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Quoting removed_arakalee:
Scripture Reference: Matthew 6:26: Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?
Motto for Today: Be the Love you seek and automatically God fills you!
Song for the day: Always a Woman (Billy Joel)
Well it's been over two weeks since I started my endeavor with these "on-line" dating sites. The nuts and bolts of the last 16 days is that I have spoken to exactly 2 people on the phone, "on and off" texting with 5 (the above 2 included), emailed 2 and 1 actual date; (church and then lunch afterward) with Brer Wabbit. I really like BW. He is a very articulate, intelligent man and I am very grateful he was honest when we met about some of the issues he is still dealing with in regard to the end of his marriage less than two years ago. I want to remain friends with BW as I just love his personality, but know those issues are bigger than what I want to deal with on a romantic level as they still trigger old unhealthy feelings that I don't want in my life, so I have decided not to pursue that on a romantic level any further at this time.
Between the two sites I have tried, my profile has received over 1000 page views, about 300 responses and (7) with whom I have had outside communication (more than just on the individual site(s) themselves). Many of the comments I have received, either from the photos I have posted or in response to my profile summary and/or answers to the profile questions, have been from both Christians and non-Christians. Most are wishing me well, encouraging my journey, and only a few dummies have been really profane or demanding (which I have been able to block). Some of the photos I have posted are a bit provocative, though not pornographic, I can see that I have created a mixed message between my physical image and innocent heart. There is still a disconnect in how I seem to seek comfort in self-objectification, seeing my physical appearance as at least equal to the devoted introspection I experience guided by the Holy Spirit. I still am attracting the men who simply want me sexually or are seeking a quick fix, and for that I must take responsibility because up to this point, that has been my comfort zone.
The truth is that even though I want a man with whom I am equally yoked (spiritually), I'm not willing to sacrifice my desire to want him sexually. I may even be missing the more conservative Christian men, who might make great husbands or even extremely attractive, simply because they may discount me as double minded because of the tone of some of my photos. I guess I would rather have them disqualify me, instead of a half hearted attempt I might experience, trying to measure up to some idea of purity which clearly I have not. at least not yet.... Still, there is that "bad girl" part of me that if I didn't expose up front, I wouldn't be disclosing one of what I consider the most important parts of myself and the truth is that I do happen to be a dichotomy (or tri-chotomy.. is that a word?!! lol). Despite my best efforts, I have never fit into any box and don't ever want to.
Even having shared this, there is no doubt that any discerning man after seeing my photos, and then reading my profile, might begin to question how many women he is potentially dealing with just this one gal. As a result, they may not believe I am serious about my Christian walk and desire to wait for the one God has chosen for me. Many may move in quickly or move on quicker because they do or don't believe me (about waiting) or simply choose a simpler path if I don't respond quick enough because let’s face it; there are plenty of beautiful women for whom they will not be required to prove themselves and/or haven't created such an obstacle course for them to complete before even getting to see the prize. Plus, plainly speaking, when it is too hard or complicated, it can take all of the fun out. Similarly, I find myself self regulating between my heart and my head, my adult and inner child and there is a very real part of me that would rather just throw in the towel and throw out all of the rules and just go "have some fun".
Still I find myself waiting, not selling myself short for some temporary gratification. God does for me what I can't do for myself and gives me a strength to remain sound in my mind and safe in my own heart, unwilling to succumb to my own rationalizations. Regardless of this tug and pull of my flesh, I am finding this process extremely interesting and have become more excited and encouraged as I learn and love more about myself, men and human nature in general, through this process. My preconceived ideas, tendency to categorize people (and put them in my box) have been challenged and I am so grateful to have the freedom and ability to adjust my thinking without having to lower my standards.
One of the common themes I have found with most men is that they most do not like expressing themselves in writing and would rather meet in person (as soon as possible). I discounted this seeming impulsivity as a sign that their only desire was to have sex with me, but after meeting with BW, I understand why more experienced "on-line" daters may take this more "cut to the chase" approach. It seems that those who have used these sites for months (or years) have become less open to spending time with chit chat, because they have become less tolerant to wasting their time. I tend to agree that for those wanting to find the one and who have set some "must haves" and "deal breakers"; there are some things which may only be revealed while looking into someone’s eyes with some level of personal connection. I now have decided to adjust my original boundary of the "30 day waiting period before we meet". That's the great thing about boundaries instead of walls; boundaries can be flexible.
I now know that I was basing my qualifier of men on a fairly shaky premise. It is false thinking that only a "good man" would be willing to disclose the deepest parts of himself to me for a month with no promise that he may ever even get to meet me in person. Even if there was that agreement, holding fast to that idea is not only impractical but self defeating. The wonderful thing about delving in right or wrong is that there are consequences which assist us to evaluating the validity of our own thinking; if we have the willingness to admit we might not always be right...and that doesn't m
Scripture Reference:
Matthew 6:26: Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?
Motto for Today:
Be the Love you seek and automatically God fills you!
Song for the day: Always a Woman (Billy Joel)
Well it's been over two weeks since I started my endeavor with these "on-line" dating sites. The nuts and bolts of the last 16 days is that I have spoken to exactly 2 people on the phone, "on and off" texting with 5 (the above 2 included), emailed 2 and 1 actual date; (church and then lunch afterward) with Brer Wabbit. I really like BW. He is a very articulate, intelligent man and I am very grateful he was honest when we met about some of the issues he is still dealing with in regard to the end of his marriage less than two years ago. I want to remain friends with BW as I just love his personality, but know those issues are bigger than what I want to deal with on a romantic level as they still trigger old unhealthy feelings that I don't want in my life, so I have decided not to pursue that on a romantic level any further at this time.
Between the two sites I have tried, my profile has received over 1000 page views, about 300 responses and (7) with whom I have had outside communication (more than just on the individual site(s) themselves). Many of the comments I have received, either from the photos I have posted or in response to my profile summary and/or answers to the profile questions, have been from both Christians and non-Christians. Most are wishing me well, encouraging my journey, and only a few dummies have been really profane or demanding (which I have been able to block). Some of the photos I have posted are a bit provocative, though not pornographic, I can see that I have created a mixed message between my physical image and innocent heart. There is still a disconnect in how I seem to seek comfort in self-objectification, seeing my physical appearance as at least equal to the devoted introspection I experience guided by the Holy Spirit. I still am attracting the men who simply want me sexually or are seeking a quick fix, and for that I must take responsibility because up to this point, that has been my comfort zone.
The truth is that even though I want a man with whom I am equally yoked (spiritually), I'm not willing to sacrifice my desire to want him sexually. I may even be missing the more conservative Christian men, who might make great husbands or even extremely attractive, simply because they may discount me as double minded because of the tone of some of my photos. I guess I would rather have them disqualify me, instead of a half hearted attempt I might experience, trying to measure up to some idea of purity which clearly I have not. at least not yet.... Still, there is that "bad girl" part of me that if I didn't expose up front, I wouldn't be disclosing one of what I consider the most important parts of myself and the truth is that I do happen to be a dichotomy (or tri-chotomy.. is that a word?!! lol). Despite my best efforts, I have never fit into any box and don't ever want to.
Even having shared this, there is no doubt that any discerning man after seeing my photos, and then reading my profile, might begin to question how many women he is potentially dealing with just this one gal. As a result, they may not believe I am serious about my Christian walk and desire to wait for the one God has chosen for me. Many may move in quickly or move on quicker because they do or don't believe me (about waiting) or simply choose a simpler path if I don't respond quick enough because let’s face it; there are plenty of beautiful women for whom they will not be required to prove themselves and/or haven't created such an obstacle course for them to complete before even getting to see the prize. Plus, plainly speaking, when it is too hard or complicated, it can take all of the fun out. Similarly, I find myself self regulating between my heart and my head, my adult and inner child and there is a very real part of me that would rather just throw in the towel and throw out all of the rules and just go "have some fun".
Still I find myself waiting, not selling myself short for some temporary gratification. God does for me what I can't do for myself and gives me a strength to remain sound in my mind and safe in my own heart, unwilling to succumb to my own rationalizations. Regardless of this tug and pull of my flesh, I am finding this process extremely interesting and have become more excited and encouraged as I learn and love more about myself, men and human nature in general, through this process. My preconceived ideas, tendency to categorize people (and put them in my box) have been challenged and I am so grateful to have the freedom and ability to adjust my thinking without having to lower my standards.
One of the common themes I have found with most men is that they most do not like expressing themselves in writing and would rather meet in person (as soon as possible). I discounted this seeming impulsivity as a sign that their only desire was to have sex with me, but after meeting with BW, I understand why more experienced "on-line" daters may take this more "cut to the chase" approach. It seems that those who have used these sites for months (or years) have become less open to spending time with chit chat, because they have become less tolerant to wasting their time. I tend to agree that for those wanting to find the one and who have set some "must haves" and "deal breakers"; there are some things which may only be revealed while looking into someone’s eyes with some level of personal connection. I now have decided to adjust my original boundary of the "30 day waiting period before we meet". That's the great thing about boundaries instead of walls; boundaries can be flexible.
I now know that I was basing my qualifier of men on a fairly shaky premise. It is false thinking that only a "good man" would be willing to disclose the deepest parts of himself to me for a month with no promise that he may ever even get to meet me in person. Even if there was that agreement, holding fast to that idea is not only impractical but self defeating. The wonderful thing about delving in right or wrong is that there are consequences which assist us to evaluating the validity of our own thinking; if we have the willingness to admit we might not always be right...and that doesn't m
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