Yesterday I had a date with a handsome, successful basketball coach. I felt so sorry for him because he was so sad. His wife had left him for someone else and you could tell that this was the first time he had had a woman out for years. I didn't know that he was still grieving but, at the same time I have been through enough that I could identify with his sadness. We can spend our time working and in older age, loneliness. You look back and realize it wasn't the money at all.
This past year has been one of the most difficult years I have even spent in teaching. I work in an open classroom school. It was built in the late 60's and is outdated today but, there are no walls. We have individual classroom spaces but, our children can see and hear the classes next to them. Anyway, our state board of education decided to completely change the special education programs and all of these children who had learning needs were placed into the kindergarten situations in our school without warning. In my classroom I had nine students on medication. Five of them had behavior problems. One child had continuous seizures and I had to constantly run to her when she cried out. I started out the year with a student teacher which helped. I had the extra hands that I needed to deal with certain problems. It was a shock. Our classrooms were filled to capacity. We had four kindergartens and each of us had 23 children to teach. This is a regular education classroom in the public schools. I have a lifetime membership to a beautiful health spa but, I never go. Now, you can see why. I am so exhausted after a day I can't even think of more exercise.
I did manage to get things under control after the first few weeks. We would have an occasional chair being flung across the classroom by one of the behavior problems. The young teacher next to me cried almost every day. Her class was full of uncontrollable children. The supervisors would come out and tell us to tweak this sticker chart. They had no clue either on dealing with these children. It was a nightmare. It was a nightmare that we had to cope with. Our principal was very supportive but, at times she had her hands full with so many problems in the office.
There were many nights of no sleep. I would lie awake thinking of the child that came to school without a bath or the one who was hungry. Our school houses many low socio-economic children. I could leave but, I love these children. We have many interacial children, also. They are adorable. Many of our children come from single family homes or homes where the older children watch the younger ones. They need attention. Every year there is a new story to tell. At the end of each year I thank God he gave me the strength to endure. I am considered an expert in my field and my children do learn. Somehow there is stength to do all that needs to get accomplished. I think I earn the wrinkles that end up on my face each year. I always tell the children they are making me into an old witch.
This year one child will always come to memory. He is the child that tried to commit suicide in pre-school. At the beginning of the year he was full of so much anger. It took a long while to get him to settle down. His mother started him on medicine and it seemed to have a positive effect on him. His father committed murder during the school year. That added to the anger of this child. I worked and worked with him. He has so much potential. He picked up his reading vocabulary in no time and his math skills were very good. He was smart. Everyday when it was time for reading he wanted to sit by me. I always sit the children in a circle around me and he had to be right beside me. That was his favorite place. He did well until sometime in May. He came to school a few days a different child. I tried to reach his mother by phone and she didn't answer. One day he carried a knife to school. He used it on the school bus and cut another child. The bus driver made him put it back in his bookbag. When he came to school another teacher caught him with it and took him to the office before he could do more harm. He was suspended from school for 10 days and came back after the 10 days. I am sending this child on to first grade. His reading and math skills are good but, his behaviors are unreal. The teachers are telling the stories and the public isn't listening. No one can believe that a little five year old can't be controlled. You have to remember that teachers cannot touch these children. They can show anger, kick and hit us, and we cannot touch them. I learned during the year to love this child. He needed love and attention. These kind are hard to love and they teach us if we take the time. You should see his smile. It lights up a whole room. It is sad but, this is where education is. No one knows how to work with these children even the special education teachers. Our school has an after school program and I try to get scholarships for the children that I can get into the program. Next year this child will go to a different school. I think back over the years of the numbers of children I have had that are similiar. I walk into a crowded room and I hear this little voice yelling my name. It is the child I have taught. I wonder how he will spend the Summer. I wonder if his life is any better now. It is time for me to rest. I have completed another year. For me it is another year of life and the memories are stored in the confines of my mind.
I am enlightened by this reading I've been doing. Today I am removing myself from the hate list. I'm an educator and this is probably the most important lesson I can teach. It is a regular thing among my five year olds. They will be playing in a group and all of a sudden I see one of them unhappy. I have to go over and do my "spill of correction". How is the best way we can be loving? It usually works.
"But, if you really look at history we are taught to hate. If we lived in 1750 we would hate the French and Native Americans. Later it was the Brittish. In 1862 if we lived in the South we would hate the North or vice-versa. Later, it was the Spanish and then the Germans. The Japanese were added. After that it was the Communist; N. Korea, N. Vietnam, and the Russians. Then, we hated the Iranians and the Iraqis. Later it was the Taliban and terrorists. On and on goes this message of hatred. I have read this view in Dr. Dyer's Book; "Being In Balance" The enemy we're supposed to hate isn't a nationality or person it's hate itself!"
This is something to think about. I'm always looking for a new lesson and now, I see a whole new idea. I'm off the hate list and the word is removed from my vocabulary. Lynncat
You have read about my Grandson in a previous post. He survived in the womb while my daughter fought breast cancer. This morning I had this wonderful e-mail on my computer. It was her with all her beauty and my wonderful Grandson and they were at a Harry Potter midnight book party. On this Harry Potter day I thank the book people for making it special. Today so many things are taken away from the children. They need to be able to wish, create, imagine. Thank God for books. All the controversy over Harry is crazy. Witchcraft is wonderful and what would a children's story be without a witch? Plus, we do not have all the answers to those wierd things that happen in life. There is another world we know nothing about. Magic does happen and look at them. "Long live Harry Potter" clear to the last page and beyond!
I remember years ago I was working with a teacher who had a husband in medical school. Every day she would tell how these young (doctors to be) were working on the body of this dead lady. Obviously they were so upset because they got a body that had loads of fat. Before they could get to a vital organ they would have to cut through all of this. Each day I would hear a different horor story about this obese lady. I guess I didn't realize that people would actually talk about you after you were dead. What is really unreal about all of this is I can picture in my mind her spirit over in the corner listening to every word they are saying. I'll bet that lady would make a different decision about her body if she could have known ahead of time. Or, at that time lyposuction hadn't been discovered. Maybe one of those young men benefited off of her obesity and discovered this modern procedure. Who knows? Everytime I get my driver's license renewed I think about this. I picture myself in the room watching these young people cut open my body, hearing the things they are saying like:" why didn't she exercise this part and why did she allow this to get so bent out of shape?" Then, maybe in my spirit life I can actually laugh and say;" at least it belongs to you and not me anymore Ha, ha"! I also, pity the people who are totally stuck on themselves. Can you imagine how mad they would be? Like ; "you mean I spent all that time in the gym just to watch these guys cut through that muscle"? Ha, ha just a crazy reminder that crosses my mind every once in a while! Lynncat
I have always been this lover of colors and the "Fall" time of the year is my favorite. Yesterday I was lucky and got tickets on the 50 yard line at the WVU game. It was a perfect football day. The wind was blowing and the sun was out, around 61 degrees. My favorite team won. It was homecomming and everything was so beautiful. At the end of the game the fans sang "Country Roads" and as we were coming out of the stadium the song was being played over and over by the tailgators. It felt so good. When I came home I had this wonderful picture in my e-mail that I will share with you. It was my daughter and grandson. They had gone to the pumpkin farm. It is so beautiful this time of the year. Lynncat
Did you ever wake up the morning after your favorite team lost a game or did you ever watch the TV and wish that you could make the screen do what you wanted it to? Yesterday was one of those days for me and today is even worse. WV lost to South Florida. They have been looking so good on the field until yesterday. It was a battle to the end but, somehow I just wish it was a new day. I'm so depressed. I waited all week for that game and we lost. Tell me about your favorite teams!
I just had to share the news with all you blogger friends on MM. My middle daughter just told me that she is expecting. Yeee!!!Ha!!!! Each child is a blessing in my life but, each Grandchild is a blessing on top! This will be my second Grandchild. My first Grandchild was born healthy although my oldest daughter had to receive cancer drugs while he was in the womb. Both of them are healthy and well. Anyway, I am so excited!
"The only ones who don't notice when your hair starts graying, your face is sagging, and your waistline is disappearing are your grandchildren and the family dog."
This past Summer has been difficult and I have been alone quite a bit which, yields way to depression. Plus, in March I had a relationship end that was painful for me. My friends on the computer have opened my eyes to a new way of thought. It has been around for years but, I just learned about it. It is centered around your thoughts. If you really want something you ask for it and the asking is answered. You have to believe that it is coming to you. Anyway, I hope I can post this. Many of my friends have gone to Hayhouse Radio and listened to downloads on this type of thinking. I recently bought books written by wonderful people who promote this thinking. It was also, introduced on Oprah as "The Secret". In our physical bodies we are all part of a "source energy" that is able to allow all of our deepest desires to come true in some form or another. The true secret to this is how we allow our thoughts to flow. The more I research into this without judgement the more I see the truth. I am not going to say anymore but, invite you to comment and I will try to answer by telling you what I have found or there may be others on here who can. There has been much written about it. Jerry and Ester Hicks are the authors. It is also, referred to as (The Teachings of Abraham). Whatever, it has helped me this Summer and I have began to realize that what I am bringing into my life I am causing by the thoughts I am thinking. I have observed certain things about my life and realized that this is so. I invite feedback!
One night years ago when I was living in the Canaan Valey area of WV I ran out of gas. If anyone is familiar with that area, you know it is a wilderness area and at that time of year which was late October there is not another soul in and out late at night. There is also, the danger of cold, bear, and wild animals. As a school teacher I was always running to and fro and this particular evening I hadn't watched my gas gauge. I didn't know what I was going to do. I was 20 miles from home. I couldn't even see my hand in front of my face, the fog was so heavy. It was also, very cold and snowing. Out of the darkness appeared a school bus. It wasn't even a local one.
The bus driver happened to be passing through on his trip to another county after a ballgame. He stopped to pick me up and dropped me off in front of my house. I sometimes think of that night as a special time when my angel was watching out for me. Maybe all those efforts I put into teaching children all my life paid off. It was indeed a sign that the one thing that came to my rescue was a school bus. It could have been a truck driver, I would have hesitated to get in with or a total stranger but, this was a school bus driver with kids aboard. Angels are indeed out there. Lynncat
My daughter was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was pregnant with her first child. During this time I wanted to die. This is something that is supposed to happen to mothers not young daughters. I had to watch her suffer through everything associated with it, chemotherapy, hair loss, breast removal and she was also, pregnant. She had this positive attitude throughout. She never once left herself voice anything negative. Life kinda stops for a parent while this is going on. You realize that there are things money can never buy. During her illness I learned to be thankful for so many things. I can now, tell you with thankfulness in my heart that she is cancer free and I have a healthy three year old grandson. Life can hold many blessings but, this one is the biggest of all. Today her beautiful hair is in braids and my (Harry Potter crazy grandson) can be found climbing trees. In my book this is worth more than any money can buy. The thing I want to stress about her illness is she kept herself happy, positive, and tried to not let anything negative defeat her.
She can walk into a room and light it up. It's not just me, others notice it also. She will make everyone laugh. I am so blessed.! Lynncat