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coachfrankie
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Posted on Sun, Jun 18, 2006 10:21

ONe of the reasons that we aren't successful at this dating 'thing' whether online or not, is the fact that we tend to date the same person over and over again. Think of it as a long running play that should have had the curtain close on it a long time ago. How many of you have actually recognized your pattern and consciously changed it? Harvel Hendricks talks about the the Imago theory. This is where the person we choose is like one or both of our parents. You may have a friend who continually finds themselves in abusive relationships. You both wonder why? Well the reason for that may be that it feels like home. If you had a lot of yelling and screaming in your home growing up, and you find that this is a pattern that presents itself in most of your relationships, (even though your conscious mind states you are NEVER going to have that in your life again) ask yourself is this all about? Where have you FELT like this before? Keep going back in your relationships and life until you find the VERY FIRST time you can remember feeling this way. I can almost guarantee you that you find yourself remembering a scene from your childhood. You see, the arguing and shouting feels like home. It's actually comfortable in its familiarity. How do you break the cycle? Well the first thing you need to do, is recognize it and admit it to yourself. That is more than half the battle. Then ask yourself " is this something you want in your life or not? If not, then its time to do something about it. Learn to recognize the signs, listen to your early warning system..aka intuition, red flags, gut feeling, and get out of the situation immediately. Consciously begin to choose partners who are NOTHING like anyone you have ever dated before. Try a different taste experience and see how that goes. Begin to tune in to your body and recognize what you like and don't like. If you are co-dependent, get help. Until you are able to be content on your own, you will always be a prisoner of your own mind. Isn't it time to take that baggage out of storage and dump it? It's old. You don't need it hanging around anymore.. smile. Reward yourself for your efforts with a healthy relationship that supports you and fulfills you. Long runs are for great performances not poor ones. CoachF


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southernstarr2006
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total posts: 365
Posted on Wed, Jun 21, 2006 16:43

Hi Coach, We can always count on learning something from you. Your wisdom is always appreciated. Thank you. It took me several weeks of intense therapy before I finally got it..that I had fallen into a pattern..in my choices of men. I married a sociopath an ( OJ Simpson ) He was tall dark handsome actually he looks like Young Bobby Kennedy. He is a type A personality ..driven..arrogant..well read, articulate controlling ..just read about it and that is him. He is a classic text book case. I found that most men that I ever dated were like this ..they were almost carbon copies. The only difference is that they were not sociopaths..at least I don't believe they were....but still type A's controlling selfish men. They all seemed confident but were anything but. Money was their God. Long story short I broke this cycle and it has made a huge difference in my life. Not easily done. We do have to recognize what we are doing and that it is our choices that get us into trouble. Then we have to consciously make the choice to change. Exactly as Coach Frankie has stated. I could go on...but this is enough. Basically we have to take responsibility for our actions. Learn and grow. Hopefully we grow in a healthy way not holding anger, resentment or bitterness within our hearts.. Great Post Coach!! Erica Anne ( everyone's favorite plant ) well almost everyone's giggle wink


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WhiteRose12
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total posts: 4
Posted on Wed, Jun 21, 2006 13:47

These is for all those women who are trying to change their dating habits. Have you ever read " He's just not that into You"? If not you should, it really makes you think about your choices and what you should do to correct the problem....and that you are worthy of meeting someone who is all the things you dream of, and get rid of those who treat you poorly.


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coachfrankie
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total posts: 91
Posted on Tue, Jun 20, 2006 07:47

Pisces aren't all bad. My dad is one and I am a gemini and he is my best friend.. They are dreamers though and you have to believe in them. If you do, well then they can go all the way.. sometimes Spicedtea, they say that which you don't like in someone else, is what you don't like about yourself.. does that make any sense to you? c


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coachfrankie
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total posts: 91
Posted on Tue, Jun 20, 2006 07:45

Angel.. what are you really afraid of? The wall of cats and unattainable men.. I don't want to play amatuer therapist here but if I was to take a guess...I would have to say You don't think you are good enough so you reject them before they can reject you. Any guy who is Out of your Reach is certainly a guy who will reject you. You are worthy. Stop it!!!!! You can have anyone you want. Fake it till you make it.. everything you want is only an attitude away. I totally believe it. Coach


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