Member's Blog > Ambergbay's blogs > RELATIONSHIP STATUS: It’s complicated
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Posted on Apr 27, 2013 at 01:52 PM

Why do things have to be so f*cking complicated? I just don’t understand. People keep telling me that men are simple, that their minds are not as complex as women. My favorite is when I hear, “You know how guys are…” Yes, I do know how guys are. I have known a lot of great men in my life, the worst and the best of them, criminals and kings. I can tell you that I could find something in each to love, because beyond our skin we are just people feeling our way through learning, through life. We were put here to f*ck up, and men, men carry the largest load because somewhere it was decided that he should carry the burden of humanity as the provider. We are all equally different, and the laws of Sovereignty are understood beyond the politics of pc. We are not the same capabilities. We are evolving though, as we devolve, through bombings and terror. Did you ever stop to think that maybe people kill other people because we aren’t afraid of the animals anymore? We are desensitized to the need for extremes, something has to keep us running because there is always a lion. America does not see lions unless they are in cages, or on screens. Lions live in other countries… until they came here.. I think about that when I run, when my lungs scream from my disease of asthma. I would not survive the destruction of man’s, “you know how men are.” I would perish because I am not a strong runner. I am passed on every occasion, while the survivor says, “run your own race,” and the terrorist screams, “That lion is going to eat you b*tch. RUN!” The men are the first to pass me. It’s always going to be that way. They are faster, stronger, and many of them are smarter. History is proof of that, but then there are also women without equal; adept, and virtuous, wise beyond time, until it nurtures all life; smarter than even he, in knowing need selflessly. They are the negotiators, and diplomats, philosophers, and poets. Doctors, Lawyers, Architects, and Engineers, Officers, and Judges, Soldiers, Men…. And we are again the same in capabilities.

What a gift it is to have a mind. How does it differ from each body? What the hell am I supposed to do with mine? That is the question of the day. So far my brain is nothing more than words on paper. Shouldn’t I be using it for something? How much of a profession do I need to lead in order for my life to count for something? If I am to think should there not be a purpose, because it sure the f*ck does not help my dating life. I think about it, and I just want to throw my hands in the air, “f*ck it” give me a lobotomy, I will pull out the knee pads and we will call it good. I have had guys actually tell me, “I want a normal girl.” Well, sh*t you are in luck because I would very much like to be normal. Will you please tell me what the f*ck that looks like because I am working on my stedford mold. F*ck Me. If I seem a little hostile it’s just because I am more than a little frustrated right now, and I will let you decide if it’s sexual. I am definitely not a lesbian because I want to throw down with some d*ck, and I do NOT (I put that in bold for the perverts and prudes) mean that sexually. Men are d*cks.. Lucky b*stards. They get that as a birthright for having a penis along with a switch that they get to flip off when caring is inconvenient.

It’s really no big deal because I feel the same way, “Don’t interrupt me during Dexter. I will f*cking cut you.” My seventeen year relationship taught me to pick my battles because life is long, and we all only have so much time to do all the sh*t we want to do before we die. I am pretty sure I am in that same state of mind after a year and half of being single. I just want to be happy. If you want to do that with me cool. If you have other things to do, versions of happy that don’t include me, well that’s fine too. I am not here to hold anyone down with force, though it could be fun to pretend.

My friend Dani asked me the other day, “Amber, what do you want in a guy?” I said, “Well I don’t want to ever live with him. I want him to live in his world, and I want my own. He can have conjugal visits.”

“So you just want a booty call?” was her reply.

No, I don’t want to be just sex to anyone. It hurts my feelings to be thought of that way because I am person, a caring person. I will also tell you that nothing makes me more nauseous that insincere emotions, fed for the sake of a tender heart, or a man looking for an in. I waiver between two sides, the romantic and the realist. Men tell me how men are, and I believe them. They do not have much faith or admiration for their own kind, to hold the bar low in standard. I see all men as kings until they prove themselves to be criminals. That doesn’t mean that I am attracted to them all, or that I think each personality is a fit to mine. Hell yes I have dated, and I have met some amazing people. I have only met two, in a year and a half, that I would consider. The rest are friends.

Relationship status: it’s complicated

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The Life You Live is a CHOICE- I choose HAPPY :)
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