I hope everyone is doing well and entertaining love and passion.
I rarely come on the blog anymore with work and trying to cultivate a personal life. LOL
Yet, what I have noticed recently isn't the quality of responses, it's the age of the men that seem to respond. I'm probably set in my ways that I only want to date men in their late, late 40s and 50s. Just as everyone has preferences as to brunettes or blondes, I have a preference for men who are seasoned. There's something extremely sexy about a man who gets it. Experinence and chivalry goes along way. Plus we all know that men don't get a clue until about 38. Some may not fall into that category but most.. definietly.
What I've found is that I either get one of two types:
Ones who have decided that they want to add someone of quality to their lives. Men who either have had a relationship that didn't work out and want to expand their horizons and appreciate my point of view and companionship or..
Men who are looking for a flavor of the week. I'm not sure if it's the " I'm now into reliving my youth because I was too busy earlier" or " I got a good look at Rosario Dawson and thought.. Hmmmm"
The most recent, I thought, Good Grief. The usual " How long have you been on the site" question came up. I answered truthfully that I stop by and keep it moving. This man basically told me he shops on the site. He starts seeing a woman, decides that he wants to try something different, and then returns. He says that his relationships last a few months. I was like.. really? WOW! Now let's assume that he's intimate with all these women, he's got a real track record. And did these women know that they were on a shopping list?
Needless to say.. ahhhh no.
I guess I would have expected that for a 20 or 30 something guy but..double standard?
Maybe.. there many for women, I guess one, in my book,for men is fair.
Hello all.. I hope the mommies here had a great Mothers Day.
Once while at a boutique grocery store my father noticed I was looking wistfully at ladies shopping. He said, " Don't be jealous. These women are getting their A$$es kicked in this neighborhood " Now granted I came from a good family with a wonderful upbringing. But he was referring to the ladies that lived in the Galleria area.
I didn't really think much of it because I wasn't jealous.
Fast forward to the Thursday before Mother's Day. There's a lady I work with that has an impeccable sense of style. She's recently married and has a lovely designer home. We sat in her car and chatted. I didn't realize that she didn't have children. She shared that she always wanted them but married too late. She then told me that she wished he had a dog, but her husband didn't like them. The conversation then revealed that he did have kids.
I thought ,"my goodness. What a jerk!". He had a family before her and then denied her a dog?!
After the event, I was more than happy to walk to my car, not as expensive as hers, and drive to the home I built, smaller than hers. There my son and new puppy were waiting.
Lesson learned... Be grateful for what you have in the time you have it. You never know what others are putting up with to " live in the house on the hill"
I have noticed that men with means have an attraction to unstable women. Ok yes, I thought " oh yeah... sure she's a nut since you've divorced her." but I noticed also that they have the same characteristics. Either men, over the years, have described their past lady friends or I have observed them myself. Speaking VERY GENERALLY, the majority of the ladies are flighty, argumentative, moody or just have an all around bad humor. Then I get to either hear or see these men tap dance around trying to please them. Now it could be just the types of men that I attract or what have you but today at brunch I made mention of this to a guy friend and he agreed that he had thought the same thing.
Could it be that I am too normal? Since I don't have wide mood swings and stay positive I'm just too boring? And if its just the men blowing smoke, why do SO MANY put something about wanting a mentally and emotionally stable woman in their profiles? Where there's smoke there's fire ladies.
Next, I was very put off by a phone call from a man that I thought was a pretty decent gent. In the midst of the laughter he asks," So what makes you think you deserve a good life?" What? I thought he meant something like.. what are you doing to attract good into your life..or do you pay it forward? Something.... ANYTHING other than where he was going. Like.. WHY DO I THINK I DESERVE A MAN WITH MORE THAN 2 QUARTERS TO RUB TOGETHER?
I was FLOORED. Ok, let's see... my life, the literally 1000s of people I have helped over the years, the fact that I am doing my own thing educationally and career wise and hell, I can bring more to the table than just a napkin. Seriously? Needless to say, the conversation was over. I just didn't feel like going through all that.
And lastly.. I date men at least 15+ my senior. It's what I prefer. So an honest question would be "Why?" Ok I don't have a problem with fielding that question. It is legit. "Even why this site?" Not a problem. But last night the end all and be all of Unwrapping Nasty occured.
I had a late night conversation with a gent that I considered to have the makings of a friend. I should have hung up when I heard him listening to Cee Lo Green's "*uck You".
I didn't. He then proceeded to tell me about a 25 YO lady in CA that was blowing smoke up his butt. He was hurt I think and was kinda stuck on the whole gold digger aspect of the whole thing. Ok fine. But then it turned to me. There were questions about possibly people looking at us when we're together because of the racial and age divide. And then, what I thought about the car he drove. I didn't have any thoughts on the matter. When he heard this ... he came undone.
I'm sure we all have had instances where you're chatting with someone and think "What in the Sam Hill is going on here?" It goes both ways. Here's a little bit of advice. If the person Unwraps Nasty.. don't sick around for the encore.
I hope everyone enjoyed the April day and weather. I was on my way to work and starting thinking about a few of the people I have chatted with from MM.
The conversations coupled with the fact that TONS of people here have been on for a very long time, makes one wonder.. does looking for the perfect person turn into a form of relationship in and of itself?
Meaning.. does Searching just beget more searching. Looking for that ever allusive perfect partner or watching the proverbial door waiting for the next best thing. Meanwhile, they are still alone.
So the question here is, what are people doing? Getting ego strokes from winks, emails and favorites? Or perhaps trying to wrack up as many partners as possible and become walking biohazards? LOL
Some people call finding what you're looking for settling. How do you conceed that figuring out what you want and accepting that person that has most of what you want AND that you have chemistry with AND that wants to be with you is settling? That's not settling.. that's finding something extraordinary.
I submit that with out that intention... you will be looking forever.
I guess this movie has me in for the night with my laptop. As I was nosing around the blogs I noticed that there is a collective cry from Black women about being shunned on MM. I will have to admit I felt this way before but.. no longer.
While I have noticed that men have every option checked except black, they choose to contact me or return a wink positively. As I mentioned before, virtually every man that I have met, online or in the real world, has said, "If you hadn't contacted me, I wouldn't have contacted you." Black women are KNOWN for not dating outside the community. Statistics show it and since Oprah said it years ago.. it must be gospel. What I have learned is that, in many cases, it's something new and newness breeds fear.
No one likes rejection. Men, regardless of how wealthy or professionally assertive they are, don't want to be shot down. I'm sure that in many cases that's the deal. Or they are ignorant of the culture outside of what they see on TV. Would you want to approach a woman like "Nene" and be loudly shot down in an upscale bar? If that's all that person knows...you simply can't fault them.
The other point is that men are visual. If they aren't attracted.. they just aren't. Women are more about the personality and growing to care for that person. MEN ARE VISUAL. Beyond that it could be about presentation and whether or not you fit into their world. That's within their community too. Any man with sense wouldn't expect a woman who has no intention to better herself to be part of a power couple, if that's what he's looking for.
In short, the best thing to do is NOT take this so seriously. Again, I used to. My blog shows it. But this is a dating site. If your life is fulfilling.. this is just a method to meet someone who would be the icing on your cake. And YOUR cake should be full of layers.
Yes, I'm back.. the on again off again MM lady. Honestly, I haven't found the site to be all that fruitful so I don't take much stock in it. If I meet someone great.. if not, well ok. I've been just so darn busy with life that I haven't taken too much notice that I don't have a significant other. I guess that's why it's on again.. off again.
So.. I just happened to read a few profiles and came across a pretty good one. Straight forward, transparent, sincere.. handsome photos. So what could be the turn off you say?
1. Unecessary photos
The underwear picture. What? I don't really know what to say. I mean, why?
2. Sex, sex, sex
Another thing that kinda gets me is the whole sex deal. Honestly, I had to change my profile to actually get any attention. Yes, that whole element changes a relationship from just friends to something more but.. why is it a necessity to bring up in the profile? I'm thinking that either a) men are obsessed with it or b) they have been in a relationship where that was not something that occurred. The more I talk with men in general, the more I think that B leads to A. So since that's the case (not in all but a lot) they feel they need to bring it up.
My deal is.. people who talk about it aren't doing it. Needless to say that when I meet Mr Right, I won't be having the discussion. LOL
I always say.. It doesn't matter how many letters follow your name if you behave like A.S.S should be included. I have quite a few letters after my name but my goodness. This isn't a business site and even if it was, why act like a dunta dunt. Let's have some decorum here.
So I was Skyping with a good friend of mine in Dubai about.. what else... men,.
She and I (both educated women of color) have noticed something that seems to stand out. Let's call it the Marc Antony effect. Men, who for whatever reason, think that they deserve the hottest woman they can find. Regardless of what they bring to the table or how silly the woman is.
Certainly, Marc Antony has more than an napkin to bring to the table but really.. if he wasn't MARC ANTONY.. would he really have married JLo? Probably not.
On the other hand, you have women who are lovely but daft who believe that they should be married to the most stunning, accomplished of gents. Now I'm referring to the lady who has done nothing to better herself outside of beauty. No education (formal or informal), contributed to society.. nothing. Honestly, what do they think they are going to talk with these men about?
Lovely is lovely and it's wonderful.. don't ever think that I'm "hating" but my goodness.
So what we have is men who went for the "okie doke" and partnered up with a silly and was burned OR the lady who wasted great years on a man who thought she was awesome from 0100-0500 on the weekends. Mix it up and what do you have?? Bitter, broken folks who are NOW looking for the person they should have been with in the first place.
With all that said.. well..what's your take on it???
Yes, I've been away for a minute. It just seems like this site is one of the last things on my list to do. And I never seem to get through the list.
One thing that is at the VERY top of my list is to have a fantastic fall. Beyond football, which is everywhere in Texas, I plan to try to live in the present and enjoy the cooler weather. The drought and heat truly made each day blend into the next. Utter monotony. Like one of those westerns where you saw the dusty cowboy sitting on the salon steps with tumble weeds blowing.. yep.. there ya go!
Cooler weather.. hotter love life.. I hope!
Happy 4th. Thank goodness for the fireworks ban. Very unpatriotic but it just gets silly in my neighborhood. Anywhoo..
Men and women's age.. ahh the age OLD debate. Let's explore shall we?
As a woman in her mid-late 30s, I find myself in a bit of a pickle. I am too young for some men and a bit over the hill for others. Sigh..yes over the hill.
For example, the children issue. Some men even into their 50s want to have a family. Perhaps a second family with their new wives. Fantastic. So they are looking at the earlier end of the 30s continuum. For that, I'm a little elderly. LOL You also have the men who are just wanting a young thang to lead around. I can say that because I was that young thang before. What the hell I talked about at 25 with a 50 YO is beyond me. LOL
Then there's the men who think that 37 is too young or really that my child is too young. But what kills me is that, outside of the extremes, women will consider men outside their range far more often.
So what is the "right" age? Yes, I know there are TONS of variables in personality, desires for the future, maturity etc. Just wondering what people thought or their experiences.
So, I'm certain that this question has been posted before.
To be honest, I had forgotten about this site. Those who have read my blog know that there was quite a bit going on with me that has been wonderfully resolved.
I just quickly looked at some of the personals and I'm thinking.. What in the Sam Hill am I doing here? I mean really.. some of these guys were here before. And it's been a minute. So this begs the question, "Is it really that hard to meet someone?"
Either these men are:
Serial online daters
Completely socially inept
Trolling for sex
or, on the other hand,
They can't find a sane woman or have model standards that's keeping them single (idea for another blog post)
What I am doing? I thought it was to bump into a quasi normal guy. It very well may be to watch this train wreck.
Yes loves.. she's back! The woman who had some of you with a little smile or a wee bit miffed. Either way, I've done a lot, grew a little but kept all the flavor that is moi!
I know that many of my buddies of yoe have moved on. I hope they have found love and bliss. If not, we'll have to catch up. A lot of Texas love darlin's
I hope everyone is doing well and reflecting on the past decade. Yes, decade. I, for one, have had a kick in the pants but all came out well.
Graduated and dad with a heart transplant, so all to the good. But still no special someone. In fact, I haven't been looking much.. Isn't that when you're supposed to run into "the one"?
What I have bumped into is... Something else.
What in the Sam Hill happened to people? Emotional zombies. Worn, weathered, and battered.
Yet, with that said I'm hopeful of finding that one man who gets me all jazzed. Yeah, aren't we all. Lol
All the best to everyone. I hope to read good things from others on the blog.
When I say scoundrels I mean it in the way that Dorothy Dandridge, Vivien Leigh or Marilyn Monroe would have said it. Basically a low down dirty dog in a silk shirt.
Now adays the word scoundrel is kind a of cute term.. but let's gets back to the very basics. That dirty dog in a silk shirt... Here's an example from a "gentleman" on this site.
Great conversation.. he kept it light and interesting. He whizzed into town and wanted to meet up. Ok great. Don't you know he wanted to meet for drinks. Ok.. I don't drink and sweethearts nothing good happens on a first "date" that starts after 9pm.
Just in time to save himself he volunteers breakfast as an alternative. I think well.. perhaps he's decent. Needless to say we didn't have breakfast. Because he didn't call after I didn't meet up the night before.
If someone is interested in hook up sex.. ok.. but geez at least pretend you're interested in getting to know me..
So generally my blog is about relationships between men and women and voicing what some would like to say but don't..
Last night I read a blog that quite frankly angered me. There was a comment toward another blogger about reparations. Seriously?
As with any other time in history when there's a recession or other economic problems, people look to figure out what caused it. Unfortunately, we hear the cry " Those _________ are taking our jobs!" It seems that Hispanics are the "butt" of these comments. While my ancestory is mixed, with Hispanic being part of it, I'm not Hispanic enough to get many open leadership jobs here in Houston. Never mind that I am over qualified and bilingual. Do I get up in arms? No, it's just a part of life that I generally don't have any control of.
Next, to the point of reparations. I, nor anyone that I know, have made a call for such a handout from the government. I am well educated and didn't apply for or accept any governmental aide for my education. My parents and I "sucked it up" and paid for both of my masters and undergrad. I think that those who cry for this assistance are disillusioned and a hand out isn't what any group of people need.
As to the question of service to our country, my family historically has served through education and the military. My father has spent over 2 months in the hospital suffering from heart maladies DIRECTLY related to his service and the government's use of Agent Orange during the Vietnam. I personally have taught on Ft Hood and worked with veteran's organizations to assist those who have served their country and I didn't discriminate by color, religion or creed.
Get a check on yourself people.. visit a VA hosptial. Men and women of all races wheeling themselves around because they were wounded in service to our country. And those are the injuries that are evident. Others suffer, like my father, and then still others who have PTSD.
It angers me when people decide to be snide and lash out at others who are of a same racial group because they are upset with another. Reparations.. really..sophomoric.
As to the 5 minute comments made by the Black Panthers, oh c'mon. That's just what is is.. a 5 minute sound bite. Don't be pawns to the media.
Ugh! Life has swept in. My class has a ton of reading, my dad needs another surgery and.... I got a flake.
So, I've been talking to a very cute, nice guy who seemed to have a lot of date potential.
He had some serious issues and I emailed support. He came back saying he wanted to know if there was the opportunity to get to know me. Ok. He provided me with a home and cell number.. Ok.
So Sunday he asks to come into town to meet me. Great! Well, it's that day and I haven't heard a word.
Yesterday he said he was still coming but.... Ahh... We haven't decided a time or place. My time isn't my own. My son has speech, dad in hospital, mom needs me to drive.. I'm not sitting around eating Bon bons you know.
Thinking he could be a flake.
Well.. I got crap to do...
Have a great one dears
Stemming from my previous post, I just had to make a separate one for this topic.
As I mentioned, I had a decent day chatting and getting to know someone. Sweet, with a fantastic sense of humor and cute as button. He thinks I'm pretty groovytoo.. so what's the issue. Well he's a wee bit older than I am .. so more than a wee bit.
It seems that men have a bit of issue with me being 36 and wanting a serious relationship with someone who is 20+ years my senior. That's what I have been interested in for.. well forever.
In my 20s I thought men in their 30s are really just getting over being lost in their 20s.
Men in their 40s are just humping, trying to get things set for when they can live again in their 50s.
Men in their 50s.. now that's sexy as all get out.
Call it a preference. I guess it's the swagger, confidence, and "to hell with it all" attitude. I dated a man in his 50s when I was in my 20s. The only reason it didn't lead to marriage was that he didn't want children.
So now, and I can completely understand the issue, I have to describe why I'm very open to dating outside of my race and really generation. Now, if a very mature 40 something came along.. I'd think about it. Now.. 47 is young to me.. LOL
Yesterday was a decent day on MM. I had the opportunity to chat with a very nice gentleman who is north of me. Very north of me. I think I will use him for a blog for later.. that's a whole different topic.
Ok, those of you who have been following my blog know that I'm HUGE on not judging people before you know them. So, I did that. OMG. There's a profile here of a man who is younger than I generally look into, mid 40s, and he has a picture that's kinda "silly". Although I have a great sense of humor and known to be silly.. I had this preconceived notion that he was a guy who hadn't grown up and all that jazz. Just from that picture.
He was handsome so I thought, "I guess I'll read this to see what he has to say." WOW I was immediately convicted when I read this profile. He was thoughtful and the type of woman he was looking for was one who was basically a humanitarian. Through the rest of his photos, he looks like a delightful man. I would have never know that if I hadn't clicked. I felt so "guilty" about the whole deal I emailed him.
Howdy y'all!!! (ok, I don't have the drawl but.. anyway)
So moving on.. Today I was chatting with a decent guy on MM. Things were great until he started asking questions about travel and such. Fine. I mentioned that I'm trilingual and can read another. I speak Spanish, English (duh), Turkish and read Arabic.
Then he said.. Well, I wouldn't have guessed. What the hell does that mean?
Calm down you say.. ok I did. And so I asked, "Well, what do you mean by that?" Now, this is an intelligent man who doesn't want to make me upset. " Well, I'm just meaning that a lot of ladies like you don't think internationally." Ladies like me.. WHAT?
Of course I took that moment to open his eyes to his own preconceived notions. He wants to talk further. I will, why? Because if I don't, who will? Rather that I enlighten him than allow him to continue as he is.
Well, I've been away dealing with family issues. Hopefully, dad will be out of the hospital soon and life will get back to normal.
So, that leads me to a post that I was responding to on my Jealousy blog entry. Pat was mentioning that some people had been on this site for years. OMG, I couldn't imagine. Just because I'm a person of continual action, and I would deem this as stagnant. Anyway.. one of the things that drive me nuts about this is site is..
Yes, I can search for what I'm looking for, but I would rather search for what someone is looking for to determine whether he would be even interested in me.
Ok what does that look like.. How many times has this happened? You put in what you're looking for , find a great guy and then read that he's not interested in anything that you are. A different body build, age or race. Well.. damn, I just wasted time. I would rather look for men who are interested in a woman like me, and then look through those and find one that I'm interested in.
In case you're wondering.. yes, I hate shopping in a store. I'd rather shop online, get what I need and go. The search, is boring and really I have too many other things to do to bother with wandering around. Another poster said that I need to dedicate more time to research here.
Research? Nah.. in fact, I have a research paper to do. Although this is a great social experiment, I don't plan to dedicate tons of time to it.
Frustrated! Not really, just wish it could be more efficient. And yes, I emailed the owners of the site. I don't think they agree.