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ambergbay
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total posts: 42
Posted on Mon, May 27, 2013 12:22

Tired today. Still not out of bed tired. Just spoke to my dad and he is tired too, but there is good news.

His Kidney function is improving, and he is gaining weight. His heart is strong enough to take the surgery. Wednesday is the big day and my own heart is whispering....

He is going to make it,

and he is going to get better

to the standard of a quality life.

Even his leg will stay,

because he needs it to ride

that bike he hasn't been on in years.

He looked like a brand new person yesterday, sitting up in his bed. His energy was near bubbly even though most of our visit was conflicted. My brother implored him to be nicer to me when I stepped out of the room for water, and the result was all the trauma of our broken childhood by argument, and his. My own father suffered greatly from divorce, and then abuse.

"I can't live like this," my father bellowed to a son who had only recently come back into the room after storming out with yet another final good-bye, "If you can't forgive me then go Steve, and if you do don't ever come back. I am not going to let you torture me with my constant failure as a father. We will either move past it now, or there will be no relationship."

My brother, puffed in size to a man, shank to the smallness of a boy. Only his heart was enlarged, "You did fail," he screamed, "You failed at everything miserably. You were never there. I needed a dad to teach me how to be a man, all those things that guys do. Where were you?"

"I was there when I could be Steve. I did my best, but you have no idea how hard it was. I was in the struggle of my own life. I was trying..." My father was the tender of his regret. "I tried. How well did you do with your own daughter?"

His question brought life to the circle of generations until the truth of failing settled into the quiet comfort of peace. There was no fault.The dysfunction was not the character of one person, it was the split of family by divorce, with the ripples felt for eternity by bloodline.

We were each of us trying. Trying to undo our own history while wishing for Superman.



The Life You Live is a CHOICE- I choose HAPPY :)

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