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Diana3316
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Posted on Wed, Jan 01, 2014 22:01

Quoting Tivo:  “On the other hand, being like Marilyn Monroe and quoting from her is a red flag.  If you use that to describe yourself, you're basically putting it out there that you are not relationship material, and even worse, you're proud of it enough to tell people and think you're like Marilyn Monroe.  That is a bad, bad sign.”  

 

**************

 

Ok Tivo, I’ll give you credit for trying to explain what you were trying to say with the other comment, but I have to say you have me even more baffled than before. 

 

What makes you think my original post had anything to do with me and/or a comparison of myself as “being like Marilyn Monroe”?  Since you call it a “red flag”, I am assuming you have a negative opinion of Ms Monroe.  While you are more than entitled to have this opinion…..my self image was not the topic of the blog.  But if you would like to start a blog about that and whether or not I'm relationship material.....we can.   :))  *wink*

 

Finally, although I am not an expert on MM’s life, she is a person of fascination and admiration for not only me but much of the world.  Using her intellect, hard work and physical gifts, she pulled herself off some mid-western farm as a naïve little girl, to become one of the world’s biggest and best known Movie Stars of the era, including becoming quite wealthy in her own right.  She didn’t have any parents to help her…..SHE did it.  While it may be true she was emotionally troubled, I think it likely was partly due to a prescription drug addiction that was initiated and promoted by her employers, followed by a forced late term abortion mandated by those same employers who did not want their commodity to reduce in value due to a baby.  Coupled with being profoundly spoiled and catered to, with little psychological support/therapy/knowledge….it isn’t surprising her life was disturbed.  It’s actually a tragic story, which was not uncommon to many other starlets for that time.

 

Btw, I personally don’t think her quote means, "I need a man that can comfort me in bad times."  I think it means that she had the confidence and feelings of self-worth to think she deserved a man who would not only love her for her good attributes, but would also be understanding, tolerant and forgiving of her imperfections.



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someonelikeyou2
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Posted on Wed, Jan 01, 2014 19:21

Quoting NovemberJuliett:

I have found the answer!!!...  



I think I love you..........................hahahaha finally someone who tells it how it is...............a big kiss for you ! and Happy New year



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Curious2078
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Posted on Wed, Jan 01, 2014 17:42

Quoting NovemberJuliett:

I have found the answer!!!...  



Defnitely true--but only for confident men.  All others, the needy, the insecure--not so much at all.



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Curious2078
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Posted on Wed, Jan 01, 2014 17:37

Quoting Diana3316:

Are men intimidated by a certain type of woman? 

 

I hear over and over that men are turned off by a needy woman....yet women that possess the Marilyn-factor (vulnerability) capture their attention.  What's the difference between needy and vulnerable?



I suspect the difference is conscious cleverness of intent.  Men seem to love to be there for women who need something easily definable, such as, say, a battery charge for a car battery that's gone dead, but not so much for an uneasily defined problem such as, say:  "I don't know what to do about my brother/mother/father/boyfriend/boss--woe is me.

 

If a man can solve your problem, he feels good.  If he can't even begin to define it while it still makes him feel anxious that he should be able to solve it--not so good at all.  He's going to run. 

 

Needy, I think is the latter type of female I mentioned.  Vulnerable is the former.  Marilyn, I think, captured that vulnerability factor very well--while also being nearly irresistable physically.  I do think that plays into the equation mightily.  Ugly or just plain un-sexy women in need, whether vulnerable or needy, are less likely to get help from the men they come in contact with.  Sad to say, but that's the truth. 



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NovemberJuliett
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Posted on Wed, Jan 01, 2014 17:05

I have found the answer!!!...  


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I have a dog. I run my own finishing school and I take prisoners

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tivo_fiend
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Posted on Wed, Jan 01, 2014 16:59

Quoting Diana3316:

Cool.  Three brave men!!!  I guess I have to assume all the others are intimidated.  lololo *wink*

 

RMac, I was so hoping you could help me to understand this phenomenon.  I have a therory, but wanted to hear what others had to say.

 

Tivo,  Can you explain what you mean?   "In my experience, anyone that brandishes that Marilyn Monroe quote and enjoys it is a risk to herself and others."

 

Julian, That was a funny quip....but seriously....it seems based on Juliett's comments that male attitudes towards self-motivated, self-sufficient women may be quite similar in the UK as the USA.  Our world is changing, our roles are evolving.  Is this a struggle some men are having with change???  Can you provide any further insight?



OK, I'll try to expand on my thoughts.

"In my experience, anyone that brandishes that Marilyn Monroe quote and enjoys it is a risk to herself and others."

In general, it's a nice, whimsical quote, which is usally taken to mean.  "I need a man that can comfort me in bad times."  That's excellent.

On the other hand, being like Marilyn Monroe and quoting from her is a red flag.  If you use that to describe yourself, you're basically putting it out there that you are not relationship material, and even worse, you're proud of it enough to tell people and think you're like Marilyn Monroe.  That is a bad, bad sign.  

That's my experience, though.  It's not scientific, no, but you can get a feel for it watching a lot of Facebook posts from young unmarried women with kids.  (Many of those have been taken advantage of, or had a bad family life, but others... holy mackerel...)



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NovemberJuliett
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Posted on Wed, Jan 01, 2014 15:56

Diana

I can't say whether I'm happy or unhappy to learn that things are the same in the US as here ;-)  I was always under the impression that american man are more generous and upfront as far as courtship goes , having larger than life personalities than european men, especially western europe,  so there you go blasting my last dream ;-))

 

I will say this though, there is nothing wrong with paying your share at dinner but if I do end up doing it then for sure that is the first and last date with that man. I will always offer to do it, and mean it but leave it up to him to decide.  I can't imagine much courtship coming up as we move up on the pyramid of needs if the man's first instinct isn't to arrange  to "feed" us , haha

 

As for this feeling of intimidation, it is ridiculous isn't it!? It happened to me when an established man perceived me in a similar way to your date and said it to my my face that I am alpha. That exact word.... As if it was a negative thing.  That is such a nonsense word and could not be further from the truth in my case, I only do what I need to do to compensate for not having a man in my life to take that role from me. It's true it's a tough world and gosh it is so hard to make money so why is that such a bad thing or why can't I still be vulnerable and needy  when I finally find a man stronger than I am?  Hmmm... 

 

And I do agree with Marilyn on a level... My lows are sometimes very low (and somewhat justifiable )  but my highs are definitely worth it ;-))



I have a dog. I run my own finishing school and I take prisoners

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Diana3316
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Posted on Wed, Jan 01, 2014 10:20

Cool.  Three brave men!!!  I guess I have to assume all the others are intimidated.  lololo *wink*

 

RMac, I was so hoping you could help me to understand this phenomenon.  I have a therory, but wanted to hear what others had to say.

 

Tivo,  Can you explain what you mean?   "In my experience, anyone that brandishes that Marilyn Monroe quote and enjoys it is a risk to herself and others."

 

Julian, That was a funny quip....but seriously....it seems based on Juliett's comments that male attitudes towards self-motivated, self-sufficient women may be quite similar in the UK as the USA.  Our world is changing, our roles are evolving.  Is this a struggle some men are having with change???  Can you provide any further insight?



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tivo_fiend
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Posted on Wed, Jan 01, 2014 07:58

In my experience, anyone that brandishes that Marilyn Monroe quote and enjoys it is a risk to herself and others.  Seriously.

I have a friend of 6 years that epitomizes the needy type.  She gets close to me, then I throw her out when she wants too much, which is basically every time.  So, I'm used to it.  I know there's no real relationship there.  She's a soap opera all by herself.  I'd describe it better, but I don't like to get into it too much.

I'd much rather have a woman ask me out, tell me what's up, and be able to pay the check.  Not knowing what's going on and what to do in dating is a nightmare for me, sometimes literally.  I don't "expect too much" either, but then again, women can take that the wrong way too.

Oh, to answer your question:

Guys love needy women to spend their money on, and spoiled women to try to tame.  It's a perverse thing, maybe.

The difference between needy and vulnerable?  Well... everyone's vulnerable, I think.  Some people have walls, some people have semi-permeable membranes that let good in and keep bad out, and some are a walking disaster.



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rmac22
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Posted on Tue, Dec 31, 2013 21:59

Possibly stunned into appreciative silence sometimes, but intimidated no.

 

RMac

 



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Posted on Tue, Dec 31, 2013 16:59

I am intimidated by every woman!



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Diana3316
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Posted on Tue, Dec 31, 2013 08:16

Juliett~

Thanks so much for your comments.  I found your statement "expect you to flip on your back over picking up a dinner check" totally hilarious.  That happens to me all the time!

 

I had one man tell me over dinner that I was a very "intimidating woman".  (he used those words)  When I asked why, he said, "You're beautiful, you're smart and you drive a Benz."  What????  I thought you were an accomplished business man!  You're intimidated because I drive a nice car????  lololol....oooowheeee!  At least he wouldn't have to buy me a nice car.  I thought men would like a woman that brings something more to the table than just a Napkin!  I don't make a lot of money....but I do know the value of money, what it takes to earn it and how to budget it.  That's a good thing.....isn't it????

 

Anyway....back to the poll.  How about it men?  Are you intimidated by certain women?



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NovemberJuliett
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Posted on Tue, Dec 31, 2013 02:20

I hear over and over and over again the same thing!  I call it hypocrisy

 

All I read here on gents profiles is how women that have a sensitive side should not apply...yet they always seem to be the ones to make a first step towards them , how no crying is allowed be it over a broken nail or the ozone layer but hell yes they want a polished pussycat , no drama but life in itself is drama many times, no personal issues yet if you have no issues to work on then who the hell are you and how boring can you really be?,  no past which in my book also means no real future with that man.

 

And most surprising is that they want independent ladies... yet expect you'll love being treated as a puppet, expect a lady that travels at a moment's notice for some fun yet they "appreciate" if you are stable and have a career and a LIFE of your owm pers se. They say they'll spoil you rotten and yet they forget to buy the book on how to do that or expect you to flip on your back over picking a dinner check ;-) Ah, Marilyn and her damned diamonds!...

 

My 2013 has been a real eye-opener as to how much drama money can buy, mine , yours , ours ...

 

Sorry to bust your blog, I've just had this on my chest for a while ;-) 



I have a dog. I run my own finishing school and I take prisoners

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