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One is usually more educated than the other.
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277 Views
03/06/10
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In a couple converge two persons that come from different backgrounds. That make each one of us different. We all know that.
Those social, educational, emotional and economical differences, among others, might conduct couples to have a member that is more qualified than the other to face and surpass the challenges that every relationship presents, as well as other challenges of life. If this is true, do we have here an issue that needs to be discussed?
I would like to ask: Is the more prepared person the most responsible of the evolution of the relationship? The fact that I am emotionally and intellectually stronger and/or prepared makes me the obligated partner of the conduction of our relationship, of our life? Am I the one that "must" open the conversation, ask for pardon, bring the calm, decide the route, establish the frame of this and that????
Or, do I have to work on your re-education, help you to find the way to a better condition, so we can give us the possibility of equal capacity to face and live our relation ship??
May be, these are useless questions. Things have been this way since the man is man, and will be the same forever. How can we introduce in the issues of a couple the recognition that one is not as prepared as the other, who is going to define that?
What do you think?
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My past returned on San Valentine's Day
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63 Views
02/14/10
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On my 40's the past returns on San Valentine's Day. It did not use to return before. Now, I reserve a part of my attention to expect, to welcome the past on San Valentine´s Day.
For sure, the past will show up in a very discrete way. It could show up as a short phone call, or as a short message in the voice mail, or as an anonymous gift or postcard. No matter how, I am ready to welcome my past, because I have had the time to think about it, and to prepare the answer. It has been happenning since some years ago.
Emotionally speaking, I invested a lot in my past. Each one of my former lovers took a great part of me, as I took from them. Therefore, some gained interests of this investment might come up someday, and I will welcome them.
I do not know if the past is a key that may open the doors of my heart again, or if it is the reward for being good to someone. I will know it at the moment it shows up.
I know that the past has an immaculate image, after the years. The time has converted my 'ex's" into ideal persons. So, I welcome them as that, as the past. As a part of my life where bad and wrong things have been erased, leaving the images of the best.
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Impossible recounts
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91 Views
07/02/09
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Is that true, that someone can recall, detailed, what happened certain day In a similar line we may ask: Is it possible to count what you did for me and what I did for you since our relationship begun? Or worst: What you did not do because of me.
¿
All these are impossible recounts, and no matter this fact many couples insist on these, therefore the recount becomes absurd and wearing away, too.
Our memory hasn¿t the capacity to preserve all the information through the years. The context gets lost easily in our memory, and without it, it¿s almost impossible to give the right and just interpretation to what the other said, to what the other did.
And let me tell you that this is this way even if you recount with the best intention, not to say if you don¿t.
Our mind suggests not going on with something that is impossible. Our heart demands to avoid absurd and unjust discussions to our relationship, especially considering that these impossible recounts come up in a crisis.¿
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There are two remedies: Never leave a problem without remedy. Try to speak about it at the moment or at the first opportunity. When things are solved on time, the trash can remains empty. But if you did not solve on time, the only remedy will be to discuss according to current circumstances, feelings and perspectives.
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I know, we are attracted to recounts. Let us, at least, understand that those are impossible, absurd and most of the times unjust.
¿
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Continuing as your friend? -I would love to.
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83 Views
06/06/09
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For many of us, it is a common rule that the conclusion of a relationship implies the fact that we won?t see our ?ex? ever again, or, at least, that we will be unable to keep any other type of relationship that will let us keep in touch with that person.
I think that this is completely absurd.
I understand that there are some ?situations? that doesn?t allow us to keep a friendship with someone that was our lover. For some, it could mean a wrong manner, an inappropriate behavior. For the new soul mate it is going to represent a continuous threat or a discomfort, and others will say that we will be in the hypothesis that states that ?where a fire was, ashes remain?.
It is impossible to go through all the reasons that we have learned to excuse us from continuing a friendship after loving someone, however, if we examine this, we will realize that it is, as said, absurd.
Let us remember the fact that in our lifetime we will love (not counting family relatives) no more persons than our hand fingers. Let us think that just a few persons in this world will love us, know us and be that close to us, than anybody else. Let us consider all the time, all the energy and all the devotion that we ?invested? on those that we loved. And then, because something did not work, we give an end not only to our love with that person, but to the possibility of continuing with a friendship. For all those mentioned reasons we lose that valuable, influential and wealthy ?investment? of love and energy, experiences and support.
Is it logical? Is it reasonable?
At the end of the day, some few will be able to continue. Those will keep all their fingers in their hand; those will keep close the special persons that make their lives in this world, wonderful.
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Who is going to make me happy?
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124 Views
05/31/09
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When she answered to my first e-mail, she refused to start a friendship with someone who resides far away from her place. And she said: "I hope you will find someone that makes you happy".
I couldn't resist to reply to that statement, so I wrote again. I explained her that I was not here to find someone that "makes me happy". "Fortunately, I am already happy"¿ -I said.
There is not any person carrying in him/her self our happiness. Happiness is a feeling that breaks out from our interior, as a result of the way we achieve life everyday. A friend of my once told me: "Before I got married for the second time, I told my girlfriend: I am happy with you, and I am happy without you". And¿I think he is right. If we believe that happiness is in our spouse, in our friends, in our children, then¿ -logically-¿ happiness will leave when they leave. It can be a big, big mistake to think that we need someone to be happy; we might suffer so much.
Happiness resides in ourselves. If we don't feel happy, we must examine our life, not the people around us. I know that this people is a part of our life, but you understand what I mean. If we don't feel happy we must take, first,¿an inner journey, not and outdoor adventure.
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If you can generate happiness from inside (and it is the only "functional" and real way), your love adventure will be "a love adventure", and not the search of dependency.
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I vigilant
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69 Views
05/30/09
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The russian theater director Constantin Stanislavsky, developed a theory regarding the control that an actor must keep about his person and his character during the play. He stated that an actor should dominate his character and perform it intensily, but without loosing conscience that he is an actor achieving a roll. He wanted his pupils to stay vigilants of their ownselves. He talked about the "I vigilant".
When we fell in love, we are in the risk of loosing conscience about the real characteristics of the person getting involved with us. The deep we get into the romantic relationship the far we are of being aware about the kind of person that I am loving. It is obvious that is easier to objectively examine someone who is not emotionally tied with us.
When a relationship starts, our date(obviously) give us the greatest treatment possible, everything is magic and lots of lovely details show up everyday. If we do not keep the "I vigilant" active, we will not see the real person that is getting involved with us.
If we keep the "I vigilant" eyes wide open, we will enjoy those beautyful moments, when a potential love seems to appear and grow, but, at the same time we will be objectively observing the real way she/he is.
How she treats his/her family? Does he/she knows how to work inside a team? Which things make him/her angry? We must take conscience about how is he/she with others, because that is the way he/she is going to treat us in the future, on a daily base relationship, in the routine.
The lesson is: Go ahead, enjoy the initial moments of a new love (great moments are these!), but never loose your capacity of observing and learning how is he/she. Play your character as a lover, but don't forget that both of you are persons with virtues and defects, and for the good of the relationship every body must know,deeply know, how is the other. So, don't let your eyes get closed to realities, just because you are falling in love.
Keep your "I vigilant" active.
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Concept of marriage
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96 Views
05/28/09
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There are legal, sociologycal and poetic concepts of marriage. Thousands of concepts.
It is not easy to define something that combines natural, biologycal and cultural topics.
However, every search has a conclusion.
Mine, is this: Ladies and gentleman, the concept of marriage:
"MARRIAGE IS A FRIENDSHIP WITH EROTIC MOMENTS"
That's it.
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24 hours marriage
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98 Views
05/27/09
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I do not why, in our culture, the ritual of marriage requires to state the promise that we are getting marriage for ever. Mark Twain said that stating that marriage will last for ever is as saying that a candle will be bright during it's whole existence.
As a purpose, this promise is completely worth. Considering that marriage is the base of the most important foundament of society, the family, it must be an essential part of this institution to be conceived as something forever, at least a long term thing.
The problem comes when we take this new standard of life in the wrong way. I mean, when someone assumes that "she is going to be my wife for the rest of our lives", another thought, another attitude comes up in an unconscious way: "Therefore, no matter what, she is going to be here with me".
And when this perspective takes place in the deep of our minds, wrong conducts will show up, since she is going to be here "until death separates us".
Human beings does not know what do they have until they lost it.
So, I propose everybody to get married for only 24 hours. If I am not capable to conquer my wife every 24 hours, for sure the marriage will be finished by the end of the day.
It is not good, not healthy, to learn that, because my wife is going to stay with me "forever", I can give her a good, as well as a bad treatment. It is better to think that I have a daily task: To conquer her, to probe her that I deserve to be and to stay beside she another day. And, maybe, from 24 hours to 24 hours, we might share a lifetime together.
Then, do not get married forever. Probe, every 24 hours, that you are the best to keep someone beside you.
NOTICE: I am not enough fluent in english; sorry for mistakes.
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Affraid of distance
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194 Views
05/25/09
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What kind of distance we must be affraid of? The physical?
Do we prefer our match close? Physically close?
Don?t be affraid of this kind of distance. In this world no body is unreachable any more. The major distance, physical distance, could imply a journey of 16 hours. In four hours a mexican city can be conected with a US city by an airplane. More than this, the incredibly performance of modern telecommunications can put us together in a second. A Blackberry, messenger, a simple phone call, are capable to create an immediate "get in touch".
So, what kind of distance we must be affraid of?
With out no doubt, we must be affraid of the distance created by our educational limitations. It is so difficult to get in touch with another human being if our previous and wrong ideas of the other person, his/her culture or any other aspect which impplies our differences, is present.
A close world does not depend on high techs, or submarine cables, or satellites. A close world depends on us, on the way we see others.
Tolerance, respect, acceptance and fraternity are needed to get in touch.
The educational distance is the most relevant when talking about meeting a person from another latitude.
Then, take care of the way you know, accept and understand people, rather than how many miles separate you from him/her.
NOTICE: Sorry for my english, is not good enough.
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After all, a song by Cher and Peter Cetera
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45 Views
05/27/09
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Let me share with you the letter of this wonderful song, from the soundtrack of the movie "Chances are". Is about a re-encounter. Enjoy it.
AFTER ALL
Well here we are again
I guess it must be fate
We've tried it on our own
But deep inside we've known
We'd be back to set things straight
I still remember when
Your kiss was so brand new
Every memory repeats
Every step I take retreats
Every journey always
Brings me back to you
After all the stops and starts
We keep coming back to these two hearts
Two angels who've been rescued from the fall
And after all that we've been through
It all comes down to me and you
I guess it's meant to be
Forever you and me
After all
When love is truly right
This time it's truly right
It lives from year to year
It changes as it goes
Oh and oh the way it grows
But it never disappears
Always just beyond my touch
Though I needed you so much
After all what else is living for
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