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BigHeartedMom
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Posted on Sun, May 28, 2006 06:47

Why is it alot of men (not all) refuse to date someone who has kids already? Are you all worried we want a "dad" fpr them? Well in my case I have 3 kids of my own and I am raising another one. I am not looking for a dad for them as they have a great father. I am looking for a decent guy not a father for my kids. I don't wanteither. Just a decent guy..........Is there any left? Someone who will accept the fact I have kids? Accept the fact I still speak to my kids dad and that we are friends? I'm not angry I just don't understand why our love isn't goos enough for some guys because we have kids.


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sunny1971
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Posted on Wed, Jun 07, 2006 08:40

Tish...I have to just say that your reply was so awesome...Many men dont realize that us single moms do work hard to take care of our children...they dont realize that we dont need a man in our life...but want a man to be there for us to share happiness, love, and friendship...I dont want a man thinking he is going into this to be a father-figure or to support them...I do this on my OWN...and I have been doing this long enough to know what is good for them and what they need...I just want a man in my life that is going to love me and sees that I am a woman that works hard, lives life to the fullest, and loves back deeply...if this is too hard for them to understand..then by all means move on and forget you ever seen and or met me...My children are the best thing that has ever happened to me...and they have met male friends of mine that are just that...friends..not men that I have dated...and to be honest with you, these men have wanted to keep in touch with my kids as well because they stated my kids touched their hearts in such a way that no other has...children love more than most adults I know...and their laughter is contagious...making you laugh with them because it is pure and heart-touching...I have yet to meet a man that can make me laugh as hard as my children do, and know their thoughts on humor is just as pure..so to me..vast majority of men can learn a thing or two from children...


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AsianAmericanIdol
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Posted on Wed, Jun 07, 2006 08:11

Orchids and Malaaika, it's part of the sad reality that single dads have a much easier time finding dates than single moms, too. This is mainly due to the fact that the mothers more often than not have primary custody in the event of the divorce, and almost always have it if the couple was never married. She would have to schedule dates around when relatives or a sitter could watch the kids, whereas a single dad might only have to worry about that once every other weekend or so, and all the rest of his days are free. If they aren't active in their child's life at all, they don't even have to worry about that much. They don't even necessarily have to admit to HAVING kids, and I suspect many don't. And if the father actually has custody, whereas that would be a deterrent when it's the woman who has it, it can be a plus for a man. True, they'll have the same problems as we do about scheduling date time around the kids, but he'll look like a hero in comparison to all these deadbeats who run out on their children and never visit, don't financially support them unless forced to, etc.


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Posted on Wed, Jun 07, 2006 05:00

Probally for the same reason why I won't date men with young children. You become attached and it is heartbreaking when things don't work out. Plus I don't want to raise someone else's younger children. I don't mind dating someone that has older children, even if they still live in the house. They become friends when they are older and not dependent on having a "mother figure" around, even though they have a mother.


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RisingPhoenix
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Posted on Wed, Jun 07, 2006 03:25

There is a difference between dating a single mom than it is dating a single dad. As a single parent, a man and a woman play different roles in a childs life. Adults know that they are just dating but children tend to believe everything is what it is. Having a mom as an only parent is seen more often than having a father as a single parent. I find that my girlfriends are more reluctant to date random men because they have daughters, where as a man with a daughter wouldn't really give it second thought to a woman. In addition, men and women have different emotional demands for themselves and their children.


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maalaika2005
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Posted on Wed, Jun 07, 2006 01:15

im a single mother... guys need to realize that kids aren't a disease.. they won't make you ill... they're people too.. just little people and they DO grow up!!!


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Posted on Mon, Jun 05, 2006 11:13

I just got turned down by a guy I winked at because he didnt want to date a mom. I think men who dont already have kids feel this way, as they fear the unknown. I can understand a man who had older kids not really wanting to start over. But, you cant help but think they are a little shallow. As women, men with kids dont bother us. The funny thing is, most women by their 30th birthday have had kids. So, they might have to open their eyes and hearts up a bit if they really like the woman.


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Posted on Mon, Jun 05, 2006 09:08

I used to date single mothers but after my last relationship I will shy away from it. When she and I broke up it broke her sons heart and it really pained me to see that. The potential for it being too hard on the kids is too much for me to bear. So, it is for the kids sake that I don't do it. Now if a lady has teens like 15+ I would be more likely to date her than a woman with a child younger than 15.


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Kolohe510
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Posted on Mon, Jun 05, 2006 08:53

There is a double standard here. We don't mind if men have children, so why should they. If they don't want to date a single mom, move on. The right one will come along. Best of luck.


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tish77
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Posted on Fri, Jun 02, 2006 08:00

I totally understand where you are coming from...some of the guys on here are asking why they can't find the right woman and why is it that all of these women want seems to be their money....they seem to date the same type of woman over and over again and expect something to be different. The deffinition of stupidity?! Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I am sure that there are alot of mature women on this site however if you want someone who gets the smaller finer things in life and appreciates the little things - then men I am sorry but a single Mom is your best bet! Kids should not be looked upon as a negative in anyones life and men if you are lucky enough to get a single Mom and are even luckier to meet her kids you should count your blessings! No one is asking you to raise those kids and most single Moms I know work harder than anyone else in proving that and honestly they shouldn't have to. For a man to assume that a single Mom is looking for a father figure for their kids or a financial contributor is sickening. Men are talking about how they want a mature woman and a woman who does not sterotype yet here they are acting and doing the same thing they said they are not looking for...sounds a bit one sided to me. Kids are a blessing and a man that doesn't see that honey is simply not worth your time!


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SuddenlyAfter
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Posted on Mon, May 29, 2006 10:52

im plain ugly and fat, with my kids back then and now, the youngest is over 18 years old. men don't want to date, broke, old and fat ugly. Its that plain - Im 52 now. When I was 35. I could date a lot of men. Maybe, you're ugly, fat and too old for them, the men of today.


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Chawni
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Posted on Mon, May 29, 2006 10:34

Because sometimes love isnt enough. When you have kids, it becomes part of the big picture. No matter how good a relationship you have with the childrens father, they are still going to be right smack dab in the middle of things. Kids do cause extra issues in a relationship. Just be happy that those men that don't want to deal with children say so upfront. There are plenty of men out there that are willing to take a chance on a woman with kids. You just have to find them. Good luck in your search!


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sunny1971
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Posted on Mon, May 29, 2006 09:06

Darlin', they are out there believe me...took me awhile to find one that accepted not only me but my kids as well...he is loving and caring...he enjoys spending time with me and my kids...we have our alone time, but I just thank God that I met a man like him.


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swifterguy
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Posted on Mon, May 29, 2006 08:26

I am willing to date a mom who has kids. That does not bother me for the simple fact that i love kids very much.I have two of my own from a previous marriage and love them more than anything and will always be there for them.It is not easy being a single parent theses days.For me it is a wonderful feeling to be apart of a child's life mine or not. to watch them grow develop into adults and guiding them along the way.Being involved in their everyday life.Life is precious and i just want to enjoy every day i have and live it to the fullest,enjoying the simple things life has to offer. Mark


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AsianAmericanIdol
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Posted on Mon, May 29, 2006 08:01

I'm a single parent myself, but at the same time, can understand why a man might be hesitant to involve himself in a dating situation where kids are involved. He might think her kids will do everything in their power to sabotage the relationship, and even if they're perfectly nice kids, he just might not LIKE kids in general. Some people don't even want any children of their own, much less have to deal with anybody else's. Maybe he gave a single mother a try once or twice before, and it ended for reasons that wouldn't have been applicable if it weren't for the kids, like her never having any time for him because she could only be with him on nights she could afford a sitter, or never being able to spend the night at her place, because the kids might see something they shouldn't, or she dumped him to get back with her kids' father. Okay, I admit it, I'm reversing the sexes on things that have happened to ME when against my own preferences, I dated a few single dads, but surely the same things can happen both ways.


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