To my dear future millionaire husband.
I know you probably look for a young, hot, beautiful, sweet and intelligent woman with a good set of life experiences…..
…..Unfortunately there are not so many of them around, so you might as well keep reading….
I might not be one of the youngest sweethearts around, but on a good day I can look 10 years younger than my 44…..with a few layers of make-up, of course. And beauty can be bought with your money on a clinic, so that shouldn’t be any problem….
….uhhh…..sorry, but thinking about it, I don’t think I want to go to that clinic anyway. It would scare me to death to look into a strangers face in the mirror…..I mean, come on, I’ve have seen those old stretched faces, looking like they are stoned on weed 24/7 with that strange grin on their faces…..*goosebumps*
So, what can I, Plain Jane, offer you that you won’t get from your dog, your call-girls, your family and friends?
Well, for starters I would be a good companion for your dog while you’re out having fun with your call-girls….
….and when you get home, I will greet you just as thrilled as your dog, wiggling my butt in total excitement….*no, I don’t have a tail*
And you can have all the mistresses you want in the whole world, because I know you will always come back to me.....Why? Because while they will become more and more needy, nagging and jealous….I won’t….
….It’s not that I’m stupid….it’s just that I know that even though it’s nice and comforting with that good old MB (or rather a Fiat in my case) during weekdays, a guy has to let off some steam in a brand new sports car once in a while….you know….men are men….*reality check*
Also, I’m not one of those lazy women who just want to be rich so they can lay on the deck of your luxury yacht all day long…..give me ten minutes and I will be bored to death….
I will admire you deeply for all your long hours at work (even though you might just pretend to be there sometimes)….and I love to work myself, so I will be happy to contribute with my pennies to the household.
I won’t even grab one of your sports cars to show off in the streets…..I mean….I drive like an old lady anyway, and that would just be a waste of horsepower, wouldn’t it?….So I might just as well stick to my good old ’95 Volvo….
And I won’t bother you much at home either….give me a TV and a computer, and I’ll be quiet for hours….
Interior designing…..well, I’m not one of those women who will start a yearly invasion of designers, contractors and handymen to rearrange your home. It might look cool with the resent designs of plastic chairs for $10,000 a piece…..but it sure ain’t comfy for my butt….so I will rather move in with my puffy $50 fake leathers, if you don’t mind….
Hmmmm….thinking real hard about it….I don’t want your money to fix my face….I don’t want your money to lay around on your yacht…..I don’t want your money to drive a cool sports car…..I don’t want your money to show off a designers-dream-home….and I already have a TV and a computer…….
….so, what else can you offer me besides your loving smile, kindness and good sense of humor?......
…..Your dog, maybe?....Please?....