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AsianAmericanIdol
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Posted on Mon, Jun 05, 2006 16:25

This is actually my first blog entry outside of comments on other people's blogs, so I figured I begin with a subject very personal to me. I realize that I can't speak for all Asian women and that some of the things mentioned below are merely MY personal pet peeves, but just from communicating with OTHER Asian women, the same things often happen to them as well, so I'll try to give it my best shot. I think it's great when one of you guys is willing to give us a chance, since so many others would rule us out on sight based on race, but it's one thing to have a wide variety of tastes that allows for many different kinds of women to be atttractive to you. It's another to target us like a hunter or serial killer does their prey. The ones who go out of their way to say, "I wrote to you because you're Asian!" or anything similar quite honestly creep me out. I'm wondering if they're operating under some fetish or stereotype instead of seeing me as a real person. Stick to pointing out OTHER things in her profile that appealed to you, like similar hobbies/interests, how intelligently it was written, etc. And don't bash white, black, Hispanic, etc. women in the process of saying why you like Asian women, because most, of not all of us are friends with some. If her profile mentions a specific nationality, don't beat that into the ground either. I've lost track of how many idiotic replies I've gotten where the guy said something like, "You're Filipino. Wow, if we were dating, that means you could cook me alumpia and adobo!" Nope, it means I had parents that were Filipino, but that's about ALL it means. I've never have fixed either of those dishes, and if you want them so bad, go buy a cookbook or look up the recipes on the Internet and cook them yourself. If you're on one of these sites where you have the option of listing the names of the groups you belong to on your profile, do so, and the LEAST offensive sounding one is "Naked Azns" or whatever, please don't write me. Though if you do, I appreciate your honesty in posting them so I can know from the very start that you're a perv who's just after one thing. If you're talking to one in person, please don't say as if in shock, "You speak English so well!" and think she's going to take it as a compliment. Some of us were born and raised here, so what the heck else do you think we're going to be speaking? I keep going back to what Chris Rock said about white people saying about Colin Powell, "He speaks so well." "Speaks so well is NOT a compliment! Speaks so well is what they say about retarded people that can talk." By the same token, if you've actually picked up a little bit of one or more Asian languages, unless you're 100% positive of the specific ethnicity of the Asian woman you're trying to talk to, please don't use them as your initial greeting and think it's going to impress them. Most of the time, you'll have guessed it wrong, and will--such as in my case--be using Chinese, Japanese, Thai, etc. on someone that's Filipino and so has no reason to know any of those. Even more likely, the woman will be one of those Asians who was born or raised in the United States, is as white on the inside as you are, and so may only know English anyway. Everytime I have something like THAT happen to me, I keep thinking of all the Chinese baby girls who were adopted by white American couples and imagine, "THIS is what they've got to look forward to. I feel their pain already!"


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Posted on Fri, Jun 16, 2006 21:02

Well said! I'm clapping right now! Although I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum, my struggle is the same. You wouldn't believe the kinds of things that people say to me. The worst part is, they don't even know that what they are saying is offensive...LOL I go through this in the dating world, as well as in the work place. The stereotypes are smothering at times. All I can suggest is to keep educating folks. I do...on a daily basis. LOL Take care! -Nicole


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AsianAmericanIdol
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Posted on Tue, Jun 13, 2006 06:55

Not all stereotypes are bad. Do you think I actually *mind* if someone assumes that since I'm Asian, I'm probably academically above-average? Heck, no, and in my case, the above description definitely fits me. Though I was having to stifle a laugh once when this black guy was checking out in my line and asked, "So why are so many Asians smarter than most of the rest of us?" I said the first thing that came to mind given the situation. "I'm 38 years old and working at Wal-Mart, so you might be asking the wrong one." ;) And some of it is understandable. Do you think I can actually tell different nationalities of Asians apart any better than anyone else. Not really, because they pretty much look a lot alike to me, too. And don't think I wasn't LMAO at that one Carlos Mencia bit about not even being able to make an honest mistake. "What are we supposed to carry, eye charts now so we never screw up anymore? Oh, you've got a two centimeter epicantic fold. You're from...Nagasaki?"


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AsianAmericanIdol
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Posted on Mon, Jun 12, 2006 07:01

Libit, I get a kick out of the ones that hear your voice before seeing you in person, and think the highest compliment they can possibly pay you is, "You sounded white!" Whatever. Actually if someone heard my SINGING voice before seeing what I looked like (not that anyone would ever tell me this), I would be highly flattered if they said, "I was expecting you to be black." "Why thank you, that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me."


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AsianAmericanIdol
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Posted on Sat, Jun 10, 2006 19:54

Rstarre, I don't know much about how other women are in relationships, but I try to give it my all. No one can ever complain that I cheated on them or took them for granted or any of that. Too bad it seems to be wasted on guys that flee at the first sign that the woman actually CARES about him.


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AsianAmericanIdol
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Posted on Sat, Jun 10, 2006 19:53

Phelan, and that's the ones that were actually TRYING to impress me. Though sometimes if I've gone dateless for long enough and someone attractive IRL actually approaches me in a non-blatantly pervy way, I don't question too hard whether he's doing so for the "right" reasons. So maybe he DOES have an Asian fetish. "Hey, whatever gets my foot in the door..." Can't be any worse than my own "fetishes" regarding men with sexy west European accents or musical ability.


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AsianAura
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Posted on Sat, Jun 10, 2006 06:30

GREAT BLOG!


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lcabrera99
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Posted on Thu, Jun 08, 2006 16:24

Very well said. I can completely relate.


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phelanfrost
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Posted on Wed, Jun 07, 2006 14:52

Wow thats some crappy stuff. You know you would think that if someone bothered to spend the time learning a asian language, they would at least have some respect when emailing you. Or they are just full of it and only know a few words. It's nice to see you smacking them around a bit though.


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AsianAmericanIdol
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Posted on Wed, Jun 07, 2006 05:39

Scarlet, I probably ought to clarify what I mean by "giving us a chance." I mean a guy who's genuinely open to a long-term relationship and even marriage with an Asian, or for whom the whole race factor is a non issue, as opposed to the ones who just "want to see what it's like and get it out of their system" or who merely "settle" for us when they're striking out with women of their first choice race, but who'll leave us if that ever changes.


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scarletibis24
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Posted on Tue, Jun 06, 2006 12:56

This blog shocked me, but I suppose it shouldn't. The part about giving you a chance, I mean. A lot of guys seem to be attracted to Asian women (I'm not referring to the perverted ones). It's unfortunate the types of emails and greetings you are recieving, but I must say that it'll never stop 100%- there will always be people like that. But it's nice to know that there are other women, who are just plain "American Girls" who are getting crap just because their ethnicity. Kudos to you :D


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sweetheart20062001
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Posted on Tue, Jun 06, 2006 10:31

LOL Excellently put!


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AsianAmericanIdol
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Posted on Tue, Jun 06, 2006 10:03

I've probably got a slight southern accent depending on who you ask, but just as many people have told me that I don't have ANY accent. I was in Michigan before I was in Arkansas, so still carried over a tendency to talk faster than people down here can comprehend.


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robtest
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Posted on Tue, Jun 06, 2006 03:38

Funny post, sad but true. So do you have an AR accent? A fellow Tennessean Henry Cho has made quite a good career with his TN twang, famous for his stand up comedy and being on the TV show "Designing Women" and the movie "Revenge of The Nerds II"...


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