a bad fit.  I'd wear jeans and nice shirt if going to something like a karaoke bar.  I like women in jeans, so if they aren't cool with me wearing jeans...well then it's not going to work.  I'm more of a blue collar guy and fit better with the same kind of woman.  Of course I fit with everyone and no-one at the same time.



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rmac22
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Posted on Mon, Feb 03, 2014 09:28

Dakota,

 

I know you didn’t ask me, but think the three piece suit is more for business. 

 

I think for dating, a two piece or even better, my view, the dark blue blazer with moderately light grey slacks. 

 

All this is to please the ladies, so their opinions count more than mine in any case.  Ladies, I would love feedback.

 

If you go the suit, I would opt for a moderately light grey, not too light.  Black dress shirt, regimental stripe tie with a red stripe.  Obviously can’t wear the same thing all the time.  Other dark dress shirts and coordinated ties.  Everything to go together of course.  If you can get away without the ties do so. 

 

Around here Levi jeans or any jeans would sentence you to a first date only purgatory.  One may be able to get away with that here once she is “hooked.”  I may have to move to Texas. 

 

I might skip the boots.  Have read that you need to get them a half size too small else they will be too loose when broken in.  Maybe it was a full size too small.  Whole thing sounds painful.  I think I will stick to nice dress shoes. 

 

 

 

RMac

 



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Dakota35
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Posted on Sun, Feb 02, 2014 23:10

Quoting Diana3316:

Dak,

I didn't think they made 3-piece suits anymore.  Red shirt???  No....not unless you are trying to frighten the woman!  Perhaps a dark burgandy with black slacks can work.  For men....less is more.  You can't beat all black with a nice belt or black with a white shirt.  White western boots....Never!  My favorite boots on a man are Lucchese goat in plain black, the dress toe.  But since no one knows what you look like, it's kinda hard to tell exactly.

 

A blazer/jacket is always the best choice for an evening out.  I also don't like much jewelry on a man.  One really nice watch and maybe a ring.    Never a bracelet!!

 

PS:  No wonder about the cargo pants.  They scream unsophisticated.



I think in some ways 3 piece suits are making a come back. Yes, they are still made bespoke and rack. I'm sure you invisioned red/red shirt, but burgandy is basically what I meant.  I like the way a vest looks with the jacket off.  Just seems to add a little more.  White western boots?...who would wear that.  I've worn black western boots with a suit before.

 

Well, I am rather unsophisticated...so I guess wearing the cargo pants was me being honest. LOL  I stopped wearing them...but they were comfee and I had pockets for everything. :-)  It was all about ME*ME*ME 

 

As for jewery, I don't wear any, but I do like watches.  You must have had a vision of a zoot suit with tons of bling. :-)



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Diana3316
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Posted on Sun, Feb 02, 2014 19:35

Quoting rmac22:

 

I think for me the hook occurs somewhat later.  First dates I am pretty tolerant.  I think she’s pretty.   She seems smart.  She seems to have a good sense of humor.  It is really too early to tell in either case, but there is no evidence to the contrary.  She is polite and seems to be having a good time.  She agrees to a second date.  It is a plus if she does so with a bit of enthusiasm. 

 

 

 

Over a number of dates the relationship warms up or it doesn’t.  There is a fuzzy line when it occurs.  At some point you know, but I am never sure when it happens.   

 

 

 

It might be I am hooked instantly if I am going to be, and it just takes me a while to know it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

RMac 

 


RMac,

I think you are right.  The hook doesn't get set for men as quickly as it does for women.  Women can fall before there is intimacy.  In fact, that is probably why the intimacy occurs in most cases.  Although I could be wrong about this because I'm not a man and really don't know these things...but, I don't think the hook gets set for a man until she becomes the object of his fantasy.

 

I have heard it said by many men, that they don't fantasize about movie starlets, models or other celebrity types that are unattainable.  They fantasize about the woman they are involved with...and once that happens...I think the  hook is set.



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3345roc
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Posted on Sun, Feb 02, 2014 17:08

Quoting Diana3316:

Indeed...the kiss is all important.  Again less is more.  The worst thing is to be too hard or too fast.  The idea is to get the woman leaning forward....not backing up!!  Men with beards need to be careful, especially if they keep it trimmed short.  If you kiss too fast or too hard it feels like a porcupine.

 

I was on a dinner date with a man that wore a 5 o'clock shaddow beard.  We were sitting catty corner at a square table, talking quietly....about something....in a small, cozy Italian place.  He was drop dead gorgeous and I was liking the date pretty much.  About 3/4 into the date, he reached up to my cheek, traced the side of it lightly up to my ear, tucked my hair gently behind my ear and then traced my jaw bone down to my chin....lifting it gently and kissed me ever so lightly.  Right there in the restaurant!!  I almost swooned!!!  lololo......ended up dating that man for 6 years....even with the prickly beard!  *wink*


Whew... it's getting hot in here.  I think you might have missed your calling... Romance Novels.



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fishyme
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Posted on Sun, Feb 02, 2014 14:19

Quoting Dakota35:

No Fishy, it is not "legal" to say "large breast".  Therefore you are sentenced to 6 months in a women's prison. :-)  Have fun!!!


  Just my luck! Finally get to see temps in the 50's F  in January and now I'm sent to womens prison for 6 months. I hope a few have a third breast, the one on their back for slow dancing.


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Classy_Sexy_Cool
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Posted on Sun, Feb 02, 2014 08:52

Isn't it enlightening to read these posts?! And exciting! For me, it is about personality and charisma. A sharp mind, great sense of humor and confidence are an aphrodesiac. As a professional woman, I am in charge at work, and I do not want to be in charge on a date. I love it when a man takes control with my best interest in mind. For example: he picks the restaurant or other destination, but he has learned enough about me to know what I would like (maybe he has even asked me what I like!). He makes sure there is nothing for me to worry about or navigate on my own, like transportation and parking. This means he picks me up, sends a car or handles the valet for me. He quides me with his hand in the small of my back. He is well dressed, maybe even stylishly so (easy to research if you do not know). He asks me questions about myself, has a sense of humor, does not talk only about work (or heaven forbid, his ex!). Why is this important? All of this provides me with the space to be feminine. I don't have to be the boss because I am with a man whom I trust enough to take care of things.

 

And the reward for the man who knows these things are important is a woman who smiles, laughs, is relaxed, and respects him and is interested in his thoughts. I want to touch him, even kiss him. I know he will make sure I am taken care of. Does this make sense?



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